7 answers

Brother's Girlfriend Is Using Drugs and I Need Some Advice ...please

A few weeks ago, my brother and his girlfriend were over at my house. Ash' got a phone call and I overheard ( not trying tobut was right next to her ) I heard her make a referance to coke, and in my head there was a yellow flag. However, I thought it was just me being critical or over pertective. My younger brother and I are close, and through the years I have been kind of a second (cooler) parent.

Then yesterday we had a family gathering and she was acting odd. she then fell asleep on my dinner table,head down ( which is no biggie on the whole) she goes to the car for what I thought was a smoke, an hour later perkie, talka'tive and eyes just as red a pot smoker just she did not smell like pot. Some how I wish that was all it was....then she tells my husband something in the reguard of drugs( she must have been high). I do not feel that she should have been doing drugs or better yet under the influence of an illegeal one at my house, its not same and embrasing ( as the rest of our family was here too) The first reaction I had in my head was to beat her up but I am not that kind of person and my brother seems to be co-depent. ( They broke up one year for a few months and I was really concerned about him then)

This is why I am asking for the advice part. In my short term on the earth and being married,have come to the conclussion that often what one person does in a relationship the other does too. I see to ways to approch this and niether seems to be easy. 1) say nothing and except her and possiablly his, fearing that he might stop coming over. 2) Confront him about Ash' and his possiable use. Either one of these things seems very hard. I sat down after everyone left and looked through family pictures, started crying, it was me about 16ish holding him at age 8 in a beach towel. I rember that day it was getting cold and my mom was not paying attention. I went and wrapped him up and my mom took picture. I wish it was that simple now.....am I my brother's keeper or his friend....any advice or help is very welcomed...thanks

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Please talk with your brother. Get some professional advice from a drug counselor to effectively handle to the conversation and then talk with him.

I just came home from a funeral. My best friends son died from a drug overdose at the age of 19. He was a great kid. Great grades then after graduation went onto a good job where that job was paying for his college. He had a promising future and then he met his girlfriend. Things went downhill after that. Many people wished they would have said something to him but they were afraid he would push them away. Their fear now leaves them with guilt.

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I would ask your brother if he or she is going drugs and simply explain to him that you cannot have that going on around your children and not to visit while they are high. Most importantly you have got to put your childrens safety first no if's and or but's.
Some times you just have to give the ones you love tough love and choices to make.
Good luck.

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This is a very hard thing to do but...Iwould approach him and just ask. DOn't accuse or point fingers just ask if he's noticed her acting strange. If she's a user she needs to get help. He might not have any idea. I have younger brothers and I get in their face. One listens the other just does what he wants. The one that doesn't listen is a lost cause but if he falls i will help him back up. You're his sister not hers. Take care of your brother. If he has noticed then talk about getting her help. If he's using that's going to be even tougher. I hope this helps a little.

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You have to talk about it, if you ingnore it- before you know it they will be living under a bridge together trying to score! Whether or not he aknowledges it, you need to set boundaries now. They should not be welcome in your home while high or do drugs while there-at the very least! You have kids and they do not need to be exposed to this and they will be if you let it continue!

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mydvice to you is talk to your brother but in non judgemental way.you could be paraniod about it all.as being a neet freek i read,you may just be one of those who look for flaws in every one.but ya know if you bud in to harsh you could push him away.good luck.

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I don't think you should automatically assume that because she is doing drugs that your brother is also. Why don't just sit down and talk to him, say that you noticed she was acting kind of strangely and be honest with him. Don't jump down his throat or be forceful just ask him to tell you the truth and either decide to believe him or decide that maybe you don't want her around your family. You can't control what he is doing or who he wants to be around and speaking from experience the harder you push the closer they will get. Be there for him, let him know that if he needs you you will be there for him but if his girlfriend and/or himself want to do drugs that you don't want that kind of stuff around your children.

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I would be very cautious in this situation. First of all, you are not absolutley positive that she was referring to or is definitely using drugs. If you falsely accuse her and or him, you stand the chance of distancing yourself from him, which is the last thing you want. If you think that an open course of conversation with your brother is welcome, then i would ask him about it, and tell him what you suspect and why. There might be a lot more to it than what you think.-Lace

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