N.R. asks from Dallas, TX on July 01, 2008
I have a 6 year old son who was in speech therapy in Kindergarten. He gets agitated in large groups and is now on his last leg in this child care program I have him enrolled in in Farmers Branch. I just separated from my husband and my finances are tight and I really can't afford for him to get kicked out. At first he wouldn't stay with the group when they went out and they were afraid for his safety so he got written up. Lately he has hit, kicked and scratched other kids. He came home last Friday with scratch marks from a kid, but he didn't tell them when this happened. I recently enrolled him in play therapy and he is doing better at the rec. center but today he got his third write up. He will do good for a while but then do something wrong. It's like a cycle. When I ask him he knows that he isn't supposed to hit, kick or scratch and can recite that back to me bc he has heard it enough but he still does it. I have tried reward systems and it sometimes works sometimes doesn't. Any other suggestions? I just need to make it until school starts.
A bit more info.
As for diagnosed, no he hasn't been diagnosed with anything. His last school thought he needed to be evaluated for Autism but he was acting out a lot when the fighting between me and his father started. So they weren't sure if it was related to the home situation or not. The play therapist said he might have autism but he has only been to 2 sessions so far. Tonight is the third one. And right now he sees hsi dad more than when we lived with him. I do nto have a grand parent that stays at home that I can put him with. When school starts my sister will be able to keep him after school, she is pregnant and will stop working after the baby comes, so that is why I said need to make it til school starts.
FYI the REC center he is at is not liek anormal daycare, he was in a Montessori Daycare and had no problems, but th eREC cente rhas a 1 teacher to 20 kids ratio. So would the sensory issu stilla pply. In a normal daycare setting he did well.
So What Happened?™
Okay, well as of next week I am about to be included in the therapy sessions. So far they have just been evaluating. I wil go pick up a book on the SIDs soon. Thanks for all the helpful ideas.
T.O. answers from Dallas on July 01, 2008
You didn't say if he's been diagnosed with anything, so maybe you haven't taken him to be evaluated. He could have ADD, ADHD or Asperger's or a variety of other things that make it hard for him to be in groups.
You can call ECI in Carrolton and ask that he be evaluated for a social and learning delay. It doesn't mean your son isn't really smart, but he might have something that is keeping him from getting along and if he does, then you'll know what you can do for him.
It's free testing.
J.D. answers from Dallas on July 02, 2008
I understand where you are coming from. I have a 6 year old daughter who has had some problems as well. Fortunately, mine hasn't had many problems in day care or with hitting, kicking, bitting others but she does with me. Her father and I separated last November and this week was the first time she has seen him in all that time. Even before he left, he was not involved in her life due to his issues.
I put her in play therapy with a counsellor in Arlington at First Baptist Church. She did't like it at first but eventually has asked me to take her there. Her major issues have been with me. As they say, they hurt the person they are closest too.
I don't know why your child's father doesn't interact but if it is due to addictive issues I can recommend a wonderful program that I put my daughter through. It has helped her to understand more of his problems and to deal with her anger issues as well.
It is tough and I pray that it will get better for you. The best thing I can tell you to do is to talk to your child in a calm voice. I have daily talks with mine to understand where she it at. She acts out but not as much and I am able to help her get control better.
My daughter misses the male influence in her life. This may be your child's situation as well. We have some wonderful christian friends who have been a great influence on her. The father has been very caring and has taken her under his wing along with his own too. That has been very helpful to have a wonderful male figure she can relate too. With her father being over 2000 miles away, she needs someone like him.
If you would like more information on some programs, please email me at ____@____.com. I would be happy to share.
Good luck and God bless you!
L.C. answers from Dallas on July 02, 2008
Your son could have some sensory issues. It sounds like he is uncomfortable in a social situation and that can cause behaviorial problems. If he doesn't stay with the group then there is probably a reason for it. If he has a speech delay he could absolutely have some other stuff going on and gets very frustrated and acts out. Have you had him evaluated? If so by who? I can give you all kinds of resources but need a little info first. Email me at ____@____.com
and I will help you.
K.E. answers from Dallas on July 02, 2008
When you are next at the bookstore, peruse a copy of The Out of Sync Child ( in the parenting section) and see if it sounds like your son. A lot of kids with sensory issues don't like being in large groups, don't like movies (big dark room and lots of noise), can't stand tags in their clothes. This can also manifest in extreme emotional sensitivity.
Honestly, if you have a family member who can focus on him for the rest of the summer, grandma perhaps? it might be the best thing to take him out and just let him hang with her.
Work and society force us to have our child in some sort of institutional setting most of the time and they never really get a chance to sit, look at the grass and think, they seldom get enough exercise and it all manifests in behavior problems. There are plenty of kids who just prefer their own company or the company of only one other child and there is simply nothing wrong with this. Add to this his anxiety over your separation ( many kids feel they are to blame for their parents difficulties and it is hard for them to understand they are NOT). What so many schools/ camps/rec centers don't get is that kids are KIDS, they are going to get in trouble, they are going to act "bad", they are going to get in fights, they are KIDS. Read up on sensory integration, keep your family very hands on with him, lots of love and attention, encourage lots of exercise ( lots of time boys will open up when you are on a bike ride, bouncing on the trampoline, walking the dogs).You will get through this!
M.S. answers from Dallas on July 02, 2008
I feel your pain... I have a daughter with Sensory Issues (ditto recommendation on "Out of Sync child" book, also "Out of Sync Child has Fun" and "Love and Logic" although I appreciated "Child Training Tips" by Bradley and "Shepherding a Child's Heart" for discipline more practically helpful). Especially with the separation, he's acting out in addition to possible neurological challenges.
The coping methods really helped us - teaching the child to recognize he's overwhelmed (feels endangered literally, especially in a large group - resorts to a fight or flight method) and choosing to do physical exercises that calm his nerves (pressing hands together, pushing against a wall, jumping jacks, etc). I will pray for your perseverance (this will get better!) and practical, affordable solutions to your situation! God bless you!
S.C. answers from Dallas on July 02, 2008
Love and Logic is one of the best ways to handle kids. Look up the salesmanship club youth and family centers. They have a whole counseling program that is so beneficial. Its educational, not only do they look to the root of behavioral problems but they also coach you on how to handle things. The fees are based on your income level. My husband and i have been as have our kids and things really really improved for us. Good luck.
S.M. answers from Dallas on July 02, 2009
I hope you are doing well! It has been quite a while since this post - but I hope to add another choice for you and be a useful resource.
I own The cerebellum Center which offers the DORE program. Your son sounds like many of the kids I see that do not have a diagnosis, but are challenged by several challenges.
I would like to talk with you about your son and ask a few questions to see if he would be able to benefit from the program.
Please take a look at www.dore.uk.com to learn more and then call me at ###-###-####. I would be happy to answer any questions you may have and I hope I can be a good resource for you!
L.D. answers from Dallas on July 07, 2008
N.- The state provides a testing program within the school system . . . if yours is not helping, ask them. As for autism, what does the peditrican say? Also do your own research on the web as there is a great resource place in Austin I have heard about . . . and I know dietary changes help a ton with issues such as this. Our daughter had a wheat allergy that made her act out at times, but research is showing in autism that cutting dairy and gluten help! I also agree with the sensory issues and there is a test you can take, that asks you questions about your son= The Sensory Profile and a therapist can provide you with this.