Biting - Belton,MO

My son a year ago sounds like the boy you are talking about. What his teacher did was tie a baby chew toy onto a string like a necklace for him to bite when he felt like biting. not to say it worked immediatly but it did work.

T.

Biting is usually a sign of frustration. Children at this age have a hard time communicating what they need and when they get frustrated they bite.
Teaching him sign may help with the feelings of frustration, but immediately it will come down to the teachers being watchful and catching him before he gets so frustrated he bites.

Wow--I feel your pain! My son just turned 2 (July 2), and his cousin (2 on March 15) bit him hard enough while we were all at my folks' house that he drew blood and bruised the shoulder. According to my mom, who saw it (I wasn't there at the time), Noah (age 4) bites Andrew, who then bites the dog. Except this time, my son was nearby, so Andrew bit him instead. If it was just the one incident, I'm going to let it go, but if it happens again, I'm going to tell my brother & sister-in-law that we can't visit with them until their kids get over this. I love them, and the boys, but I don't want Stuart to be bullied, nor do I want him to learn bad habits like this.

In your case, I'm surprised the daycare kept the boy at school. I used to run a daycare center, and we were required by law to send a biter (or constant hitter) home. I had a little boy who was sent home twice, so we were required to kick him out of daycare! I think your daycare center needs to impress upon the biting child's parents that they cannot care for a child who harms other kids. The parents need to take serious steps to stop the biting, or they need to find a nanny to care for the child on his own. Good luck!

J.

I am a teacher at a learning center and teach two year olds. Children bite for many reasons: lack of communication, frustration, learned behavior(wanting something and biting has worked in the past), hunger, and teething. Since this other child is three teething is out and possibly lack of communication if the child can talk. We like to get the children together shortly after the biting and show the child the other child's injury and suggest that child hold the ice pack on their injury and we state "teeth are not for biting friends. So what can we bite?" Food, apples, etc., let the children come up with the things they can bite.
Emmy

Hey J.,

I heard this biting rememdy from another mother whose child I used to watch until I couldn't take her biting my son anymore. She went and enrolled her daughter into a daycare center where, if one of the child is caught biting, they would put a drop of white vinegar on the tip of the tongue. Since then, the child wouldn't bite anymore. Try presenting a bottle of white vinegar to the daycare provider along with direction of use. Hope this helps!

A.

Hi J.

My son is in a daycare that every once in a while a biter will come thru there. The way that the daycare takes care of it is they have a teacher shadow the biter. The teacher keeps a closer eye on the biter and tries to find out if they are biting because of fighting for toys, pure frustration and so forth. When the biter looks like they are going to bite the teacher steps in and pulls them away before it happens. This is not easy and is time consuming I know but it seems to be effective.. If the biter bites at home then the parents need to remind them firmly that biting frineds and family is not what "we" do and remember when the biter does make a good choice and doesn't bite they need to be praised. Positive reinforcement is always better than negative.. Hope that helps good luck.

First - I know it hurts when your child hurts! There's enough emotional baggage to having the day spent away from your children when things are going good - but when things go bad - it's tenfold.

But- there is a statewide (not sure of your area) resource called Child Care Resource and Referral - their number is 1-800-200-9017. They can refer you to the local office - there, you or the child care provider can find an Inculsion Specialist - their job is to help with situations just like this. They can suggest strategies, behavior plans, and info to share with parents - all for free!

It is a violation to use a play pin or crib as a "punishment". For the sake of all of the children, it should be said that biting for young children is Appropriate - not desirable, but appropriate. Biting is a form of communicating a need - adults jobs are to figure out what the need is and form a plan to meet it. Remember too, that this childs poor parents are walking around with the guilt that their child is hurting someone else - and they have no control over the situation either. So basically all the adults involved are stressed to the max - which can fuel the biting to happen more.

It is a tough thing to work through - try to be patient and give CCRR a call! Good luck!

I think the child care center at minimum should move the boy into a class with the same age children. It seems like the poor two year olds are being forced to deal with this little boys issues like vulnerable prey! I also think the issue needs to be handled in a more serious manner as the previous post suggested by involving the parents directly and having consequences that effect them as well. Not that they can necessarily control the behavior but the children's safety at the day care facility needs to be top priority.

I would tell the daycare center that they should tell the child's parents that he can not return to the center until he no longer bites. They need to tell the parents that it has become a big problem, and that he is harming other children often. Human bites can be more dangerous than animal bites, so be very careful! They can easily become infected.

I would be concerned that the daycare doesn't understand how to handle this problem though. This shouldn't be their first time dealing with biting issues. It sounds as if they are trying to blow it off so they don't have to take responsibility.

Your situation sounds exactly what we went through with our daughter. It was really frustrating when we saw bite marks on her arms, tummy etc. Sorry, I don't really have any expert advice for you, but know you are not alone. Our daycare also tried isolating the biter, and time outs. To my knowledge it didn't really work for them either. My daughter did pick up on the habit, but it was short-lived. Good luck to you. I know it is VERY frustrating.

I must admit that this is one of those issues that brings up strong opinions in people. When my son was 2 he was bit repeatedly by another boy in his daycare class. After the 4th or 5th bite in as many days, I finally got firm with his daycare teachers, and told them they either keep the boy away from my son, and speak to his parents to take care of the problem, or I was going to. It gets to the point where they too (meaning the teachers) have to be liable for who plays with who. I'm a jr. high teacher, and believe me, we get requests from parents all the time to keep kids apart, even at lunch or on the playground, and even at age 13. Don't be afraid to stand your ground! Also, the fact that this daycare doesn't know how to deal with this (when biting is a pretty common problem) sounds a little worrying...Is this a new center? You might want to ask his teacher what they've done in the past.
As for the biting itself, age 3 is definitely too old to be biting. I know it sounds horrible to some people, but the 2nd time my son bit me in anger at the age of 2 1/2, I bit his little hand back, just enough to show him that it hurts. He never bit me or my husband or any other child again. I have a coworker who thinks that's awful, but then again, her 2 1/2 year old son is still biting everything in sight!
Good luck with the problem, but remember, you are your son's first advocate, so don't be afraid to stand up for him!
A.

Hi J., I completely feel your pain. My son is 2 (youngest in his class) and he is being bitten by a 3 year old in the class. My daycare has tried what yours has & still nothing until I called the director & told her that if it didn't change I would pull my child out. It is their job to pay extra attention to the biter & remove him for a potential biting situation. I told the direct that if he was bitten again, I would personally address it with his parents. What do you know, my child hasn't been bitten since. In my openion this is something that the PARENTS must handle. Biting is a result of a child being bored or understimulated...they either need to move him up (which I would demand if I were you) or his parents need to work with him firmly. I think that in my case the parents were leaving it up to the daycare to fix their problem, and that's not the daycares job. Once he bit one more kid they sent him home in the middle of the day & what an burden for his parents, but that must me what it needed to fix it. My son hasn't been bitten in almost 2 months. Good luck! I feel for you! I wanted to bite the other kid myself. :)

I hope is parents are also trying to curb this as well.
I must admit I am a parent of a ex biter, but he was much younger around a year old. I would think there is a deeper issue with it biting at the age of 3 is not as normal.
He maybe experiencing problems at home and the parents might need to be confronted. I hate to point fingers at the parents but it needs to looked into.

hot sauce. Have the daycare put hot sauce on his tongue everytime he bites. At my sons daycare that's what they did and it worked. just a little dab will do you they said.

One of the things I was taught is to make the child appologize for hurting another child. It might work in this situation but it is only a suggestion. Also have the teachers tell that biting hurts and not to do it again. they have to be firm about it otherwise it will continue. Another idea is to have them when the kids get a treat and he has bitten a child that he doesn't get to participate in the treat until he stops biting

I know this sounds cruel. But the child needs to be removed from there. Have they talked to the little boys parents? Biting is very serious. It doesn't matter if they play together on a regular basis. If that child does not stop biting someone can really get hurt. My two year old started to bite. And I would say ouch! And make a sad face. Then he saw that it hurt and was not nice. But a three year old is old enough to understand that is not appropiate behavior at all. He really needs to be with other three year olds. And maybe be screened to see if he could be doing it for any other reason and doesn't know how to tell someone. Just a few thoughts. Sorry I couldn't be anymore help.

I know it is tough. I had a situation where my son was bitten every day for a long time. The problem was that the little vampire was the daycare provider's son. It has since been my experience that this is not condoned in most daycare settings. Your daycare provider should ask the parents of the bloodsucker to remove him and seek alternate care, either permanently or at least until the biting stops. It is a phase and it should pass, but who knows how long that will be. If your daycare provider is not prepared to protect your child by letting this other child go, you should seek alternate care. This is, although fairly common, a traumatic issue for a child to go through and, since I didn't move my son out soon enough, he had some trouble for a bit once he did change daycare providers. Good luck to you and remember it is up to you to protect the well-being of your child, so don't think you are being a pain by asking this of the daycare.

Another option, if you are otherwise happy with your care provider, would be to have the daycare provider attach a chew toy to his shirt or talk with the daycare provider about providing more sensory stimulation to hopefully decrease the frustation of the biter. Jumping on a trampoline, swinging, and such activities often help to control sensory-related behaviors. There are many books on sensory activities and an occupational therapist could provide information on the subject as it would be helpful for everyone.

Hi! My son is 3, and has never had a biting problem, but he has been bitten. When the other child bit him my daycare provider told his parents that the biting had to stop, or the boy would have to go elsewhere. It is a behavior that can not be remedied only by daycare, the parents have to be actively involved in curing the behavior. Also, when we moved into Kansas City, we had to sign a biting policy with our preschool. The policy states that the child will be sent home on the day that he/she bites, and if the child continues to bite, he/she will be asked to find other childcare. It is a behavior that can not be tolerated, and you need to express this to your daycare. My son still talks about the other child biting him and it was over a year ago. Poor guy, he was scarred! Hope this helps.

J.

J., my 1 1/2 year old currently bites his 3 year old brother. Thankfully he is not in daycare. Just went to the pediatrican today and asked her about the problem. Told her we had tried, "NO Biting!!", timeouts etc but to no avail. She told me that you must find something that will be a punishment. Take a favorite toy, time out etc. It is hard because our son doesn't mind time out, and has no favorite toys (take one and he plays with another). The Dr did say as a last resort try a dab of hot sauce on the tongue. Won't work with ours since he eats salsa like it is going out of style and I am not sure that the daycare center would get permission from the parents??? I am sure that the boys parents hold some of the blame, but I also wonder about the daycare center, they know this is a problem. They should keep a much closer eye on this child when he is playing with others or tell the parents that he can't come back until this is dealt with.

My son was bitten once at daycare severely enough that it warranted the dismissal of the other child. I believe that the parents' unwillingness to address that issue was another key factor. The little boy, unprovoked, bit my son's face, leaving him with a black eye. I have never seen another child biting the eye area of other kids, but I was furious over it. I never had the opportunity to talk to the other parents. This happened less than a week before school pictures, so I have that constant reminder of my son's black eye hanging in the living room. Luckily, the child's parents in your case are making an attempt, but I agree with what other's have said; if the boy simply cannot learn from all adults around him that biting is not acceptable, dismissing him is the only option to keep the other kids from being hurt by him.

J.-
I feel for you. I understand how hard it is. I have two children that both picked up biting from being bitten numerous times at daycare.

With my son he was in a home daycare and was just bored, after him biting and being able to get him to stop. I pulled him out of the home daycare and put him in a more structured setting. He never bit again. Instead he was the bitee. My response to him was that it hurts and we shouldn't bite. And if he gets bitten to tell the teacher asap.

With him I tried: time out, taking away a toy, sitting out from an activity, going to his room, no treat after dinner and I even did the dreaded biting him back. But nothing worked. It was moving him to a more structured environment with numerous activities to do that cured him.

With my daughter she was bit 6 times in 4 days, by the same child. Enough to draw blood twice. I was livid. Because I knew she would eventually pick it up if she kept seeing the behavior. I talked to the director and was told the parents were divorcing and each parent blamed the other. So there was no help there. Sure enough within 2 months she started biting other kids. She will be 3 in November and she has on ocassion bitten still. Which just drives me crazy and I've tried everything.

The one thing that works for me is getting her to say every morning on the way to daycare:

"No bite xxxx", "Biting is bad" and insert the childs/teachers names.

And go through everyone in her class and everyone she comes into contact with during the day.
It takes some time but it's the repetiveness that has worked for me.

Although I do like the hot sauce/vinegar idea too, I just don't think it's allowable by law. Unless you can get them to do it on the side and the parent is agreeable.

Good luck!
D.

I would talk to the other parents and approach the owner together. And express your concern that the child should be asked to leave. It is not safe for your child and it doesn't really matter what they do, if the parents aren't enforcing it at home the behavior will likely continue.

Good Luck