Breast Feeding/returning to Work

First of all: Worst advice I have EVER heard and that goes against everything you will hear from La Leche and Lactation Consultants is "If she gets hungry enough, she will take the bottle"... That usually ends up with an even more frantic baby who is so hysterical they can't latch. Most breastfed babies will not take a bottle from their mom. As for actual bottles, I carry mimijumi for pumping, working moms: http://www.mymammasmilk.com/Mimijumi.html - Best breast bottle I have ever seen in over 10 years.

Secondly: Ditch the job. Money will always be there to be made, but your child's babyhood is fleeting. I gave up my career as well and I am so glad I did. You can get by with less (we did). You can qualify for WIC (food assistance checks) Food Stamps, State run health care, etc. Whatever it takes is what my husband and I said and we stuck with it. My legacy is my children, not my bank account. And some things, like being there for my kids, cannot have a price tag.

We have a mom in our club (Cape Cod Breastfeeding Moms - we are on Facebook) and she was in the exact same situation. She had intended to return to a very good paying job which she actually liked, but once her son was born and they were nursing happily, she just couldn't go back (he is now 8 months old and still loves the tatas!). At first her husband was a bit nervous, but they have gotten by fine. You just cut back - you can live on less.

Cloth diapers alone can save you about $500 a year. And between the other things I mentioned, many people can make ends meet. You can also babysit for other people (I do 2 days a week and make $120 under the table) or, if you are crafty, sell handmade items on Etsy.com

Think of it this way: What would you have to pay for excellent daycare? Now subtract that from your income. Now ask yourself: Of what money is left, how much of that is critically necessary to keeping a roof over my head? Can I cut back in expenses to make up the difference? Can I qualify for state help?

You may even want to ask about telecommuting (I did it for almost a full year after my daughter was born and told them I would take a pay hit to do it that way - they loved that because I still did what they needed, but at half the cost).

And, by all means, join our club on facebook: Cape Cod Breastfeeding Moms.

Peace-Love-Boobies!

Are you able to go out for lunch? You could feed her on your lunch break. You could also ask for a shorter work week, like 30 hours, so you could get to her when she wakes up and feed her after her afternoon nap. Depending on how her napping schedule is, you could BF in morning, take her to childcare where she will take her am nap, she wakes at lunch, BF then, go back to work while she has her awake/play time, then she takes her afternoon nap, and you're there when she wakes up about 3-ish. If you are appreciated at work, you may be able to negotiate. Reasoning with your boss(es), you'd need to take time off to pump anyway, this way you'd be spending that time doing "direct deposit!" You'd probably be eating a sandwich on the car on the way to see her at lunch, but so what! Good luck!
M.

You've just answered your question in that last paragraph. You hate your job and hate your co-workers! Now is the time to say goodbye to that crummy job and stay home with your daughter a little longer. Either that or find a way to do your work from home.

I had the same problem and couldn't work more than 2 to 3 hours at a time so that I could come home and breastfeed my baby. He took none of the many bottles were offered to him by me, my husband, my mother, my mother-in-law, or any other babysitter. He would just cry and cry when I left. I tried everything: my husband or mother donning my nursing cover, wearing my T-shirt, me hiding around the corner while one of them tried to feed the baby. He eventually just started drinking out of a sippy cup at around 5 1/2 to 6 months of age and started on cereal and pureed veggies/fruit. It was a piece of cake after that.

If you do decide to go back to work, then you may have to have the babysitter/daycare workers feed your baby using a spoon or small open cup and have her sip the breastmilk/formula. You can try sending your nursing cover or T-shirt that smells like you to see if that will help during feeding.

I completely understand not being able to leave your precious little one. I had to make the same decision and decided to just stay at home and go back to work later. Good luck!

my breastfed son was the same, and I'm sorry I can't be much help to you because he only finally took the bottle after a year and a half when my milk supply started dropping, and only took it with pleasure once he was fully weaned after 16 months. I tried letting him get really hungry etc etc, I tried pumping and giving breastmilk to him in the bottle, he wouldn't have any of it. He has always loved to drink water out of a bottle though. I didn't find an early solution, I hope you do!!! Good luck. (btw the different brands of milk formula vary a lot, so you could try different ones. Make sure it's a sweet one... my son only took a sweet milk at the beginning of the weaning process, though now he is fine with normal cow's milk).

I think you know the answer for your situation. You say your hate your job, and strongly dislike most of the people you work with. You say you are really worried about leaving your baby in a daycare setting where you don't know the people who will be caring for your daughter... Listen to your heart and accept the fact that no amount of money can be as important as your child, and your bond with her. If you need the income to survive and pay your basic living expenses, that makes your decision hard. Are there other ways to make enough money to get by on? If you absolutely do have to leave your baby with caretakers and you need her to be fed while you are gone, you might get someone to feed her with a cup instead of a bottle. She would need to be in a supported sitting "upright" position with a small, rounded edge cup or even a sippy cup. Google cup feeding of infants. It can work well.
If you want to have her take feedings from a bottle, you might find she will take one better from someone other than you. Have you been the person trying to get her to accept the bottle? If so, is there someone else you trust who could offer the bottle? Breastfeeding babies often resist taking a bottle from their mother; but will sometimes take one more readily from someone else. (With you out of sight, sound and scent range)
Also, having someone offer the bottle when your baby is not desperately hungry might make it easier on your daughter and the person who is feeding her. Have them rest the nipple on your daughter's upper lip and wait until she opens her mouth and takes the nipple into her mouth - similar to what you probably do when you offer her a chance to latch on and breastfeed. It is important that whoever is feeding stops to comfort her if she gets upset. They can try offering your expressed milk with a spoon or dropper, or a cup if the bottle is not working for your daughter.
I hope you have people in your life to support you, and appreciate the wonderful work and commitment you express by your willingness to breastfeed. As a friend of mine says: "I make milk... What's your super power?" I hope you get to stay home with your baby as long as you want to.
All the best,
Maggie Davis

My sister in law experienced the same situation when she went back to work. Their baby would not take a bottle. Part of it is because you are offering the bottle. I think babies can smell their mother's milk and so when you are offering a bottle, it is almost like they know there is another/better alternative. My sister in law had to go stay at her mother's house for a weekend, while her husband and in laws kept the baby for the weekend and fed her bottles of breast milk. Yes, there was crying, but she was with her family who loved her. They were successful. I hope this helps.

Do what you love. Hold on to your integrity as a person and mother first. Trust your intuition about the people at work -- and about the work itself -- and take reasonable steps to earn your money in a happier, more positive environment. Your children (including your infant daughter) will be forever grateful that you took this bold step to ensure REAL abundance for your family.
Also, try The Happiest Baby on the Block, a book and DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp. The 5 S's are the key to soothing an upset/angry/colicky baby by triggering the calming reflex. Seriously. They work. (I should know; I used them on my son and have recently become certified as a Happiest Baby Educator because I have found the techniques so effective.)
Good luck!

Hi there, S. - your answer is in your statement - the fact that you so very much want to be with your baby and added the fact that you hate your job and dislike strongly most of the people you work with - makes your decision so much easier to stay home. Looking back you will never regret staying home with your daughter and if there's any possible way you can do this financially, I would not go back to work. There are ways to make ends meet if you really try. As one of the other posters stated - you could keep a child or two in your home and just living more frugally. Best of luck to you, S. and hope everything works out best for you and your daughter. God bless. M.

Wow. It's like my story. And here I am at work with my 7 mo baby at daycare and I just quit pumping a few weeks ago.
First, decide if you can do without the money. We had just bought a bigger house and can't afford it without going on govt services. Then again, we could've gotten WIC with just my hubby's salary...
If you decide to go back (hating it every minute), then you have to trust that the baby will eat. I still get upset because some days they throw away more than they feed her, but she's fat and happy and it just means that I will have to feed her once during the night (which I don't mind because I get to cuddle with her).
Have you had someone else feed her the bottle when you'd nowhere around to be smelled or heard? I didn't have to go this route, but I've heard that is what it took for many babies.
Best of luck with your decision.

Ahhh, what a difficult mix of feelings. It will be alright. I'd love to tell you to honor those feelings of staying at home but then again, you probably want your children to go to college. I gave up work to be at home and though I value the time, living frugally is not always easy. There's always another set of struggles and lessons that go w/ each territory.

It sounds like you really need comfort from your provider that she won't leave the baby to cry. Is there any friend who can stop in at childcare and lend a hand and visit for an hr. here and there? Even the best care providers still have the reality of taking care of many needs so of course she will not be able to fill your role as you would like. That's not to say that she won't do a good job. But she will do it differently. And it's likely that the baby WILL take the bottle for your provider. If I was your baby I wouldn't want the bottle from you! Not when I could have the real deal!!! :) Right? You're baby will be fine and you will too. I sympathize w/ your feelings of wanting to be home.
If work is that awful, is there any way that you can do a job share, reduce your hours or come back gradually?
I presume your husband makes a good salary. If so... what are you willing to give up? One salary is less than two! Do you have money for dinner out? what are all the leisure things that you can cut? How much will you save on gas and insurance? How big sis your savings? How long can you realistically go w/o working? Talk it over w/ your husband. Meet w/ an advisor if possible and MAKE a PLAN. don't do it w/o a plan.

Good luck!

I agree with others - are you always around when your daughter is given the bottle? Definitely let others try and leave if you need to. As for daycare, start early and do some short test days. Call in and find out how it is going and go get her if you need to. Some will even let you have a free trial day or week. Don't wait until you are back at work and really worried.

As for working, that is something that only you can decide. You can work and still be close to your daughter. It has worked well for me and my family. However, if it is just a money thing I think you need to look more closely at what you can afford and really want. I don't think that a job you hate is a really good job. Returning to work and placing your child in daycare is hard enough without going somewhere you don't want to be. If you need the money or if this is a step that gets you to a job you want long term, great. If not, consider looking into a different position or just not going back.

I feel for you. The next week is going to be hard. I had the same problem with my daughter as well. I have to give it to you for starting to bottle feed her before you return to work. I gave my daughter the bottle once and she took it so I thought she was good with taking it. I was wrong. She gave my sitter bloody hell for a month!!! My advice to you is to only offer her milk in a bottle until she takes it. Hopefully she will begin to take it before she is in daycare and you won't have to worry about her not eating there. You will have control over her crying. It is not going to be easy. You will cry right along with her, your dr is right, when she gets hungry enough, she will take the bottle. But that will have to be her only option. Once she is on the bottle you can give her the breast in the evenings and pump at work.

I wouldn't suggest you quit your job until you find another one, no matter how crummy it is. The way the economy is right now, you may not find one for months. Plus if you quit you won't collect unemeployment.

Wishing you the patience of Job.

I stressed more returning to work with my last baby, and I can sympathize!!!! I worked fulltime and pumped/BFed 15-mos for both, so it can work. Things got better after the first 2 months each time -- not easy, but better.

With both, I started a 1/2 week back the last week, and moved forward. Also, perhaps as others mentioned, you could flex-time for another month or so to get the ball rolling if you decide to return.

However, my husband is now unemployed, so one working is now a reality. The book Miserly Moms really helped us put numbers to salary in versus life cost out -- the whole picture.

Have you been away from baby for more than 3 hours? Have you had family bottle-feed while you're away? If you still have 2 weeks, try first the separation with family to bottle-feed using the breastflow nipples -- you can always get the call and run back.

In-home care providers give the best care-ratios (limited to only 6 total and totals within that based on ages) and are state certified using the same requirements as centers. I had the best care this way, for the least money, with the least germs and worry RE loving attention, and felt more like "home/family care" for my 2 children until around 4, when they went to the center they would attend PreK at to "get acquainted" with larger ratios. I did have to interview up to 5 each time, and did need a "backup", but the effort was well worth the lack of cost and worry.

You can find some in your area at http://childcare.sc.gov/main/

Your pediatrician should be more sympathetic, but she is a health-care-provider and they generally have a rhino-thick skin -- blech!

You could always try a little of everything should you decide to return to work, and if it doesn't work out, your milk is still there and you can return home -- don't we love options?:)

S., I am sorry that this situation is so stressful for you, and I completely understand. When I had my son, I was living across the country from family and friends, and I just hated the thought of leaving him with people I barely knew, no matter what certifications they had or how highly recommended they were. My husband and I took a look at our budget and decided that I would stay home with him until I was ready to return to work. It meant a tighter budget, of course, but we were happy to have the option. Maybe you could review your financials and see if that is an option for your family.

If not, I would suggest trying something that my friend did when she returned to work. She started her son in daycare two weeks before she went back to work. She didn't send him for the full day right away; she took him for a few hours the first day and gradually increased the time he was there. She admits that at first when he was there she never left the school. She watched from outside the classroom to make sure he was cared for, and when she was concerned over how well he was taking the bottle, she even stepped in to nurse him. Eventually, she left briefly, and would back in time to see if he was feeding well (and he was). She chose a daycare that had a camera system so she could log on via her office computer to see what her baby was doing at any time during the day. She will tell you that she spent more time watching her son than working on her first week back to work. She has a wonderful relationship with her daycare provider, and she really feels that it is because they allowed her this "breaking in" period during her transition back to work. When I asked her about it, she told me "no one will ever change a diaper, or burp or snuggle your baby just like you do, but there are lots of right ways as long as it is done with love." I believe that the most important thing is that you are as comfortable as possible during this uncomfortable transition. I wish you luck in deciding what that means for you.

My two questions would be:
Can you work from home?
B) Cut back on expenses (I strongly suggest Daveramsey.com)

Its funny what we can make work with determination and God's help. So I'll stay it and here goes: Screw your job, you CAN find another in three years when you kid goes into maybe a part-time preschoolish type thing.

This kid needs and loves you and her childhood will not last forever. The reason your discussing all this breatfeeding stuff is because you don't want to leave her with someone.

Another option would be a family member on some days and another family member on other days?

My husband is a stay at home dad. It was a small sacrifice to make!

Hi S.,

You haven't said if your family can comfortably manage without your income. That is a big factor in your decision. If not, then you have to go back to work. If you can, then maybe a change is right for you at this time.

As for the bottles, both of my kids took bottles much more easily from other people when I was no where near them. If they could sense my presense, it was the breast or nothing. So your darling one may eat better than you anticipate while at day care.

Good luck,

K.