"Boyfriend" in 2Nd Grade

Updated on September 15, 2013
H.M. asks from Peoria, AZ
19 answers

I have a daughter who has just turned seven. I have found out she has a "boyfriend" at school. They have been playing together at recess, holding hands etc. I even found a love note from him in her bag! I have spoken to her teacher to keep an eye on the situation. I was wondering if any of you mothers of older daughters have any advice for me. Should I put my foot down and put a stop to this now or just wait for the situation to pass on its own? It seems very early for this sort of situation - I was under the impression that boys thought girls were yucky at this age!!!

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M.M.

answers from Reno on

I wouldn't worry too much about it. My daughter has a "boyfriend" and she's in Kindergarten. It's just cute and innocent at this age - don't worry, by 3rd or 4th grade boys will be yucky again til she's 13.

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M.T.

answers from Las Vegas on

I have a nine year old who just had her first broken heart. I let her have the boyfriend at first. I thought how cute. It can't be anything to worry about. there only in 4th grade. until my daughter cried for the whole weekend
then on monday they had made up. until he seen her playing basketball with the boys. he told her he didn't want he doing that any more. so she dumped him. I told her no more boyfriends. because i couldn't take her being that serious at her age. She still had plenty of time for relationships with boys latter. But I found notes her and her friends write in her pants pockets. So now she's just not telling me things. I would rather her be honest and be able to talk to me about anything. Rather than feal she has to hide it from me. Just keep watching things like your doing. I've learned to let my daughter have a boyfriend. Now we talk about things again and she doesn't half to hide things. I hope when teenage years come we are able to keep telling each other everything. You've done the right things so far. sorry I couldn't be of more help.
I'm still getting over the shock too.
Bye
M.

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T.R.

answers from Phoenix on

I used to teach first grase for several years and seen this type of thing all the time. Often times it is no big deal and is very innocent. Usually it is a good friendship and the hand holding and notes stems from what they see in the world around them (TV, home, friends) I wouldn't worry at this point, it's around 14 when you really have to worry :0) lol.

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T.W.

answers from Phoenix on

you know I remember having a boyfriend in kindergarden. When they are that young it's not really a problem, they don't really understand the consept of what a boyfriend really is. But if they are kissing and stuff like that I would put a stop to it and if they are just holding hands and hugging than I wouldn't worry about it. Just let your daughter know it's ok to talk to you about it and do punish her for telling you about the things going on in her life. Well I hope this helps.

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J.J.

answers from Phoenix on

the more you make a big deal out of it the worse its going to get. come on... she really doenst know about real boyfiernds yet. it is a normal thing at this age. my oldest had a different girlfriend every two weeks in kinder and he turned out all right. married his 2nd grade sweetheart las may. even through we moved away, he found her 24 yrs later and are now expecting their first baby onmonday

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P.R.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi H.,

Same thing happened to me with my daughter. She told the boy, "My mom won't let me have a boyfriend until I'm older." I spoke with his mom to reinforce this, and even though, surprisingly, the mom didn't really agree with our decision...speaking to her was the right thing to do. I would triy to keep it from becoming a major ordeal, not let any emotions get involved, especially from you. Your daughter probably doesn't have any feelings for him at all, but stopping it now sets a good precedence for future relationships...wait!!

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L.M.

answers from Phoenix on

I have the 2nd grade boy who has a "girlfriend" I caught them holding hands once on the way out of the class room. I almost died! But i agree, as long as the teacher is aware, and trust me she is! it seems normal, just shocking! Just talk to her about it and ask questions. I ask my son all the time? Who'd you sit with at lunch, who'd you play with at recess. More often then not, its all the boys, and not his little "girlfriend".

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K.B.

answers from Denver on

Hi H., my oldest is 9 and she apparently has has boyfriends also. I didn't think much of it. The more I ask her, the less she tells me. Good luck!!

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Y.G.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter is now 7 and I found a note book were she wrote that her friend and her have boyfriend. Of course I freak out but when I talked to her she said that she doesn't. I agreed that is too early to be talking about boyfriends when they are only 7, I else want to make sure that she can trust me, ask me any question and of course tell me what she is thinking. I feel like the new school where she is going, she's being exposé to a lot more specially cause she has to ride a bus with older kids. I know this happen to you a while ago but how did things turn out and how did you approach this matter?

Best.

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M.R.

answers from Denver on

I wouldn't worry too much about it. My step-daughter had a boyfriend in Kindergarten and it continued until 5th grade, when he decided he liked blondes better. Sigh. Her first heartbreak. But it was totally innocent. Her boyfriend, Travis, was very good to her little brother. And when my step-daughter was the only girl on her baseball team, Travis defended her honor to the other boys. It was all very sweet and I think a good learning and loving experience for her.

I'd just make sure your daughter knows what proper touching is, and proper behavior at her age and make sure it doesn't go beyond that!

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J.T.

answers from Flagstaff on

Hi H., I wouldn't even see this as a problem. Actually I remember when I was in 2nd grade, my "boyfriend" and I actually got married. He gave me one of those rings from around a cigar that his dad had and we had one of our friends be the minister and everything, so that was a bit more than your daughter is doing. And you know after that year, I was so tired of him not being with me because he was playing matchbox on the slide, I just moved on!! ha/ha Things like this are just small and the good thing is to know that your daughter being this young still has a lot of love in her heart, which in today's world is a blessing in itself!! Good luck!!

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S.H.

answers from Phoenix on

My daughter has had 2-3 boyfriends a year since Preschool :) lol She is now in 4th grade and it seems to have slowed down :) Its a phase, I think :)

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J.L.

answers from Lafayette on

My daughter is 11 and is in middle school.She has a boy friend and talks about him all day!Sometimes I worry if I should stop this!

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M.Z.

answers from Reno on

My daughter is only 4 and not in school yet, so I haven't dealt with it from your point of view, but when my now 11 yr old stepson was 5 he had his first "girlfriend". It is completely harmless. They don't know what girlfriend/boyfriend means except that she has a friend who's a boy. The love note is a bit advanced for 2nd grade, but I remember having crushes when I was that age. I don't think there is anything to worry about. If it really bothers you maybe talk to the boys mom about the love note and have them talk to him. That might make them stop being friends though so be careful. You don't want to break your little girls heart.

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G.B.

answers from New Orleans on

My daughter is 9 now and I have watched her grow from not even thinking about boys to calling boys cute and things like that. But what she knows and i made sure from day one she understood boyfriends are not a choice. She is too young for all that and I also explain how boys she will have time for boys later she needs to go to school play sports and go onto college etc. I would not have put your foot down now because think about it if you let it go on now and she thinks it's ok then whats to say you will have any say when she hits the teenager stage.

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J.A.

answers from Phoenix on

H.,
I was a teacher before I had my son, and this is normal behavior. Many children have "boyfriend/girlfriend" in 2nd grade, and they write notes and hold hands because they think that's what people do! I would keep an eye on the situation, but make sure you really talk to your daughter about it. She needs to know what is ok and not ok to do, say, whatever in your family and at school. I taught 2nd and 3rd grade for 3 years and this was something i saw all the time. It's just the time when they start to like each other. Many of the kids have older siblings and this is what they see them doing, so they think when you like someone, you hold their hand and write them letters. It shouldn't be a big deal as long as you talk to your child about it. :) good luck!

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A.W.

answers from Grand Junction on

hello my name is A. and I wont to no win I was a little girl in 2 grad I had a crush named oliver I wont him to like me but how my email is ____@____.com

Updated

hello my name is A. and I wont to no win I was a little girl in 2 grad I had a crush named oliver I wont him to like me but how my email is ____@____.com

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A.H.

answers from Fayetteville on

hey H. im 7 ys old and i want a boyfriend.can your daughter chat with me on december 1st 2012

Updated

love should have to be broken by parents she should find out on her own.

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well i think that you should let her keep him if you think he is a good example,not keeping her from her learning and they are not doing a little bit to much at the age of seven

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L.M.

answers from Reno on

Hi, H....

My daughter is now in 3rd grade. Last year, she had a "boyfriend" for a few months. I was told and believe that it's all a part of their development. It's healthy as long as it stays at school and innocent and in plain sight of adults... no need for roll playing at their ages! Use this as an opportunity to show your daughter you have an open relationship with her and ask questions creatively about her "relationship" so you know exactly what's going on. At this age, our girls WANT to share their lives with us. Don't teach her that keeping secrets is normal or necessary.
Oh, and don't worry, she'll outgrow this boy and think he's "stupid" or "gross" like most girls do! But do listen to her details. Just because she may know what personal space is and what areas are off limits, doesn't mean he does. And I think you're on base to talk with the teacher so she can keep an eye on the situation.

L.

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