Boys Fighting! - Grove City,OH

How about the next time they fight, set them in chairs facing each other. They have to sit there, looking at each other until they want to apologize to each other, agree to disagree and let it go, or get to laughing and make up. The 4 year old might be a little young for that, but maybe not, worth a try?

If that doesn't work or they are right back at it, put them in separate rooms. Make sure there are things to do in the toy room/bedroom as well as the living room or whatever rooms you want to use. They have to play alone until they can play together and not fight.

Maybe they need a break. Take them outside, watch home movies, snack time, 30 mintues of tv - whatever can break the cycle for the moment. Of course, hitting can't be tolerated, but sometimes the younger ones know exactly how to punch the older one's buttons. It's hard to fault one over the other.

It's hard when they fight Mine are older now, so there's not the hitting, etc. But, there's a whole lot of bickering!!!!!! I wish I could say that it gets better.................. I REALLY do!!! LOL!

Good luck!!!!

2 moms found this helpful

i agree with allison mostly, except i would stick to them like glue for a couple hours, or even a couple days. watch them closely and stop it as SOON as ONE of them does something. don't wait for the other one to get upset. stop it immediately, the offending brother goes to time out. if they both know you will discipline fairly and consistently, it will get better. the deciding factor shouldn't be whether the wronged party is upset or hurt. as soon as the "prohibited" action takes place, nip it in the bud. they will learn to trust that you are there to stick up for both of them. i would set rules - no hitting, no yelling, no snatching toys...for the four year old, no teasing or "bugging" or however you can word it that it makes sense to him. as soon as a rule is broken, straight to time out. sometimes you have to go back to basics with dicipline.

1 mom found this helpful

I suggest that you get the book, Siblings Without Rivalry, written by Faber and Mazlish. It's available on CD also. The book is easily read and shows examples of how to treat siblings in simple ways that work. Consistency is essential in whatever you do.

Hitting should be an act that gets them an immediate consequence that is based on the action. You need to immediately separate them. I'd give them both a time out or send them to separate rooms for as long as it takes for them to be able to come out and apologize to each other. You'll probably need to work with them on ways to apologize.

I really like Moma4S suggestion about sitting them on chairs facing each other. I'd add to sit them far enough away from each other that they can't reach out and touch the other one. If they can't stop their fighting, first separate them until they're calm and then face them with each other. Follow her suggestions.

Fights between brothers are common. So is looking at each other and giggling. You're teaching them a way to end their animosity.

One reason for fights is boredom and spending too much time together. I suggest that you manage the amount of time they have together. Separate them before they reach the fighting stage. You could even have a general rule that they can only play together for a certain period of time and then consistently enforce this. They may want to play with each other badly enough that they won't fight. Try it out for a couple of weeks before you allow them to play together once you've separated them.

Yes, this is boys being boys. Girls do this too. You're giving them a head start in learning how to get along with each other which will translate into how to get along with others when they're older. Interpersonal skills are very important in life. The earlier we learn the easier our life will be.

I did something similar to the chair thing with my kids when they were small. I made them stand nose to nose until they were ready to make up.It only takes a few minutes, and they're giggling. Or you could tie them together or make them hold hands on the couch until they apologize. The idea is to show them how to diffuse anger without violence.

you need to make consequences... like if you hit your brother i'm not letting you have an ice cream tonight.... when you see your son get mad at the other..it's time to be involved... try talking to both of them... try to get them to start to do something else...

I would talk to the 4 yr old.focus on the instigator.
My 5 yr old likes to start stuff. like my son came to me today telling me his sister kicked him in the butt.
I got them both together calmly and asked what happened , well my son had stuck his butt out and shook it at my daughter. I looked at him and said , what did you think was gonna happen when you stuck your but out at her? If you don't want to get kicked in the butt then don't stick your butt out at her.
I do the same thing if they start a fight,
Who ever started it with what ever annoying thing they did gets punished first, and more harshly than the one that either defended themselves or snapped because they couldn't talk whatever it was anymore ( and sometimes I don't blame them). We use a point system at our house if we have no fighting between breakfast/ lunch, lunch/ dinner , dinner and bed time they can earn points , as well as for chores, these points can be spent on everything from computer time to going to the movies. They can also loose tokens for fighting.
If they want to do something, they have to earn the tokens they don't earn um they don't do anything.

discipline the one who hits first and the 4 yr old for being annoying if that is why he got hit. punish both so you don't take sides. for some reason boys can beat the tar out of each other and be best friends the next day. my step sons did it. I don't get it guess its a boy thing.