Boyfriend

Pray tell.. exactly how would that happen? She is 13? HOW could she go on an alone date? You pick up her "boyfriend" and drop them off together at the mall or what exactly?

This is the same child who was recently devastated and was refusing to go to school b/c somebody overheard her say that she liked someone, right? Obviously she is not even close to being mature enough for that.

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Only if you want to be a grandma this time next year!

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Absolutely not. I wouldn't even let my daughter go on group dates at 13.

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I think she's too young to be dating, period! Group or otherwise. There are too many decisions she's going to be need to be making that she just doesn't have the experience to be making...she hasn't lived long enough.

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You obviously doubt the idea. My thoughts are no! It could only ask for problems. Go with your gut feeling, God gave it to you for a reason.

That is just me. She needs to think of her education and not boys.

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I would absolutely not. She's not even 13, I don't think a child that young is emotionally ready to be on "alone" dates. No, no, no!

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nope. She is too young to protect herself and to know what to protect herself from.

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Personally, I think almost 13 is too young for a group date let alone an alone date.

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no! I wouldn't. Invite him to your house for lunch or dinner.... I think she is at a vulnerable age and will still need a lot of supervision... esp around boys!

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my son is 13 and i wouldnt even allow him to go on a group date let alone an "alone" date! 13 is to young, way to young, to even be thinking about dating. when he gets to high school (he'll be 15 then) i'll let him start dating!

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Absolutely NOT! She is too young to know what to do, should an alone date go badly. Of course, she might intellectually know what to do, but I have to say, at 14 years old, even with all of the "just in case" conversations, I had a hard time telling boys to 'stop it!'. Once, the father of the boy was even in the same car. Just my 2 cents.

16, 17 years old is a little more age-appropriate.

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So she is twelve still? Absolutely not, I wouldn't even allow the group dates. So my opinion is NO. What if she were put in a bad situation a child would she be able to make choices in her best interest.

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No.

Beware, that teens nowadays are real precocious.
They do do, heavy touching if you know what I mean.
I hope, your daughter, has gotten the 'talk' already.
About her body and privacy and her rights. No boy should force her to do things etc. Kind of thing.

Back when I was that age... SOME of the girls/boys... would actually make out when they separated from the "group." Things happen.

Just keep open communication with her.
So she feels comfortable telling you anything.

all the best,
Susan

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No, she is not cognitively ready to handle the responsibility of being alone with a guy. If he tried something she would not be able to defend herself or handle the situation and could be an easy target.

Hanging out with friends is one thing but boy/girl dating should happen much later. I think around 16 is the most accepted age. I think if you know the boy well and they are really good friends then going to a movie or something public might be okay earlier but I would never let a 13-14 year old child go on a date.

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Hi Wanna-

I thought I was 'old fashioned'...lol. I AM old tho. In any event, I went to my first 'boy/girl' party when I was 12 ish. It was well chaperoned, and my parents knew most of the other parents. As the teenage years began, I was heavily involved with chorus and theatre. There were myriad group activities in 'mixed' company thru those events. There were some 'crushes' during the early teenage years, and some 'double dates' as some older friends were able to drive.

I guess, reflecting back, maybe MY parents were not as 'conservative' as I had remembered!

In terms of my kids...I have done much the same...all kinds of 'group activities' thru their 'outside interests'...I make it a point to get to know other parents...and then 'individual' dates (with me or another parent) sharing the drop off/pick up of the kids no earlier (in case of my kids) of 14 or so (my kids are 21 to 14 now). I have also, particularly for 'homecoming' type events for EACH high schooler...offered to prepare a 'dinner for two' here at home...complete with candles...wine glasses (with cider) and 'waiters' who discretely serve...and leave...lol. Also, kids often have other 'kids' over for dinner...and even if the come 'alone'...they are 'absorbed' into the large group of sibs. At our old home, we had a pool and a hot tub...we were the 'it' home for teens...and I always invited some of the parents over as well...

The 'sex/body awareness/touching 'talk' has actually been a lifelong one for my kids...no topic has been 'taboo'...so I feel they are aware of MY values...and are comfortable in standing up for their values as well.

I feel blessed that eldest 3 are in college...next in line has been accepted to several colleges and is deciding where to go now. The remaining three continue with various outside activities...and the resulting 'dates' as they unfold.

I talk...talk...talk to my kids...and they talk to me...and benefit from talking to older sibs as well.

As long as group things are well chaperoned...you make sure you know other kids and the parents...I would take a wait and see approach...low key...and maybe 'host' some events yourself.

Take Care
Michele/cat

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Do you know the boy. Is he much older than her? If he's near the same age and not driving okay. Otherwise strange guys unknown to you. Today I'd be concerned.

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NO!

Here are some other options....
Group dates? A group of friends going out, some couples, some not, ok.
He can always come over to your house for the afternoon.
You can take them to the movies and let them sit in another part of the theater.
You can take them bowling, let them have their own lane.

Have you met this boys parents? What do they think?

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Wow. Congrats! However, I think she's young. In my opinion..I say no, SORRY. I don't think she's ready (or I am). But...you know your daughter well and I'm sure you know her boyfriend pretty well? You two could talk about the "policies" and "procedures"....to having a date alone...curfew?

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No
Also I would advise to meet the boys parents.

B.

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Nope. I think 16 is a more prepared, mature age.

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No. Whether you trust her doesn't even come into it. Even the most well-meaning situations can end bad. Also, what's the rush? She's still just a kid and has plenty of time to date responsibly when she's older.

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My mom was pretty open about things and dateing even let my sister's highschool fiance stay the night a few times (sep rooms not that it matters) but I started "group dates" at 14. Group dates at that time were at the roller rink and could not solo date until I was 16. Maybe she learned a few things from my much older sister or that is how it always was not sure but I know that at 14 I had NO CLUE what a boyfriend or a date really was. Honestly to me and my friends it was when we were all paired off, held hands and maybe kissed (peck) before being picked up by our parents. I do not think it is appropriate and if you thought it was then you would not have posted this. Go with your gut mamma!

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Way to young to be forcing her into making adult decisions, and expecting her to make the right ones! I would be very certain that even the group days are somewhat managed or chaperoned.

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No way...I doubt I would ever allow my own daughter to go on a date on her own until she is able to drive herself if she had to, and I feel reasonably confident that she can handle herself and be responsible.

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no. She is too young to be concerned with everything dating intails.

I would not allow any alone dates personally. I did have my first boyfriend at 13 and we just hung out with friends (never an actual date) and had one group date with his family on Valentines to some gardens. Nothing even remotely serious happened and holding hands was a big deal for us. My thinking did not even go beyond even innocent kissing then. However each kid is different. By giving me some more responsibility, my mom took away some of the forbideness of "having a boyfriend." I never really felt the need to rebel as a teen. My mom gave me the appropriate amount of responsibility for my age, resonsibility and maturity level.

To the movies maybe? Skating? Why not.

You've gotta have a little trust in your kid.

No. (easy for me to say)

If there was a school dance, you could drop them off and pick them up. There are usually chaperones at these. I think it would be a situational thing. Dropping the two at the movies and picking them up after (you might want to make sure they get their tickets-less likely to skip out). A church activity is also a good place to let them have a "date," again, chaperones.

Use your best judgement. We do need to show our kids that we trust them, but within reason. You also need to sit down and have the sex talk with your daughter if you haven't already. Let her know that you are there to talk and let her know your reasons for concern.

No.

As a step mother to a now 17 year old stepdaughter....we(or her mom) allowed alot of things that seemed harmless at the time when she was younger. Let me just say in hindsight... the sooner you allow something to happen...the sooner it is the next thing will be on the agenda for her. Even as much as you know her, can "control" her etc....just saying....the sooner you allow one thing to happen....the sooner the next thing will come up. Then, as they get a little older...you are not so much in control and its just like a freight train you cant get off.
I also grew up too fast...this is from my own experience as a teenager too. I saw it coming with my step daughter and really couldn't do much to stop it because her mom and dad thought everything was so innocent.
Best wishes....just be strong in your convictions and if you have doubts....say no. And yes...she might say that she hates you, but someday she will be thankful you cared enought! :)

I think she's still too young. I went on my first alone date at 14 when I was a freshman in high school and I had to be escorted by one of our parents, dropped off/meet the date there, and then be picked up by a parent at the same spot. I didn't start going out completely alone with the guy until 15 when I started dating a 16 year old and it took my mom a little bit to become comfortable with it. I would say she at a minimum needs to be in high school and I would gradually build from alone date with parent drop offs/driving to fully alone dates.

Whether you allow her to or not, she's gonna find a way. Teens always find a way to get what they want. They make a lot of mistakes, and that's how they learn.

When I was 13, I wasn't allowed to date at all. When I wanted to go out on a date, I told my mom that me and my best friend were going to go to the movies. My mom dropped us off, and picked us up. Our dates met us inside.

At 13 I thought I was old enough for a boyfriend... Now that I am married and have a14 year old step daughter who thinks she is old enough for a boyfriend, I disagree with her!!! That's way too young to be dating. Like I told her, I can see both sides... But now as a parent, I think 16 is a hood age...