I just wanted to thank you all for the advice and support you gave me. I wanted to clear a few things up. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and without writing a book, it's hard to explain every emotion and fact of a situation. but i wanted most of you to know that the reason i was trying to stay at my ex's house was NOT because i wanted to be with him or wanted him to be with me.. I am over that relationship. My ONLY question was if he was obligated to support me since he was in the beginning of the pregnancy, and i was unable to find another job that provided enough money to even take care of myself. i do plan on taking him to court for child support. the reason why i did not drive 3 hours to my monther's was because if i did, i did not have a job, and i would have lost my car, my license, my insurance, and my phone. all of which i needed to find a job. however, i did reciever a great job offer as a personal assistant that is very flexible, and i get to telecommute most of the time. So i am moving this week!!! it pays pretty good, and it even allows me enough time that if i can find a part time job i will be able to work it as well.
K.:
I would contact his commanding officer. From what I've heard they frown upon the way he is treating you. Especially with a child on the way or involved. I've heard they make their soldiers take responsibility for family.
Good luck. Sorry I can't be of more help.
A.
I would get out now if I were you. Keep yourself as stress free as possible. Even though you don't have a job at least you will have a safe environment to ensure a happier and healthier pregnancy. Plus, continue working with the lawyer to get child support unless your ex wishes to sign over all rights. If he isn't willing to work with you at all during this time just think of what kind of father he is going to be. A job will present itself to you as long as you keep searching for one vigorously. Good luck and do what is best for your baby now. Don't stay in a bad situation!
The first thing is to get a legal separation. It is faster than a divorce. Spell out in it what you want for maintenance while you are pregnant and immediately after the baby is born; then for child support after the baby gets here. Have lawyer friend file it immediately. Move to your mothers instead of living alone until after baby is born and you can go back to work. If he is military, he must pay you support/housing allowance. If you can go see the jag before you have lawyer draw up papers, you can find out what the normal allotment is supposed to be etc. Have all your questions ready on paper and ask the jag about them and then your lawyer can help you. Not sure about Tenn but some states won't let you divorce while pregnant, so the separation agreement will be helpful to spell everything out until you can divorce.
You have rights and stand your ground and don't give him anymore money..period. I understand how you feel; I did this many years ago only I was in Germany away from family and was pregnant and couldn't get out until after baby was born. I also found help with the chaplain. Good Luck and keep us posted on your progress
K.,
You didn't say if he is an ex-husband or boyfriend. If its ex-husband you should look into AR 600-99 (stands for Army Regulation). I think that is the one that deals with support of a spouse or child. I can't explain it all on here because it goes into BAH type II and how long you have been divorced. If its boyfriend I can't say much about that, but i'm pretty sure he doesn't have to support you. If you plan on getting child support from him through the courts I think that AR 600-99 covers that also, anything that the court says will override what the regulation says. Also if you need to you can get his command involved, just make sure that you have done your research because I can't say that the unit won't band around him. Hope this helps.
K.
K.,
I really have a hard time being sympathetic for you. You have a car, can drive 3 hours to your mom and get some help from her. For some reason - job or no job - you aren't willing to do that. I would never beg someone to let me stay where I didn't feel wanted. I'm telling you something that is hard to hear especially when you are going through all of this, but it's best you hear it now. You need to grow up and leave this "boy" alone. He has fathered a child with a woman he doesn't want to be with. That is a mistake that will be with him for the rest of his life. And yes, I said mistake. I don't honestly believe for a minute that this child was planned and I can only assume from what you have stated that he feels he has made a big mistake. My advice to you is to get in your car, get to your mother's house, sit down with her and you two come up with some plans for your life on how and where you plan to raise this baby. Leave this "boy" alone. If he wants anything to do with you or the baby he knows where you are and can find you. When the baby comes - take him to court for child support and move on. The plan you sit down and make with your mother needs to include getting yourself an education and finding a job that will work around your class schedule. You will not be able to find a job that makes enough money to support you and your child without an education. I'm going to assume that you will qualify for Financial aid to any community college you enroll. Go to school full-time, get your Associates Degree, use it to get a job then continue your education until you get at minimum, a Bachelor's degree. I know for a fact that most places, except retail, and fast-food chains, you have to have some sort of secondary education/degree after high school. Stop thinking about this jerk and start thinking about your child. I don't know how far along you are in your pregnancy but I'm telling you that 9 months flies by. Start planning today.
I will be praying for you!
Plain & Simple... YOU NEED A LAWYER. Don't walk... RUN!
D. Focht
Your NC/SC REALTOR ® / Broker
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I have read some of the older posts regarding your situation. Coming from some complicated situations myself, I know exactly what you are talking about when you say it is hard to explain every little thing without writing a book. However, I also read in an earlier post of yours where you said that you already love this baby so much. That right there, is what is truly, truly important. Yes, love in and of itself is not going to do the whole job, but once you have that love for your child in your heart, you follow it, and you make your decisions based upon that love that is only shared between a mother and her child and YOU WILL DO FINE. To answer your question, in most states, a father is not finiancially obligated(unless married to the baby's mother, via "spousal support"-until divorce is final)until the time of the baby's birth. But, you have found a better job, congratulations, things are already looking up for you. Yes, take him to domestic relations the second you are able to. You have the rest of your life to pursuit degrees, possessions, tenure and money, but you only have one shot at any one given day with your child. As long as you are able to provide the necessities, love will provide the luxury-believe me, there are terrible and wonderful mothers in all income brackets. Please do not listen to any of the people whom tell you to put your baby up for adoption! If we all looked at "just giving babies away" everytime it got tough, I guarantee that nobody out there would have a child. Anyone who tells you to do that is not only ignorant and cruel, but probably seriously lacks the strength of character and emotional maturity it takes to raise a child-let alone give anybody else advice on how to do so! You are doing the right thing, and while it can and will, at some point, get tough having to hold your own hand, there are children that are raised by single mothers that grow up to do wonderful things! Set your goals and get busy, keep negative people as far away from you as possible, and again, decide your path in life with that love for your baby as the driving force, and all will turn out well.
Yes, K., if this is his child he is 100% obligated to help you out financially. I hope you get this issue resolved and move on with your life, without him in it. Best wishes.
Go to a women's shelter. They can help with exactly this sort of situation. I'm not familiar with this area, although I'm pretty sure they have one here.
If you are married, you need to file a motion for emergency alimony and/or child support ASAP. You may be eligible for legal aid services (free or low cost lawyers). If you are not married, contact your local DHS office and ask them for emergency housing assistance/shelter. You are currently living in a hostile environment which is not good for the baby and need immediate help to get out of it and on your feet. Start there. You want to be settled and on your feet before the baby comes.
