A.D. asks from Parker, CO on March 18, 2008
By Golly, Just Sleep!
My almost-5-month-old just won't sleep through the night. Our first boy cried it out for 3 nights at 2 months of age and slept through the night from there on out. This new sweet little guy just won't sleep through! We've let him cry it out for about 5 weeks now - FIVE WEEKS. My husband and I are exhausted.
Any suggestions besides the typical "go in and comfort every so often" ideas? We've tried just about everything - or so we think.
Thanks!
So What Happened?™
I've been somewhat overwhelmed with the type of responses I've received. Some of you were kind, offering encouragement and suggestions. Others were a bit offensive in the way you tried to get your point across. Rest assured my baby and I are bonding very well - and he never senses that he is unloved. Any mother that loves her children would obviously never do anything "cruel" or "harmful" to them.
That being said, we have decided to hold out a little longer. I have increased the amount of rice cereal in his very last night feeding and he seems to be a little more consistent with his sleep schedule. We are still tired - and of course I know that he is worth it - so we're working on a better routine for everyone involved.
Featured Answers
S.M. answers from Colorado Springs on March 20, 2008
Wow, some of those responses!! I don't think that letting them cry it out is necessarily cruel... However, I don't agree with it at 5 months. Babies can't fully grasp the concept of object permanence until 6-9 months... He doesn't fully know you aren't coming back yet!! They are too young to just lay in the crib and cry it out, in my opinion. My son is 4 1/2 months old, and sometimes he sleeps through, sometimes he doesn't. When he wakes up from a nap, in the day time, I don't leave him to fall back asleep on his own, or to entertain himself. He is probably hungry... And you don't want to starve him right? I'm not trying to be mean (although, maybe that's what some other women thought, and they were a little mean at times) but if he is going through a grow, you don't want to avoid giving him what he needs to be healthy. I think you should wait a while longer to just let him cry it out. If he was sleeping through the night, and now all of a sudden he isn't, odds ARE that he's growing. I'm a first timer here, so maybe I'm wrong. But I think what baby wants is a bottle, and a cuddle. We can't keep that from them. Good luck though. (maybe you should try a walk before his bedtime feeding, the fresh air works wonders)
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M.W. answers from Boise on March 18, 2008
I recommend the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." Not all babies can (or should) be forced to cry it out. Personally, I think the CIO method is cruel anyway. Try something else, and please be patient. Sleeping through the night is not the most important thing.
L.L. answers from Provo on March 18, 2008
My baby JUST started sleeping through the night and he's 11 months old. He is a pretty big baby and just needed to nurse 1-3 times a night. I thought starting him on solids would do the trick as they digest slower. He started solids at 5 months old (cereal, strained baby food) and he still woke up at night. It wasn't until he started eating serious solids (crackers, fruit, soup, bread, etc.) that he was able to sleep through the night. He was waking up before because he was starving! Now he is able to sleep 8-12 hours at night without waking up.
I totally understand your frustration!! It doesn't feel like you get a good nights sleep if it's broken up into chunks. You've just got to power through it and be patient. Every baby has their own time table, even if it's not the one we would prefer! Good luck!
A.M. answers from Salt Lake City on March 18, 2008
Do NOT go in and comfort every so often. That's how you teach a child to continue crying. In fact it teaches him to cry longer and harder until you give in. If you really want him to sleep through the night (and you are sure nothing is wrong health wise) than do NOT go in and comfort. Period. I do not think the cry it out method is mean and cruel. It worked for me and my kids were healthier because they learned how to sleep through the night.
Whenever you implement a new discipline or routine (no matter what age) you will experience an "extinction burst" meaning he'll cry louder and harder than ever before to get you to react the same way you were reacting. If you go give comfort than you teach him to cry louder and harder which may be why he's got a lot more persistence than your first child. But if you stick it out than he learns that crying for attention at night and THEN he'll learn to put himself to sleep. I'm not saying your child is bad, just confused. You will have to stick it out longer with this kid than with the last because he's learned to cry harder and longer. But DO NOT go in and comfort.
N.H. answers from Missoula on March 19, 2008
i have not read the other post and i know we ALL have our opinions on this issue but i just wanted to suggest. you may have to do something different with this little guy. my first cried it out for a week and then slept through. my second will not cry and then go to sleep she will just criy(like for the entire night, literally). for about a week at 4-5 mos, we just gave her exactly what she wanted to get her back to sleep(which in her case was a bottle in bed with me) i did this just so i could see what was soothing for her. then i began to adjust things from there. she also had lots of problems with gas and a rumbly tummy so we had to work all that out.she sleeps great now. I guess that was just a long way of saying: your second baby may just be different, and need different things to get him to sleep. i think if you take the time to do what works for this kid instead of going by a hard and fast rule, you will all be happier. and if you are doing what works for your family isn't that all that matters?
M.O. answers from Denver on March 19, 2008
M.R. answers from Colorado Springs on March 18, 2008
I think you were somewhat lucky with your first child. I know MANY parents who would have given their eye-teeth to have their child learn to self-sooth when they were only 2 months of age.
The problem is that you have to consider not just your own schedule but your child's inner schedule. The child has no hidden agenda for his schedule; it's completely biologically driven. Yes, you are trying to train him to come around to your schedule but if you don't let him cry it out that doesn't mean that whatever other option you choose is to be labeled as teaching him you will always go to him or be at his beck and call.
You need to know your child's temperament. Like a previous post, my child was fine fussing for several minutes, but when it elevated to genuine wailing it only worked her up to the point where she was in hysterics and could not calm herself. If we could catch her before she reached the wailing point, we could calm her quickly and get back out of the room so she could actually then learn to self-soothe. She was sleeping 7 to 9 hours a night by 3 months, partly because we were lucky and partly because we could recognize her personality and when enough "crying it out" was enough.
I do, however, agree that a child will elevate their tactics to get you back to doing whatever you were previously doing when you try something new. So yes, you should be aware of that. But babies are very resilient, extremely smart and learn quickly once they feel secure. And I don't agree that long-term crying-it-out makes a baby feel secure.
If you are serious about trying something different, I would recommend the book, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer", by Tracy Hogg. We used our discretion in following her advice, as I think everyone should do (once again, know your baby!), and we had a much easier time with the whole "getting baby into a routine" thing than we would have otherwise.
Good luck! We all know that babies are a lot of work, but they are so worth it!
S.M. answers from Colorado Springs on March 20, 2008
Wow, some of those responses!! I don't think that letting them cry it out is necessarily cruel... However, I don't agree with it at 5 months. Babies can't fully grasp the concept of object permanence until 6-9 months... He doesn't fully know you aren't coming back yet!! They are too young to just lay in the crib and cry it out, in my opinion. My son is 4 1/2 months old, and sometimes he sleeps through, sometimes he doesn't. When he wakes up from a nap, in the day time, I don't leave him to fall back asleep on his own, or to entertain himself. He is probably hungry... And you don't want to starve him right? I'm not trying to be mean (although, maybe that's what some other women thought, and they were a little mean at times) but if he is going through a grow, you don't want to avoid giving him what he needs to be healthy. I think you should wait a while longer to just let him cry it out. If he was sleeping through the night, and now all of a sudden he isn't, odds ARE that he's growing. I'm a first timer here, so maybe I'm wrong. But I think what baby wants is a bottle, and a cuddle. We can't keep that from them. Good luck though. (maybe you should try a walk before his bedtime feeding, the fresh air works wonders)
A.F. answers from Salt Lake City on March 18, 2008
I agree with Deb. I don't agree with the "let them cry it out method" though. It may work for some babies and parents but there are other methods check past posts on the subject.
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