14 answers

Budding Breasts 9 Yr Old and Appropriate Dress?

My DD is starting to develop breasts and she wore a bra this spring. Now that it is summer, she doesn't want to wear a bra (who can blame her) and she just wants to hang loose. I try not to have white shirts and have mostly shirts with pictures on them, etc. However, there are always a few things get she still wants to wear and she doesn't understand why she can't just be as is. I told her it is inappropriate to show her breasts. How can I help her understand - what can I do?

Update: Thanks so much for the quick responses already. Her bras are very sports bra like and thin cotton, also just got another spandexy one from Target yesterday. She just won't wear them or even do the "layered strappy tank top" look.

Thanks so much.

What can I do next?

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Certain tops and tanks have ruffles, patterns across the bust line, even though they aren't those thin little strappy tanks. My almost 11 year old likes those. Darker colors or busy patterns work well. Lots of good summer clearance right now. Take her clearance shopping at "Justice" I don't know a tween girl who doesn't adore that store.

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i know this might not be what you are looking for but you said she is just getting breasts. honestly, i hate wearing a bra, too. and i'm pretty large. most of the time i wear a sports bra. especially during the summer. it's much more comfortable during the summer when a person sweats more. it doesn't rub, etc. they sell them for children also. i would look into that. hth

4 moms found this helpful

My first reaction is to not make her self conscious of her body. She is developing breasts, that's normal. Please don't make her feel negative about her body. She is developing body image now, if parents or friends are negative toward that, it sets off possible issues for later.

Communicate with her. We are open minded here and we talk about everything. Sometimes we do lounge around the house with no bra, we love and enbrace our bodies.

If she does not want to wear a bra, layer tank tops. My 15 yr old layers her tanks all the time with her bra. The athletic bra is another good option if you feel she should be so covered at all times.

I'm not saying go show the tatas off, of course modesty is important. There has to be a balance.

I didn't mean to come across the wrong way. I hope you interpreted my comment positively. Our girls grow up so fast!!

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Have you taken a photo of her when you feel her breast are "showing" she may not realize what you mean.

Our daughter like the sports bras like S.S. suggested also tanks that she could wear under things.

Target has TONS of different options to choose from take her and see if she can find some things that will work for he

1 mom found this helpful

Certain tops and tanks have ruffles, patterns across the bust line, even though they aren't those thin little strappy tanks. My almost 11 year old likes those. Darker colors or busy patterns work well. Lots of good summer clearance right now. Take her clearance shopping at "Justice" I don't know a tween girl who doesn't adore that store.

1 mom found this helpful

Just keep reminding her in a gentle way that because of her age and that she is starting develop that she will need to wear a bra at certain times even if it's summer or maybe just there are things that look more appropriate. Just like there are times when we wear shorts or it's more appropriate to wear a nice dress. Maybe try to swing it about dressing appropriately more than focusing on her developing? That there are times when it's more appropriate to be just a bit more covered up. I can't imagine having to deal with that at 9 so tread gently.

1 mom found this helpful

My best friends daughter is going through this as well. Any slightly revealing shirts or dresses that are not age appropriate with her tiny tatas, she has to wear a pretty, lacy camisole underneathe... or go change into a t shirt. This is not up for discussion, she needs to learn to be modest. Put your foot down as the parent. While being comfortable with your body is a GOOD thing and a definate self esteem booster, being modest and dressing appropriately is equally important. Like I said, instead of getting plain old undershirts to go underneathe, get lacy cami's to peek out. Explain that leaving a bit to the imagination is WAY more feminine than letting it all hang out!! Best wishes!

How about telling her when she's at home she doesn't have to wear a bra, but insist that she doesn't leave the house without one. I remember being embarrassed in 5th grade when a classmate told me I needed a bra. The first one I ever wore was a B cup, so you can imagine my mother had been ignoring the issue!

If she's prefer, she can wear a tank top or cami under a tight fitting top. Honestly, it's not appropriate for people to see her breasts through her shirt, and it is okay to tell her so, and to insist that if she's going to wear a tight shirt, she must wear a bra. Whether she understands that it's not okay for boys and men to see her breasts even at 9 years old, she still needs to abide by the rule. I know parents nowadays are very into kids "understanding" everything and having to justify every rule and decision, but really you do not need to do that. If she cant' understand why it's not appropriate, that's okay but she still needs to have proper coverage.

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