7 answers

Boyfriend with Drug Problem

Hi Everyone,I have been seeing this man for 3 years.When we first started seeing eachother he was doing drugs ,I confronted him about it and told him ,I wouldn't tolerate it, he said he would stop because he didn't want to lose me. I was so releived! Well, Every once in a while his mood changes and sometimes see white crystaly powder on his nose.I didn't want to come out and aquse him of doing drugs every time he he gets chatty.I beleived him when he said he'd stop and I igrored my intuition. Someone told me ,I should listen to my intuition.So I confronted him again and sure enough he's doing them. I told him we were though! But I would reconsiter our relationship if he got help from Narcotics Anonymous or a local rehab of some kind. He says he can go "cold turkey" on his own and doesn't want to bare his soul to stangers .He says that organijations like that are "vulture like" praying on others weakness & misfortunes. I love him and I miss him but I just don't think he can do this on his own. I don't know what to do or what to think.

What can I do next?

More Answers

Having worked with addicts, your boyfriend's excuses are pretty typical of an addict not wanting to quit. Most people who struggle with addiction have to quit several times before it sticks; and many addicts really have to "hit bottom" -- and lose things that are dear to them, like relationships, jobs, etc -- before they are ready to really commit to making a change and getting clean. If you do not follow through with what you said you would do -- leave him if he doesn't get clean -- you will be effectively enabling his drug use. It is hard to let go of a relationship, but I encourage you to stay strong, for both of your sakes. Please know, too, that organizations like NA and AA can be really wonderful supports for people in recovery, and are not "preying on others weaknesses"; they are run by fellow recovering addicts and not by somebody trying to make money off of suffering. I always encourage people to check out several different meeting times and locations to find a "home group" that they feel comfortable with. You can look in the yellow pages for Alcoholics Anonymous, or do an online search, and you will find the meeting times and locations in your area. There are generally TONS of meetings to choose from, depending on where you live.
Good luck!!

2 moms found this helpful

You should some of your own research into these groups. They might even let you go to a meeting. If you think it something that would help him them let him know that if he wants to be with you this is what he has to do. IF he does not then you are gone. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope that he can clean up his act and you can have a good relationship.

1 mom found this helpful

I would defintly find someone else. Someone that is past there 30's doing drugs has a big drug problem. If he is hiding this from you can never trust him. There is someone better out there for you.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi K.,
Been there, done that (more than once)...
Sorry to say, but a program or treatment facility are the only things that will work. But, until he is ready to accept that he needs help, he will never quit completely. Without a support system he will continue to go back to the drugs. It may not be instantly, it may take weeks or months or years but he will go back to the drugs without a support system in place. Stick to your guns on this one! You dont want to spend years of your life with someone that you cannot trust and then it will be that much more difficult to leave him in the long run. If he is not willing to get treatment you need to leave him NOW. The things that he is telling you are the words of an addict making excuses to stay in the addiction. I know its difficult but its the best thing you can do for yourself and for him. If he truly loves you, and himself, he will get the help he needs.

1 mom found this helpful

coming from a home where my parents did drugs, they will say anything to make execuses and convince you to believe them. If he truly loves you he will get the help he needs. He already told you he could quit but obviously went back to it.
follow your gut he may come around.
good luck

1 mom found this helpful

Drop him NOW. He is an addict. His words mean NOTHING, his actions say he wants drugs and actions are his true desires.

1 mom found this helpful

You said in the beginning of your statement... "I wouldn't tolerate it"!... so why are you?

1 mom found this helpful

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