Bus Bully

K.,
You may not want to hear this. I am not a radical thinker about very many things, but I watched a bus bully destroy my little sister. I blame her years on the school bus for the abusive relationship she is in now with baby 2 on the way, with no money at age 21. I have already made a pledge that as long as I was able my children would not ride the school bus. It's going to be a time commitment, but I believe that NOTHING GOOD happens on the school bus. At the VERY least I would say find a non-bus solution and do it fast at least until the problem is fixed. Don't underestimate the fact that this can destroy a child. God bless you!!

Hi K.,
As a public school teacher, let me say that you don't know who or what the other parent is. You might not want to be dragged into a family feud. GO to the school. If you can spare an hour, your face in their office will demand attention. It is definetly the school adminstration's responsibility to talk to both girls and get to the bottom of this. They can tell you if the girls have classes together and can contact teachers to see if the problem also occurs in class.
Good luck!

As a teacher, I have to urge you to be assertive in making contact with the school. Since the incident occured on the bus,it falls under the jurisdiction of whatever disciplinary procedures the school has in place. If you can't get your call returned, go to the school and ask to see an administrator. Most schools are focusing very intensely on the issue of bullying these days and will respond swiftly and seriously to the issue. If you do not know the other mom very well, it might not help the situation to contact her, but it would be effective for the school to contact her, and they will if the behavior continues. When you speak to the school, tell them your child is being "bullied"; that word is a real red flag in schools these days. Good luck!

Hi K. D,
I would first go to the school and make my request known.Have the school Guidiance Counselor speak with the children to have the problem resolved.If that does not work,I would request a meeting with the childs parents with the school as mediator. As we all know bullying is very serious especially to the person being bullied.

Sincerely,
D. M

same thing happpened to us a month or so back. turned out to be a boy a couple houses down so i left a note on the moms car one morning. to my knowledge it has stopped. my next action was going to be to knock on their door. if there is one thing i hate the most its kids being mean to each other, especially to mine. if this keps up they could kick the girl off the bus. maybe your daughter can sit behind the bus driver. have the school make a conference at school with you your daughter and the girl and her parents. that schould straighten her out. you didnt say how old the girls are so i'm assuming they are elementary school.

If your child is in Fairfax county, you can e-mail both the school counselor and the captain of the patrols. Patrols are supposed to intervene in these types of situations. The counselor is trained. I would only call the other mom if I knew her well enough to know that it would not blow things up. My son once described a patrol as a bully, but I later found out that my son had actually rather joyfully teased and irritated the "bully."

I am an elementary school teacher of fourth and fifth graders. I have taught for nine years. My oldest child is in second grade.

I would call the school,again, and ask to speak to the principal. Then, tell the principal what is happening on the bus. The principal can, and should, solve this problem. You don't know the family so it will be very awkward for you to call them. I would insist that your daughter be separated from this other child on the bus. There is no reason that she should have to continue to put up with this treatment. Remember, you are your child's best advocate. No one else, including the bus driver who is busy driving, is going to really notice what is going on during the bus ride. Good luck! I hope things improve for your baby very quickly. -L.

I work in an elementart/middle school- persist. The school system takes bullying very seriously. Call again and arrange for a meeting to express you concerns to the principal or appropriate staffer(social worker, guidance counseler, etc).
Find out what their procedure is and persist until you are satisfied. Many times, the system gets so overwrought with the really bad cases of behavior, that seemingly smaller issues can get swept under the rug, so again- persist. All children should feel safe at the school and going to and from as well. Seriously, bullying is not something to be taken lightly. Speak to the school first, especially if you do not really know the child or the parent. One never knows what is happening in the other camp to cause such poor behavior in the offending child, you could just make things worse. Go to the school first and express yourself calmly & professionally. And again- did I say, persist?

I experienced a similar situation but it was taking place in the bus line. I went up to the school and waited to talk to the principal. I met with the vice principal first and then got an unsatisfactory follow up call from her then I met with the principal. The issue was resolved by having my daughter stand a the front of the line away from the bully where the teachers could keep an eye on her. I have also instructed her to sit near the front of the bus where the bus driver can see her. I think it is a crime that there are no bus monitors any more. It is just crazy. I thought meeting with the other family would be a good idea as well, but the school discouraged that. Good luck.

I would go to the school and talk to someone in person. If they can't respect you and call you back then that is what I would do. I would hold off on talking to the Mom because being a female myself we can tend to take things wrong and then there are problems. Go to the school and talk to the Principal. Good Luck
Shannon

Hi K.,

I am a school bus driver and also a parent of 2 little girls myself and a 19 year old that has been there.

You are not alone in the bus bullying, many children deal with this, here is how I handle this situation on my school bus when i am aware it has gone beyond the occasional play. I speak with both children indiviually and then together and I discuss what I expect out of them both and if they don't follow these rules then its to the principals office for a nice visit and maybe a phone call to the parents where they get into more trouble. But this is just how I handle it if I am aware of it.

Now on to your driver. She told you about it, this is very pro active for her. She is aware of it going on. I would suggest to you this: Speak regularly to your bus driver, ask if she can assign the bullying child to a seat directly in the front of the bus or to make sure your daughter always has a seat in the very front of the bus so she can better watch out for her physical and mental well being. I do this alot, All the kids on my bus have assigned seats so i can better control this and i change it often. Also take this a step forward as everyone else is telling you, dont call the school, POP in for a visit with you childs principle and discuss your concerns, they get the phone message but they are so busy it takes a few days to hear back from them. Have the principle talk to the bus driver about the situation more and explain what your child is telling you and maybe not the driver, SOMETIMES we as bus drivers dont hear about anything until the parents say something to us or we hear about it from the school. When you talk to your school and the bus driver, they should contact the childs parent (they may or may not know what their child is doing to another) and they should come up with a plan to better serve your child while riding to and from school to keep her safe on all fronts.

Please always talk with your bus driver, I love when parents talk to me about their child. It helps me to better understand the child and the different situations that may happen on the school bus that I dont see because,although, I am concerned about the "picking,bullying,wrestling & hitting" on a daily basis; I am more concerned with getting your child to and from home safely and with out anyone in a vehicle hitting my bus full of GOD's most precious cargo. YES I MISS ALOT of situations that happen and NO not all the kids tell me about it. They run home and tell mom and dad. Don't count out the bus driver just yet, work with her and ask that she work with you and the school. You may be surprised to find that this same "bully" is doing it in school also and to other kids on the bus but not getting caught yet.

I hope this helps you and I am sad to hear you and all parents have this problem. It is a sign of the child growing, my own have gone through this at 9 and 6. I tell them to say to those kids who do this that they are just trying to find friends in the wrong place and to move on becasue it doesnt work to win them over to their side. SO far this seems to work and they repeat it over and over and tell when someone hits or punches them or threatens them. It wil change anyday and we will adjust our actions accordingly. I talk to them everyday about bullys because i think it very important for us as parents to always be PROACTIVE in our childs life. We are thier first line of defense and I praise you for taking this serious as most people say OH Just hit them back or something, This does not work, it makes your child a bully like the other and then you dont get to be as vocal about the other child. I hope you find this helpful in some way.

First the school chould be taking a more active role. I would be going to the principal's office and waiting until she makes time for me and not leaving until I feel the situation will be resolved.
Second, if the first fails, I would get on the bus and make a general request to the entire bus that big bullies are not appreciated and need to understand the impact of their actions. That it is important for the bigger kids to keep an extra eye on the little ones.
Third, I would contact the mother WITH MY HUBBY>
T.

K.,
The bus drives me crazy and I've made contact with the school after my 6 year old got off the bus crying (more the once) and after having constant reports from my kids about the foul language their hear. First I contacted via email the school counselor (her email address was on the school's website) she forwarded the message to the vice principal who let me know she would look into the bus issues. Not much changed and another incident happened and this time I called the vice principal who then had all the children involved come into her office for a meeting. She then called me back to let me know the results of the meetings. So far I haven't heard anything else out of my kids about teasing or mean treatment on the bus.

Are there patrols on your children's bus? My kids have student patrols and they are constantly being reminded of their duties.

Unless you know the other parent I would go through the school first. Call again and ask to speak to whomever takes care of bus discipline issues. Then go up to the school if noone will talk to you on the phone. Also, make sure your child's teacher knows what is going on. she could possible be an advocate for you and your child to the administration.

Good luck.
Jennu

I heartily agree with Amelia below. Make an appointment with the principal, then express that you will not tolerate bullying behavior and you do not expect the school to tolerate it either. Ask exactly what will be done, and follow through to make sure it is. In my son's school system, the bus drivers can and do assign seats to separate kids that need to be kept apart. If you do not see quick results, I would pursue until you do. Perhaps they need to add bus monitors so that the drivers can focus on driving. Good luck, and let us know how it turns out!

hi,
I had a similar situation with my daughter starting on her first(!!} busride to Kindergarten. I immediately called the school and spoke directely to the principal and her teacher, they addressed the kids and parents involved, the busdriver gave them assigned seats apart from each other and ,if repeated the bullying kids (brother and sister in my case)were facing suspension from riding the bus, if not stopping their bad behaviour.that all worked out and we didn't have problems any longer!You need to demand from your school to take action, it is not your job to call the other MOM, it is your principal's job !good luck

If its possible, I would go pick her up today from school and wait in the office to speak with a principal or assistant principal. Let them know whats been going on, that your phone call was ignored, and you won't tolerate either event. This is your daughter, she isn't old enough to stand up for herself so you have to. Its not your responsibility to speak with the parent, unless perhaps you are already friends and don't want the school to intervene. Its totally the schools responsibility to fix this - and don't wait, the longer it goes on the more your daughter will be hurting. You certainly wouldn't want her to not want to go to school b/c of this! Good luck & be strong!!!

You need to teach your daughter how to handle bullies. Have her speak up for herself. If she cries and gets emotional she is only going to add fuel to the fire. If she stands up for herself (and she may have to do it more than once) the bully will move on to someone else who won't put up a fight (figuritively not literally). If it does not resolve and/or becomes physical on the part of the other child THEN get involved. Your daughter is going to have to deal with all sorts of situations growing up and you need to teach her how to cope and handle them. You will not always be there to handle it for her. Good luck.

K.:

I'm on the fence about this. My 9 year old has had a love-hate relationship with another child at this school since Kindergarten - the other child is a bully and this year it went too far - my son is a 1st don black belt and defended himself when the other child tripped him. I fought like a momma-lion when the school wanted to suspend him. The other child was moved from the classroom but stuff still happens, just not to the phsyical degree it was.

I told the school that I would sue them and the other family (man, that gets 'em every time) but the difference for me was all of my stuff was documented. I e-mailed, called, wrote letters, etc. over the last 4 years.

I know the other mother - she's oblivous to her son's behavior - he's an angel in her eyes - and when we did speak about our boys - she said "they seem to have a love hate relationship" but was unaware of all the things her son had done. She was shocked to learn about her son tripping my son, making other boys chase him on the playground, etc. When he fessed up about tripping my son, he said it was "just a joke" and she believed it.

If you live in Fairfax County - they have a "no bully" policy - use it. I know it's hard on your daughter - but tell her to ignore her - that the other child is like a hurt animal and is probably jealous of your daughter. Bully are just insecure children who act out in bad ways and other children won't stand up to them.

Take care.

C.

I had the bullying thing done to my daughter when she first went into 6th grade. I called the school and left a message,and the message never got answered. When your child comes home upset and is afraid to go back to school. I just got in my car and drove to the school the next day and spoke with the principal incharge. I nipped in the bud right away. I never approached the other childs parent. I left that up to the school. I told them that if they don't take care of it and my daughter ends up hurt they will hear from my lawyer. They took care of it. My daughter never had a problem with that child again. As a parent you have to do whats right for your child.

You and your husband shoud go up to the school and demand that action be taken to spare your child before the situation gets worse. Request a meeting with the bully's parents to deal with the matter. If it is not resolved to your liking, have some consequences set in mind for the school and parents. A lawyer would better guide you than me.

Also, speak with your daughter about how great she is, and let her know that when another person speaks ill of her and she knows it is not true to ignore it. Build up her self- esteem.

Now the child putting her hands on her is another story. Punching the child's lights out would prevent her from doing it again, but I know that's not a good way to respond lol. Have her sit up front near the driver. See if another older child can sit with her to be her protection from the bully.

I wish you well.

I read all the suggestions and there are some good ones. Now you all might not agree with what I did when my daughter was bullied, but here it goes: My daughter came home with a slapmark on her face and when I took her blouse off there was a scratch on her arm. She was upset and crying and could not tell me who or what happend ( she had a speech delay and getting anything out of her was nearly impossible). The next day I took her by the hand and went from classroom to classroom till we found the offenders, first I spoke to the teacher and told what had happend and then I spoke to the 2 kids that have been bullieing my kid, so ok I spoke in a lound voice lol. Then I went to the principal and informed him about this and then I spoke to the parent. Long story short, bullieing stoped.