Beyond exhausted...any Suggestions for a Really Tired Mama...

I am usually in pain by the end of the day. Back, legs (due to varicose veins), neck, arms, whatever. I have 3 kids too all age 4 and under. I am like you. Exhausted by the end of the day. But by the time I get into bed, I'm not tired. It does get better, but being a stay at home mom, is more exhausting than any other job out there in my opinion. I have lost 15 total lbs from my last pregnancy, now down to normal weight, and a lot was because I don't honestly have time to EAT!!!! Now I get up later. Usually around 7am or after and then it's changing diapers, getting breakfast, doing laundry, doing dishes, cleaning up toys, sweeping (son is crawling and all over the place now), then back to changing, feeding lunch, putting down for naps, changing again and then finally supper, bathtime, changing again before bed and getting ready for bed. Most of the dishes done for supper are luckily done by the dishwasher. I know I am exhausted too. Some days, I cannot even function. It's nice to have support. All I can ask is if maybe you have a family member to help you watch the kids so that you aren't so exhausted. Do you have some extra money so that you can hire some help? Go to sittercity.com and post a free ad about getting care as a helper. Explain the situation and you will be surprised at how many people respond. I got tons of responses when I posted but that was when I was working and needed a new sitter.

Good luck hun and yes, we go through it and get through it. God will never give you more than you can handle. Just ask for HELP!

Yes, that point was probably the hardest for me. My children are spaced the same as yours. 3 kids was the hardest transition - for the first time, my kids outnumbered my hands! Those ages are also somewhat hard...none of them are really SUPER independent (as much as they like to think they are)...they still need constant supervision...unless you do preschool, none of them have hit "school-age"...and on and on. We are currently expecting #5...and I was amazed at how much easier the transition was from 3 to 4, than from 2 to 3. Our daughter was 6 when #4 was born, and she really was a natural little Mom. Even now, she is such a big help. She's 8 and tonight she begged to put the almost-2 year old to sleep.

I kept nursing for the cuddling thing too (among other reasons - but that was a big one). I knew that it would force me to sit (a good thing)...and cuddle with him (another good thing). It's easy to say, I'll find other ways...but it's so easy to get to the end of the day...and miss out on that. I did supplement a little bit with this last one (mostly because I had horribly painful thrush that we really had a hard time kicking)...but I found that the other kids LOVED to feed their baby brother. He usually only got 1, rarely 2, 4 oz. bottles a day...but both the (at the time) 4 and 6 year old really liked sitting on the couch or floor with pillows propping up their arms and a bottle in their hands :). That may be a possibility?

My other suggestion...simplify, simplify, simplify! We really don't need to do or have all the things we think we do! We made a move several years ago with just what we could fit in our suitcases or carry on the plane. It was eye opening! The more clothes a person has, the more the laundry can build up...the more toys the kids have...the more time spent cleaning up...the more 'stuff' we have...the more space we need to keep it all...etc., etc. De-cluttering and throwing stuff out is significantly more effective than reorganizing that same clutter over and over again :/ (been there done that!).

Oh, another thing...something that really helped me, was to get out of the house a lot. Whenever we could, we'd go to the park, the dinosaur museum, the beach (when we didn't live in Utah), nature walks, etc. I had to get the energy to do it...but it tended to wear them out, they slept better, and I learned that the house stays significantly cleaner when we're not in it :).

Having time for you is essential...that's always been hard for me. I love being a mom...I love putting so much time and effort into it...and I really do find it satisfying. That being said...we all need a break. I used to have a mom that I would swap kids with once a week...she'd take mine one day, I'd take hers. That could be an option? Another little thing...our computer broke down awhile ago...we had a couple of weeks before we decided what we wanted to do about it...what we wanted to get, etc. Maybe you're different...but I do find that as much as I hate to admit it...I often spend more time than I intend to on the computer. I had a LOT more free time when the computer was down! A lot of nights (tonight being one of them)...I'm exhausted (little one with severe and painful hives has been up a ton the past 3 nights)...and I don't seem to have the energy to get up and do anything else...and I get into this hypnotic-staring-at-a-screen-state.

Often as mom's it isn't so much deciding what is good and bad...but what is good, better, and best. Sometimes we have to let some good things go, to preserve what is best. I wish you the best of luck...it is a hard season! Even my mom mentioned the other day, "I miss the days when you all were little...but I do not miss always being tired!".

Hope all goes well and you get some rest tonight!

We are virtually in the same boat-hubby works alot, I have a 5 year old, 3 yo and am pregnant with number 3 due in August. Our 2nd car died recently so I can't even go to the store while dh is working. He leaves for work around 130 am and I can't get up to take him just so we can have a car. I know you are tired but you must get out!!!!! Even if it is a walk around the block you need at least 10 minutes by yourself where you can talk to a girlfriend, take a run, grab coffee-whatever. Just do it. I am talking to muself here too-I am just run down, tired of homeschooling and being alone all day too emotionally drained to even want to do anything. I know hubby is working so hard for all of you and that is great- BUT he needs to watch the kids for you for awhile. The days my husband is too tired for the park or whatever he will play catch in the backyard or give them baths so I can have a few minutes-it's essential to mom's sanity we need and deserve a break from stresses at home! You will be a better wife and mommy for it honey!

This is exactly why for generations women helped women. Grandmas or aunties or friends would pitch in and often extended family lived with you, like grandma to help with the kids or cooking etc.

I feel for ya, I do. It will get better and easier. Is there anyone that can help you? If not, can you hire someone, maybe a neighbor teen to help out even if once a week?

Try to get as much sleep as you can and just have a point in the day when everyone settles down for rest time, even if it's 15 minutes. Make it a habit. Choose a good time for it. Set the mood and atmosphere for it. Maybe play the silent game, make it up. I have a time when we have the silent game. It's over when I whisper their name. Don't wean the baby it's not worth it. This time of life can seem trying but some day you'll look back and see it was a golden time, a time when your babies were babies. It'll never come again. Housework will keep, babies do not.

Rest as much as you can and be well, let yourself breathe, it's all okay. Sending prayers for rest and secure feelings of balance and smooth sailing and pure enjoyment.

I drink coffee.

Are there any grandparents around/family that can come over, and help you?

Weaning will not be the answer.
Your kids are still very young. Baby too.

My friend has 3 kids. Her Husband works very hard and is hardly home and has to travel a lot for work and has LONG hours. And they have no family in the city they live in.
There are days that she just cries, out of pure exhaustion. Her kids are all young.
What her Husband has done, is to get her a part-time Nanny, for the evenings. So that, she can deflate or get out or just do what she wants. She has the Nanny help 3 times a week. She chose to get the Nanny help in the evenings, because that is when, things are harder for her and she is all spent already.
If your Husband, can consider something like this, that would be a real.... good thing.
An exhausted/stressed Wife... will do no one any good. And stress and exhaustion... can easily lead, to a Mom getting sick.
Perhaps, your Husband can think about getting you some help.
Maybe you should BOTH talk about it.
This is not about just being a Mom... but an exhausted and stressed Mom, both mentally and emotionally. The well being of a Wife, should be important. To the overall family.

All I can say is... I feel your pain. I've been there.. and it DOES get easier.

My first was a few months shy of his 4th birthday when my third was born (the middle one turned 2 a few weeks after baby came). So, for 5 months I had a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a baby...

Now, they are 7, 5 and 3 and it is so much easier, and I really do look back at the photos of those years and think "how did I do that?"

NOW - my 7 year old is a first grader and gone from 9-almost 4 on school days. My 5 year old just finished preschool and will start K in the fall. My 3 year old daughter has been potty trained for almost a year, so we are out of diapers (but for the pullups she wears at night).

I actually have time to make a real meal now (not just spaghetti again) and have had time to start a vegetable garden.

My husband works a ton too - so I really do hear you and know it is really hard.

Try to let go of some of that stuff go. Do laundry every day, but don't wash your floors unless someone poops, pees or spits up on them. Try to get some cleaning wipes for the bathroom, you can do a wipe down in 5 minutes that makes it look pretty decent.

Do your 4 and 2 year old play together yet? I remember it got much easier when my middle boy was able to actually play with his brother. I think it was around his 3rd birthday... one day I realized I could just send them in their room to play cars and they'd actually do it without someone getting into it.

I also started seeing a Chiropractor when my third was about a year old... my back was totally screwed up from 5 years of motherhood... it took time (that was hard to make) but my Chiropractor was very family friendly and I'd go during my oldest's preschool time. That really helped me feel better.

TRY to take some time for yourself on the weekend. Even if it's just grocery shopping alone. It was like heaven to me (since I generally did it with all three kids along).

Summer was always easier for me too - we live close to a park and we'd get out the stroller and pack big snack/light lunch and stay as long as we could... I do remember one time when we stayed too long though - pushing a stroller with a screaming (tired/hungry) baby, pulling a wagon with a toddler and yelling at my 4 year old to just keep riding his little scooter.... ah - I can laugh at the image now, but at the time it was horrible.

We also moved that first year (baby was about 9 months). Seriously - I think we were a little nuts! :)

You are doing great. It WILL GET BETTER. They will be great friends in the long run.

PEACE to you and your family.

You need to get some help, some vitamin D and, good for you, keep enlisting the children to help-this is hard-I had 5 children under 7-so I know-but it does get better-you're doing a wonderful job, I'm sure. Hang in there Kiddo! xo! BTW-the teenage years are much worse-in the grand scheme of things-this is nothing-you can do this.

Have your iron and thyroid checked. Both anemia and thyroid issues cause fatigue.

It really does get easier! I only have two, but I often watch my brother's two girls (he's in the military). Right now the four kids are 5 (almost 6), 5, 3 (almost 4) and 3. It is night and day compared to watching the four of them when they were all 3 and under! Wow, was that hard.

If you look back, you'll see how much more your 4 year old can do and how much you used to have to do. They do become more independent. Heck, just feeding themselves is a big help (even if they're messy).

Will your 4 year old be going to school in the fall? If so, that will be a big help. Even if it's just for half day, it will lighten the load.

I'm really not sure how weaning the baby would help at all! Bottles are way more work than nursing at this stage in the game. I was able to breast feed my oldest until he was about 8 months (guess I supplemented a bit too much, because all of a sudden there was nothing there). My youngest had a medical issue that required bottle feeding. Wow was that more work than nursing. Just saying.

I know you're exhausted, but soon the 6 month old will be able to sit and entertain him/herself for small amounts of time. This means possibility taking a bath with the big sibs, too. That might help. It won't be too long before the crawling and cruising stage begins, and that opens a whole world of entertaining possibilities.

Hang in there!!! It really will get easier.

I'm still nursing my youngest, who just turned two. It doesn't hurt my back, but I guess I've just gotten used to it...I'm nursing her right now (TMI?) as a matter of fact, while sitting in an uncomfortable straight backed desk chair and typing. You just get used to it.

As far as being exhausted, that's understandable...you've got three very young children. I'd be exhausted too!! Mine are 2 and 7, and the 7 year old pretty much does for herself (besides cooking) and I'm still tired. :)

Advice? Lay to nurse when it's convenient, to take some strain off your body until the little one is big enough to prop across your lap and basically sit to nurse. Rest when you can.

Get a mini tent for inside (we have one, and my kids LOVE IT...it's like a child size pop tent) and set it up...then when the baby is napping, you can lay on the couch and let the two older ones play in the tent. :)

Can your husband cut back at work if you go back to work at least part time?. I find it much easier to work at my career 8 hours a day and then take care of DS for 3 hours a day than to take care of DS for 8-11 hours. Have you considered hiring a mother's helper or a cleaning lady?

I would also potty train the 2 year old and 4 year old. That will save you quite a bit of time and $$. Also if you try wearing the baby, you may be able to cuddle with him while you are doing other things. If you are making separate meals for everyone, I would stop. It's the same meal for everyone from DH to the 2 year old (of course not the baby).

If DH is not sharing the morning responsibilities (making breakfast, etc), he should be.