Bullies!! Aaahhhh

These girls continue because they see weakness. I agree that somethings needs to be said to the principal/teachers but often times the bullying gets worse & more secretive. Until your girls are able to stand up for themselves this will most likely continue. I am a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and have seen many kids come through our studio. It amazes me how their confidence changes. One girl shared how she had been bullied at school. One day she was being bullied and all she did is go back into fighting stance and the boy ran away. Martial Arts teaches confidence and self control...not to beat up everyone that crosses their path. Our instructors are very good at helping our kids learn how to stand up for themselves without having to use their hands unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't agree with walking away or ingoring the problem hoping it will disappear. I do believe in finding ways to build self confidence, elimating the weakness that the bullies are praying on so that they are able to stand up for themselves. I don't know where you are located but if you are interested in getting your daughters enrolled in Tae Kwon Do/self defense we have studios in Blue Springs, Liberty & Lee's Summit. Our instructors, the Pruter's, have been doing Tae Kwon Do for over 27 years and have a wonderful christian background. The studio is very family oriented and parents often find themselves joining classes along with their kids. Good luck!

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I have dealt with this situation, it was happening at home and at school, I talked to the perents first and found out that their childs behavior came from them, so I was not going to get anywhere.
I also talked to the principle and had my daughter in counseling for it.
I got no where.....I was so frustrated and frustrated at my daughter because I did not understand her tolerating this....I would have already put a stop to it.
I was not a bully but I also never tolerated being bullied.
It is the helpless feeling of listening to your child cry about it and feel like there is nothing you can do.
I cant tell her what I would have done back in my day.
So let me tell you what I did do...
I explained to her the anatomy of a bully and why they do what they do, I told her that they may be having problems at home, and that they suffer low self esteem for whatever reason, and that generally they prey upon children they are jealous of.
Before explaining it to her that way she felt it was her fault and that people just didn't like her, but after the talk she realizes it is their problem and she finds it easier to ignore them, she stays away from them, and I dont hear much about it anymore,
She said to me the other day "you know mom your right, when I dont give them the reaction they want they leave me alone"
My daughter used to cry and I told her thats what they want to see, and if you do that you are giving them bullies what they want. She now just say's WHATEVER to them and walks away proud.
good luck to you and your child.

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If the girls are being bullied at school talk to the teacher. The school has a responsibility to stop the bullying. I understand that kids are scared that if you do something the bullying will get worse. One question to ask them is will the bullying get any better if you do nothing. Most bullies think you will do nothing so they continue doing it because they can get away with it. There is a great web site with more information www.stopbullyingnow.com. Good luck.

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If it is happening at school...let the school know. Schools now have 0 tolerance for bullying. Sometimes the teacher misses it though - so make the teacher aware also. If she is taking their snacks then it becomes stealing. You didn't post ages but there are age appropriate ways to deal with bullying also. It sounds like they might be younger. They need to be taught to ignore bullies...or play into them with humour. The taking of snacks though would be impossible to ignore. Sometimes calling the parent backfires because the apple does not fall far from the tree so to speak. Just a side note. If the girls take their own snacks you could set the bully up. An appealing snack on the outside with something not so appealling inside? Just a thought.

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Is it happening at school? Tell the counselor and principal. They can watch out for it and try to stop it. Our school has a strict "no bullying" policy and kids can get expelled for it. You might want to check with them.

I'm really sorry your girls are going through this. Tell them to try to be strong and to ignore as much of it as possible - sometimes bullies feed of of reactions.

Hang in there. Best.
J.

I'm not sure how old your girls are, but I think bullies thrive on the fear of others. And as soon as your girls learn not to be affraid, then this bully will continue to "feed" off of them. Teach them someing to say to this bully, practice it at home (if they are little). HAving actually said the words out loud will help them actually remember to. If your girls can say something out loud to this bully, to draw attention, even from an adult as well, it will probably stop because this bully will most likely be humiliated her/himself. The only reason the bully keeps doing it, is because he/she has gotten away with it this far......if it doesn't stop once they stand up for themselves (I'm not talking fighting, just speaking for themselves), then you need to go to the school's authorities and let them handle it. My daughter's school has a no tollerance rule for bullying. Maybe your's does to. Also, pending how old the bully is, the parents might not even know it's going on. I know I would put a stop to it if my daughter were the bully, because the "bullying" that's coming out of the child is replacing some other kind of satisfaction they are not getting elsewhere.

Good Luck!

Dear R S, sounds like you're on the right track...just one more suggestion. :-) My oldest son (6 yrs old) started getting teased this year in 1st grade. I was completely unprepared and shocked for my child to come home disheartened and upset at this age. I read a book called 'Easing the Teasing'. I got it at the library. It really helped me feel better prepared as a parent, and as my son's first advocate. And believe it or not, he seemed a bit relieved to know that I was teased as a child too when I shared with him some of my experiences and how I coped. Good luck!

Perhaps a private talk with the teacher? You didn't say how old your girls are - is it on the high school level?

Listen you can contact your cyhildren's school & set up a meeting with the counselor & principal. Express your concerns & the FEARS of the children IF you were to contact the parents. You could also lead on that their are several students that are afraid od these students BUT because you are not their parents you wish not to reveal their names. They can pull the bullies aside & let them know that this type of behavior will not be tollerated & without have mentioned your childrens names. At some point your children is going to have to stand up to them & say "NO" I will not be bullied by you again & nor will you continue to take my snacks! Good luck & God Bless!

What has always seem to work well for us is going to the school. Have luch with your child, play with them at recess. I'm not sure how old your child is, but this worked for me. My daughter had a problem when she was 8 with a little girl. I went to the school, had lunch, played with her and the other kids. My daughter pointed the little girl out to me and as I looked over the little girl looked in shock. I did go sit with the girl and ask he nicely how come she seems to be jelous of my child? I told her that bullying is usually out of jelousy of another person. The girl did come clean and tell me that it's because my daughter has a lot of friends and she does not. She doesn't know how to make friends so she figured if she made a fool of my daughter noboby would play with my daughter anymore and would no longer have friends. Sometimes kids just have a hard time with jealousy. I understand that maybe her Mom can't come have lunch with her, but I did know that she could be one of my daughter's friends. Of course that is what happened. The point of this really long boring story, if you go show the girl that the girl she is being mean to has a caring loving mom, she will back off. She only does it because she can. I hope this works for you. It worked recently for my sister who is a store manger and never has time! She found 30 min to show a bully that the kid he was messing with has a mother that cares!

I completely understand why she doesn't want you to talk to their parents because I am sure that can be embarrasing for a young girl, but I would think that is the only option. Wouldn't you want to know if your daughter was being the bully? I would also talk to the principal or teachers at her school. Good luck.

Notify the school. Your girls are right about the parents. If the kids are bullies then the parents are probably of similar material....sometimes not, but it would be better for the principal to handle it than you personally.

Chances are your not the first parent to complain and your kids are not the only ones being affected.

Request a sensitivity awareness talk be given to the kids as a whole. Talking openly about how to handle bullies without openly pointing at them can really deflate the power they have. Once repurcussion are in place and they know they are being watched they back off. Kids need to be empowered themselves to overcome being victimized...it is a good lesson for life.

Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

i feel for u girl and the only thing i can say is go see the princeable and the parents of the these girls or boys or they will grow up and think it is ok to do this and some one could get hurt down the road . bullies need to be stop one way or other now before it get worst . if u can then go to school with ur girls to make sure they are not treated badly after wards . we must protect or children at what ever cost i will pray for u E. d.

well my 5yr old son has a bullie in his preschool class and he has pushed my son and called him names it got to the point he was faking being sick to come home or not go at all. we finally got him to tell us what was going on and we talked to the teacher and she took care of it. its not always that easy but hopefully u can nip it in the butt before it goes any further.

I would talk to the school (teachers/admin) I'm guessing that is where it is happening. As a teacher I've been asked by parents to keep an eye out for interactions between kids and be discreet about it. They shouldn't have to let the kids know you talked to them. It's worth a try - although kids can be very sneaky and the teachers might not catch them either (they know when to do these things so as not to get caught) I would also encourage your daughters to let someone at school know, because there is a big difference between tattling and keeping yourself safe. Good Luck.

Almost all schools in the US now have a no bulling policies. You can report it to the school and ask that your childrens names not be mentioned due to their fears. The school will then report it to the parents aswell as take action at school to help turn this bully around. 80 to 90 percent of parents are un aware of if their child or children are bullies.

Now I have not been through this personally with my child but I was bullied from 6th grade until around eleventh grade when I was strong enough as a person to start standing up to these girls. And it didnt stop with a few girls, they got their cousins and brothers and sisters and their whole families involved in bullying me. (even parents sometimes-they would tell their parents I was doing stuff I wasnt to instigate it) It was a nightmare. They beat me up physically in seventh grade and my parents did NOTHING!!
I promise you this will get worse, especially if you do nothing. Do everything you can to stop this-talk to the parents and I mean in a conference setting with the children there-not over the phone or anything. Talk to the teachers ( I personally would be at that school talking to EVERY teacher to make them aware of the situation and who is doing the bullying), the principle, and maybe even ask if the teacher will take the time one day to address the whole class about bullying. I wish you the best with this it is a very difficult thing to handle and you are a good parent for wanting to do what is best.

I just recently dealt with the same thingwith my daughter, who is 9. I spoke to the little girls babysitter to see if she was having problems with her, which she confirmed. THen I called the principal and spoke with her about it. The very next day she called in my daughter and the other girl and told the other girl if she didn't straighten out she would start receiving detentions. Apparently there was more going on then what I knew and was happening with several other children. The child lives with her grandma and she had no idea any of this was happening. I have not heard anymore complaints from my daughter about there being any problems. I allowed this to go on thinking it would get better since the beginning of the school year. It only got worse.
GOod luck with your situation, its very hard to see your children being bullied.

My daughter's school has started a bully program. They printed special shirts to wear once a week. The teacher can pull a strip if any bullying activity is reported to her. Name calling and teasing are bullying and the kids have really improved in her class. I don't hear any of that stuff any more.
K.
Kansas

Where are they being bullied at? If it is at school, how about talking to the principal? If it is in their classroom, how about the Teacher. Chances are if your daughters are being bullied, whoever is doing the bullying is also doing it to other girls.
When I felt my daughter was being bullied by another girl in her class I did both of the above. The teacher could watch out in the classroom and at recess to see if anyone pulled my daughter aside. The principle started having one of their classes (character class) discuss bullies and how not to be bullied. No names were ever stated, including when I talked to the teacher and Principal. If I had felt it was severe or not getting better I would have been a little more specific. In turn, all the kids discussed together what it feels like to be bullied and discussed reasons why bullies do what they do.
In my daughters class, it turns out a group of girls was being bullied. They decided in class that they would start standing up for one another, and they stood in unity against the bully and it wasn't long before the bully decided it was no longer fun or profitable to be a bully....most of the time.
I also recognised for some reason unknown to me my daughter had a very low self-esteem. I started working at home to do what I could do to improve her self-image at the age of 8. We used books that we read together and talked about what they meant together. I also took her to a good friend who is a hypnotist who taught her relaxation techniques and positive reinforcement thinking.
I didn't know how much it actually helped until the next school year when one of the bully boys in her class made ugly comments to her. She says she stood up and turned to him and asked him "please do not speak to her that way. She told him she was an awesome person and she was sorry that he could not recognise it. She was smart enough now to know he really knew nothing about the real person she was and she would not allow him to say hurtful things to her anymore, she did not belive any of his words." The other girls in her class overheard her and they told him he was being rude and that he needed to stop hurting others with words.
She says the boy was shocked because she had never had the courage to talk that way to anyone before. The boy has never bugged her since. She was 10 then.
Hope something helps you find the right answers for your daughters.

Yes, we contacted the principle and he is aware the child is a bully, they monitor him, talk to the parents, etc. Please let someone at school know. Does your child have outside activities to build self confidence? many websites recommend Tae Kwon Do, Karate, etc. Also, if at home, we have a situation where an older child was hitting, we told him next time he hit our child we would call the police, the child is basically good, he always apologizes afterward. Good luck and keep building your childs confidence

I have this issue with my daughter too, not to the point of taking snacks, but mean words and actions. I have contacted the principal often, and now i am insisting on a group meeting with those girls parents or parent . it's amazing the things these girls say. my daughter is 10 and she wants me to change her to a different school she is so tired of them. i don't know the age you are dealing with but get in the face of the director of the school or principal and let it be known that you are not going to accept this behavior from these or that child. good luck...

You did not say how old your children were. Are they in school? If they are in school do not let this continue. Talk to the Principle about the bullying. Have the Principle talk to the other parents, without mentioning your names. This is abusive behavior, and will continue, maybe even get worse if it is allowed to continue. The school staff are supposed to watch out for this type of conduct. Do not let them continue to allow this to happen,and do not allow the school staff to place the blame on your children. I just went thru this type of thing with my granddaughter and a girl at her school. They did seperate the two girls and my granddaughter is much happier, and has brought her grades up. V.W., hutchinson

Talk to the teacher and the principal

Go and talk to the Teacher, Vice Principal or Principal. The State of Kansas is making it a Law that all schools must have bully prevention programs in place, I want to say by this year, not exactly sure. The teacher and administration should be able to handle it in such a way that the child does not realize that someone told. That is probably the best way to approach it now and if need be later you might need to talk to the parents

Hi,
Talk with the principal, they want to know if this is happening! I used to work at a school and they are the ones that has to fix this kind of problems, for now, tell your girls to ignore them and go to the teacher if they do something wrong to them.
Good luck,
M. Abadie
www.MyKidsFirst.com
www.MaiaCreations.ecrater.com

Hi RS. Does the bullying happen at school or just while the children are playing at home in the neighborhood or both?
If it is at school you must speak to the school administrators. There should be a bullying policy in effect. If there is not one, then be pro-active in seeing that there is one put in place. There should be a NO tolerance for bullying!!!! NONE.
You SHOULD speak to the parents. Bullying is a learned trait. If they should ask what your child did to provoke the behavior, do not even consider that option. They did nothing! Explain that bullying your children will not be tolerated. Not here, Not now, Not ever!!!
These are words that are used in the school in which I work. Bullying is NOT an option.
Be strong, be firm and good luck.
Blessing to you.
R.

My daughter is 6 years old and she has been bullied by a classmate who just happens to be our neighbor. We tried telling her to ignore him and then it started to get physical. We also have a 9 year old son who is very protective of his little sister, and he even tried talking to the little boy. We then tried talking to his parents, and they acted like they didn't want to try to come up with a solution. Lastly, we went to the teacher and alerted her to the situation of them being our neighbors and what had happened. Just that little step, and she was more aware and watchful at school. Now my daughter's days are mostly bully free. We just tell her to ignore him and if he bothers her to tell her teacher. She hasn't come home in months and told us she was being picked on by the little boy.

if this is a school issue I would make the teacher aware of the issue so she can keep an eye on it.

What I had to teach my daughter that was being called horrid names was that to ingore it, do not sink to their level by reacting. That gives the bully the the power and the control. That is why they are picking on your girls becasue they probably reacting, even in a small way that is showing the bully that their actions bother your girls. Teach then to not react to just ignore it, this bully will eventually get bored of picking on them because the "thrill if the hunt" has been eliminated. I know as parents it's hard we want to react, to talk to the parents but nine times out of ten I am sure that the child is just repeating actions they see at home, whether it's to them or another family member. Also tell your girls that not all kids are raised with parents that teach their kids to respect others..it's just the sad facts now days that very few kids are being taught to respect others let alone theirselves. Have your daughters be out of their way nice to this girl, she could just be crying out for a friend.

"Always forgive your enemies nothing annoys them more."

"Everyone needs to be loved... especially when they do not deserve it."

"Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts." Make sure your girls know that whatever this person is saying to them is not true!

We taught our son at an early age to stand up to bullies. When he started having trouble with bullies he would tell us what the bully did and said. So we would talk it out and I would give him suggestions on what to say and do. He started using the things we talked about, and the bullies would leave him alone. He became so confident that he now sticks up for himeslef and others. It really bothers him to see someone picked on.