Bipolar Husband

M.,

I don't know if my husband is bipoler or not but I think that he is. is is verbally abuseve at times. he's very intimidating and degrading. I sometimes never know when he will flip the switch and change moods on me. and we have a 5 yr old son. sometimes they go at it for they are both strong willed. I think that I know what you are going through. and I am about at my wits end. my husband will not take any meds for his mood changes.

Jen H

M. -

I work in the mental health field. If someone with Bipolar is not stable, their moods really dictate how they are thinking and perceiving things.

Are you involved with a support group? There's a nationwide group called the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA). In San Antonio, you can reach them at ###-###-#### (Kathy Franklin is the contact person) or online at www.dbsalliance.org. The National Alliance for Mental Illness also has great support and education. Locally they are at ###-###-#### (John Dickey) and www.nami.org as well.

Are your husband's meds working or are they still being adjusted? Does he have a good psychiatrist? I can suggest someone if you'd like. I would recommend that you stay in touch with his doctor/counselor if he'll allow it - that way they can get an objective idea of how he's doing. Hope this is helpful.

S.

Hi...

My heart ached for you as I read your email. My brother is bipolar (diagnosed about 5 years ago after a VERY bad manic phase). His dear wife has stuck by him all this time, but she's been through many rough days. They live in the same city as my parents, and they support her a lot. Also, she attends counseling regularly (as does he), which I truly believe has been the key to the fact that they are still married. I don't know what he'd do without her.

You are under a LOT of stress (as if I have to tell you that!), and you CANNOT feel guilty for wishing the marriage--or even life---was over. Loving someone who is bipolar is so difficult and draining. I adore my brother, but I can't imagine being married to him! If there's any way you can get some counseling, I would highly recommend it. It's very helpful to talk openly with someone about your feelings and to get advice from a professional on coping strategies. If cost is a factor, you might check online to see if there are any free counseling services in your area. I know that in my community, several of the larger churches have licensed counselors who have very reasonable rates.

Also, my sister-in-law is very good about taking some time for herself every day---a bubble bath or even a quick shower, a glass of wine and a magazine---something, even if it's not for long. It really helps her destress.

Hang in there...You're not alone!

M.,
I so feel your pain I myself was diagnoised after a traumatic event in my life occured I loss my oldest son to violence in 2002 and my mother before my son and my sister before my mother
so life was very hard and passing me by so fast I was on this roller coaster and I couldnt get off my son was also bipolar
since he was 9 yrs old I dealt with this as a single parent
its a very hard and misunderstood disorder we can live very happy lifes but only if we chose its a combinatin of things
medications reg, counseling group and private and the person wanting and willing to accept that there is a problem to fix and that "no" the behavior is not acceptable you have to use tough love .M. , if your husbands takes his med. and then he stops just like that its worst his body will go into a withdrawl because he has build a tolorence and there for the rages and mood swings will be harder and hell have to start all over again .He has the one to be able to make this decision
and you have to understand that you have to take care of you
before you can take care of him .There are alot of chat rooms on mental illness and support groups and I have had some good therapist up to today I am still in therapy so its a life time of work .I wish you the best to you the kids and to your husband living in a bipolar mind isnt easy for us people reg people have a high and alow and med.level if they chose to but we dont have a med its either manic or depress.I raise my kids go to counseling and take my meds but everyday its a struggle to deal with that and my grief its a long journey but sweety you are never alone God is always with us .good luck

Call a local women's center/shelter to find a good support group, or maybe a therapist you could find through your health insurance. I have a bi-polar son and a bi-polar sister. While both can be a challenge for family to deal with sometimes, I do not believe there is any excuse for "getting physical." Find a group or a friend or a therapist who can help you find your own happiness. Good luck.

M., I have a very similar situation. I have been with my husband for almost 8 years, and 6 of those years I have been married to him. I have 2 beautiful boys with him. I unfortunately did not find out by husband was bipolar until after I married him. I love my husband very much, but it is very hard to be with someone like that. My advice to you is to do a lot of research. There are a lot of self help books that show you how you can react to their behavior to cause the least confrontation. It really helps, it doesnt mean your life will be problem free, but the more you understand the illness the better you are. I am still struggling with it myself, but I feel that since I am more aware of triggers and what is normal for them to act, I dont feel as frustrated, and I am in more control of my life. The key is to not let his problems affect you mentally and emotionally. Sometimes I have to take my kids and just leave for a while, and other times I have to bring my kids to my parents because he needs me. You have to learn to juggle a lot, if you really love him and want your family to work, you will be surprised how much strength you have to deal with this. Good luck and remember that there are others who can empathize with you.

N.

I live in a home with a son bipolar and husband bipolar but husband wont get help. He says psych are bull. I am also a stay at home mom but I am never happy except when I am in church choir. I never know what is going to happen in the next hour let alone the next day. My husband is convincing my son he does not need meds. Dr. says it is impossible to live without them. Is this intimidating and degrading part of the bipolar issue. I have been going thru this for 16 years. I am very tired. I will pray for you and you can pray for me.

i have not experienced this but i have a friend who actually divorced her husband for 1 year and remarried him. they both went to counseling and got to know who they were and how to deal with the situation. he was very controlling and could be so ugly to her. now they have a child and are very happy together. but i know she had to seperate herself from him because she felt like she didnt even know herself anymore and it was a bumpy road. i hope things work out for you...and i hope he will agree to go to a social worker or something to help manage his anger...

My ex husband was bipolar and unless he was on meds, he treated me very badly. I stayed in the reletionship for 7 years. Unless the person realizes they have problem and are really willing to deal with it themselves, there is nothing you can do. My ex refused to admit it was a real problem and I finally had to leave him. It was very hard, but by the time I did, I was over the entire situation. I wish you the best and the strength to survive this ordeal.

I do not think that this illness is something you can handle on your own. I would suggest you get a professional opinon. They may even suggest a support group for spouses living with a bipolar family member. If he is getting violent with you I would definately suggest you seek professional help ASAP. You never know with someone is bipolar what is next. I would hate for your child to be a wittness to it. Please for the sake of your child go and talk to a doctor.

I know how you feel. My husband gets mad because I didn't make his eggs the way he wanted or because I gave him the wrong pair of underwears. Little things like that. One day he is fine and the next day he is different. It's like Jeckel and Hyde. I too am looking for advise on how to deal with this because just like you, I'm at the end of my rope as well. I guess the best thing to do is to pray and have faith.

i have bipolar myself.I can admit every hour of every day is a challenge for me.I think for this most important advice i can give is.....learn alll you can about his disorder.We didn't decide one day to be this way,think about that and just encourage him

My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder way before we were married, but didn't share the information with me until after we were married. It turns out he attempted to commit suicide a few times when he was younger. I have had to constantly monitor what medicine he is taking, and that he is taking it, and arrange doctor's appointments, drop off prescriptions and pick up meds. His behavior is very unpredictable and irrational. He often cannot be reasoned with. It is very sad for the kids to see us arguing a lot because even though I know he has an illness, I sometimes cannot rise above it and get caught up in arguments, trying to make him see the light through the trees. He says he has never experienced "joy" and doesn't know what that is. He is under the care of a psychiatrist and she is experimenting with his meds and he has made progress, but being married to someone who cannot experience joy is horrible. He acts like a 70 year old man instead of a 38 year old and getting him to venture out of the house is a chore. I wonder how long I can stick with it, but hope to make it through. Hope it helps to know there are others out there living with Bipolar mates.