Birth Control & Teens

how about you have her mark on a calendar everytime she takes it? that way, if you dont see the mark, you can remind her. this is what i have to do to be sure i take my pills.

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You DEFINITELY need to talk to her about the importance of taking her pill the same time every day AND the importance of using a back-up method. I am one of the MANY women who got pregnant while on the pill. I took it the same time every day, and thought I was okay. After a recent discussion with a birth control pill drug rep, he told me that they are finding that because a woman's cycle can vary so much, the pill is only about 82% effective. Of course, they won't be releasing that information until they are 100% positive (which means it will probably never become public), but it goes to show how ineffective they can be. Please stress to her the importance of not only using the pill but using a condom as well EVERY TIME.

As for the doctor's visit...I do believe that unless the parent requests to be in the appointment, it is done with just the child.

Congratulations on being such a wonderful mom...it was much better for you to take her to the doctor and know what is going on then look the other way and pretend it doesn't happen!

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Give her a box of condoms also, for just in case. Do not depend on the boyfriend to provide them.

Make a deal with your daughter. If she will do as Wendy E. suggested and mark her calendar each day at the same time to indicate she has taken her pill, you will not ask her about her pills, but if she doesn't, you will begin asking.

Also I suggest she babysit some toddlers every once in a while. If you notice a parent at church or a neighbor that has some rowdy kids, suggest that your daughter baby sit them a few times..

Gosh knows that worked for me.I worked in a daycare one year while in high school and babysat a lot before I turned 16 and boy, I did not have our child till I was 30, because I knew up close and personal what it would mean to have to care for a infant and then child.

You are a great mom, for having an open and realistic relationship with your daughter.

Updated

Give her a box of condoms also, for just in case. Do not depend on the boyfriend to provide them.

Make a deal with your daughter. If she will do as Wendy E. suggested and mark her calendar each day at the same time to indicate she has taken her pill, you will not ask her about her pills, but if she doesn't, you will begin asking.

Also I suggest she babysit some toddlers every once in a while. If you notice a parent at church or a neighbor that has some rowdy kids, suggest that your daughter baby sit them a few times..

Gosh knows that worked for me.I worked in a daycare one year while in high school and babysat a lot before I turned 16 and boy, I did not have our child till I was 30, because I knew up close and personal what it would mean to have to care for a infant and then child.

You are a great mom, for having an open and realistic relationship with your daughter.

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Make sure she takes them... Same time every day.

When I was on them they made me nauseous, which made me not want to take them. Not wanting to take them made me led to me not taking them... And now I have a baby in my tummy (Though I'm not complaining. Even if it was bad timing, I love him and can't wait till he gets here). One thing that might help with the nauseousness (If she has it) is if she takes the pill with food (That usually helped me). So maybe have her take it every night at dinner.

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Ask her if she feels she needs help remembering to take the pill at the same time every day. It sounds like the 2 of you have great communication skills, so keep it up. Yes, it is normal for the doctor not to talk to you, she has doctor patient confidentiality just like any other patient.

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Payment doesn't = right to know. Thank goodness. Or NOTHING would be private with my doctor, because I don't pay the bill. My husband does. Doctors, nurses, and medical admin staff are bound legally and morally against discussing anything about their patient to any other (non med) person without the express permission of the patient.

So yep... it is standard procedure for the doctor not to come out and discuss anything with you, UNLESS your daughter specifically asks you to be brought back. Even then, though, most doctors are hesitant to fully discuss a young adult's full x, y, z with a parent, but will often just do a brief pre-approved by patient summary. Ditto spouses, friends, etc.

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I took my daughter to her doctor for birth control when I found out she had planned on having sex. She was planning on only using condoms. She was afraid of side effects of the pill. Since she was no longer in a relationship I convinced her to try the pill to see if it would work for her. I let her talk to the doctor on her own and , yeah, it was a quick visit. The two of us discussed how she would remember to take it everyday and came up with the idea to set the alarm on her cell phone. She picked a time which would be convenient, a time she would be home or not very busy. She's very social and is out with friends or sleeping at their houses(not the boyfriends) so she carries the pills in her purse. I check with her on occasion but I've noticed that she's been good at remembering. I told her it's part of the responsibility of thinking she's ready to have sex.

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It amazes me that you think she is mature enough for sex but not for taking the pill on a regular basis. She can't remember to take an antibiotic yet you think she is responsible enough to handle sex????????

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Meaghan,
First, I want to congratulate you and offer support for the wonderful job you are doing as a mom navigating this issue with your daughter. It can be terrifying for us moms, no matter WHAT our personal experiences with sexuality (and our own moms) have been, when we simply even start thinking about all the many worlds of complexities our daughter's sexuality may bring. It can also be tempting to pretend and hope that she will simply listen to you and not become sexual until you approve, so I applaud you for being straightforward and open with your daughter.

I hope she does not choose to be sexual with her boyfriend unless they are very much in love with each other and are emotionally ready to handle the intensity of the relationship once it goes there. I also hope you and she have discussed what happens if birth control, for whatever reason, fails, and she ends up pregnant. Because it can--as the person posting below me can attest. As a perinatal counselor, I have found myself working with many very experienced, mature women who ended up pregnant with various methods of birth control that they definitely knew how to use.

So, your question...I don't know what the age of medical consent in FL is--whether that is a federal or state thing, though I believe it may be federal, since HIPPA is--but in Oregon, the age is 16 that a patient's medical records may not be released, even to the parent who is paying the bills and raising the teen, without a consent form signed by the patient.

If you allowed your daughter to go into the consultation on her own without at least requesting that you be able to participate in some way, the doctor probably assumed you were aware of this and did not offer any information. In addition, since the visit was so short, you might assume that your teen daughter, who is still a teenager and probably NOT all that into talking about sex with an adult, probably did not volunteer that she wanted her mom to come in with her, and probably did not ask a lot of questions.

What I would suggest is that you ask your daughter if she would sign a release of information for you to be able to speak with the OB/GYN. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughter about this, and it would be easy to let her know that this is just so you can help her with her budding maturity.

And yes, you know her best--not her doctor. If you know that she is not all that reliable about taking medication, you definitely should work out some way of reminding her that you both feel comfortable with. AND remind her always that, just because you have helped her get on the pill, that doesn't mean sex is right for her, AND remind her that even on the pill, people can get pregnant OR get diseases, so a condom is an important backup. Make sure she knows how to use one properly, as many teenage boys don't.

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I think it's great that your daughter feels comfortable and trusting enough to approach you with a discussion about sex and birth control. Because she was responsible enough to get herself on birth control before anything happened with her boyfriend tells me that maybe she's become mature enough to take her pills on schedule. Give her some credit for that.

Don't we all forget to take antibiotics from time to time once we start to feel better? Birth control pills are different. I think she understands the consequences of forgetting her pills. If it makes you feel better, you can remind her every day -- until you're comfortable that she's following through.

But please keep the communication open and non-judgemental, like you've clearly done. If the worst-case scenario does happen (and birth control can fail), she knows you're there to support her. It seems to me you've done a fine job of raising her.

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Things like that are suppossed to be private and confidential. When I was a teen I had to go to the local clinic cause my parents isurance didnt cover anything. My parents knew I was going and for what but other friends whose parents did cover went there cause they CANT talk to the parents about this. I would talk to your daughter, ask what was said and what they gave her. Talk to her about how important it is to always take them, on time, and to still always use condoms. If she isnt responsible about other things then monitor her. You could also try a different form of birth control. I took the pill for 3 months then went on something else cause I couldnt remember to take mine. There is the dep shot, nuva ring, an IUD(they are reluctant to insert these if she has never had a baby, but they will). I have been on all 3, the shot made me spot, the nuva ring was easy and convenient and currently im using a 5 yr IUD. You could also show her spermicides that you can buy OTC. I have also used these. There is a foam and a film. Good luck

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As for the OB thing, she's the patient, not you, so its up to her whether or not you go in (this is true even though she's a minor, and even though you're paying). She probably didn't think to invite you in, or wanted to have a private conversation with her doctor, which I respect. And, I don't know if this is true or not, but your post came off as a little ticked with the OB. Try not to be. While this is your only 16 year old daughter and so this is a huge deal for you, this doc prescribes birth control to LOTS of people, so you can forgive her for not thinking of this as a momentous occasion.

As for her taking the pill, why don't you do what you've being doing so far and ask her? Maybe she would like the reminder before she heads out for school in the morning, or before she goes to bed at night. Maybe you can help her figure out a good system (every day when she brushes her teeth) or maybe she's got it figured out. I'd still check in occasionally, but I'd follow her lead.

Finally, the amoxicillin comment made me think of this, but OB's almost always fail to mention that antibiotics of any kind greatly reduce the effectiveness of the pill, so if she is on antibiotics at any point she should make sure she's using a backup method of birth control (she should be using condoms anyway, but press the point, if you can).

Good luck. Sounds like you're a mom really trying to do right by her daughter.

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It sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your 16 year old. I think you should feel so lucky that she was willing to have an open converstion about having sex. So often kids think parents have no idea what is going on in the life of a teen! I would say monitor her for a little while just to make sure that she is taking them at the same time every day. My mom advised me when I was a teen to take them at night before I went to bed, that way it just became a part of my nightly routine. I still take them right before bed 20 years later! It sounds like your daughter has a pretty smart head on her shoulders. Just keep that open line of communication. I hope my daughter and I are able to have a relationship like yours when she gets to that age. We aren't far behind you!

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I have medication I have to take daily and so I've set an alarm on my phone to remind me. She might also try keeping her pills near her toothbrush or on her alarm clock (so that she sees them when her alarm goes off in the morning).

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As I understand it they are legally bound to keep her visit confidential, even if she is under age. If you had been in the room they would have had to ask you to leave.

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If you wanted to be involved in the conversation with the pills, you did need to go into the appointment. Try to get whatever details you can from your daughter, and if it's a secret (not sure why it would be since she said she wants to have sex and you took her to get pills) then ask the doctor to talk to you alone.
I would never consent to my 16 yo daughter taking pills alone as her birth control method. I might even not let her take them for fear of learning not to use condoms in a world where many diseases are spread without condoms (even with condoms). But if she does not get used to using them, this will be a bad thing since she is starting so young. AND you're saying she is forgetful and you're worried she would won't take the pills. This does not sound good.
The most you can do is give absolutely all information about all diseases and chances for pregnancy and morals about how starting young is a bad idea for her future if she can possibly avoid it, and then sort of let her know you love her no matter what and you're there for her WITHOUT saying, :"OK Here are some pills to use with your boyfriend." Fine and difficult line, I know, but she needs to be using condoms with the pills, and she needs to be discouraged form focusing on a sexual relationship right now instead of her future. I had to work so much in high school at jobs and prepping for college, I didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and my parents wouldnt' have consented to one, I just met up with guys on rare social occasions and nothing happened.
You seem to have given her permission and pills already, I think it will be hard to tun back, but PLEASE try to explain how important condoms are. Pills do not always prevent pregnancy and they don't prevent any diseases.

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My mom took me to her OB/GYN when I was 16 because I had been sick and she just decided out of the blue to ask me if I could be pregnant, and I said I don't know maybe, because I had been having sex for a year already. She made me take a pregnancy test and it was negative, so she wanted me to go on birth control. I went in alone at my appointment and they never said anything to my mom afterwards. Once I had my prescription my mom was constantly asking me if I took my pill and I would tell her I did even when I didn't. I was so naive at that age, I really didn't think I'd ever get pregnant (thank god I didn't!!) I would take my pills here and there, but I'd either forget, or I just wouldn't feel like taking them. Of course that meant I would have irregular periods, but I guess that didn't bother me. If I am ever in the situation where my teenage daughter is taking birth control pills, I am going to make sure she is taking them same time every day!! I don't care if I annoy her, I will need to see that she is actually taking it for me to believe her because I remember how I was at that age.

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If the doctor did not take the time to instruct your daughter on the using of BC Pills, then sit down with her, also the young man who wants to engage in sexual activities with her; and don't forget HIS mother and father. This has to be a tribal concern which every member has a say in.
At 16 and 17, they are playing with fire (literally)

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Cudos for having such an open relationship with your daughter. I'm sure you will receive quite a bit of responses and controversial replies. All in all, mommy knows best. What feels right to you. What works with some might not work with others. Although I was in college and still living under my mom's roof, my mother made sure I took my pill everyday, asked me if I had taken (didn't always say the truth) and reminded me constantly. This was annoying but if you already have a way with her to remember and this has been your system with other medications, continue (if it feels right). You have already made the decision and feel this step is best for both of you. If you wish to protect her, do so by being there for her at least until she is of age when she should be responsible on her own. Can you handle her forgetting the pill one day and living through the consequences? Teenagers will do whatever they set their minds to. You are brave as it is and trusting yourself is great. I am worried that the doctor did not go through any orientation with her or talked about the percentages and procedures, etc. Seek an organization or counselor to talk this through with her. I'm sure you have done your part but coming from a professional is different in their eyes. Next time, you can and should go into the doc's office with her. If you choose, go in at first and talk together then give her another few minutes on her own with the doctor in case there is something on her mind. As grown up as teenagers think they are, at times they can still be our babies and need so much guidance. It's not all about maturity and timing but reality and unconditional love. Good luck!

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I feel that it is very odd that you feel that your daughter is mature and ready to be having sex, but not mature enough to visit an OB/GYN by herself. I get that she was being open and honest with you about this matter, but does she really understand what sex is and what the outcome of having sex could be? Does she get that she could be a Mom at the young age of 16 and if that were to occur her boy friend would probably not stick around? The choice that she may be about to make will change her life forever. I would ask her how she would feel if her young daughter came to her one day wanting to have sex, would she want that for her daughter? If you feel that you need to be telling her everyday the she needs to take her pill.... she is flat out not ready. Birth control pills need to be taken at the same time everyday to be effective..... or PREGNANCY could occur. Another thought for you... how do you feel about your daughter having sex, under your roof, while you are probably under that roof as well... creepy huh! I hope that you really look at the situation that she has presented you with, maybe you need to go back to the doctor and discuss ways to guide her away from making this choice. I would include the boyfriend in these conversations as well. I wish you the best of luck.

can i get another cup of coffee here, please ?? first things first,ask a friend with a very small child over, and then sit back while your daughter and her boyfriend try to palm the child off on each other. explain to her, while her boyfriend is there, how long you were in labor with her, and how much the hospital bill was. and then ask the two of them "could you afford this ?"
"without any help from mommy and daddy" tell her how much sleep you got the first five years after she was born. nothing cools the raging hormones of teenagers more then cold hard facts
K. h.

Just had to add... CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING SUCH AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!! By no means are you encouraging her to have sex!!!!! I mean really!!!

Are you encouraging her to have sex?
Have you looked at the side effects of her taking these hormones?
best, k

When my daughter was 15 she went on BC because of her awful periods (family curse). Her pediatrician suggested going on BC & she also had another prescription for her mood swings. When I took her to my OB/GYN I sat in the office with her & the Dr, who knew me very well, & I told her what I wanted her to discuss with my daughter about BC pills, sex, STD's, etc. They were in there for about 30 minutes while I waited outside. I had 3 kids back to back with my OB so I felt like I could trust her to give my dghtr the complete facts. As far as preventing pregnancy because she forgets to take the pill, could you take her back & request the 3 month shot so you have more peace of mind.

And unlike ~Dana~ I don't believe "you think she is mature enough for sex...", and most mothers would be ecstatic to have their daughters come to them so openly about such a huge topic. You have 2 choices: get her on BC or tie her up & don't let her leave the house till she is mature, but I know plenty of 30 yr old's that aren't mature.