Breast Feeding Mom in Need of HELP!!!!

I have only a little time but I remember this being a monumental task and the frustration that comes with it!.
This may take a couple weeks but you just need to get thru it.
Start by not nursing in bed anymore. everytime she wants to nurse, get up to nurse on couch. The best would be not even in the bedroom at all. Then come back to bed and snuggle her tight. you will see in a few days she will have forgotten that she ever nursed in bed, once she doesn't connect your bed and eating anymore she will 1) sleep longer periods of time and 2) eat more during the day. She will be a deep, and nonHungry sleeper. Then it will be easy to move her to her own bed. Mabye in your room? I got a toddler bed for my babies and put it at the end of your bed. This way you are there very quickly to comfort...
:) good luck!
all will work out - you will see...

-c

I don't have any real advice but I had the same problem, we bought a bigger bed and I put into practice the "push him away" idea. After he fell asleep at the breast, I'd push him away so that he couldn't smell my milk all night. It really worked. He continued and continues to wake up just once a night and now, he's sleeping all night right next to us. Sometimes he wakes up and says he wants boobie but I just hug him and turn him the other direction and he goes back to sleep. I don't have a solution for out of the bed... my son just turned 2 yesterday and I can't believe I'm still breastfeeding at night!

HI E.,
This is definately one of the hardest transitions to make.
Where does she take her naps? If she is not in her crib, then i would start there. That's what I did. yes, she is going to cry hard, but she will eventually get used to it, just try to comfort her, but don't take her out of the crib. You can go in there for a minute and rub her back or whatever comforts her and then leave. Wait another 5 minutes or so and go in there again to comfort. Keep doing that extending the time you go in there by a minute or so. She will eventually fall asleep on her own. It may take a few weeks to work. And it will be the hardest thing that you will have to do, but, I'm telling you, it will be SO worth doing it now. After you have mastered the nap, then you can start with keeping her in her own crib.
Believe me, it will work if you are consistent and just do it. She is old enough to sleep through the night without nursing. That is just a habit that you have created, and not necessary.
You and your husband will just have to put up with the screaming for a little while but it will work. She needs to learn to put herself to sleep.
I also had problems with my little girl (now 23 months old)
with sleeping. I know your baby is still a little young, but I started my process with a STRICT routine. Same time for everything. The time you start the routine, to the bedtime. After a while, their little bodies start to get used to what to expect and everything goes a little smoother. I read the same 3 books to my daughter in the same order so that when I read the last book to her, she knows that it is time to sleep. Worked like a charm. (it took about 2 weeks)Now, I throw in different books in the middle, but, I always end with that one book.
I hope this helps you a little. But, I know that you understand that this is just something that needs to be done, and it will eventually work if you are just consistent and never give in!
Good luck to you!

I found this book to be very helpful: "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantly (or Pantley).

She has a lot of good advice, for all kinds: family bed, crib transition, night weaning, etc.

I personally found that I got more sleep when our son stayed in bed than I did if he didn't. We put him to sleep initially in his crib, then when he woke (later and later as he got older) bringing him to bed for the rest of the night. This worked very well for us until I night weaned him (at 2 -- yes, I was an extended nurser and it was a great experience).

BTW, "sleep through the night" is a technical term meaning 5 hours in a row. MOST children don't sleep all night, especially if you're breast feeding (breast milk is such good nutrition that they digest it very quickly). Don't feel bad if your child is normal and doesn't sleep until 7:30 in the morning. :)

Good luck hon. Don't give in to the cry-it-out crowd. Your instincts are correct and you're doing better than you know.

I have been cosleeping with my 7 month old son since he was a month or so old, and just switched him over to the crib. Although this isn't what you want to hear, I think they know when they can handle going into the crib. When they aren't ready, they freak out like your daughter did. We would try putting my son in his crib every few weeks or so for the last couple of months, and when he got to the point where he was really screaming and unhappy (not just fussing, or happy and playing as he liked to do), we would take him out and wait to try another time, maybe the next day or a week later. One day last week, we put him in the crib, and although he did cry for maybe 10 minutes, it didn't escalate into anything too horrible, and he fell asleep. He now goes in for every nap or night and will cry every time a little, but it very rarely gets to that really bad point. If it does, we take him out, because he is obviously really unhappy (often gas or just not ready to go down), and I think that kind of crying can cause damage emotionally, or even physically (like your daughter getting sick). You kind of have to figure out what works best for your child, but for us it has always been putting him in there, leaving, and not going back in to check on him. Whenever we do go in to check or comfort, it gets so much worse, he really freaks out, and then he normally can't calm down so we have to get him out. We really didn't want to CIO, and I think we have come to a pretty good place where he does cry a little, but it is more going to sleep crying, not really unhappy crying (as he used to do when he tried).

Does your daughter like her crib? I think getting them used to it is an important part, if they are scared of it, they aren't going to be able to sleep. Going from that warm bed with access to the breast all night is hard, but it is doable (my son also ALWAYS nursed to sleep). We used to swaddle and do the pacifier, but now we just put him in, kiss him, tell him it's time to sleep, and leave. Oh, and we make sure we always change his diaper right before, that can prevent sleep sometimes. Also, the first night my son slept in the crib, he woke up after two hours to eat, and then slept through the next 9! He hadn't slept for more then 4 or 5 hours before waking up, in many months, and I think he really needed longer sleep, I know we did. Good luck, and just keep trying until you figure out what works for all of you.

Hi E., you have allowed a habit to form for 8 months, it will take some doing to break it, she should have been sleeping through the night months ago, but you and your husband are distubing her as much as she is distubing you. The best way to stop sleep nursing is to stop, at 8 months old baby's know how to manipulate with crying, and at 8 months old give her a cup. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but some of these things I read through mama sourse amazes me, I know times and things have changed sinse my kids were babies the (80's) but I run a home daycare and I have baby's come through here all the times, and the mamas of my baby's for the most part don't have these issues. My advice to you is to give her cereal ay bed time, rock and sing her to sleep, once a sleep lay her down, and don't go back in, also put a fish tank in her room, my baby's had one, put a blue light in it which will also serve as a night light, and if she wakes up the fish and the water moving with catch her eye, and should sooth her back to sleep. Sorry again id I sounded harsh, not my intention. I wish your family well. J. L.

if you really need her out of your bed its going to be hard because she has probably gotten so used to sleeping with you guys!
i did different parenting styles with my children (im on my fourth now!) and what i find is that if you put her in her own crib or bassinet and put it right next to your bed, it will get her used to sleeping on her own.
my third child was the only baby that night weened first, and it was because i would feed him a lot at night, like two or three times more than during the day. i would breastfeed and feed him two cans of baby food right before bedtime. you get into a routine, start it at the same time every evening. feed her, give her a bath, dress her for bed, read her a story, put her in her crib and leave the room with the lights off and door closed (as long as she is comfortable with that. (it really helps them to stop feeding at night if you are far enough away where they cant smell the breast milk, and that might mean sleeping in the other room for a little while! also make sure you put her to bed an hour before you go to bed.)
you have to try different things and find out what works best for your little one! every child is different!

have you tried putting the crib next to your bed with the side down? so she is near you but not next to you and you both have some space-

Put a shirt that you sleep with in the crib with her. She has to get used to new smells and new noises at night that she's not used to since she's been in your room since she was born. Do you have a cot you could set up for the first week to transition her? That way, you're not far from her but you're not picking her up every time you move. She'll get used to it as long as you stick with it. Hang in there! It will get better!

Hi
I don't know if this is an option for you and your family but I'll tell you what works for us. At 10 months we ran into the same problem. I had my husband take the front of the crib off and also put our bed on the floor without the frame. I put the crib against the bed and lowered the mattress so it was at the same level as our bed. It's like having a large cosleeper. Sometimes my son will still sleep in our bed but most of the night he is in the crib. Close enough for me but separate enough that we don't wake him and vice versa

I have a four month old and I am in the same boat.. I have had her in our bed (mostly) and I am worried about getting to your point. I must begin now on getting her in her own bed and stick with it. We both just really enjoy her in our bed and it makes it so easy to breastfeed. Good luck to you. S

I'm was in the same boat. My baby is now 10 months and when she was 8 months old, my husband decided he would help me put her down to sleep. So we've been doing this for the past 2 months:
1)oatmeal feeding and bath (bedtime ritual)
2)nurse and rock to sleep in crib (8pm)
3)if she wakes up, my husband gets her and rocks her back to sleep and puts her back in the crib (midnight)
4)the next time she wakes, I go in to get her and bring her to bed with me where I nurse for the rest of the night.

She usually sleeps for 3-4 hours before her first awakening, then every 1.5-2 hours afterwards for nursings through the night. I get a total of 6-7 hours of interrupted sleep per night and rarely feel tired during the day. I believe in the benefits of breastmilk and co-sleeping.

Hi E.. I have a 11 month old boy first one and I stay home with him as well. He has been in our bed it was just easier but I got to a point just like you guys where I decided I needed to get my bed back. So this Friday night was our first time letting him stay in there till he feel asleep. Well let me just tell you he threw up twice from screaming and after about an hour when he stopped crying I went in and rubbed his belly and he actually fell asleep. Last night was the third night and believe or not it is getting a little bit easier. But I promise you the feeling of having your marriage back is so worth an hour of your baby crying, as long as you know they are not hungry or wet, cold etc. and the only reason they are crying is for you then try not to stress. It felt so nice to be able to just feel "normal" again and not have to cramp up and twist into a pretzel in a corner on your califronia king bed. Don't get me wrong it was hard and I felt like I was missing half of me but you just have to remind yourself it is the best thing you can do for your baby and your marriage. You can still love and play with your baby as much as you do now from the second she wakes up from HER bed! lol Well just wanted to share my feelings with you and let you know you aren't alone. Good luck to you I am sure your going to do the best thing for your family whatever you decide to do.

I read most of the responses-we slept with our boy for quite awhile then put him on the crib mattress next to our bed- I would nurse him there get him to sleep then we would sleep there until he would awaken and move back to our bed. most of my friends have an additional mattress for the kid next t their bed. My son was sleeping in his own room at 1.5 years old in a twin bed-it seems like forever but I think it is a gift of security-read Dr. Sears website
Good luck!
B

I feel your pain. . . the crying was a bit hard for me and my daughter is a gagger. The only way to sleep on your own is to have her cry it out. The secret is to hide in a corner of the room where she can't see you but you can be there is she starts to choke. I waited until my daughter was 16 mo and way too big. . . she only cried until the 15 min mark and it only lasted a couple days. Boy, the sleep was nice!

E.,

Here is an easy solution that will make you, your husband and your baby happy. Buy the Armsreach Original CoSleeper and get the matching canopy since your baby is already 8 months old and will be sitting up soon, if she hasn't started already. I have used this on my 10 1/2 month old son from birth and it's amazing. It is a separate mini crib that attaches to one side of your own bed at the same level as your own mattress so baby has enough room to sleep without getting rolled on and is right next to your body so you can nurse without getting up. You will also get your bed back since baby is not in your bed at all but in her own right next to you. The canopy keeps her from climbing or falling out which will happen if she can sit up. It also keeps cats out in case you have one. www.Armsreach.com is the website, I think and they also sell Original Cosleepers at Babiesrus. If you have a mattress that is high up from the ground, they also sell leg extensions on their website to raise the level of the cosleeper if you want that. I dont use those and just have my baby's cosleeper separate from my bed but right next to my side of the mattress.

Good luck.

She needs to learn how to soothe herself- very important to her sleep! You have been her soother through breastfeeding (which is fine) for the last 8 months. The crying is protesting the change- think of it how we often protest change... sometimes we even cry (ha). Anyways, she is going to protest the change and in the end she is going to have the very important skill of being able to soothe herself to sleep and when she wakes up at night AND you and your husband and your daughter will all be getting the needed solid sleep you all need to function at your best. It really is best for all of you to do this.

Routine and consistency are key to making this go as smoothly as possible. Come up with a short and simple nighttime routine, for example: bath, pjs, 1 book, to bed (just to bed- you don't need to rock or anything- give her a hug tell her you love her and put her in her crib.) I even suggest that you may want to feed on some sort of routine so she can anticipate it as part of your daily routine- examples: before naptime, before bedtime, when she wakes up. (Keep nursing!!) Kids thrive on consistency forever- it can throw off their whole demeanor through elementary school, in reality we do too.

Bedtime?? Your daugher should be taking 2 naps a day at this point and get a total of 14-15 hours of sleep a day/night. My youngest daughter probably sleep closer to 16 hours (2- 2 hour naps, and 12 hours of sleep at night).. so it may vary a bit. My daughter takes a 9am nap, a 1:30 nap, and goes to bed at 7 and wakes up on her own between 7 and 7:30. She never cries (unless harassed by her siblings, or falls when walking or in one of her crazy attempts to climb anything and everything). She is never tired or overtired. (just trying to give you an example).

Note: It may take a couple days.

If the crying is unbearable to you, a couple things:
-distract yourself with something
-make a pact with your husband that you will let your daughter figure this out
-if it makes you feel better, check on her at decided upon intervals (don't pick her up or feed her- quickly talk to her, make sure she isn't stuck or something random, rub her back- sometimes parents find this is more upsetting), make the intervals longer between each time.
-Remember it will take a few days on average. The younger you do it the easier it will be. She may cry for a really long time... but if you go in and get her that teaches her that that is how long she needs to cry for you to come. The desired effect is that she goes to sleep on her own... after a few nights she will just do this with little or no crying (sometimes there is a couple minutes of crying as a protest- doesn't mean she isn't ready to sleep).

Good luck.
A post you may want to check out: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2008/12/happy-new-year.html

C., sleep consultant, sleep blog writer: www.lullabyluna.com, mother of 3

Separation Anxiety. That is what it is called. She is no longer with you/hubby.

Try to make the crib cozy... my son had some baby safe stuffed toys in his crib, and still does. We also have the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders crib toy in his crib.
From about 6 months old, my son took to a lovey (a stuffed cow) and a pacifier. Sure, this is hated by some, but each Mom is different. It helped and I don't mind.
Some babies, just need to self-soothe... and this is not just something they do on auto-pilot.

Both my kids nursed too... I co-slept... but, on a floor futon in our room. Thus, our own bed was not crowded. Then once my kids fell asleep, I could just get up and do what I want. But I nursed on demand for the 1st year... and per our Pediatrician, this is recommended.... for the 1st year of life a baby's PRIMARY source of nutrition is from breastmilk/formula. NOT solids.

You might want to make sure she needs to nurse or just soothing. At about 9 months old, they go through a growth spurt too...and they naturally get hungrier and need more intake. A hungry baby, will NOT sleep.

All different approaches to the 'sleep' issues of babies. For me, I am more attachment oriented, and knew that at their own pace, they will sleep better and wean and soothe as they are able too. The lack of sleep for me, was just a given. But I know each woman has their own tolerance levels for it and the wakings.

Believe it or not, a baby will adjust, but they need help and it is not easy for them OR us.
My kids now, are GREAT sleepers and nappers.

I was never one for crying it out, or boot-camp style sleep enforcers. So that is just me.

Go with what is in your heart and gut. There is no one 'correct' way... and EACH baby is different. And know that other sleep phases and difficulties will arise, and then a sleep method may or may not work. BECAUSE when a baby is hungry or sick or teething or having night terrors when they are older... they will still wake, regardless of what 'method' you use. So at these special times of difficulties, you have to use another way of helping them to sleep/soothe.

My daughter HATED her crib. My son, from about 3-4 months old went from a Moses Basket to his crib with no problem. My daughter never self-soothed very well, my son was a champ about it and very self-directed. So, it really varied with my kids. But I never "forced" it upon them... knowing that they will grow and change each month... but what I did do is have consistency and routines to their sleep/nap times. To this day, I still have the SAME pre-sleep/nap routines for my kids. And they go to bed or nap with no problem.

It takes TIME... and effort on our part. Not easy... but try what you feel is best.

Good luck,
Susan

I took the crib rail off of my sons bed and put it beside our bed like a co-sleeper and put him in it when he would fall asleep.. or if I woke up because he wanted to nurse I would sorta lean over but leave him in his crib.. eventually he got used to staying on his side.. and the rest is history! Good luck..

We brought a futon into our bedroom. Now my daughter and I share one bed, and Daddy is on the futon. He gets more sleep that way and I am free to move around and change and nurse my baby as needed. (Now 17 months old.)

Take it day by day and night by night. It won't last forever. Night nursing is h*** o* moms but great for babies. You never have to worry that your child is missing critical nutrition for brain development (which is pretty intense until age 2&1/2). Cribs are great for some children, but obviously your daughter is experiencing great distress when she is not with you at night. If she needs you, she needs you. Letting her scream or throw up is going to compromise her immune system, deplete critical calories and nutrition, and cause her emotional harm. You aren't going to get any more sleep, and you are going to feel frustrated in addition to being tired.

Just know we are all on this crazy journey together. Mothers across the world are tending their babies in the evening, wondering how they will make it through another night -- and somehow we all do. Blessings & love!

Great job breastfeeding, THE BEST thing for your daughter!!! Keep it up! You can breastfeed without co/sleeping. I never slept with my son, but still bf and he's 2. The longer you wait to put them in their own crib, the harder it is on them. She'll cry, but maybe after 3 nights she'll be fine.

i recommend reading baby wise. they do not recommend letting kids cry constantly they teach you how to work your way into it. in the long run it will not hurt your child to cry it has not damaged our children and we sleep better as do they with them in their own beds. good luck