Breastfeeding a Newborn in the Presence of a toddler--Advice

My son was 23 months when his sister arrived and then they were 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 when their younger brother arrived. I breastfed all of them right in front of each other and never had any problems or concerns about it. My kids never asked about it but if they had I would have handled it as I would them asking to drink from a bottle or use a pacifier. I would have simply explained that this is how babies get their milk and that since they are big kids they get their milk from a cup. I don't see any reason whatsoever to be concerned.

Good luck,
K.

That thought crossed my mind with my son when I had my daughter. He was just shy of three when we had her. It didn't phase him a bit. He just referred to her as "baby hungry." All was well.

Congrats!!

I breastfed my son in front of my daughter, who was 2 1/2 when he was born. She also nursed, but weaned herself at 10 months, so she had no recollection of doing it. She was curious about it, but never asked to do it. We just told her that is how babies get their milk. You can tell your son that he is a big boy and that big boys drink from cups, but that babies drink milk from either bottles or their mommy's (you can even use the term breast if you're comfortable with that). Once my daughter got over her initial curiosity, she didn't even think about it anymore. The other thing you can do is use a blanket or a nursing cover, but that gets inconvenient really quickly and I just stopped using it if it was just my daughter and/or hubby around. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Congratulations!

I think Valerie is spot on.

I have breastfed my three boys into their toddler years. And I have had my toddler "try" nursing (after weaning) but he didn't like the taste. I'm sure your toddler will be very proud to be the BIG BROTHER.

I would add: give the big brother a special job when you are breastfeeding the baby. For instance, make it his job to bring to you a bottle of water or to bring the cell phone or cordless phone to you. Feeling like he is doing something for the baby's well being and the family's well being might just be the ticket to keeping him happy (and not jealous!). :)

Good luck!

just tell him that is how babies eat, and when the baby gets bigger *like him* then the baby will eat big kid food like her big brother! play up the fact that he is a big boy and doesn't need mama's milk anymore because he's so big! after the first few days or so, he won't even notice anymore when you are nursing. or he will just comment that "sister is eating now" and go on playing =) my older one was 2 when her sister was born and she never asked to try eating that way (and she wasn't breastfed, just like your son). I would be sitting on the floor playing with the older one and her sister would start fussing and I'd just lay her across my lap and lift up my shirt a little and she'd nurse right there while we were playing =) it became a very natural, non-noticeable part of everyday life

I have three children, all 2 years apart and breast fed all. When the new arrival came, I never even thought about there being an issue with feeding the baby in front of the older ones. My oldest nursed until she was 18 months old and remembered when her brother was born (she was almost 2), but never asked to nurse. My son was 2.5 when my youngest was born. He also never wanted to nurse. Even if he does ask, you can tell him mommy milk is for babies and he is a big boy so he gets to drink from a cup. Good luck with the big adjustment that having 2 is. For me, the biggest issue was when I sat down to nurse the baby, the older one would suddenly need a drink to, so I learned to get them situated before I took care of the baby.

Hi M.,

Congratulations on baby #2! Hope you are feeling good.

I am still breastfeeding my son, who is now 7.5 months old, and I do it openly in front of my two older daughters (who are 8 and 4); they were breastfed as well. When they see me feeding their brother, they tease me, saying that they also want some milk. I think it is kind of cute. I explain to them that they had their turn when they were babies and now it is their brother's turn.

My mom said that when she was breastfeeding me when I was a baby, my older brother (who is about 15 months older than me) would want her milk to but he didn't get any since he was now the 'big boy'.

I wouldn't be concerned with it. If your older one is interested, just explain to him that big boys (brothers) use big boy cups (or big boy sippy cups) and babies (his baby sister) needs mommy's milk. You can make him feel involved by letting him get you a burp cloth or anything else you need to nurse. This will certainly make him feel important.

Enjoy every single moment that is presented since babies grow up so fast and every opportunity is unique.

Hope this helps!
K.

Don't worry about this at all! My son is two and I nurse my six month old daughter infront of him all the time. It would be impossible not to unless I bottle fed. He has never really cared or seemed to notice and only once did he want to nurse (at least I think thats what he wanted, he didn't talk yet) and I told him he was a big boy and asked him if he could go get me a car and that was the end of that. I was very no big deal about it. Sometimes he wants to cuddle in my lap or he sits next to me and watches t.v while I nurse baby sister. I don't think it has anything to do with nursing he just wants to be close too. If you want to nurse the baby do it cause it is the best and don't try to hide in another room cause your son might feel excluded, it really is no biggie. I think it only becomes an issue if the older one was nursed at a later age and can really remember.

I have a 2 almost three year old and a 9 month old I still nurse. The only thing my almost 3 year old did once was hold a baby doll up to her to nurse the baby on herself. I even nursed the almost 3 year old until she was 14 months old and I don't think she even remembers ever doing it. We have had conversations about how baby's nurse from mommy. She watches me do it multiple times daily and it has never been an issue. I think a bigger issue might be if you try to hide from him while you do it. Make it a regular thing - make it no big deal.

Hope this helps!

Seems like it all got covered here, but I thought I'd chime in as well. When I brought home my little, little one from the hospital, my oldest was 2. I'm still nursing the little one at 10 months. My 2yr old (now almost 3) just asks what I am doing. I just answer, "Feeding Suzi." And she is fine with it. She never asked to nurse. Once she grabbed my breast to see what it was all about. But that's about it. Hope this helps.

This is absolutely NOTHING to be concerned about. Your toddler will be curious about this, as he is about everything new in his life. You can explain in his terms that this is how new babies eat, that he did the same thing when he was a baby. If he asks to try, let him if you're comfortable with it. Why is this even a concern for your husband? He needs to understand that nursing is beautiful, natural, and a normal part of the lives of babies and toddlers. In many societies your 2 year old would still be nursing as a natural part of life. Congratulations and good luck with your beautiful children.

I agree I wouldn't worry about it either. It will be impossible for you to never breastfeed in front of your toddler. Plus it's a completely normal and natural thing. Hiding it will give him the impression that there is something wrong with breastfeeding.

So just explain that this is how mommy's feed babies. You can talk about other mommy animals that feed their babies and since he is a big boy he does not need mommy's milk. It's only for baby. I'm sure that will suffice for him. Obviously he will be curious, and he may blurt out at the supermarket (like I did when I was 4) that you feed the baby with your breast. But who cares! That is the way it is and it's best for you and baby!

Good for you for breastfeeding I hope everything goes well for you new family addition!

I have a 4 year old, 3 year old, and 8 month old. My 2 youngest are tandem nursing. When my 4 year old asked, I squirted a little milk on a spoon for him and let him try. That satisfied his curiosity and he hasn't asked again.

Our husbands can be so silly sometimes can't they?? (At least I know mine can be - lol). I don't think you will have a problem at all. I would NOT hide it from him, because that's like saying there is something 'wrong' with what you're doing. It's a perfectly natural thing to do. If he asks, just let him know that this is how BABIES eat & that when he was a baby he was breastfed as well. I doubt he'll want to 'try it out', but if he does, again just explain to him that this is how BABIES eat, not big boys. It'll be educational for him. Way to go breastfeeding!
Good luck & God bless!
H. B

Your husband is right, your son will want to try it. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Tell your son that is the baby's food. My middle one was very interested when I nursed my youngest. He even tried it once and only one. They are just curious and want to know. It is totally UNREALISTIC for you to breastfeed out of the presence of your oldest.

Tell your husband to relax. He is sexualizing your breasts. At this point, they are milk jugs, not sexual objects. Your 3yo will not be scarred for life if he see you breastfeeding or even tries it at age 3. It will all be fine. And if he does try it, let him (resentment may set in otherwise). It will not last.

Good Luck and stick to your guns!

Hi M.,

I breastfed my 3 year old until he was 10 months old and then brought home another son when he was 2 1/2. Breastfeeding in front of him has never been a problem and he has never asked to breastfeed. He asked me what I was doing and I said I was giving the baby some of Mommy's milk and he was fine with that. I am still breastfeeding and my older son is now 3 and I still don't worry about doing it in front of him. I wouldn't worry about it at all, if I were you. I would be really surprised if your older son wanted to breastfeed too. Congratulations and good luck!

There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding in front of an older child--I nursed my youngest in front of my oldest (he was 5 when she was born and 6 1/2 when she stopped nursing). There is some amount of curiosity about wanting to try it early on, but I just always said it's milk for the baby, not the big kid, and they never asked to try it more than a couple of times. One thing you can expect from a younger child, though, is that he'll probably ask to feed her or pretend to feed his doll/stuffed animal from his breast (I said doll because I got my son a doll when his first sister was born), but the fascination quickly fades. I still remember my 2nd child's question one day while I was getting ready to nurse the baby: "Can she eat my breast?"!

Other moms have suggested having the big brother bring stuff that you need for the baby, and I would also add that the quiet times of nursing were also a great time to read a book or two with the older sibling so he feels less left out and gets some attention.

Hi M., this is perfect timing for you to show your DS kittens or puppies or calves nursing. I told my children that is how babies of all kinds get their food from mommy milk. My oldest DD did want to try to nurse when DS was born. Luckily for me, La Leche League had addressed that concern. Act normal, relaxed and tell DS, sure he can try. He doesn't want to think the baby is getting something he can't have or that you wouldn't also give him. He prob has no memory of nursing. Yes, it did feel awkward, but it only happened once because my 17mo old didn't know to suck, she just bobbed at me a few times and said it didn't work. I then asked her if she wanted a cup of milk. She never asked again. Don't tell the child to suck, he won't remember, then his curiosity will be satisfied. I did not hold her like a baby either, she stood beside me on the sofa, so there was no nursing/cuddling involved. When she felt left out, I had her sit beside me while I nursed and put my arm around her and we talked or read books. Easy as pie. HTH.

I BF my daughter in front of my son who was 2.5 when she came...didn't think twice about it. He never even asked about it at all. I did make sure he had a drink in his sippy before we started nursing and most of the time he would sit next to us on the sofa watching a show or reading a book. It was just "normal" for him.

I will admit I am curious how your husband thinks you can get away from your son 8 to 10 times a day to nurse the baby alone. I still can't even go to the bathroom alone. ;-)

You know your kids. I don't think there will be a problem breastffeding in front of the kids. Mayeb it's hubby who wants to try? Seriously, I breastfed my son, who is almost 3 now in front og my daughter with no problem. Yes, they are curious, but you just have to explain. They understand more than we give them credit for. Just make sure that you spend time with your old child alone doing age appropriate things.

Congratulations on your baby!

Just wanted to chime in with the "mommy's milk is for baby. Big brothers get to eat/drink regular food." I've reminded my daughter, and now my son, about all the yummy foods they get to eat that the baby won't get to eat. I've kinda downplayed the breast milk a bit...baby only ever gets mommy's milk for a few months, but they get to have all kinds of different foods.

Nursing the #2 was "reading time" for me with #1. We'd sit on the couch or bed together and I'd read to her while #2 nursed. I actually asked her if she wanted some milk one time and she raced to the kitchen to bring me a sippy cup :-) It didn't occur to her to try to nurse again...but try the milk? sure!

So will your baby ask to nurse? Possibly, but you've gotten some great advice from all these mamas!

HTH
K., mama to
Catherine, 5.5y (weaned at 2.5y)
Samuel, 2.5y (self-weaned 2mos ago)
Baby, 9/09

I am a mother of 2 also. I am 32 years old. I worked in early childhood education for 12 years. You should not worry about letting your toddler be involved. Let him understand that a baby gets the food that way. He might feel jellous or left out if you keep it a mystery. Don't worry. It is a natural thing. Even a 2 year old child can understand. You will be suprised just how intelligent those little brains are. If you need any more advice email me at

____@____.com Sincerely, M. W.

I am nursing my 3rd boy and I do it in front of my other 2 boys. I have not had that problem with either one of them ...that is not to say that you wont but I would just tell him that it is the baby's turn and how proud you are that he is such a big boy... It is just not reasonable or possible to never nurse in front of the other siblings. as a matter of fact my 3 yo thinks that the baby drinks from my tummy (too cute). I have a cover I use in public so if a toddler outside of my household ask what is happening I tell them the baby is taking a nap cause they can notsee what is happening....Good Luck

its only for babys not big boys. use a blanket to cover up with so he can be in the same room but not see whats going on. teach him not to look under there if he tries just like you would teach him if he were trying to look up a skirt. i personally would respect your husband and his wishes about this topic, see if he woudl be comfortable with you covering it up.

Yeah he'll be curious. Mommy's doing something he's never seen you do (doesn't remember doing) with the "new baby". With your husband's concern you should get a throw to keep the feeding modest. To benefit your son maybe both your husband and you should sit down and talk with him about it or wait until you start breastfeeding then during a feeding your husband and you explain. If your son wants to feed maybe pump a cup and let him try it.