Birth Control for a Teenager

It seems like you have two separate issues here - the fact that she is sexually active, and the fact that she is lying and sneaking out.

Do whatever it takes to nip the discipline problem in the bud - at 14, you still have alot of years left to deal with this sort of behavior if you let it go unpunished. I know a single Dad who came up with the BEST punishment for bad behavior - he took away his daughters' makeup and hair dryers, and that cleared things up fast! ;)

As far as the birth control issue, if you think she is having sex, I would definitely discuss birth control with her, or at the very least, make sure that she understands how important it is to use condoms. I disagree that providing her with BC sends the message that you condone the activity - of course you don't, but as you said, you can't take care of a baby, and she's too young to have one, but if you let her continue unprotected for fear of sending the wrong message, that's where you'll probably end up!

Good luck - Moms of teenage girls have it rough, and I don't envy your situation!

3 moms found this helpful

Hello A B, I knew my daughter was interested in sex, they all are at that age. I did put her on the pill out of fear of her getting pregnant. I also took every opportunity to teach her the difference between Sex, and making love....I asked my daughter to give all her cash to her boyfriend to hold for one week, he is not to spend it, just hold onto it for her. She got wide eyed and said "no way, I cant trust him". I promtly asked her why would you give him your body to have and hold onto for just a week..... This is a growing process we all go through. Let her know she has choices, help her to learn to make good ones. Let her know you love her. Keep communications calm, and honest. If you cant then let it be known, deal with it when you are. Never let an opportunity pass..remember, you can always earn money, but your daughter is only 14 once...the choices she makes effects the whole family, remind her of that...good luck...

2 moms found this helpful

I would say yes put her on birth control. I am guessing the parents who are telling you to set boundaries do not very clearly remember being a teenager or were one of the few who always listened. I did all of the things you daughter is doing. I was on birth control as a young teen due to an issues I was having with my periods but I can tell you 100% I would have had sex either way. My parents are Pentecostal and I was taught from a very young age right from wrong etc but teens have to learn for themselves but that should not mean bringing an innocent child into the situation if it can be prevented. There are just something as a parent that you cannot prevent your child from doing and sex is one of them they will find a way no matter how hard you try. I agree that she should know your stance on the issue and be eductated on STD's and preganacy and how to take the pill properly but I am sure you will cover all of that if you haven't already.

Best Wishes and great job!!

2 moms found this helpful

Youre a great mom to be seeking practical solutions for your teenager. Seeking out birth control is not condoning sex (as you state) but is a way to help protect her in her decisions (hopefully she will wait!). I work in healthcare so I see terrible things happen to young kids. Maryland has a high rate of HIV/AIDS and other STDs, so having the 'talk' with your daughter is important. Brining home a baby is one thing, bringing home a potentially fatal disease is a whole other issue! The first thing you might want to consider doing is getting her the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine. HPV is sexually transmitted and is shown to cause cervical cancer later in life. If she is at least protected from that, this is the first step. There are also resources to help you talk to your daughter about pregnancy & STDs. Here is one free brochure: http://pub.etr.org/ProductDetails.aspx?id=110000&prod...

Also here is another really good resource: http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=view_from_the_ba...

If I were you, Id be advocating for her to carry condoms around and to demand that the boy uses them (when she makes the decision to 'go there'). Its the only effective protection against STDs (and quite good against pregnancy).

I dread the day I'll have the talk with my son. Good luck!!!!

2 moms found this helpful

A B,
I know you may be to tired to "go through" this..but if it were me I would not do the pills so not to say to her "its ok". I would mark out a time where you and her could like take a long drive together (going somewhere) and then try to relate to her 1)you love her 2)you are concerned about......(whether she gets an attitude or not) and 3)a consequence for sneeking out. (like no allowance if she gets one..or anything else u think might work).
Also pray. Tell her like it is as gently as possible. Her relationship with you she needs more than anything right now. You are being her friend (not a buddy)to draw lines. I say do it now before she gets older and it be harder. Get involved, hug her whether she acts like she likes it or not. And all of this I would say to Dad too. If Dad could just go and hug her and say I love you and that be all can do wonders!! As often as possible. :)
K.

2 moms found this helpful

Whatever you do, make sure you expose her to constructive activities (extracurricular and other) until she finds something she likes. I've never raised teens (my kids are 2 and 6mos), but I've BEEN a teen. And I can tell you that I think I avoided teen pregnancy because I was busy with school, gymnastics, and other sports. It's true that an idle mind is the devil's workshop!

2 moms found this helpful

Don't put your daughter on birth control, please! I had extremely painful side effects for almost a year when I came off of birth control, which were only corrected when I got pregnant. I bled for 4 months straight towards the end. You need to inform your daughter that intercourse at her age will result in pregnancy, as young girls are almost constantly fertile. Make sure she knows how condoms work if you think she's too stubborn to listen to you. Just don't force her to put man-made chemical hormones in her body.

1 mom found this helpful

your daughter is 14 yrs old. she has no business out there doing what she wants. you need to talk with her ALOT. she needs friends that are not pressuring her into things she needs not to do.
i have been in exam rooms asssisting drs when teenagers and 20 something girls have been told they have a sexually transmitted disease. i wish i could take a picture of the sad expression and desolation i see. not the specific girl but the feeling of utter desperation. i hope you share with you daughter why you are concerned. at least i hope you are concerned and encourage her to not have sex.

1 mom found this helpful

Um, I would step up the supervision of your teen. Dont let her go anywhere alone. Any child that lacks supervision will take the opportunity to see what they can get away with. She apparently has too much freedom and cant control herself, so she needs to be brought back in and "babysat".
I beleive if you dont give your child the opportunity or environment to do "naughty" things then they cant do them.
So if you have a little more say over what she does and where she goes then she wont need birth control. For me thats giving her permission. Although I do understand you feel she may have sex either way. Perhaps you can teach her the importance of condoms instead. BCP's at such a young age cannot be healthy and comes w/ risks. Its time for a heart to heart with your daughter. I have an 11yr old and dread the day she even wants to go out w/a boy. I wish you luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Thank you for being a smart parent! Put her on birth control and make sure she knows to use additional protection (condoms). Make sure you also take her to a gynecologist for a full exam (and talk to from the doctor). Let her know that she does not have your permission, but if anything does happen you trust her to be smart and safe about it. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

ok,

sit her down tell her about sex, (dont do birds and bees, that was for the kids who were born before the 80's)

tell it to her straight tell her about stds, not just aids.
tell her that you cant tell with all of them and that they dont show up right away.

talk to her about birth controll, find out what types your doctor is willing to put her on, and then discuss with her what type she would like to try. make her feel like she can come to you with questions. be serious with her treat her like an adult by how you talk to her. remind her that accidents do happen but you would prefer her not to have sex and make you a grandma just yet.

to tell a teenager these days to just say "NO" dosent work. i was a teenager not too long ago and remember very well.

if you arm your child with information, she has the power to use it and judge for herself. if she has nothing well you will be a grandmother sooner than later.

just because she is taking the pill dosent meen she is a bad girl just a girl who is trying to protect herself from certain situations.

also tell her to keep the fact that she is on any kind of birth controll to herslef, some other parents might not like it and some kids may cause her problems with it.

this may sound silly but teach her about condoms as well. how to use them and what to do.
dont ask her for the nitty gritty information just tell her that you were a kid once,

My mother did not have this kind of talk with me, but i had a very good adult friend who did and i was able to make better decisions for it. just tell her to talk and that you wont ever be angry a little upset maybe bbut never angry.

this ofcourse is just my opinion i have one little boy and a girl on the way, with what is out there today this is my plan of action.

1 mom found this helpful

YES YES YES- PUT HER ON BIRTHCONTROL. You 2 need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart about sex, STD's, HIV, Broken Hearts & pregnancy. I had my daughter when I was 16. I had no idea it was so easy to get pregnant, i watched my family struggle to get pregnant. I tried to use condoms and it did not work. My mother knew that I was having sex and never offered, I wish she would have. My sister is now 18 & I put made sure that she always had condoms (I offered them for her to give to friends that might need them, they were free at the gyn, even though I knew she wasn't having sex), I also got her on the pill when she was 15-16. You would rather be safe then sorry. I will also tell you that when I had my daughter, it was my daughter, i raised her completely. My mother gave me some emotional support & allowed us to live in her house rent free. She did not raise my daughter for me. I graduated highschool, worked 2 jobs, moved out when I was 18, graduated college & did not have another child until I was 27 & married. Good luck, these are trying times!

1 mom found this helpful

With all the stories you hear today, I think maybe you'd better be safe rather than sorry. Do your best, too, to get a handle on your daughter's behavior and try to get to know her friends. The consequences for sneaking out, etc. should be severe enough so it isn't worth her while, but not harsh enough to turn her against you. Maybe some counseling would be a good idea too. Good luck - been there twice - I feel your pain! Good luck! N.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with bringing her to the dr for an exam. If she is not sexually active, I wouldn't put her on bc. The side effects are different for everyone but then also wouldn't that kind of give her the "oh well I am taking this so I can't get pregnant anyways" and then maybe she would start to have sex. BC is only 98% effective. My mother was on it when she got pregnant with me and I was when I got pregnant with my first daughter (2005). You might be raising one eventually anyways. Sit down with your daughter and talk to her..tell her that you won't be mad but that you want to know has she done anything or thinking about it. Talk to her about the risks and side effects of BC and tell her if she isn't that you would want her to tell you before she does. Not that you would be "approving" of it but at least the chances would be slim. Also make sure she knows the "after" effect it will have on her...and ALL about STD. Show her pictures *that can be quite effective...know from experience*

Hope this helps

1 mom found this helpful

I commend you for asking such a difficult question. I know we were all teenagers once and sometimes it is hard to remember why we were that way. My advice is to sit down with your daughter and let her know you want her to have birth control. Make sure she knows it is not because you think she is ready to have sex but because you know she is not ready to be a mom. Explain that you do remember the pressures of being a teenager but you can't imagine the pressure she is under now. I suggest this because no teenager could possibly believe that we understand how they feel. I would tell her you love her and you really do want what is best for her. Let her know that you realize that she is not your puppet and you feel you have done your best to teach her the things she needs to know. I would also emphasize that these are her choices to make and she has to keep in mind the full range of consequences to her actions. If my mom would not have told me that she had confidence in me that I could make these decisions myself and given me her trust and responsibility for my actions, then I would have made some pretty dumb mistakes like my friends did. It is easy to rebel against your parents when you think they don't know you or believe in you. It is hard to let your children know these things and let them make the bigger decisions. Sometimes we just have to do our best and let the Lord do the rest. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I have a 14 year old daughter, and if I were facing the problems you are facing, I would not put her on birth control. Fourteen year olds should not be having sex, and I believe that giving her the tools so that she can have sex sends the message that it's okay. Talk to her, tell her what the consequences are for having unprotected and protected sex. Pregnancy is the least of your worries. Make sure that she knows that even if the boy wears a condom, she can still get pregnant and she can still contract an STD. First, condoms are not 100% effective. They can be used improperly, and they can break. Second, there are STDs that condoms don't protect you from, such as herpes and human papillomavirus (HPV - this is the virus that causes cervical cancer). Give her the knowledge she needs, so that she really understands the decision she is making. Then, if she decides to go ahead and have sex, then the potential consequences are the result of her making a bad decision. Personally, I hope I never intentionally enable my child. I teach her that life has consequences that are largely based on our actions. If she makes a bad decision, then she may have to deal with the consquences of that decision.

1 mom found this helpful

AB - I have a 15 year-old boy and I struggled with the contraceptive conversation, but ulitmately it has to take place. One day when we were in the car I told him that I was not ready for him to be sexually active and I strongly recommended that he wait, but that when he did have sex, he MUST use a condom. I told him no matter what - no matter what the girl says - he is ALWAYS to use a condom. We discussed sexually transmitted disease the fact that many high school girls want to get pregnant. The hardest part for me was supplying my son with condoms, but I do not want him to turn to me and say, "I did not have a condom". During this conversation, he did get angry at me because I was "accusing him of having sex" - I explained the importance of our conversation. I also stated that he would never come to me with a pregnant girlfriend or a sexually transmitted disease and tell me that he did not know that he should protect himself during sex. About a year after our conversation, he did have sex with his girlfriend - he did open-up and share this information with me - and I am proud to say - he wore a condom.

1 mom found this helpful

No, you should not put your daughter on birth control. You need to set some boundaries for her. You and your husband know she is doing all these underhanded (and even dangerous) things, yet it sounds like you are still allowing her to run amok. Birth control will not keep her from getting an STD which could ruin her life. Sorry to be so blunt, but the two of you need to get a spine and ground her until she can mature. Just because she wants to go some place with this boy's sister doesn't mean you must allow her to go--especially knowing what you know! And sneaking out of your home when you are sleeping?? How did you punish her for that? If she did it more than once, your punishment wasn't enough. It seems you are trying to cover the problem (i.e. put her on birth control) instead of dealing with her behavior. She is only 14 years old, for Pete's sake!! So you and your husband need to become parents, form a united front to your daughter and explain to her clearly what she is and is not allowed to do--and then stick with it.

1 mom found this helpful

The situation seems a little unclear but instead of assuming she needs birth control you should ask her if that's something she wants to do. I have to say that birth control is a health issue with all those extra hormones on a growing teenage body. I didn't take birth control until I was 26 and it made me sick. It was very slow so I didn't realize what was causing it right away. They caution pre-menopausal women of the effects of taking hormones and I can only imagine what it would do to a 14 year old girl. Just something else to think about. There are other forms of birth control if that is something she wants to use. But I think it would be important to talk it over with her first. Maybe invite the boy over to get to know him so she doesn't feel like she needs to sneak around.

Will she remember to take the birth control at the same time every day? Can she be responsible for taking this every time? It's not just a simple solution. She needs far more than simple pregnancy prevention... she needs behavior control. Have a frank discussion with her about what can happen. There is more to life as a teenager than a boyfriend and having sex.

I would definitely put her on birth control. You don't need a child having a child. I do remember being her age and when it came to a certain boyfriend you couldn't tell me anything. I was crazy about him but we weren't sexual active like my father thought. My dad raised me and he thought nothing but bad stuff when it came to this guy but looking back it wasn't the boy. I was rebelling against my dad. I really like this boy and it was innicent. We dated for like a year or so and honestly I was scared of sex. I didn't even like to kiss but I was with him I think 3 times total. Girls have changed so much from my growing up well maybe not. I just wasn't like some girls. I plan on putting my girl on bc when the time comes but I have a while for that. I just do not want a baby before she is ready. I want mine protected any way possible.

I would try to rig up something to catch her stinking out. This day in time anything could happen while she is stinking out. You and your husband need to be on the same page when telling her what she can and can not do. It sounds like she is a daddy's girl which is not a problem but sometime dads let them get away with more than he should let her. My husband is like that with our daughter and she is only 2 right now. I told him he better stop that or else he will regret it later. I wish you the best of luck and sorry if I wrote to much.
SH.

you should talk to her. have an open conversation about if she would like to take birth control.

i know exactly where your coming from. and yes i did put my daughter on birth control and i sat down and told her that it's not a sign to go have sex but i rather her be safe than sorry i started her on birth control pills but it became too hard for me to keep track of whether or not she took them daily so then i put her on the depo shot. she is 16 now and hasnt had sex yet that i no of

I know other parents who have ordered their teens to take birth control. Sounds like your daughter does not have the maturity to bring a child into this world and may already have lost her virginity. Best thing is have an IUD implanted in her womb. Then she can't "forget " to take her pills. I would also explain to her the dangers of premarital sex. STDs are very common and some are incurable. Besides sex was never intended by God to be practiced outside of marriage. Promiscuity damages your mind.and heart. AF

I'm struggling with the same issue. I found her MySpace page and was shocked at some of the remarks she made. She's also 14.

I don't want to give her a pass to participate in any sexual activity. I also don't want her to think that she's protected from pregnancy while on birth control and therefore doesn't need to practice safe sex (if she does have sex). She's too young to be having sex and does not have a full understanding of all the risks involved. Teens seem to think, "It won't happen to me", even if the teen sitting next to them in Algebra class is pregnant with an STD.

I'll be looking out for other mom's suggestions.

Maybe it's because I'm fairly young, and clearly remember being 14, but I'd say most of her behavior is normal, don't blow it up too much and she won't rebel even harder. I got on the pill, my parents had no idea. If you are concerned, I would ask her if she wants to be on bc, and if so, take her. but don't make it dramatic, or judgmental.

By oh means, put her on birth control but also try to get through to her about how young she is to be doing stuff like that. If you feel she won't listen to you, maybe try a younger relative that can talk to her? Maybe you have a younger sister or a cousin or niece or something that are responsible young adults? Also, make sure she understands that the pill offers no protection from STDs. But seriously, try to get through to her somehow that if she starts now she is very likely to regret it later. Just whatever you do, don't be judgmental and don't say anything bad about this boy because that will push her straight into his arms. And make sure she doesn't feel the need to sneak out. Make her curfew or whatever you use more reasonable so she doesn't feel like she needs to sneak out. I hope to never be in your situation. My suggestions are only because I still remember what it was like at that age.

I will agree with most of the posts and say condoms are the best bet. As a teenager I was sexually active and used condoms as well as birth control pills. I was not the best at remembering to take my pills. I found out about IUD's as a mom and wish I had known about them as a teen. Talk to your daughters OB and see it you can have one put in. There is no I forgot! With that and condoms you shouldn't be a grandmother before your time.

Well that is a hard call, however if she is doing all of this sneaking and carrying on then I probably would put her on bc. Have you had a heart to heart with her and tell her about how you feel? I would do that and then ask her to be open about what she is doing. Let her know that you would rather put her on bc now than it be too late later. I would rather take her to the doctor and know that she was protected than her to continue sneaking and then find out that I am a grandmother from my 14/15/16 year old daughter. Research the type of bc which would be best for her. I know when I first put my daughter on bc she was 15 almost 16 and I made her get the shot that way I knew she was protected. My daughter wouldn't admit she was out having relations but she was hooking and so I thought it would just be best to put her on bc. So I can relate to your situation. Hope that helps.

How close are you and your daughter? You could talk to her, and I think you should definatley sit her downa dn tell her that it is wrong to snaek out, lye/etc. Is she/you in church? Who influences your daughter? nayone famous? How much time do you spend wiht ehr outside of work? I don't wnt to make you feel abd, and my gilrs are only 3 and 2, however, I think a lot of thier behavior and actions stems from thier home life. I am a Christian and would not allow my girls to do birth control a tthat age, and preferably not at all because I want my girls to wait until marriage which is old fahsioned in a way but it is the right thing to do. I also think that if you say yes youc an go on birth control youa re allowing her to continue sneaking out and seeing this boy. She probably wants you to give her the birth control even though I doubt she will say it becasue she is a teenager. I just think that there is something missing in her life that she wants/needs and maybe she doesn't even realize it. I would first just arrange and entire day wiht just you two and do something together, hang out and tlak and then set rules/etc for the boys and sneaking out/etc. There are sevearal things you could plan maybe, like cahgning locks, havinmg a security system, relalty inforce harsher punishments, such as taking away favorite things/ectiviteis/etc and see if those will help.

My bottom line is I think that 14 is way to young for the pill and I think if you give in you will encourage more bad/inappropriate behavior.

I don't wan tto sound mean I just ahve certain beliefs and morals and I am a little ahrd on my gilr now at 2 nad 3 I stya t h9me and try my harfest to instill my values so when theya re 14 they will know what is and is not accacptablke/etc

Of course you will have to talk to her about it, but you can do all the talking and judging and moralizing that you want and she is probably still going to have sex. Be smart and get her on the birth control. People who think you can somehow control your teenage children when it comes to this are deluding themselves.

Putting your daughter on birth control is pointless if she won't be compliant so you should probably sit down talk to her about your concerns and straight out ask her if she is sexually active or thinking about becoming so. and go from there. Explain to her that yes, you can get pregnant or catch some horrible s.t.d. "the first time" and explain that a baby at her age will " ruin her life". No time to hang out with friends, no school dances etc and that you cannot be considered daycare so she needs to take responsibility for her own actions. I wouldn't be accusatory like she's some promiscuous teenager, and not be light about what you are meaning. Tell it like it is straight up. If she decides she would like some form of birth control then take her to the gyn to talk about different types, their effects, what to look out for, etc.
and get her something. there are lots of different options besides "the pill" like the Mirena IUD or depoprovera shots. Good luck.

First go to the doctor together. Let him "TRY" to do an axam and let him give her as much info as possible. Then let him/her discuss the implementation of birth control and let her decide if that is something she thinks she needs and either way it is something you can come back and decide later. Make sure LATER is emphasised as "could be too late" Either way this time is pertenant for mom and daughter and she needs to feel she can talk to you even when its not something comfortable to talk about. When it comes down to it you know her best!!!
T.

I would have to say yes. My friend had her daughter at 14 and when her daughter was 15, she seemed to be going down the same path. My friend's concern was only that birth control did not protect against std's. She eventually put her on birth control and now she is the only one of her friends without a baby. I say be proactive, while you can...

Mom of 4

You need to talk to her about it and about sex. Be up front and honest with her. Tell her that you are concerned and that you don't want her to end up pregnant. I got pregnant at 15 so you have every right to be concerned. I would not put her on birth control right away, only after talking to her about it. Ask her if she is having sex or considering it. I don't know what your relationship with your daughter is like, so it may be difficult for her to give an honest answer. Leave it open for another conversation. Give her the option of birth control if she even thinks she might have sex, or offer to take her to the gyn. If she isn't comfortable talking to you about it maybe she will talk to the doc about it. Be willing to just listen with out advice or criticism at first. MTV has a show about teens talking about sex with there parents. Maybe the 2 of you can watch it together and talk about it. I cannot think of the name right now. Good luck.

C.

I would make sure she understands that she can talk to you about sex and anything else she may be thinking of doing, doing or has friends doing. Talk to her about the consequences of unprotected sex, educate her on how to be safe.

Don't accuse her of having sex and don't make her feel ashamed of anything (even if you don't agree with her decisions) because that will make her pull away and "rebel" even more. (been there...done that)

My parents made me comfortable with my decisions and were supportive of me being responsible. When I was 17 and decided to become sexually active, my mom took me to a gynecologist, I had a full internal exam, and she prescribed me birth control pills. The gyn explained the importance of taking the pills every day at the same time, about STIs and how to protect myself.

I believe whole heartedly that a parent's job is to teach their child about these things and to not make their child feel bad or judged about their choices. My son is only 7 months, but we plan to have the talk with him L. before we get to the point of him potentially becoming sexually active. The fact is, kids are having sex way younger today than they were even just a couple years ago.