45 answers

Calling Step Mom *Mommy*

How would you feel as the Birth Mom if your child regularly called the Step Mom Mommy? And it was encouraged by the Father & Step Mom. I have strong feelings about this & want to know how you would feel if this happened to you.

This is just a general question it's not based on any one persons situation. I just wanted to see how many woman would be ok with the stepmom being called mom. So if the child lives with the birth mom majority of time & everyone is "decent' parents but the bio mom did NOT like the child being encouraged to call stepmom *mom* should the stepmom respect her wishes?

And no this did not happen to me, thank God.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I think the most important thing is that the child is happy, safe, and comfortable at both homes with both families. If the child is calling a step-mom "mommy" because the child is comfortable in doing so, then I would swallow any of my own personal objections and be happy that my child feels so comfortable with her.

If the child is forced to call her "mommy" then I would have a serious problem with it. In that case I would talk to the dad and step-mom and decide on another term to use that everyone can be happy with.

9 moms found this helpful

My daughter caller her step mom "mom" and I was glad the woman cared enough to let her. She is an awesome example to my daughter and has been one of the main influences in her life. She took care of her when my ex was at work and loved her as much as her 2 sons who called my ex "dad" just like they did for their own dad.

I am glad I didn't let petty jealousy interfere and not allow the relationship these 2 have to grow and become something awesome.

4 moms found this helpful

Hi mom-

My ex re married just over two years ago...My eldest son just graduated from college, and the ex and his new wife were there. My son introduced her to some of his friends and professors as his 'step mom'...I had to laugh to myself!

But, I guess that is what she is - even though he was over 18 when his dad married...

To me, she is his dad's new wife...but I guess to my son, she is a mom...

**shrug**

Just wish she'd been around to help with them poopy diapers!!

Michele/cat

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I think the most important thing is that the child is happy, safe, and comfortable at both homes with both families. If the child is calling a step-mom "mommy" because the child is comfortable in doing so, then I would swallow any of my own personal objections and be happy that my child feels so comfortable with her.

If the child is forced to call her "mommy" then I would have a serious problem with it. In that case I would talk to the dad and step-mom and decide on another term to use that everyone can be happy with.

9 moms found this helpful

No, I don't think the stepmom should "respect" her wishes. This is not about the moms, this is about the CHILD. If the child wants/needs to call the stepmom "mom," then people's feelings should be kept out of it.

It's not her fault her parents got divorced and put her in this situation. The more love and bonding a child can receive, the better. Birth parents should not be threatened by that.

The welfare of the child comes first.

p.s. - To be clear, it should be up to the child. Nothing should be "encouraged" by one party or the other.

6 moms found this helpful

My take on this is what ever the kid wants to call them. Since you said encourage then this would probably be a case where I don't think it is right.

My take on it is if my ex ever got remarried, yeah right, and she was good enough with my kids that on their own they called her mom I would be glad. As a mom who put their kids through divorce all I want is for them to be happy. Having someone good and decent in the other half of their lives would be perfect.

5 moms found this helpful

Updated: I just have to add that with all this step family talk it really pisses me off that these kids are being pulled in different directions. If you have never been a child of divorce then you have no IDEA what it is like to be one. A child of divorce has so many things that stress them out that deciding what name to call a step parent should be something they can control. Often times growing up I felt I wasn't in control of when I visited my dad. Schedule changes were stressful, I acted out. I couldn't control those decisions, it felt good that I could control what I name I used when speaking about or to my "other parent". So yes for those of you (general you) who find it difficult to understand because you've never been there...STOP and think about all the stresses these kids already have.

My step brother was forced to call his step dad "dad"...he would cry and cry when he came to visit us on weekends cause he was forced to do so.

I am a use both type person...I call my step dad "dad" on many occasions as he is also my dad. My "real" dad has never voiced an opinion, they alwasy told me to call "Kenny" whatever made me comfortable.

My step mom, I call her mom when I talk to my siblings on that side, she is my other mom.

I was allowed to make the decision. I was only encouraged to do what I felt comfortable with. (Both step parents have been around for 30+ years)...

I'm sure it bothers my mom and dad but they never made an issue out of it. I can't say it wouldn't bother me...I am not nor plan to be in that position but I have been the child in that position. I love all four of my parents equally...they deserve recognition from me for the love they've shown me. Doesn't mean I have to call them anything...love to me is shown by actions not words.

5 moms found this helpful

I have been a stepmom since my step daughter was 6. She is 19 now. NEVER did I tell her to call me mom, or enncourage it. I did not discourage either. Actually, I don't think it ever even got brought up. When she was about 11, at some completly random time she called me mom; she still does. It is fine with me, however, she does call me mom in FRONT of her mom. That is very awkward for me. I put myself in her moms shoes, and it would totally hurt my feelings to hear my kids call someone else mom! But when it comes down to it: it is the childs choice. Thats that!

5 moms found this helpful

Here's my two sides of the coin:

My Step Mother used to ask me to call her Mom (she came into our lives when I was a teenager). She felt rejected when I did not. She was not comfortable with me having any alone time with my Dad. When in public, she would introduce me as her daughter and would shadow me. She made a lot of comparisons between herself and my mother. It was difficult, as a kid - feeling forced into a relationship mold without having history or trust.

On the other hand, one person being mom doesn't make another person NOT mom too. One of my children has a different biological Mother. She calls me Mama and her bio mama is her "Rita Mommy". It's not that her bio mama is any less her mama. It's that I'm her mother too, because I raise her. I fill a maternal role.

My niece used to scream at me, "I don't love you, I love my Mama".
I'd say, "you do love your mama. She loves you, too. And I love your mama as well. You can love me AND your mama".

I have never asked her to call me mama. But she does (she's 4). She fell into it and it gives HER a sense of security. I quite like it too.

5 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't like my child being TOLD to call her "mom". It should evolve naturally.

4 moms found this helpful

I had this from a different angle. When my mom remarried I was 4 years old. She married a wonderful man. I had a Dad. But this new dad was in my life a lot. And we called him Daddy Al She married again when I was in highschool we called him chuck. He never did any "daddy" stuff. Does this step mom tuck your baby in at night? give kisses and hugs? I would suggest maybe an alternative like mommy kate or whatever her name is. or mama or mammy or something that is slightly different but still comforting. Does your child spend a signifigant amount of time with them? all of those things make a big difference.

4 moms found this helpful

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