35 answers

Bridal Shower for Couple Living Together 5 Years

Well my sister is having a destination wedding this week in Cancun Mexico (just her and her husband are there). She is then having a "reception" this fall where everyone is invited to a camground for the weekend. She has been living with her fiance for 5 years so she has basically everything she needs. We are not sure whether or not to give her a bridal shower. She has been "keeping house" for a long time so what would anyone give her. To add to the dilema she lives hours away from me and even further from my parents. Any advice on how to give appropriate gifts or even how to have a shower and address invitations?? Thanks in advanced for any ideas..

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

just because they are living together doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve a bridal shower!

Maybe a simpler shower at the destination? like the night or two nights before?

or combine the reception into the bridal shower and everyting and just have double batchelorette party? one naughty and one nice?

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Okay...so they've been "keeping house" as you say for 5 years, and now they are eloping--excuse me, "having a destination wedding"--and then to top it off, the reception is a "weekend" at a campground (does each guest have to pay for their over-night accommodations/most food? OUCH on the cost! For my family that could EASILY run upwards of $500--depends on how far the travel to the campground is, travel could add a HUGE cost. And hardly "elderly relative friendly" of an option.)...and then you want to know if you should throw a bridal shower?

Ummmm...no. A bridal shower is supposed to be thrown by the bridesmaids, and should not be thrown by a member of the bride's family...you are out on both counts. The point of a bridal shower is supposed to be to help a young couple with not much in the way of financial resources to get started out in life together. As you've already pointed out...you sister and her fiance are hardly just starting out. You are right in questioning "what gifts?" Kitchen towels? Nope, she's got those. Negligie? Well she's not exactly the "blushing bride," so it kind of takes the fun out of that one (when I was at the stage of my life where all my friends were getting married I always noted that it was the most "up tight" women who got the most negligies at the showers--so that definitely was about the "blushing" factor!

Certainly send your sister a card and perhaps even a gift wishing her well on her marriage. But I'd skip the shower since it seems just VERY tacky.

Gosh...I seem old with this opinion...mind you, I'm only 35. LOL! I'm coming up on my 10th anniversary, and did the "old fashioned thing" of not moving in with my fiance until we had said "I do." I'd have been mortified if 5 years into our "living together" friends and relatives--some of which likely had less financial means than hubby and me--had been asked to retrofit my house with nicer towels, pots and pans, and such than we already had. I also agree with the poster who points out that people who are invited to a shower typically expect to be invited to the wedding--especially since they are going to be hit up for two gifts--shower and wedding.

3 moms found this helpful

Wow, this makes me feel very old. (And I am very old.) I'm apparently in the minority who think that having a bridal shower for a bride who has been living with her fiance for 5 years is not necessary and is even actually tacky. One poster called it "retrofitting" their home, and I think that's a great description of what you are asking. The point of a shower is to help a couple get started in life together. They've already started. So what your asking is for everyone to upgrade their living arrangement. New towels, new appliances, new stuff. I've been married for 23 years, I'd love an upgrade! My towels are all ratty and my dishes are chipped. LOL! So why don't we get showers every 5 or 10 years that we're married? We don't. People would never think of having a 5-years-married shower. So what's the difference if the couple has lived together for 5 years. Perhaps the time to shower them with gifts was when they moved in together. Then they could have had a housewarming party.

I think, as another poster stated, that people who are inclined to give a gift will do so. People going to the campground reception will most likely give a gift. But a shower for a couple who have already had a good long start down the road of life together, eh, not such a good idea IMHO.

2 moms found this helpful

She may not be expecting anything since she has been living with this person for 5 years and because the wedding is private. She should be supported in finally making her arrangement legal. I'll never understand why so many couples just live together. What has happened to our society?

2 moms found this helpful

Personally, I feel that is in in bad taste to host a "shower" for a couple that has been living together for that many years. My opinion. My feelings are that the people who will wish to give a gift to acknowledge their union will do so at their own discretion and those that don't, won't. I'm sure there will be lots of people at the campsite reception who will elect to give a gift of their choosing, whether money or something sentimental. Also, lots of times, when people receive a formal wedding shower invitation, they are expecting to also receive a wedding invitation--which won't be happening in this case. I doubt many people would attend the celebratory reception without contributing a gift. Maybe you could just get together with your sister and a few close friends for a dinner out in lieu of a shower. Have fun!

2 moms found this helpful

I am planning one right now where they have also been living together for over 2 years now too! We decided to do the shower anyway.. It's a couples shower so men are welcome. We made it a pool party too. As far as gifts go, we asked everyone to donate 1 cleaning supply and/or tool for their new "tool box" (as everyone is always looking for some type of tool to fix things around the house) and the cleaning supplies well will go into our bathroom cabinet wishing well...lol... Gifts... we asked everyone to go buy them a gift certificate to a specific travel agency to pay for their next vacation or honeymoon. EVERYONE needs a vacation! How nice would it be to go on one without spending any money???
As far as the invitations go... I am doing the shower at my house and decided to involve the groom to be in the surprise scheme! She has no idea.. he got the addresses from the bridal invitation list and emailed them to me. I made the invitations fun and welcoming to all. I wanted them to be able to share in the day together since they have already been together for a while already! I hope this helps... Email me if you have any questions or need some more ideas... ____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful

A.,

You are clearly a sweetheart in an difficult situation. My first question is, would she like a shower or party, etc? Everyone likes gifts, but some people need gifts in order to feel loved and some people need to give gifts in order to show love. As I was growing up, my grandmother always gave me gifts. No matter when I went to visit her, she had a gift for me. Sometimes, it was an item from a garage sale, sometime it was new from the store. Sometimes the items reflected my personality and sometimes it reflected hers. But she HAD to give me a gift, it was how she showed me that she loved me.

Is your sister that way? Does she always give you gifts? Does she respect a gift that would normally not fit her personality, but she likes it because it was given to her? If so, then a shower/gift-based party would be something special to her.

If she isn't really the gift-type person, then I'd think about what she might like instead. Some people need affirmation so a card shower of cards that focus on her good qualities and why people love and respect her would be perfect. Some people need lots of hugs, so a meaningful greeting line at the reception where she receives genuine hugs and kisses on the cheek, might work well. Some people need time together with the people they love. So a day centered on your sister doing the things she likes to do and getting reaquainted would be great. And some people need help doing tasks. If she always wanted help doing her chores, she may want help with the reception (planning, decorating, sending invitations, sending thank you notes, etc.)

My point is: this is about your sister and your relationship with her. So I advise: think about what she would value and try to make that possible. The days are going to fly bye and this is your time to show love to her.

1 mom found this helpful

just because they are living together doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve a bridal shower!

Maybe a simpler shower at the destination? like the night or two nights before?

or combine the reception into the bridal shower and everyting and just have double batchelorette party? one naughty and one nice?

1 mom found this helpful

A.,
Have a Gift card party. Everyone is invited to give, say $20 to a restaurant, or Lowe's Home depot, to fix up or get something they might need in the future. Have a gift card tree at the reception, everyone comes with a card and gift card and clips it on the tree, have a BBQ! camp out! and have fun! and celebrate the happy couple. Small amounts are key, affordable for the budget of the giver and still something for the bride and groom. :)

sincerely,
M.

1 mom found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.