28 answers

Boy and Girl Teenagers Going to the Movies ?

My 13 year old daughter asked the permission to go to the movies with a group of friends including some boys from her class. It's a new thing. Until now, she has been always with only-girl group. We are not sure that's appropriate, and since she asked at the last minutes so we said no. She is really disappointed. According to her, her friends (the boys) are all good kids in her honor classes and they wouldn't do any thing wrong . we had had previously a talk about "wrong" things that could happen in a dark movie theater-including having sex. I think we were honest with her and explained the reason why we hesitated to let her go. I have to admit that I also thought about her reputation, assuming the kids are only friends and nothing bad happens. People can still talk.
Do you think it's appropriate at that age for going to the movies in a group of boys and girls?
Thanks.

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Thank you so much for all the advices. Yes, I will let my daughter go to the movies with her friends. I don't know all her friends personally. I know them by reading their text messages and Facebook!

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Yes it is appropriate - they are going to a public place in a group. Chapperone if yuo are paranoid - go to another movie in the same theater at the same time.

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Being a step-mom, NO I do not think it is ok with out some supervision. However, we have had no say in his 13 year old daughter being left there with her boy friend.

I remember doing that in the 7th grade--also going to the skating rink with a mixed group. I would allow it, just be there at pickup and dropoff. Maybe just happen to see the same movie and sit way away and give them their space if it would make you more comfortable. I have a 15 and 17 yr old btw.

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I do think its appropriate, I think not letting her go will do more damage in How she feels you think of her, Like trust issue's. If she is a good kid and you trust her, then why not let her go? She is feeling like you don;t trrust her to behave and that hurts when you have done nothing to not be trusted.

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my parents had a range for dating: 13 for group dates, 14 for double, and 15 for single dates. based on that i would say yes. now would i drop her off personally and pick her up? yes, atleast a time or two to ease my mind. but other than that, it's okay.

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Yes, I think it is ok.....The hard part is realizing our daughters are growing up and we as parents have to start letting go..

Going to the movies is a big deal and a lot of fun for that age group. They are building social skills with friends. Just because boys and girls are at the movies does not mean they are at the movies having sex. I am sure some do.

Even when your daughter goes with a group of girls, rest assured, there are groups of guys there too. I know when my daughter was 13 large groups of girls and boys would meet and go to the movies.

Be open and honest with your daughter and everything should be fine. It sounds like she is a good kid. Trust that you have taught her well.

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Yes it is appropriate - they are going to a public place in a group. Chapperone if yuo are paranoid - go to another movie in the same theater at the same time.

1 mom found this helpful

Well at least you know she's being honest with you- she could have just said that it was all girls! :) I don't think it is inappropriate at all if it is in a group setting. She is learning to have friendships and relate with girls AND boys. I have 5 children- 4 boys and 1 girl- my daughter (age 15) has some great friends that are boys! She hangs out with a group of friends that are girls and boys and this group has been friends since middle school (around your daughter's age). My husband and I have made it a point to get to know all of them- they come to our house quite a bit. We are a Christian family with strong morals-my daughter has gone through the "Purity Pact" with her best friend and now wears a purtiy ring. I know she isn't perfect, but I do know that her group of friends are from good Christian families and I have trust in her that she will act appropriately. We have had success in getting to know the kids' friends by allowing them to have them over to the house. Maybe this would ease any doubts that you may feel.
Hope this helps-
K.

I see absolutely no reason not to let her go with a group of boys and girls. Yes, she is a bit young to begin dating, but what you are describing is not dating. As long as you know who she's with and where she is there doesn't seem to be an issue. I would let her go.

There are so few things for kids that age to do together socially, we frequently allow our 15 yr old dgtr to go to the movies in groups with girls and boys. Like other moms have said, its important that you know the kids, the only problem we ever had was one boy (strict private school kid, too) that was the "make out" king. Once we weeded him out of the group, it has been fine. My one and only rule is that I have to see her actually meet up with her friends before I pull away from the theatre. The short notice business never gets permission around here and there is usually car pooling involved so I talk to other parents when she is out. Communication is key at this age, yes, kids are out there making bad choices, but if you are constantly talking with your kid, chances are they are thinking through their actions before making mistakes. Good luck!!

I teach 11th grade AP English, and I currently have 2 pregnant girls, and 3 students who are parents. Two of the students who are parents had their children in the 9th grade, so they were having sex as early as the 8th or 9th grade (or maybe sooner). Honors/AP students mess around as much as the rest of the students, but some of them are smart enough not to get caught. Then again, some of them end up pregnant, or fathers.

Parenting is hard. I think it depends on the individual child as to when we should allow them to group date or go on individual dates. Just try to keep them talking to you so you will at least know what is going on in their lives, and so they will know they can come to you if they need help.

My kids are 16 (girl) and 17 (boy).....they both know I don't like to be asked at the last minute about activities unless it is someone I know and do not have to drive. Both my kids have enjoyed group outings for years but....I have to know who all the kids are and have met the parents of most (although that is no guarantee anymore). I have been known to say yes and go to the movie myself, sitting at another location.....I think it can be appropriate and a comfortable way to get used to being around boys in a social situation. Hope this helps some.

Hi L.,
I know I am responding a little late, but I just wanted to tell you about a show Dr. Phil did about teenangers and how they are now having oral sex instead of just having sex. Even if you kid doesn't think about stuff like that the other kids may and talk your kid into doing thing not necessarily because she wants to but because she feels pressure. I personally think 13 is to early to be going out with boys, even in a group because they are still kids to add to that unsupervised and mixed.

I am so glad you asked this question. I have a 13yr old boy and we are having the same issue. This has been a very useful post! Thanks!

I can definitely understand your reluctancy but if your daughter has never given you a reason not to trust her and she is obviously a good student I think you should let her go.
She is growing up and you will need to slowly have to start letting her make her own choices in regards to her friends, both boys and girls. Now obviously if you see in the future that some of her friends are not making "wise decisions," then you may need to rethink things but if you meet them and they seem like they have good moral values, then let her have fun. If it would make you feel better, I say call a few parents of that group and ask them questions. I know this is a scary time, I have already raised 2 teenagers and one of my sons is 21 today. If you become too strict by not letting her do things with both boys and girls, she could become rebellious. Best of luck with this situation.

You are wise to be guarded with your 13-yr-old. I allowed my girls to go in groups, day movies only, as long as the movie was decent. I dropped them off and picked them up. Never apologize for being careful. Tell your daughter you are her only protection from the evil in this world, so get used to it!! I laughed at one post that suggested academic honor students are to be trusted over others. We had 16-yr-old honor student girls getting pregnant, so I don't think that necessarily is a guarantee of good behavior.

My oldest daughter just turned 15 but I have let her go to the movies with boy and girl friends. Every parent has to do what they think is right, but you may have overreacted a bit. I remember butting heads with my parents all the time because I always had friends who were boys but my parents just didn't believe it was possible to have platonic boy friends. So I am very mindful of that when it comes to my daughters. I think that, as parents, we're teaching them the right things, then we should trust that our kids (both girls and boys) will use good judgement. That is not to say they always apply good judgement (who among us really does!), but unless she's given you a reason to mistrust her in the past, don't set a tone of undeserved mistrust.

I have a thirteen year old daughter. I would let her attend a party at a home where there were going to be boys as long as there were parents there. And if she had boys who she was friends with, I might let her go to the movies with a group. But if the boys were merely acquaintances, and not actual friends, I'd say no. Don't ask me to justify.... I'm the mom, so I don't have to! :) But that's what I'd do. I'd let her start doing some of those group outing when she's nearer 15. But no dates until 16.

good luck!

www.thosecrazybeans.blogspot.com

There is always potential trouble on the horizon for young girls, no matter what. But you can't keep them in the anemone forever. I think it's OK to let them go it groups of friends. You or your husband could even hang out in the food court for some surveillance if you think that's necessary. At this age they are dying to get out of the house and be like the older girls. You just have to lay down some appropriate limitations to the desired independence.

Yes why not? If she is going with a group of friends to watch a movie then what is the problem , do you have any male friends? People of the opposite sex can be friends with nothing 'going on'. If your daughter is a sensible girl then you should trust her. Obviously she has to be reasonable on the time in which she wants to go out , but maybe a Saturday or Sunday afternoon would be a good compromise.

It doesn't sound like it is a date or anything like that. I would if I have met the kids she is attending with. My parents use to allow me to do so as long as they had met both the kids and their parents. As long as your daughter has shown you she is responsible I personally see no wrong. Set rules and guidelines with her. Like another poster stated keep open communication with her.

As a middle school teacher I would have to say it is a pretty common occurance for friends of the opposite sex to go to the movies in groups. Kids these days seems to be more comfortable with having friends who are boys then I was. I would say let her go, espicially if you know and trust the group of girls she is going with.
Like the other post said if you don't let her out the front door some she will be going out the back door and you will have no idea what she is doing. Maybe you can volunteer to drive so you can hear the girls gossip after the movied?

why not? my mother would let me go out as a group until i was about sixteen.

I know times have changed, but we used to go to movies in a mixed group at that age. BUT, my parent's knew ALL of the kids going. Maybe you ought to start inviting the kids over so that you can get to know them so that she CAN do events like this?

My kids aren't that old yet, but we are good friends with several families that have girls instead of boys and I would readily let my son go to the movies with them (I know, different because my kid is the boy. But, I would like to think that our families are friends and the parent's of the girls would respond the same way).

-L.

I remember doing that in the 7th grade--also going to the skating rink with a mixed group. I would allow it, just be there at pickup and dropoff. Maybe just happen to see the same movie and sit way away and give them their space if it would make you more comfortable. I have a 15 and 17 yr old btw.

I think if you know the kids, and she's a pretty good kid. ( I always trust until they give me a reason not to trust) then let her go.
I totally understand about being put on the spot, and asked at the last minute. That's a hard decision. My son is 12. and The whole girl thing is coming too quickly for me too. It's such a hard age.

Why not say yes with the stipulation that you or another adult be there as chaperons?

Personally my daughter did not date until she was 16. At that point it was chaperoned until we felt comfortable with her dating. Even after that we required that the boy come meet US before going on a date with our daughter.

Dear L.:

My daughter just turned 14 and she's gone to the movies in a mixed group. We know all the kids and their parents. We also insisted no evening shows, only matinees.

This seems to be the age some of the boys and girls are wanting to be together. We're just taking it slowly. So far my daughter has very little interest in one-on-one dating and is more than willing to wait for high school.

I do turn down last minute requests, even if it's all girls' groups. Teenagers can get the mindset of me, me, me and think parents are a taxi service with no other plans!

L. F., married 23 years, mom to a 14-year-old daughter

Being a step-mom, NO I do not think it is ok with out some supervision. However, we have had no say in his 13 year old daughter being left there with her boy friend.

Ahh...teenagers...it seems you've decided based on previous answers to go ahead and let her go in boy/girl groups to the movies so my opinion probably won't make a difference either way at this point. I just thought I'd add that I think knowing your kids and their friends and who they hang out with is probably the number one thing you can do to help prevent "wrong" things going on. That in addition to talking to her will be the best ways to help her decide for herself to make the right decisions. It's never a guarantee, but it definitely helps. My little sister is 14 and she does go out on group outings/dates. Actually she has a boyfriend which really just means there's a guy she likes who likes her who occasionally calls her on the phone to talk and they hang out together in a group at church and next year they want to go to homecoming together. I think that if you know the people your daughter hangs out with and trust her and her friends than she'll probably be in a group of kids that make good decisions. I know that all the girls and guys I hung out with in high school were all probably considered the "goody-goody kids" but I was never offered a cigarette, any drugs, or sex all through high school and I never got in trouble or snuck out. I hope this advice helps a bit and she follows your advice and chooses to make good decisions!:) I wish you and your daughter the best of luck in the future years!:)

My 13 year old 7th grade son DOES go to the movies in large groups like this. After the 3rd or 4th time this happened I had some of the same concerns you did. So I decided the only time I agree to this now is if I also have the time to go to the movie too. I don't see the same movie but my son is clear I can pay a visit to his theater any time. I've done so in the past to make sure they were seeing the movie he'd asked permission to. Follow you gut BUT listen to your daughter as well. Give her a chance to be trusted. BUT 13 year olds in my area are doing things to be concerned about. Just because their good "honor" students doesn't mean they can't make bad immature choices. Good Luck it's a hard age and sadly most of the parents aren't as concerned as you which will make your daughter feel your the only one making a big deal of it. Next time you say no suggest she have a friend over and rent them a movie! ;-)

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