Bullying - San Antonio,TX

Updated on January 04, 2011
C.A. asks from San Antonio, TX
23 answers

Hi I have a daughter in 6th grade and she has a girl that has been buulying her since last year in 5th grade. I've always told her to ignore her and walk away from the situation and so far it has continued. She has just sent a friend request to my daughter on facebook and my daughter is confused on what she should do. Is this girl trying to be a friend or is she up to something? Please help

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D.O.

answers from Sioux City on

I would honestly say to tell her to ignore it. This other girl may be looking to cyber bully her next. Gl!

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T.O.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm not sure if you or your daughter would be ok with this but... Maybe having you take *the fall*and just simply say "my mom checks my FB and she ignored the request because she ( you) don't know her" I'm sure you don't want to make more problems for your daugter, so maybe just "take one for the team" and move on. Good Luck

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

A child that young should not be on fsacebook! So there's your answer she needs to delete her profile.
Edited: I actually thought that there is minimum age for fb and it's definitely over 12. It is not right to teach your child to lie to use a website or anything else.

3 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

DENY! I'm guessing this bully is just looking for more ways to harass your daughter. Keep an eye on this Mama..... A year later it may be worth a visit to the pricipal.

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Oh, she's totally up to something. Cyber bullying is out of control -and these kids get on other kid's Facebook pages and do horrible things. Tell your daughter to KEEP ignoring her! If the girl demonstrates a change of heart and over a period of time (and I mean a long period of time) is nice and genuinely wants to become friends with your daughter (and this would include an apology for the way she acted toward her) -then and only then should she entertain the idea of friending her on Facebook. Even if the girl starts being nice to her, she should be wary. It may be a ploy just to get on her FB page and do something awful. I know that sounds paranoid and terrible, but a large part of my job the last 6 months has been dealing with this and developing anti-bullying software parents can use to help with their kids and social media, texting and messaging. It's horrible what some kids (and relatively young ones) do.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

You need to document everything.
Just in case.
Ignore the friend request.
You said, this girl has been Bullying your daughter, SINCE 5th grade.
Have you told the School or Teacher???? Has she reported it?

And NO... you cannot trust this girl... nor her friend request.
Of course, she is probably up to no good.

The show 20/20, did a show on bullying, and said
that it is "epidemic" in the USA. If you go to their website, you can probably find the episode there.
Oh, here is the link for it and all about Bullying:
http://abcnews.go.com/search?searchtext=bullying

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have a 3rd and 6th grade daughter. Neither is allowed on Facebook or social networking sites yet, but I can see that issue just on the horizon. My older daughter also experienced some heartbreaking bullying in 5th grade. For children, my rule will be if you aren't real friends in real life, you can't be friends online. I would tell your daughter to ignore that request. If this girl has bullied her off-line, getting involved with her on-line is likely to be a disaster.

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R.L.

answers from Houston on

Absolutely ignore that friend request. I'm sure she is only looking for another way to give your daughter a hard time. Also make sure your daughter doesn't add anyone she doesn't know because cyber bullies can make up identities just to bully online.

Have you talked to the school about the bullying? If not I would definitely let the assistance principal or her home room teacher or someone know. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy so if caught there will be consequences. Most likely the bullying is happening when teachers aren't looking.

Depending on what type of bullying is happening you may want to teach your daughter to stand up for herself (not fight but don't be afraid to speak up and tell her to knock it off! Or find some witty comebacks for her nasty comments.)

Another resource is the school counselor, that is what they are there for! She/he may be able to help your daughter deal with the bullying at school and be a liason for you to teachers and other staff. I've found my sons school counselors to always be helpful since I can't be there they are more of an impartial person to help.

Good luck!

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R.N.

answers from Houston on

I agree with the other posters--have her 'ignore' the friend request, and then check her profile to make sure her information is only viewable to Friends. If her information is available to Friends and Friends of Friends, then this girl can see her information and everything she posts. My oldest (8th grade) was allowed to have a Facebook page as of last year, when she turned 13 (this is the age minimum requirement set by Facebook). My 6th grader doesn't have one yet but will next year. My girls haven't, thank goodness, been bullied as of yet, but there are a definite group of 'mean girls' at school that my oldest avoids and refuses to have anything to do with. When they send her friend requests she automatically ignores them. I guess I'm lucky that she seems to have an innate sense of the danger these girls present. I also check her facebook page periodically to make sure there is nothing inappropriate going on, and she also ignores requests from anyone she doesn't know personally. I think Facebook can be a great social networking tool, but we have to be extremely careful with our kids on it. If the bullying continues I hope that you will seek the help of the counselors and administrators at the school, if you haven't already. Good luck!

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L.G.

answers from Austin on

If your daughter is confused on what to do, she may be too young to be on Facebook. If you think she must stay on Facebook (I personally think it is not worth the risk at this age), you must go to "account" and then "privacy settings" and select "friend only" for every category so nobody can have access to her photos unless it is a friend. Then go down to the bottom of that page and click on "block lists." Have her put that girl on the block list (and anyone else she knows that girl hangs out with). You really have to decide if your daughter can distinguish between who is a friend and who isn't. Someone who she thinks is a friend can send the bully her photos and cyber bullies think it is fun to put your daughter's face into disgusting photos and post them all over.

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M.!.

answers from Phoenix on

Ignore it and consider blocking the girl so that she can not see anything that your daughter posts on mutual friends pages. Tell her not to trust this girl until she can prove that she knows what a friend can be.

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B.M.

answers from Waco on

C.-I'd definitely advise your daughter not to accept. If she were truly trying to do a turn-around and become friends with your daughter, she would attempt to do this in person first and even then it could still just be a ploy to further bully your daughter. Also, if you haven't already, I'd inform the principal about this girl that she's been bullying your daughter so they are aware of the situation and can keep an eye on this girl if it begins to get out of hand. Bullying is a serious issue now and steps need to be taken to handle it before it gets out of control. Good luck!

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J.T.

answers from College Station on

I would always assume kids this age are up to something! Make sure your daughters info on FB is private and that includes all pictures. Everything on her page should be listed as "friends only".

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R.D.

answers from San Antonio on

Have you ever heard the saying to keep your friends close but enemies closer?? Let her add her as a friend. This is a test from the bully!! Then she can go in the next day and delete her-they get no notice when they are deleted. This is a good opportunity for your daughter to show that she is above the meanness and not show this girl that she bothers her!! If she ignores the request, that is what this girls wants so she can go all around school and tell everyone how mean your daughter is!! Plus, mom it gives you a chance to view the girls page, check for anything out of the way in photos, etc. And possibly a phone number so if you need to contact the parents later, have proof to show the school about meanness, this is your chance.

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D.B.

answers from Houston on

People always think that they have to accept friend requests....but at this age...I agree with the other posts saying that this opens up a whole new door to bullying on the internet....I don't think you want a girl who has been bullying your daughter to have that kind of access. Something is definitely up.....people really need to be careful with the internet, especially kids!!! glad your daughter is thinking about it though---good time for conversation between the two of you about this and internet dangers!!!!

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L.B.

answers from Eugene on

My first instinct is to say of course ignore it, but then I have to wonder if that would just make it worse at school..... That's a tough one, I think it's a postitve thing that your daughter feels comfortable enough to talk to you about it:) Good luck.

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M.B.

answers from Houston on

I agree with those posters who say to ignore the friend request. If she is afraid of retribution, or the bully confronts her, she can simply say, "My mother doesn't allow me to 'friend' anyone on FB that she doesn't konw personally." Then make sure the bully is put on a "blocked" list and that all privacy settings are set to "Friends Only."

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D.R.

answers from New York on

no way, ignore it. she will make trouble, and if she thinks its bad being bullied one on one in front of a few people, imagine it in front of the whole school, the whole world, forever in cyberspace. my kids are younger, so im not in your shoes, but i fear the day they become social online and im going to put it off as long as i possibly can. its an open door into your lives, and 6th graders simply arent mature enough to protect themselves. if the girl truly is trying to be friends, then she will be an actual friend. only then is it something to even consider.

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L.J.

answers from Houston on

There have been some great previous posts from some wise mothers on here, so you might look through the topics for the archives.
There were great stories of moms who were bullied as kids and stood up to their opponents (yes, girls) and were never bothered again.
I guess I think of them as to when they are adults. Would you want them to attacked in a parking lot and not defend themselves? Would you want them to be harrassed at work and not fight back?
It is just my opinion, but if we don't fight back, the issue could get worse and we need to know that we are worth our weight in gold.
I'm not advocating fist fighting or being ugly. Not STARTING a fight, just fighting back.
There is a fine line as to when you should walk away and when to fight, but I know from my own experience, the answer is not always walk away.
Also, does your school have a no bullying policy? I agree that you should be documenting everything that is going on and possibly approach administration.
I wish you the best. No child should endure pain in order to gain an education. Sad.

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H.P.

answers from Houston on

Are you kidding me? Why invite this girl into her personal space? The only history that they have is one with this other girl bullying her--no reason to believe that she is capable of being a friend. Teach your daughter now not to play into the silly, messy, love-hate relationships that girls and women seem to have with each other. You know, the ones where they consider themselves "frenemies". What BS! Your daughter should learn now to demand respectful treatment from people who claim to care about her--no gray area.

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V.D.

answers from Austin on

Ignore the girl and even block her from your daughter's profile. If the bullying continued I would talk to her teacher.

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P.B.

answers from Houston on

It's too bad you aren't closer to The Woodlands. Our College Park High School is putting on a program on Feb. 3 (I think that's the date) called Eyes Wide Open. It addresses all sorts of questions about drugs, alcohol, bullying, cyber bullying, and sexting (as well as sexually transmitted diseases) - all the things facing our teens today. This is the 3rd or 4th year for the program and although some of it is totally inappropriate for kids younger than 13, it's an eye opener to parents (hence the name).

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Totally ignore. At this point, I would consider that this girl will never be a friend.

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