Best Friend's Wedding in Mexico - Go or Not?

If they've asked you to participate, then it's their responsibility to get you there. if she's truly your friend, she'll understand that over that much distance & expense, it may be unrealistic to expect everyone to be able to make the trip.

You do have to think about you & your child's well being first. leaving her with a sitter, means you'll have to pay the sitter too, so that's quite expensive trip.

If It's not something you can easily pay outright without dipping into long-term savings plans or using Credit cards, then the best in the long run is to just tell her that. Because if you strap yourself to go, she may be happy, but you may end up resenting her.

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Hi K.,
I went through kind of the same situation. My best friend got married somewhere far away from home. My husband and I really couldn't afford it. Plus the fact of leaving my 2 boys home wasn't something I was happy about at their age. We ended up not going but my friend was very understanding. When she got home she told me all about it and showed me all the pictures. As much as I wish that I was able to go I couldn't spend all the money to be there. Maybe you could help her out as much as you can here so that she knows you care but I would not use my down payment for a house to watch her get married. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Chris

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a true friend will understand you not being able to go...after all if you were able you would go!

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My advice would be to let her know how disappointed you are that you can't be there for her, but hope she understands. Let her know that you want to be a part of this special time in her life by throwing her a "reception" when she returns. This doesn't have to be lavish or expensive, and you can take it to whatever extent you'd like. Just her & her husband and a few of the closest friends & family over for dinner or whatever. A friend of my husband's did this and when they returned, there was a small party with simple appetizers and drinks, and the bride and groom brought their pictures and videos to share with everyone who couldn't be there. It was really nice. They even made it a tropical theme so we all wore our Hawaiian attire (wedding was in Hawaii), and they had lei's, umbrellas for drinks, etc. It was very casual and a lot of fun. It's a way for you to show how happy you are for her and that you want to be a part of things, but travel, etc just isn't feasible at this time. Just a thought...

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How bad do you want to go to Mexico? Would you attend her wedding if it were in California?? There are lots of questions you can ask yourself. I got married in Vegas and my family all showed up and a couple friends. Money can always be an issue, and I am not saying rob from your home fund to be able to go, but talk with your husband and see where he thinks you can come up with some money. Leave your daughter with a family member- or- her daddy! I wouldn't worry about the once in a life time thing as far as the wedding goes, but if were me and I really wanted to go, I would figure out a way.

My brother is getting married in New Zealand and for our entire family to go, plane fare is $12,000. He said just I could go, but I would leave my husband, 4 year old, 2 year old, and 5 month old baby (which we are getting started on right now) at home. We have no money for childcare (I work from 8:00am-2:00 and he works from 3:00-11:00pm) and our credit cards are maxed out.

So the guilt of missing my brother's wedding causes me less stress than the anxiety of paying off the trip for 2 years ($2500 for plane fare and $500 for travel expenses).

Send a personal letter she can open from you on her wedding day, before the ceremony...let her know that you would love to be there, but can't, and just she and you can go out on a last-hurrah night before she leaves.

If she's a good friend, she won't guilt you about it. And if she does, just let her know you love her, and you will be there for her entire marriage (which is a much more important committment anyway). Good luck!

I have to agree with Brandy. A true friend would understand why you couldn't go. If you can't go you can't go. It's another expense you simply can't afford right now (sorry don't really know your situation).

If it were me, I'd just tell her to have a really nice reception when she gets back, My friend went to Hawaii to get married, It's obvious she doesnt care who was not at her Wedding to go to such extravagance, and it ended up being Just her and her Husband. The wedding is all about her and what she wants, if she wants her memories of her Wedding in Mexico, thats wonderful, but there is a consequence, there wont be as manny people attending the wedding, including maybe even her best friend. It wouldnt stop me from getting married where I wanted personally, the wedding is about Him and Her, but a really nice reception could be just the trick to include everyone in the celebration.
HTH. Good luck, and if you do go? Have a Blast!! But Dont get thrown in Jail ((Grin))

just to add apersonal story, My best friend from high school and my best friend from college both traveled the distance to come to my wedding. Today, i am still really close with one, and I haven't talked to the other for a couple of years. So if you decide to not go to the wedding, but you and your friend drift apart, Know that it wasn't because you missed the wedding. Things change, and people drift apart. So don't feel guilty either way.

You should absolutely go! You'll likely regret it if you don't. Your daughter will be fine with a trusting sitter. I'm sure you can find the cost of your trip to be cheaper than a few grand, just look around. Have a great time just you (& the hubby?).

Do you want to go bad enough to spend the money that you were saving for your house? If not, then don't go. If she really is your best friend she will understand. When people get married out of town, or in this case the country, they have to expect that most people will not be able to make it; unless you run in a circle of friends with a lot of money. If you do want to go no matter what, then to heck with the house and find a sitter for the kid and have some fun!

You really need to go with your personality type or in the end you will regret it. Are you caught up in her excitement so much that you end up going and kicking yourself every day for the next 5 years trying to resave that money? Or, are you afraid to spend the money for fear of looking frivolous but then end up feeling like you missed the party of the decade?

I, personally, would help her all I could with arrangements right now but let her know that I just could not afford to make the trip. But, I thrive in my comfort zone and need that security. If you are more of a spontaneous person or adventure-seeking and would feel you really missed out then you should go.

Let us know what you finally decide!
k

my advice is not to go. I know you will feel bad, but honestly, when I got married I didnt really care who was there, It was all about me and my hubby. There is no way she should expect you to go (unless she offers to pay for you) I also have a best friend who lives in England and Is getting married soon, but she understands that I cant make it, it dosent mean that I dont love her any less, it just means your a realistic responsible parent, not just responsible for yourself now but your entire family. Do whats best for them!!! Im sure you and your friend can do something special when they get back...take them out for a nice dinner and actually get to spend time with them instead of just 'being' at the wedding!

If I had the money, I'd go. You might never get another chance to go there.

I think you should tell her how much you wish you could be there, but you have your family(son) to take care of . Maybe you could spend some time with her celebrating before she goes to Mexico and have her bring you back some memories to share. The fact that it's going to cost you a lot of money isn't fair to you. Your own family should come first.

Have you explained your situation to her? Say maybe I really want to go but I really can't afford to. I'll have to leave my child at home, and the only money I have is for the downpayment of my house. She might volunteer to actually pay for half of it, or maybe all of it. I know I would. When my sister got married in Vegas she actually paid for all 4 in my family to go. So you never know. If not you'll have to be able to say to yourself I missed my friends wedding cause of a house and be ok with that if you can't go. If you can indeed say that then I would skip... but if you can't I would go.

K.,
I faced the same thing last year and what my husband and I did was he stayed home with our daughter and I went. It was a great time, I did miss having him, but it was the only way for it to work. I would not have missed it for the world and i woudl have kicked myself had i have not gone!

S.

K.,
It really isn't that hard of a decision if you ask me. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money! It is hard because it is your best friend, but if she really is your friend, she should understand your situation. a couple thousand dollars is a lot of money for most people. I think that because she decided to get married far away, she should know that a lot of people won't/can't come because of the location. The same thing happend to me with one of my best friends growing up. i missed the wedding, because I couldn't afford to go. I totally cried that whole day, but she understood my situation. I wasn't going to put her before my family, and it was hard. Is it really worth puting that financial strain on your family because of this? you can still be happy for her and support her from home. Are they having any other reception type things back in the states later on? maybe you could suggest it, so others can celebrate their new pregnancy and marriage. I don't know, But I believe that you would probably regret spending money you didn't have to spend in the first place.
-H.

If I were in your shoes and it meant alot to me I would go. Having a true friend in life is a blessing that many can only wish for. On the other hand if you can't afford to go, there is nothing that you can do. Would your friend be insulted if you offered to throw her a wedding party when they returned? (With the help and contribution of others of course)

It's the obligation of the bride and groom to get their own wedding party to the wedding site and to provide them with accommodations through the process. It's the traditional courtesy of the honor attendants to assume some and even a great deal of the overwhelming planning and duties -- not the expenses -- of the wedding.

It's completely unreasonable to expect people to pay their own way to an OUT OF COUNTRY wedding.

These are the common courtesy limits you intuitively knew were there, K..

If you are not IN the wedding and your best friend EXPECTS you to be there, she needs to find a way to help you make that happen. At the very least, she should offer to pay your travel one way and provide you with a place to stay that allows you to bring your baby if you want.

You should be able to say to your best friend: "I would hate to miss your wedding, but your dream wedding is way to expensive for me. What can I do to make it special for you if I can't be there?" If she doesn't seem to know what to do either, you could offer to throw her a New Mrs. party when she gets back.

I'll bet you are not the only one who doesn't plan to go, K.. I don't know too many people outside of immediate family who would sacrifice that much to make someone else's wedding more important than their own vacation! So maybe someone gently needs to bring that to her attention? I have friends who got married in exotic places with no friends or family and were thrilled to have a reception party for friends when they got back from their honeymoon (in the same exotic location) But your best friend may be heartbroken when many of her expected guests don't come.

Hope all turns out well in the end ~

Its your best friend? ...go! You can replace the money and your daughter will be fine as long as you trust who you leave her with. You'll never get this chance again and if you miss it, you'll regret it. Are you sure it will cost a couple grand? That sounds like an awful lot, and we travel often. Make sure you check all the travel sites and use an all-inclusive resort...it's actually cheaper!

Of course if you just can't do it...a best friend should understand.

Hope you have a ball!

I did not attend the weddings of two of my best friends because they were out of state. I just didn't have the money nor a babysitter to leave my children with. And you know what? They both understood because that's what best friends do. I would just explain to your friend that as much as you'd love to be there to celebrate this special day with her, you just can't afford the cost to travel (you're saving for a house), let alone the cost to pay for a sitter 24-hrs a day for all the time you would need to be gone. And when they get back, I would invite them over for a great meal or take them out and be sure to look at photos/videos, etc. Then offer to be the one to throw her a baby shower to really show her how much you love her!

Besides, I think people that have destination weddings understand that a lot of people won't be able to attend. But if she is expecting you to be a bridesmaid, she should be paying your way. Either way, any true friend would understand your dilemma about being unable to attend.

I had the same situation when my best friend decided to get married in Jamaica. We were originally going to go, leaving the kids at home, but by the time her wedding rolled around, my husband and I were both full-time students and didn't have the $4000 to spend a week at the resort.
Because there were so few people attending their wedding (just her mom and sister), they had a second ceremony at their home a week after they got married in Jamaica. It was really beautiful, and all their family and friends got to attend. Maybe your friend would like to do something like a second ceremony or a reception so more people can share their special day? Also, it would be an excuse to wear the wedding dress again...
Personally, I'd explain that you don't have the money. I know my best friend was a little bummed out, because for a long time we were planning to go to Jamaica - but she understood that with us both in school, we just didn't have the funds.
Good luck
J.

Well, personally I think the bride and groom should pay for the trip, but if they haven't offered, I'd suck it up and do it. Ask yourself this--"Is it worth loosing the friendship over?" If the answer is no then there you go. I made this mistake, and my friend and I haven't spoken in about 10 years, most likely never will!

Good luck!

I would talk to your friend and explain that the money for a trip just isn't there right know. I also like the suggestion of one of the other moms, plan something special for the two of you right before she leaves for her wedding, a girls night/day out, and then maybe give her a present from the saying " something old, borrowed, blue ect" making sure she knows that you know just how important this moment is in her life, and that even though you aren't there physicaly, a token of your love for her can still be represented on her big day.

I know you have had many responses to this, and mine is a repeat of many, but I felt strongly enough about your question to add my opinion!
If your friend were really concerned about you being there, she would have her wedding close to home. My dream wedding would have been on a beach too, but I chose to have it where my friends and family could attend instead.
I'm not trying to say she is not a true friend--it's great that she is able to go where she wants to get married, but I would think that she would totally understand that you cannot be there.
Anyone who says "It's only money" has never had to worry about not having it!!
If the trip is really not affordable to you, you should not feel guilty. Just tell her how much you wish you could be there and help her celebrate before or after. A true friend will understand.
If you can go without setting your own family back, enjoy the trip, but if it is going to be a hardship do not go.

Hi K.,
When they decided to get married on a beach in Mexico, your friend and her fiance were designing their dream wedding.... They are creating THEIR dream wedding for THEMSELVES - which is totally ok. Surely they understand that fewer people will be able to participate than if they had a ceremony at home. Hopefully they are planning ways to share their ceremony with people who cannot attend - having it filmed or at least getting great pictures. Most resorts will even film and stream events live on the Internet. I sympathise that you want to be with your best friend, but you are really not obligated to put yourself into financial distress to be part of their day. Even if you are not on the beach with them, there are lots of ways you can show that celebrate their wedding and show them your support and love without going broke .... consider throwing an engagement party -- definately host a bridal shower -- organize the bachorlette party!

Have fun!
K.