Breast Feeding Regrets or Reviews?

Although it appears that you have received a very good amount of feedback on this subject... a very touchy one ;)! I thought I should just reiterate the point that motherhood is not defined by breastfeeding. All those mothers who think their children are "more" attached to them because they breastfeed have not met many children that weren't breastfeed obviously. None of my children were breastfeed for longer then a month - who cares about the reason - and all of them are just as attached to me as my nephews and nieces that were. It is what you do with your baby that defines a good relationship, not what you feed them. So the grandmother that is having some issues with all of this is still dealing with the public's view of the perfect mother that breastfeeds. That is all. Help her understand that she was the perfect mom for her children.

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Why should you say anything? She is a big girl and can have her own opinion on breast feeding and doesn't need to be persuaded by someone who had a different experience with it than she did. All the talking in the world is not going to change her thoughts on the subject.

I think that the value breast feeding has is an opinion that is held by each person, and each person should be allowed to have their opinion in peace, without getting beat up by the other side. In most situations it is the best for the child and mother. However, there are always exceptions to any rule. And just because something is great for you, doesn't mean that everyone will have that same great experience, nor will you be able to dictate how someone feels about it.

In my case, I breastfed my first three children and struggled with each one. My fourth child who is now 2 months old, I tried it with and just couldn't do it. I could have continued to stress myself and her out, plus starve her, to keep on trying, or I could say..... thank heavens that while formula is not breast milk, it is a great alternative for those who can not breastfeed their child for whatever reason. And yet because of the influence of society, I still felt guilty and like I should explain myself to other people, how insane!

I think that it is sad that we live in a society where people's opinions on a matter are used to batter other people. Her experience is her experience, and no amount of your telling her how wonderful your experience was and how beneficial it was will change her mind. Probably just make her think less of you.

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I had a horrible time breastfeeding. I spent literally hundreds of dollars on supplements to boost my milk supply, went to lactation specialists, pumped and nursed until I bruised and on top of that had Raynaud's phenomena which made me feel like someone had taken a razor to my nipples. Despite my extensive efforts, my son became severely dehydrated and with real grief, I had to supplement. I did breastfeed all I could for 11 months with my first child and 12 months with my second, but without supplementing, my babies would not have thrived.

My real regret, though, was how I was treated by hard and fast breastfeeding advocates. I was ridiculed in public by strangers, La Leche League presidents and members, and even berated by a waitress who saw me give my child a bottle that, incidentally, was filled with breastmilk.
Yes, breast is best but the judgement and condemnation that I and others have had to endure, even on this website!, is a tradgedy.
* I would say, just don't tell grandma about the school project. Is there a need to let her know about it? As Cassandra said, bygones should be bygones and being a good mom does not hinge on breastfeeding. Also, joy as a mother does not come from just breastfeeding, it lasts so much longer.
I was not able to breastfeed exclusively but I WAS able to read, play, sing and snuggle and THAT is what my children will remember.

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Like everything else in life, let's celebrate our differences and not judge people for those choices--whether those they make or those thrust upon them by circumstance. We can have strong opinions on things, but that does not make someone else's opinions wrong. Pick a topic. The same argument is true.

I could give my side on breastfeeding, but at this point it doesn't matter. Stand by your convictions and beliefs, and respect others to do the same.

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You don't say anything to her. She has her opinion and reasoning behind not breastfeeding. Some women aren't comfortable with it, some try and can't get the hang of it and some babies aren't able to latch on for whatever reason. My daughter in law tried to breast feed but when I heard she was having trouble and crying about it each feeding, I told her that while breast feeding may be best for a lot of babies, it isn't the end of the world or a failure to go to bottles. I started breast feeding all three of my children, first one until 6 weeks when I went back to work, second to 4 weeks until we realized she wasn't getting the amount of milk she needed and my youngest for 10 months until I ended up in the hospital with pnmonia (however you spell it). Out of all three of my children, it was my youngest who had all the food allergies and allergies to medication and he also had the worse case of Chicken Pox at 5 months old when he wasn't recieving anything BUT breast milk.

So don't say anything to Grandma about it. She already has been made to feel bad about her lack of breastfeeding. If you feel you have to say something, tell her that bottle feeding a baby isn't neglect and that she did what was right for her at the time and has nothing to feel bad about.

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I think every woman has right to either love or dislike breastfeeding. I myself have really struggled with it. Both my children were premature and I couldn't handle breastfeeding with the first and now with my second I'm currently struggling to get her to breastfeed. My first child I gave up quickly and never looked back my second child I'm older,more mature and really want to do it this time but have come to realize it may not be a reality but I never want anyone to tell me I'm bad and I will never regret my decisions whatever I do because it's my personal choice.

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I'm not sure if I'm following this. Is the grandma sad because she never got to breastfeed?

In any event, bygones are bygones. I don't see the point in a woman of grandmotherly age lamenting breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is such a small part of motherhood. Many women don't breastfeed for one reason or another. Breastfeeding shouldn't define your role as a mother. The grandmother should concentrate on what she DID get to do as a mother. If you line up 10 adults, you would not be able to tell which ones were breastfed, and which ones were not.

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My mother in law was/is very against breastfeeding as well. I nursed my son til he was 14 months. I just came to the conclusion that I was not going to change her mind. She had her son, my husband, at a time when formula was said to be the better option. SHe will never changes her views in regards to nursing. Once I accepted that, it was easier for me.

She never fully understood my choice to nurse, adn she never will.

That is okay.

Well, I can certainly see how that must have been a bit odd for a teacher to hear from a child! I imagine she was worrying about what other parents who are not as open about that would react. It is too bad she approached it with you like she did. I guess I would just tell her "I'm sorry you feel that way" and move on. Everyone has a right to their views.

Breastfeeding is a very passionate subject for people. Psychologically it can be very traumatic for a woman who wants to breastfeed and cannot, particularly now while breastfeeding is the "in" thing to do. I think it's important for everyone to remember it's a subject close to many women's hearts, and to speak respectfully of each other. There should be no need to be defensive any either side of the issue! Doing what's best for you as a mom, is ultimately the best for your child. Whether that's breastfeeding, pumping, supplementing, or using formula entirely.

I agree with some of the others, that this project is a little harsh. Not all mothers are able to breastfeed due to a lot of different factors. What if they adopted? That doesn't make them less of a mother, what if they have a medical condition where it is healthier for the baby to have formula. I have a friend who has a child with a liver disease and couldn't breastfeed if she wanted to. I was lucky and was able to breastfeed all my children and will breastfeed this next one as well. I am a strong advocator of breastfeeding, but I do feel it is a personal choice. Formula was made for a reason. As for Grandma, let her have an opinion, I have no regrets on my decision and I'm sure she doesn't either. My grandmother never breastfed, you just didn't do that in her era. Luckily it is coming back, but formula is also always going to be a choice and I'm sure they will just keep on improving them. One thing for formula, it is regulated unlike a mother's diet. You can be healthy by choosing your lifestyle (and maybe some really good luck genetically)

I do have a question, how are your foster kids going to feel about this project?

Don't get me wrong, you sound like a wonderful, wonderful person to be able to do what you do. And strong, sounds like you've had some rough times. I'm glad for you. Keep being strong.

cute!

you know what - this is a tough one because there still are people today who feel forced back into the workforce too soon, and even if moms feel like they can breastfeed and work, sometimes workplaces and co-workers make it so difficult that moms just quit. :( this is sad.
basically, you have to tell her that you are sorry that things didnt work out well for her - every mom has to make choices and they make the choice based on the information and situation they are in. it has nothing to do with good or bad choices, its just a choice.
sympathy. thats the best you can do. im sure she will see how close you are to your children, and how important that it was to your relationship to nurse your children. she might actually not be upset that you breastfed, but more upset that she wanted to, but couldnt. it isnt anything she should feel guilty about, she should be proud of herself as a mother, and the choices she made were the ones she had to make for her and her family. they are wrong, they were just the best she could do.
:(
congrats on being a really really fantastic mom! :D

I find it very interesting how passionate people are regarding this topic. I think those that have not/can not breastfeed have the most "passion" regarding thier view and LOVE to share it with those who have (like myself). I would say to her, "I'm sorry you feel that way". Then quickly change the subject.

She had her kids in a different time when we didn't know some of the things we know now. For some women, they were told it was better to formula feed. For some women, they had to return to work immediately after having babies, some women still do. One thing I believe about every mother that's ever had a child, is that she did the best she could for her child at the time. She did what she felt was best back then, she can't change it now, maybe should would have, maybe she would not have. But I'm sure that she always had her child's interest at heart.
When I was growing up, my parents generation didn't think anything about car safety, my mom breast fed me while driving! Every generation tries to learn from the one before and do what they think is best.
I think the best thing you can tell your daughter's grandmother is to stop beating herself up. Obviously, her child survived. She did the best with what she had at the time and that is what we should expect of our parents. I'm sure the only one "cutting her down" is herself. No one else is going to know if she breastfed or not.
I think it's great that your daughter is so excited about breastfeeding and that she will probably breastfeed her own kids someday. My 3 1/2 year old and 2 year old "breastfeed" their dolls through their bellybuttons. I had 3 and breastfeed each for a year. I hope that when our children grow up, more women will at least try breastfeeding. I also hope that as women, each generation will stop trying to "look down" on each other for any of the choices we make.

I agree that breastfeeding is great and I nursed both my kids. But I don't think this teacher should be saying that they should "outlaw people stopping breastfeeding." Many people just aren't able to do it for many reasons: their body doesn't produce milk, or produce enough, etc. That is a pretty strong statement! There's no doubt that the nutritional value is priceless, but I don't think anyone should condemn anyone who does not breastfeed.

It was tough for me, as I had difficult deliveries that complicated BF. When I finally got the hang of it, and loved it and have no regrets. My kids never get sick and we're very close. Don't know if this is coincidence or not, but I don't think so.