K.D. asks from Sykesville, MD on May 01, 2009
There's an older girl on the bus who is constantly calling my daughter names, poking her, etc. Two days ago my daughter got off the bus crying. The bus driver mentioned the girls had a "tiff" and that she talked to the other girl and would see what could be done. My husband thinks "we" (meaning I) should call the other girls mother about the situation. I called the school, but the secretary only took a message and promised someone would get back to me. So far no one has. Do you think calling the school is enough? Should I call the other parent? I don't know the other family and am worried that calling the mom will only make things worse. I hoped to resolve the situation by calling the school, believing that they would HAVE to take some sort of action. What would you do in this situation?
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
The weirdest thing happened.... The afternoon after I posted this, my daughter got off the bus smiling. She told me the bully had apologized and said she wanted to be friends again. She also told my daughter she would "try not to be mean."
I don't know if the school talked to the bully or her parents or if the bully had a change of heart. I think I will wait a few days and see if the girl really has stopped. If not, I am going to go down to the school as many of you have suggested. I appreciate all the advice!
S.S. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
I would go to the school and talk to someone in person. If they can't respect you and call you back then that is what I would do. I would hold off on talking to the Mom because being a female myself we can tend to take things wrong and then there are problems. Go to the school and talk to the Principal. Good Luck
A.H. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
I read all the suggestions and there are some good ones. Now you all might not agree with what I did when my daughter was bullied, but here it goes: My daughter came home with a slapmark on her face and when I took her blouse off there was a scratch on her arm. She was upset and crying and could not tell me who or what happend ( she had a speech delay and getting anything out of her was nearly impossible). The next day I took her by the hand and went from classroom to classroom till we found the offenders, first I spoke to the teacher and told what had happend and then I spoke to the 2 kids that have been bullieing my kid, so ok I spoke in a lound voice lol. Then I went to the principal and informed him about this and then I spoke to the parent. Long story short, bullieing stoped.
C.I. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
You may not want to hear this. I am not a radical thinker about very many things, but I watched a bus bully destroy my little sister. I blame her years on the school bus for the abusive relationship she is in now with baby 2 on the way, with no money at age 21. I have already made a pledge that as long as I was able my children would not ride the school bus. It's going to be a time commitment, but I believe that NOTHING GOOD happens on the school bus. At the VERY least I would say find a non-bus solution and do it fast at least until the problem is fixed. Don't underestimate the fact that this can destroy a child. God bless you!!
J.D. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
As a public school teacher, let me say that you don't know who or what the other parent is. You might not want to be dragged into a family feud. GO to the school. If you can spare an hour, your face in their office will demand attention. It is definetly the school adminstration's responsibility to talk to both girls and get to the bottom of this. They can tell you if the girls have classes together and can contact teachers to see if the problem also occurs in class.
B.J. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
As a teacher, I have to urge you to be assertive in making contact with the school. Since the incident occured on the bus,it falls under the jurisdiction of whatever disciplinary procedures the school has in place. If you can't get your call returned, go to the school and ask to see an administrator. Most schools are focusing very intensely on the issue of bullying these days and will respond swiftly and seriously to the issue. If you do not know the other mom very well, it might not help the situation to contact her, but it would be effective for the school to contact her, and they will if the behavior continues. When you speak to the school, tell them your child is being "bullied"; that word is a real red flag in schools these days. Good luck!
D.M. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
Hi K. D,
I would first go to the school and make my request known.Have the school Guidiance Counselor speak with the children to have the problem resolved.If that does not work,I would request a meeting with the childs parents with the school as mediator. As we all know bullying is very serious especially to the person being bullied.
T.H. answers from Norfolk on May 02, 2009
same thing happpened to us a month or so back. turned out to be a boy a couple houses down so i left a note on the moms car one morning. to my knowledge it has stopped. my next action was going to be to knock on their door. if there is one thing i hate the most its kids being mean to each other, especially to mine. if this keps up they could kick the girl off the bus. maybe your daughter can sit behind the bus driver. have the school make a conference at school with you your daughter and the girl and her parents. that schould straighten her out. you didnt say how old the girls are so i'm assuming they are elementary school.
L.S. answers from Washington DC on May 04, 2009
If your child is in Fairfax county, you can e-mail both the school counselor and the captain of the patrols. Patrols are supposed to intervene in these types of situations. The counselor is trained. I would only call the other mom if I knew her well enough to know that it would not blow things up. My son once described a patrol as a bully, but I later found out that my son had actually rather joyfully teased and irritated the "bully."
L.R. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
I am an elementary school teacher of fourth and fifth graders. I have taught for nine years. My oldest child is in second grade.
I would call the school,again, and ask to speak to the principal. Then, tell the principal what is happening on the bus. The principal can, and should, solve this problem. You don't know the family so it will be very awkward for you to call them. I would insist that your daughter be separated from this other child on the bus. There is no reason that she should have to continue to put up with this treatment. Remember, you are your child's best advocate. No one else, including the bus driver who is busy driving, is going to really notice what is going on during the bus ride. Good luck! I hope things improve for your baby very quickly. -L.
A.C. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2009
I work in an elementart/middle school- persist. The school system takes bullying very seriously. Call again and arrange for a meeting to express you concerns to the principal or appropriate staffer(social worker, guidance counseler, etc).
Find out what their procedure is and persist until you are satisfied. Many times, the system gets so overwrought with the really bad cases of behavior, that seemingly smaller issues can get swept under the rug, so again- persist. All children should feel safe at the school and going to and from as well. Seriously, bullying is not something to be taken lightly. Speak to the school first, especially if you do not really know the child or the parent. One never knows what is happening in the other camp to cause such poor behavior in the offending child, you could just make things worse. Go to the school first and express yourself calmly & professionally. And again- did I say, persist?