18 answers

Birth Control at Age 50 and Over

I am 51 years old and only started having peri-menopausal symptoms this year. My mother was still having occasional periods when she was killed by a drunk driver at age 58, so genetically my late start was expected.

I've been on BC pills for many years of my life. I was off them before and after the birth of my daughter at age 41 until age 46 when I was divorced and went back on them. My current doctor is saying she won't renew my BC prescription for more than one more year, that when I'm 52 I need to go off them. I do know that other doctors have prescribed pills for women as old as 54. The chance of getting pregnant at 52+ is very small, but exists until a woman hasn't had a period for 12 months in a row.

I feel like my options are limited. Condoms suck, really, and I've not known a man my entire life that will use them, even if I would. Other barrier methods use icky smelling, irritating, and especially awful tasting spermicide, so not an option. Other hormonal methods seem to defeat my doctor's purpose of getting me off these hormones.

So, really, I'm thinking of just dumping my guy unless he'll "man up" and get a vasectomy (which I've already actually warned him of, be he's got a ton of ridiculous excuses, one was lack of health insurance which he now does have...)

Any of you out there of this age group, what did you do, are you doing, are you planning on doing for birth control??

ADDED: Sorry that I didn't add this before. I am underinsured with a policy that has a $6000 annual deductible. A procedure like Essure costs $5000. I checked into it a few years ago. This is absolutely unaffordable.

I know that I can't "demand that someone have a surgical procedure". I do, however, have the right to end a relationship if it's not working for me, for any reason.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks to those who could relate to my frustration here. It's not that I don't know about the various methods of BC, but was more interested to hear from others who have gone through this time of life and what your solutions were.

I have several frustrations here: I've been the one to take responsibility for BC since I was 20 and found that men just didn't care or weren't willing to take consistent precautions, so I went on the Pill at 21 just to hear my then-BF call me a "whore" because of it...that's another and an old story. I'm frustrated that perm options for women are SO expensive and out of my financial reach. I'm frustrated that my Dr. seems to be uttering an ultimatum based on age alone and not my total lack of other risk factors. I'm frustrated that my current guy, who I've been seeing for five years, who's known about this issue for 4 years, still hasn't taken action and had what is really a 15 min clinic procedure.

This wasn't a question about my current relationship(s) but I will attempt to explain. I am not in love with this man nor he with me. We have a mutually satisfying and agreeable five year long adult relationship that is separate from and doesn't involve our children or really the rest of our lives and is not going to develop into anything more. If I "dump" him he will be sad but not heartbroken. Some of you may judge me for this, but it works for us. When my daughter is grown, I may look for a true life-partner, but now I have no desire for that type of relationship. I am more than "busy" with my doctoral education, work, parenting, grand-parenting, and my other interests...

I will monitor my menopausal symptoms, talk with my doctor, change doctors if necessary, think through my options, and make some decisions.

Featured Answers

New Man and I have been discussing long term birth control as we head into a long term relationship. I am 47, he is a decade more. I have not been on the pill in over a decade and do not want to go back on them. So we have been using Vaginal Contraceptive Films (which are not messy) and condoms. We switched to the non-latex condoms, but next we are trying the lambskin as the things do not agree with me.

I am looking into the sponge - used them 20 odd years ago and didn't mind them. Like the fact that they are more than a "one and done" temporary birth control.

Long term solutions are either a vasectomy for him or an IUD for me. I am actually leaning towards the IUD as their life span is 10 to 12 years - by which time I should, hopefully, be through menopause. Though, to be fair, he has said he would do the V.

I will eagerly read the other responses as this is a question that I have been pondering lately.

3 moms found this helpful

If a guy won't wear a condom, dump him. My husband and I use condoms and he doesn't love it, but he knows the alternative is taking care of his own orgasms, so I never hear any complaining.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

S., just dump him now. It is entirely unfair to demand that a boyfriend, someone not your husband, get a vasectomy because birth control is messy.

If a boyfriend told me that I had to have my tubes tied or he would dump me, I'd walk away from him. So save him the hurt feelings and just walk away now.

D.

6 moms found this helpful

A vasectomy? should you get a hysterectomy because you could get pregnant? pleeeeeze

4 moms found this helpful

If a man doesn't want a child, he will wear a condom. Period. If he won't, then he better be ready to fork over the money and support for a child. If I were scared of a pregnancy, it would be condom or no sex.

You can't demand someone have a vasectomy. You just...can't. You're not even married to the dude. He does not owe you this to begin with. Especially, since he is just a boyfriend. It's HIS body, he doesn't have to do what you want. How would you react if someone demanded you have a surgical procedure? I'm willing to bet, you would laugh at someone making it a requirement. (I know I would!) How about YOU get your tubes tied, or a hysterectomy? Why don't you take control of this?

4 moms found this helpful

Hi S.-

I am now 53. I am in a committed relationship...and at the beginning of it (over 6 years ago...WOW) I was pre menopausal.

IF he had 'balked' at condoms...I would have gotten a crochet hook...manicure scissors...needle and thread...and a cigarette lighter...and given him a vasectomy MYSELF!

He was actually very good with condoms...but was absolutely willing to get the big "V" as well. Then he had some health issues of his own...

I am now PROUDLY period free for over 3 years...And I am SO glad we are condom free...

I would tell him to 'man' up...

(or show him your 'crochet' hooks...)

;)
michele/cat

3 moms found this helpful

New Man and I have been discussing long term birth control as we head into a long term relationship. I am 47, he is a decade more. I have not been on the pill in over a decade and do not want to go back on them. So we have been using Vaginal Contraceptive Films (which are not messy) and condoms. We switched to the non-latex condoms, but next we are trying the lambskin as the things do not agree with me.

I am looking into the sponge - used them 20 odd years ago and didn't mind them. Like the fact that they are more than a "one and done" temporary birth control.

Long term solutions are either a vasectomy for him or an IUD for me. I am actually leaning towards the IUD as their life span is 10 to 12 years - by which time I should, hopefully, be through menopause. Though, to be fair, he has said he would do the V.

I will eagerly read the other responses as this is a question that I have been pondering lately.

3 moms found this helpful

If you're willing to dump this guy over birth control, sounds like you're not sharing love and are not in a committed relationship. As Dawn suggested, I would end the relationship without the ultimatum. An ultimatum just is not fair and is very hurtful. End the relationship because you do not love each other; not because he won't do as you say.

I used a diaphragm and even tho it could be thought of as messy I did not find it to be unpleasant. Is not loving your partner more important than being inconvenienced?

2 moms found this helpful

If a guy won't wear a condom, dump him. My husband and I use condoms and he doesn't love it, but he knows the alternative is taking care of his own orgasms, so I never hear any complaining.

2 moms found this helpful

How about a copper IUD or Essure? The copper IUD has no hormones and lasts 10 years. Essure is basically a device they put in your fallopian tubes to cause scarring to block them off. It is less invasive than having your tubes tied.

I had the copper IUD put in a few months ago, and I've had no side effects. Good luck to you!

2 moms found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.