Breaking Point

Hi T.,
I have to admit right up front that I don't do attachment parenting and don't know much about it. But what I DO know is that as a mom, I need a space that is just for ME. Call it selfish, but sometimes I need to just be alone. It sounds like you are not giving that to yourself in any way, shape or form. Could you maybe do without the co-sleeping? That way, your bedroom could be your space ( and your husband's) and not an extension of the family room. ( Besides, how in the world do you have "alone time" with your husband if the kids are always there?!) Anyway, if you can't let go of co-sleeping, then maybe you have another room that could become your "retreat".

I have a three year old as well. and she is VERY vocal, very curious, and loves to learn about her world. Constantly. Non-stop. I've actually resorted to saying " That's just the way it is, there is no why" which I swore I would never do. So I do feel some of your pain! Check out Moxie-moms (www.moxie-moms.com) They have tons of events all over the Denver metro area ( and other states as well) and it's great for a SAHM because most events are during the day. We also have some Mom's night out events and some book clubs that will give you a chance to take a break. This will also help you meet other moms and maybe break out of your shell. I feel you on that one too; I'm a young mom and found it really hard to approach other moms because I was afraid they wouldn't take me seriously. It has helped to join a structured group like this, where everyone is open and wanting to meet new friends. You could also check out meetup.com which has several different groups according to interest and is free to join.

My best advice to you would be to get some time for yourself ( even if it's just sleeping by yourself!). Just because you have to recharge your batteries sometime sdoesn't make you a bad mom- it makes you a human being. Stop feeling like you have to be "on" all the time! You can't be! And if you keep trying, your kids will suffer because of it.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know if I'll be able to help that much, but I'll give it a shot. Reading your little description it sounds like you're into attachment parenting, is that correct? We are, too. We do bf'ing, babywear, cloth dipes, organic foods, natural home cleansers, and started out cosleeping but that wasn't working out for anyone so that has stopped. Just so you know that I'm kind of on the same wavelength as you.

My kids are 3 and 10 months. My oldest did just start preschool 2x a week. He sounds very much like your 3yo. He's a very active, precocious little bugger. School is *wonderful* for him. It was a hard decision to make, but I'm so glad we did. He is thriving there and it gives me some alone time with the baby. My kids never seem to nap at the same time so I am housebound from pretty much 12:30 until 4. By then it's too late to go and do anything! If you aren't ready to look into any kind of preschool program, the thing that really helped me was being very structured. Our schedule this summer was like this:

6:30 wake up.
6:30-7:00 TV time (he loved to was Peep on TLC)
7:00-8:00 playtime
8:00 breakfast
8:00-9:00 - activity. I would do an art project or we would go and garden or something.
9:00-11:00 - errands (nap for baby). I would run a couple of errands and then we head to the park or to the library. These are great places to meet other moms and kids
11:00-12:00 - playtime at home
12:00-12:30 - lunch
12:30 - nap for baby, quiet time for my son. Read books, listen to music, watch a movie if I'm really having a tough day.
Sometime between 1 and 2 would be nap time for my son. He generally sleeps between 2-3 hours at nap time. After nap time it was much more casual than in the mornings. I never planned anything because naps were always somewhat unpredictable. If the weather is nice we head outside, or he would do some paint w/ water books or just play with his trains until my husband got home. This is when I cleaned house, which I had my son help me with.

Anyway, a pretty tight schedule was a saving grace for me. I was going nuts until I forced myself to be organized. And still, once my husband came home I let him take over with the kids while I finish laundry and get dinner together.

I don't know if it will help but I have a ton of sites bookmarked for activities to do w/ preschoolers. There are some really great ideas here:

http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~ajdrake/toddler/open...

http://www.atozkidsstuff.com/toddlers.html

http://www.childreninclearningcenter.org/id62.html

http://www.lil-fingers.com/links/

http://k12education.preferredconsumer.com/preschool/toddl...

http://www.preschoolexpress.com/

http://www.preschoolrainbow.org/toddler-theme.htm

http://familyfun.go.com/parenting/child/dev/specialfeatur...

http://www.amazingmoms.com/htm/kidscooking.htm

http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/musicchild.htm

http://www.raisingourkids.com/freecoloring/

http://www.coloring.ws/simple_shapes.htm

http://www.crayola.com/newsletter/toddler.cfm

http://www.colleenschildcare.com/craft-coloring.htm

http://www.magickeys.com/books/

http://home.mchsi.com/~preciousmiracles/favorite.htm

http://www.sparklesatfocdc.com/links/468767.asp

http://www.2coolbaby.com/crafts.htm

http://www.yougetinfo.com/Freebies/Printabl.html

http://www.peoria.lib.il.us/Youth_Services_Folder/pages/t...

Lots of good stuff here. The lil fingers site is one of our favorites.

so is www.pbs.org and www.nickjr.com

Hope that helps some, good luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

T.,

You should join a mom's group. I am not sure where Fashion Island is but I belong to a group that is based in the Highlands neighborhood and it is great. I do not live in the Highlands and still enjoy the comraderie of the group. Check it out.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/alpinemommaCOOP/

well i can't help with a lot of your problems, but i too desperately want to drop the baby weight. I dont excercise much on my own. If you'd like, we could possibly work out together. My child can't play with your since she's only 3 months, but I have dogs *s*
E-mail me and we can chat. ____@____.com

Dear T.:

I was a stay at home mom in the first 12 months for my now 3 year old daughter. I also did co-sleeping, but that was for the convenience of breast-feeding late at night. At that time, I was going stir crazy. I never felt like I was taking care of me. I felt like being a mommy was more important than doing little things for myself. I stopped breast-feeding on my daughters first birthday. I just decided I can't be attached to her all the time, the same day I started having her sleep in her crib (but still in my bedroom). To my surprise two days later she was sleeping through the night!!! It was hard for me to really go from breast-milk to cows milk (I just don't believe it's really that healthy), so I went to soy and straight to a sippy cup.
In one week, I went from breast-feeding to a sippy (no bottles), not sharing a bed, sleeping through the night, and most importantly finding sanity!!!
I, then, started to incorporate a little more time for me. I would get up a little earlier (because now I wasn't exhausted like I had been)to exercise helping with self-esteem and post-baby fat. (I gained 96lbs in my pregnancy.) I started putting her to bed by herself by 8:30pm each night giving us adult time together. This allowed us to feel more independent and like we had more to offer other parents, which exponentially increased our circle of friends and playdates!!!!

Hi T.,
When my son was 3yrs old he was very hyper, energetic, active...all of the above. i was at my witt's end and did not know how to handle such active child. We decided to place him in Taekwondo class. It has helped tremendously. Our son is now 4yrs old and the Taekwondo class has taught him a lot of discipline and control. His behavior improved and he understands the reward system (what's right and wrong)...he is also making choices like a big boy. Of course there are still days when he wears me down but overall his hyperness improved!

T.,
I know how you feel and I only have one little one. It can be very stressful and very trying at times. The most important thing is that you get some support and have some adult conversations. I suggest finding a play group or several to get you out of the house 2-3 times a week. Check out meetup.com (its free and easy) or look to local churches in search of M.O.P.S. (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups. As far as you making stupid comments or being shy remember that we moms all have the same goal, to raise our kids to the best of our ability. Build on that for some convo that is safe and easy. Start a conversation by asking advice about something. That way you are listening for alot of the time and don't have to guide the conversation and feel like you have to pry to keep
convo going.

Also,
Make time for yourself. When daddy comes home work out some time (even if its after the kids bedtime) to read a book you like, take a hot bath, pull out the yoga mat, have a cup of tea or do something JUST FOR YOU! You can be a better mommy when you take time to care for yourself because you will have a renewed sense of patience and calmness to pass on to your kids. See if you can leave the kids with grandma or hubby on the weekends for a few hours for a pedicure or some brain dead mall walking. Make it a priority to take care of you.

Hang in there,
M.

I organize a meetup group for moms just like yourself. I don't know what city your in but feel free to check us out.

Mommy n Me
http://moms.meetup.com/1136/about/

Hello, I feel for you because it really sounds like you are not enjoying life as much as you would like at this point. ANd I think we all in some way are trying to figure out what life should really be when we stay home with our precious children. It is hard to find our thing and what will make us happy. I am working on that myself. I do love being with my children and feel very lucky to have that luxury or glad to have made that choice for our life. I do have to say preschool for us is an absolute saving grace, my son gets his needs met for someone other than me and I get a little break from him (still have 9 mo old but she gets some much needed one on one with me, something I feel the 2nd child misses out on a bit)- also it has connected me with other moms, it may not happen over night but it does in time as children from some friendships. Think about it.

Hi T.,
Hang in there! I am a stay at home mom of 3 who also homeschools. You are at the hardest point of your mommy hood! The transition of one to two and the second being so young. I seariously did not get "happy" until my second turned one and can walk. We also do the co-sleeping thing and I do breast feed each child until 2 1/2. Your at what I like to call the "zombie/robot zone." You are basically doing everything your suppose to but not "feeling and living" life. You know what? It's okay.....time will go by soooo fast. My oldest is 9, my second is 7, and youngest is 3. I remember where your at as one of my toughest times but seariously it went by so fast! Also about the weight thing. I also gain quite a bit with each pregnancy. 50lbs each with both girls, then 65lbs. with my little guy. The difference with me is that I lived in San Diego at the time (moved here a year ago) and made sure I lost my prego weight before the next child. So I get the whole weight gain thing. As a matter of fact, I am constantly trying to loose weight and maintain. I guess as a woman you just don't stop trying to loose weight. It is a consious decision everyday of what to eat and when to excersise. I will agree with you that once you feel better about yourself and body is when you can be a happier mommy. With that being said, I am more than happy to help you with any weight loss venture. I have been on it all! On line weight watchers, slim fast, etc. Right now, I am just eating low carb. Do remember I grew up in Southern California.
All mommies are size 5 and are obsessed with looks. It is alot different here in Tucson I will say. Okay, hope this help and email me if you want any support or just to vent. I hear ya girl! Just remember ..........it's okay, you are doing great.

Love and peace always,
A.

i know how you feel about wanting to get the baby wieght off, i also gained a good 60pounds with my pregnacy, where abouts are you? i live right by fashion square also & have a 5 1/2month old son

Hey T.,

What state do you live in?

M.
new mom of 3 month old boy

I would suggest either a MOPS program at your church or a church near by. They offer a lot of help and advice and it's a good break from your kids for a couple hours. And knowing you cna check on them whenever you like allows you to enjoy your own time. I would honestly think about a preschool or parents day out program for your 3 year old. They are never too young to start. My nephew sounds a lot like your son and this has helped him tremendously and he loves it and my sister loves the break. I put my daughter in a PDO program when she was two and she loved being with other kids and constantly being interacted with for four hours. I would research it and seriously consider it and they aren't that expensive either. I was theonly one that worked out of the mothers and they all loved the fact that they could have a couple hours on or two days a week to escape.

Hi,
good for you for reaching outon-line for advice!! PLEASE look into a local MOPS (mother's of preschooloers) group. They meet 2 times a month, usually at a local church. What a great place to get support and meet friends. They have scholarship programs if you are financially unable to pay the fees. You chat over breakfast foods and coffee, have guest spaeakers, samll group discussions, and crafts and games. SOOOOO mcuh fun. A great way to meet other moms and have time away from your kids. The childcare providers are all very kind and supportive of your needs. They all have background checks done on them and are very strict about who can pick your child up if it is not you. They even have MOMS night out several timea a year and park days. I have made some very special and kind and supportive friends through MOPS. Can't say enough good things about it! Good luck!
C.

If i may make a suggestion, without seeming rude. i think maybe you should consider dropping him off at a day care for 2 or 3 hours a few times a week. It might make best for both of you. Explaine to him thats its just play time not that you are abondoning him and its good for him to get out and make friends, it also make him more calm when he is around other kids if its more often. It might be that he just gets so excited since it doesnt happen all the time that he is almost out of control. Hope that helps.