Broken Family Anxiety

Updated on July 23, 2014
M.W. asks from Elkridge, MD
7 answers

I've been separated over a year now and I have come to terms, with much anxiety, worry and crying that I do not miss my husband, but miss the life and the family I had (house, yard, mommy/daddy, etc). We have two children, 4 & 2. Most days I'm ok, we both split the kids 50/50 and there is a lot of love for them on both sides, grandparents, aunts uncles, you name it. I can't help shake the feeling every once in a while though, when I see a little girl with her daddy, or a mommy and daddy out with their kids, that I won't ever have that feeling again. I feel bad for my kids having so say that their mom lives here and my daddy's house is here... Will I ever feel normal again?? Will this depressed feeling about that loss ever go away?

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B..

answers from Dallas on

You really need to seek a counselor. From the little we have to go on, you are never really happy. With a husband, with some else, with nobody.
The only factor that remains the same is you.

Real Depression is a serious condition. It will not go away with a change in circumstances. It can go away with some help from people who specialize in the mind. You would go to a cancer doctor if you had cancer. Go to a psychiatrist for this persistent unhappiness and get to the bottom of it.

I'm not calling you crazy or being mean. To live your best life, you are going to have to find a way to bloom where you are planted.

5 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

If you, your husband, and extended families are making this separation work, I suggest you try looking at it as a reconfigured family instead of broken.

I do wonder, with previous post and this one if you want a divorce. Please get counseling to help figure this out. Life is rarely an either/or situation. You can find a place that feels right to you.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Dallas on

Was your husband a good husband? If he was abusive, that is one thing and I would encourage you to go ahead with your divorce. Did he cheat? If it was something else, are you 100% sure that your marriage can't be saved? Have you two tried marriage counseling? If there is any possibility your marriage can be saved, then you will have the best of both worlds - you will get to stay married, keep your house, your yard, etc., and your life won't have to change at all.

But if your marriage cannot be saved, then you will need to mourn the loss of your married life/house/yard, etc.

If you can't shake your unhappiness, please seek counseling and consider an anti-depressant. Best wishes to you!

3 moms found this helpful

D.D.

answers from New York on

Change is frightening even when it's a change that is needed. You morn for what you've lost/what your norm was and it takes a while to get your footing to the new norm. Be kind to yourself. There's no time limit on sorting out your feelings. As long as you don't spend too long dwelling on what will never be again you'll be ok.

Your children will adjust. Make sure your husband and you make sure the children are your priority and don't speak ill of each other.

1 mom found this helpful

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

M.:

When you got married, you made an Oath before God, your family and the community, that you would "love, honor, and cherish" your husband until "death do you part."

No one said that marriage would be a "bowl of cherries" with that commitment.

Here are 8 ways to be God's lover to your husband
. Revise your vows
. Offer your body as a gift
. Mentally shift into sexual gear
. Admire him
. Nurture your sexual feelings
. Touch him in a sexual way
. Ignite passion
. Commit to romance

You have given him two children. You are young and they are young.
If there is anyway to restore your marriage, do it. You are in the business of raising your children right now. Both of you need each other to do it. What you are doing is splitting the relationship and teaching your children to be disconnected from what God intended for them to have.
Good luck.
D.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

My sis has been separated for 3 years and feels the same way. Is there anyway you can work it out? My sis is the first to admit the grass isn't always greener and a new man=new problems. Hang in there!!

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Well M., your family arrangement is actually the statistical majority.

So you are not alone.

:)

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