May 03, 2011,
S.B. asks from Spring, TX on May 02, 2011
Here is my question, my son leaves for boot camp June 20th. I found out a week or so ago that my husband will be leaving that day for a business trip for the week. I will be home by myself. While I love being home alone, the idea of our son leaving that day for boot camp and no one being with me just makes my skin crawl. I am very emotional about this and I'm really not an emotional person! I can't believe that my husband did this. I am so angry with him right now. I know that it involves his work but I get tired of always having to "get over it". What can I do to make this easier for me? The son is so excited about this new phase in his life, which scares me more!!!
So What Happened?™
Wow what a response! Thank you all so much! Great ideas. Unfortunately, I don't have a sister and my mother has dementia and is in a nursing home. Right now I feel frozen with the unknown. I will just take a deep breath and plow through. Don't we always??! Again, thank you so much for the responses.
A.B. answers from San Antonio on May 03, 2011
If it were me, I would try to find a girlfriend I could make plans with. My mom and sister and sister-in-law live far away, but if they were closer, I'd try to make plans with them too. When I have to deal with stuff like that, I do best when I'm with other company (especially female company) to get my mind off what's going on.
J.G. answers from St. Louis on May 02, 2011
But your husband didn't do this, his work did. What is supposed to do, sorry boss but I can't do my job this week the wife is emo.
I am not saying this to make fun of your feelings, I am sure they are very real. It just seems like taking it out on your husband is displaced anger.
Looking at the other answers I like them better, still don't be mad at your husband for doing his job. :)
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M.R. answers from Chicago on May 02, 2011
I'm thrilled that your son is excited about this new phase in his life. His selfless decision to serve his country is appreciated. I'm also grateful for you to let us 'borrow' your loved on in order for him to train to keep this country free and safe.
Schedule lots of stuff to do that day. Call your girlfriends and let them know that this is the day your son leaves and that you need support. Go do a pedicure/manicure, dinner, movie, just anything to help celebrate your son's great sacrifices and to keep your mind positive and light-hearted.
Not every person in this country is physically, mentally, or emotionally able to do the job your son is about to do. Take pride in the fact that he is sharing his gifts where they are needed. Best wishes, mama!
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T.L. answers from St. Louis on May 02, 2011
Can you take some time off of work and go with your husband? You can turn it into a vacation while he is working.
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B.S. answers from Lansing on May 02, 2011
Maybe you could schedule dinner with some girlfriends or family?
Sorry I know it will be hard day. Best wishes to you and your son!
And for what its worth: The day my brother left, I cried like a baby. He has been out for quite some time now, and boy did the army influence him into a great man that he is today. I know other men that could have needed that structure in their lives.
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E.B. answers from Seattle on May 02, 2011
keep busy. Make a to do list for that day that keeps your mind going and off topic. Maybe you can get signed up to volunteer. Hand out a meal to homeless. do something you will look back on and feel good about. that is why your son is so excited. he is doing something he will look back on and say wow!! I did it. make that your day to do something worth remembering. Then maybe you can do it every June 20th. It is a hard thing to do. I have never said good bye to my own going into boot camp. I had to say good bye to the first guy I ever loved though, to boot camp.
Stay strong mama! You are amazing and so is your son!
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C.O. answers from Washington DC on May 02, 2011
oooohhhh how exciting!!!!
Instead of being angry - RELISH the "empty nest"!!! Go through the house and "spring clean"....
I don't know your son - but how proud you must be!!! Tell him I said THANK YOU for his service!!! VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!!!
Men don't handle empty nests the same way women do - for them - it's just another day....they need to get away to address their "oh my life has flown by" - so really - instead of being angry - relish the empty nest....it will be okay!!!
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C.L. answers from Houston on May 03, 2011
Wow, ladies, such great advice here so far.
S., make the day you dread (and maybe even the following one) a day that's very special for you; you can celebrate what a wonderful job you have done with and for your son to date. At one big event in my son's life I realized my husband was clueless as to how I was feeling...so I bought myself a beautiful bouquet of flowers to enjoy. When he asked about the occasion, well, I TOLD him and he was sort of, well, DUH.
I also second the idea of keeping a journal. This is a unique time in your and your son's life and writing your thoughts down will help you deal with the emotion as it all comes out and onto paper. There have been studies that compare how effective journaling is vs. seeing a therapist. It might also be something your son will enjoy reading at a later date...so in a way it could be a gift. I frequently write letters to my son and then put them away for him to have should anything unexpected happen to me; I want him to know how much he's loved.
There are many men out there like you describe; some of my friends NEVER even get a birthday card from their spouses. It's painful for each of them but it seems like it works to make a celebration of your own with friends for these events; in a way, it's sad to think how much joy these men are missing.
Congratulations and good luck as you move forward to this new phase in your life!
C.B. answers from Austin on May 03, 2011
If your husband can't change his trip (and I suspect he can't), then make some wonderful plans for the week. Make dates with your friends for "girls night out". Get some of the food that maybe they don't like so much and you love. Chocolate should be involved. Plan for bubble baths, good books, and maybe a movie or two that are your taste and not theirs. Be as self indulgent as you can within your budget, and enjoy it. Do you have a good friend or sister who could come spend a day or two with you at the beginning of the week?
I think your worries for your son are coloring your feelings of anger against your husband. Please let him off the hook for this one. He's probably coping with this in his own way.
This will be a big transition in your life as well as your son's. Make sure you and your husband talk about this when you're not so angry with him. Good luck to you all.