Boyfriend Seeking to Plan Out Our Life Without My Input.

B. - Luckily, for some reason, you and your boyfriend are not married!! So, if you want to have more children and he doesn't, you can easily split from him until you find someone that does. It would be tough, but would you resent him for the rest of your life if you don't have another child?
I have two children and desperatly want a third and my husband is holding back. We talked about it very seriously on New Years and decided that we would come back next year at the same time (12:11 am) and decide how we are financially doing and if we want to have another one or not.
Maybe you should wait until you second is born, let your boyfriend see how life is with a newborn, let you see how it's going to be with two (it's a hard transition), see how you are doing financially and then go back to the conversation in about a year.
HOWEVER, He may NOT change his mind. You may be thinking that you just waited a year and he still didn't come to your side of thinking! Would that be a "wasted" year?
Lots to think about! L.

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Sounds like he is planning his life which really as a boyfriend is all he has to worry about, he isn't your husband and has no obligation other then financial for the kids when born. How long have you been together? I know people that have made plans as a young adult and don't waiver from them and then others that change depending on who they are with and neither one if them is better then the other just different. Obviously by walking away he didn't say anything more hurtful or yell which should be commended and it sounds like neither of you were going to budge on the issue so why keep going on about it. I would say just wait and don't bring it up unless you are willing to see that you just might have differing views on this and they probably won't change much. Sounds like you might have more to talk about before moving forward to see if there are other areas that you differ.

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B.:

I would let him cool off for a few days and let him collect his thoughts first. For some reason, men and children lately have become really hard to deal with ( I am speaking from experience with my own issues). Then, begin the conversation with easy talk and see if he wants to stay with you all together.

I realize that an unexpected pregnancy can really throw things off for awhile, but just let him know that you all can either work together to continue with his dream and the kiddos, or you can cut him out of the picture. I know this seems extreme, but you are not married to the man, and obviously, he is not being considerate of your feelings as well.

I would definitely look into the possibility of counseling to deal with this and other situations that may arise because maybe he needs an outlet. I know that I need an outlet when I get angry and my husband needs an outlet when he is angry. Work on those issues and how to combat this angst or anxiety towards you being pregnant and then also let him know that until you find out, you are not having twins and that it needs to be kept a joke.

You too need to work on whether you want to continue to be with a man who is clearly not ready for being a dad. Not to say that he wouldn't be a good dad in the future, but think of whether or not he would be a good provider and spouse (or if you guys keep "dating" then relationship). My point is, is he worth keeping if he may just up and leave because he can't deal with the stress? Why would you put yourself through that.

I know that this sounds mostly negative, but when you involve children and meshing lives, you need to think of what the outcome will be and plan for that. Otherwise, you may not like the results.

Best wishes and let us know how things worked out.

Kim B.

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