64 answers

Boyfriend Want Baby to Have His Last Name

What would you do if you and your boyfriend is having a baby and he wants you to give the baby his last name. I always say that I would not do it but we are talking about getting married. So Moms what should I do.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I would not.
No.

You are not married.
Talk is cheap.

Are you both talking about getting married, because you are now pregnant?
If you were NOT pregnant, would he still be, marrying you?
To me, that is a big difference.

If the last names are hyphenated, a person cannot 'choose' which name to use, because a hyphenated name is taken as ONE whole name, not 2 names. Legally. Only if a name is NOT hyphenated, (per a last name), can you then use either last name.

7 moms found this helpful

Call me old fashioned, but in my day some would consider that suggestion to BE a proposal. It doesn't take much to go down to city hall and have a civil ceremony.

4 moms found this helpful

When the ring goes on the finger and the marriage is legal, then the baby can have his last name. Until he can commit to being in that child's life forever...

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I would not.
No.

You are not married.
Talk is cheap.

Are you both talking about getting married, because you are now pregnant?
If you were NOT pregnant, would he still be, marrying you?
To me, that is a big difference.

If the last names are hyphenated, a person cannot 'choose' which name to use, because a hyphenated name is taken as ONE whole name, not 2 names. Legally. Only if a name is NOT hyphenated, (per a last name), can you then use either last name.

7 moms found this helpful

Talking about getting married and getting married are two different things. I'd wait til you're married. You can always change the baby's name.

I don't know your situation. You haven't written enough to give us much to go on. But if he's being really pushy about this without acting excited about getting married, but only lukewarm, I wouldn't do it for him.

Good luck,
D.

6 moms found this helpful

Hi honey,

My personal feeling is that if you are seriously getting married and going to personally take his name, then that would be the choice to keep things smooth for the family. That's my "Politically Correct" answer.

Now for not-so-PC-answer.

You are the momma. You will always be the momma. If the father leaves one way or another, you are still there. You carry the baby in your body, you create and nourish life. That child is a part of your body and soul...forever....And personally, I have come to understand why ancient cultures, (and even some modern ones) still address a child by the clan, tribe or surname of it's mother.

One way or the other, it's only ignorance to think that the value of a child rests upon it's verified paternity.

A child is divine, and it's mother is holy.

Best wishes and blessings

4 moms found this helpful

Call me old fashioned, but in my day some would consider that suggestion to BE a proposal. It doesn't take much to go down to city hall and have a civil ceremony.

4 moms found this helpful

You need to decide if you are going to marry him first! Then go from there...

4 moms found this helpful

I always find it kind of odd, (not in ALL circumstances) that men get all interested in a child having their last name, but they aren't interested in marrying the mother. Well, someday....they MIGHT.

All you have to know and realize is that what name you put on the birth certificate will be the child's name.
If you give the father's name, not that it's a bad thing, that will be the child's legal name whether you get married or not. That will be the child's name if you marry someone else.
If you give your last name, that will be the child's legal last name whether you marry the father or not or if you marry someone else.

I process birth certificates in California and if parents are not married, both parents have to sign a declaration of paternity in order for the father to be on the birth certificate.
I've only come across it once where the father wouldn't sign, but it happens. In that case, as the mother, I wouldn't give the child the father's last name. I mean, if it was me and the father didn't want to be on the birth certificate, I wouldn't give the baby his last name.
Another thing I want to mention is that different cultures do things differently and when I enter information into the state computer, it often comes up with a prompt..."WARNING: The child's last name does not match either parent's last name. Are you sure this information is correct?"
It's a means of making sure we aren't getting something mixed up, but people name their kids things that have nothing to do with their own legal last names.
You can name your child whatever you want.
But they'll have that name forever.

You can ammend a birth certificate to change the name under certain circumstances, but that original birth certificate is always still there.
It's a tough decision.
I have two sets of married parents who haven't finalized birth certificates because they can't agree on a FIRST name. Their kids are already born.

You have time to think about this.

Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful

Personally, I would wait and change my child's last name after we married. Or, if you are expecting, is there any reason that "talking about getting married" would mean you will not be married by the time the baby is born? Weddings don't really take all that much time to plan or cost that much. We had a civil ceremony almost seven years ago and only had to pay for the license and the Justice of the Peace. I would not be comfortable legally linking my child when I have no legal connection to the father.

3 moms found this helpful

I didn't give my son my now ex's last name. You are planning on getting married, but that ring is on on your finger and you don't have that $40 piece of paper.
Call me a pessimist, but I wouldn't until you are married. Since he is that father of your child, it would be easy to get his name changed. I have seen so many promises of marriage fall apart under stress of a baby and other life predicaments. Where you guys planning on getting married before you found out about the baby? Or after? Did he start talking or did you? I ask because a lot of marriages that happen because of a baby, usually don't last. I too have seen way to many of those.
I of course have no idea what you guys have or haven't done, but that is my two cents. Wish all the best of luck!

3 moms found this helpful

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