M.M. asks from Naperville, IL on January 08, 2009
Ok, birth order enthusiasts out there. Nothing too serious but I am from a large family and have had some interest in birth order. Now I have my own large family and have more of an interest. Any information that you can share about third borns? Positives and concerns would be helpful. I promise that I will not take too seriously without consultation from a professional :) Thanks for sharing...
So What Happened?™
I am putting the Lehman book on hold at the library now. Thanks! From the youngest of seven...
J.O. answers from Chicago on January 09, 2009
I have also heard that if you have more then three that the birth order starts again. Like your number 3 is more like the baby of the older kids and number 4 is more like an oldest child. interesting stuff if you ask me. it has do with the age ranges I think.
B.Z. answers from Chicago on January 10, 2009
I love this topic! I come from a long line of big families. I am 3rd of 6. Our current ages are 37, 36, 33, 31, 28 and 23. Now that I'm in my thirties and a parent, I understand so much more about my childhood and who I became because of it. I will definitely agree that I and other 3rd borns that I know have trouble asking for help AND have a competitive edge that is different from the other sibs. It has something to do with the older sibs always being at a more independent stage, earning cool rewards, etc. It actually works backward, too... my youngest sibling had a very different childhood experience from the rest of the kids.
I was most rebellious of all my siblings, from around age 15 until 23 (whew!). I was a sometimes goofy, usually quiet, well-behaved child until then. It set a weird tone for the next two siblings as they came into those years. Both of them got caught up with some poor decisions during that time. I am still the most outspoken, but it's different now. I'm more willing to deal with conflict and bring up issues than the rest of my family members. I suppose it's a little of a peacemaker mentality, but it's more self-serving than that.
My older two siblings are major avoiders, and they carry a lot of baggage about childhood and my parents. They pretty much divested from the family, but they show up for family events and act polite. Growing up, the first born was distant and always eager to please my parents. She always looked at the family as if we were aliens. Hahaha, she still does. The second born was lively and fun, a big goody-goody, seemed content to be around family but is the most distant now. The fourth born was the first boy, so that comes with a whole set of separate issues. My dad was very hard on him. The fifth born was a sweet sweet child, so much fun. She was always a follower with her friends and siblings; she still doesn't seem to think for herself. My youngest sibling is and has always been happy-go-lucky, successful, brimming with a lot of confidence.
I could go on and on about the pathology of a big family, but I don't mean to sound like all gloom and doom. There are benefits, of course, but my experience was that my parents were in over their heads. THAT is the baggage that I carry!
M. answers from Chicago on January 09, 2009
3rd out of 6 might qualify the child to be a middle child. I am a middle child and I always joked that I suffered from middle child sydrome. I too have read the book everyone recommended and it did describe me pretty well. Birth order is interesting to me as a teacher, I usually can pick out the only child quickly and the oldest. The baby is also easy to pick out!
E.P. answers from Chicago on January 08, 2009
I love this question! I'm a "birth order enthusiast too! (3rd of 3...the baby!)
Yes "The new birth order book" by Dr. Kevin Leman. Great book (he too, was the baby!)
When you say third born....do you mean "your third of six children, which would be possibly a middle child? Also, sometimes it makes a difference the number of years between the children or whether that child is the only girl or boy. Basic qualities of "middle child" is that they can be more realistic, peacemakers, secretive, have lots of friends, a bit rebellious, may fail to admit when they need help, usually don't have as many hang-ups as first borns or only children (this is ALL from the book.)
The book is fun and you can skip around. You can also learn that your birth order usually affects your parenting style. And it's fun to think about you and your husband and how you interact because of your birth order. Enjoy.
S.E. answers from Chicago on January 09, 2009
I am a true middle child. I have an older sister -14 months older - and a younger sister - 20 months younger, no brothers. A middle child is often forgotten and the last one to be informed of everything. We get the hand me downs from our older sisters but by the time it is to go to the youngest it is wore out. Middle children often have to teach them selves how to do things by watch the older sister. (Example: I pretty much potty trained my self because I wanted to wear the fancy panties like my older sister had. My mom was to busy with the baby so by 2 years of age my mom said I just started using the potty so I could get those fancy panties)) Ok stop laughing. ((I taught my self how to ride a bike. My sister had just had the training wheels taken off her bike and was riding along with no problem. I ask my mom and dad why they took the little wheels off because I wanted to learn to ride too. They said your sister has to learn to ride without them. Time went by, they forgot all about putting them back on so a few skinned knees later I could ride the bike with no training wheels))
The oldest seems to be the bossy know it all. they are always told you need to help your younger siblings so they grow up being very bossy.
The youngest is always very needy and often thought of as the baby even when they are in their 40's. Take it from me.
Now that you all got a good chuckle. Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family, has a couple good books out the talks about siblings and he also has a good book of the pecking order of groups of friends. Check out the Focus on the Family website for more great information on family life.
By the way our son is an only child. We first kind of spoiled him but stopped that at an early age because we wanted him to be an independent child. Only children learn at a very early age how to play mom and dad if you are not wise to what is going on. He is now 18.
M.S. answers from Chicago on January 08, 2009
Read The Birth Order Book by Lehman. It explains it all. I'll bet your library has it or can get it for you.
M., Quasi-Only Child :)