Behavioral Issues

You didn't say if he's been diagnosed with anything, so maybe you haven't taken him to be evaluated. He could have ADD, ADHD or Asperger's or a variety of other things that make it hard for him to be in groups.

You can call ECI in Carrolton and ask that he be evaluated for a social and learning delay. It doesn't mean your son isn't really smart, but he might have something that is keeping him from getting along and if he does, then you'll know what you can do for him.

It's free testing.

Good luck.

N.,

I understand where you are coming from. I have a 6 year old daughter who has had some problems as well. Fortunately, mine hasn't had many problems in day care or with hitting, kicking, bitting others but she does with me. Her father and I separated last November and this week was the first time she has seen him in all that time. Even before he left, he was not involved in her life due to his issues.

I put her in play therapy with a counsellor in Arlington at First Baptist Church. She did't like it at first but eventually has asked me to take her there. Her major issues have been with me. As they say, they hurt the person they are closest too.

I don't know why your child's father doesn't interact but if it is due to addictive issues I can recommend a wonderful program that I put my daughter through. It has helped her to understand more of his problems and to deal with her anger issues as well.

It is tough and I pray that it will get better for you. The best thing I can tell you to do is to talk to your child in a calm voice. I have daily talks with mine to understand where she it at. She acts out but not as much and I am able to help her get control better.

My daughter misses the male influence in her life. This may be your child's situation as well. We have some wonderful christian friends who have been a great influence on her. The father has been very caring and has taken her under his wing along with his own too. That has been very helpful to have a wonderful male figure she can relate too. With her father being over 2000 miles away, she needs someone like him.

If you would like more information on some programs, please email me at ____@____.com. I would be happy to share.

Good luck and God bless you!

J.

N.,
Your son could have some sensory issues. It sounds like he is uncomfortable in a social situation and that can cause behaviorial problems. If he doesn't stay with the group then there is probably a reason for it. If he has a speech delay he could absolutely have some other stuff going on and gets very frustrated and acts out. Have you had him evaluated? If so by who? I can give you all kinds of resources but need a little info first. Email me at ____@____.com
and I will help you.
L.

When you are next at the bookstore, peruse a copy of The Out of Sync Child ( in the parenting section) and see if it sounds like your son. A lot of kids with sensory issues don't like being in large groups, don't like movies (big dark room and lots of noise), can't stand tags in their clothes. This can also manifest in extreme emotional sensitivity.
Honestly, if you have a family member who can focus on him for the rest of the summer, grandma perhaps? it might be the best thing to take him out and just let him hang with her.
Work and society force us to have our child in some sort of institutional setting most of the time and they never really get a chance to sit, look at the grass and think, they seldom get enough exercise and it all manifests in behavior problems. There are plenty of kids who just prefer their own company or the company of only one other child and there is simply nothing wrong with this. Add to this his anxiety over your separation ( many kids feel they are to blame for their parents difficulties and it is hard for them to understand they are NOT). What so many schools/ camps/rec centers don't get is that kids are KIDS, they are going to get in trouble, they are going to act "bad", they are going to get in fights, they are KIDS. Read up on sensory integration, keep your family very hands on with him, lots of love and attention, encourage lots of exercise ( lots of time boys will open up when you are on a bike ride, bouncing on the trampoline, walking the dogs).You will get through this!

I feel your pain... I have a daughter with Sensory Issues (ditto recommendation on "Out of Sync child" book, also "Out of Sync Child has Fun" and "Love and Logic" although I appreciated "Child Training Tips" by Bradley and "Shepherding a Child's Heart" for discipline more practically helpful). Especially with the separation, he's acting out in addition to possible neurological challenges.

The coping methods really helped us - teaching the child to recognize he's overwhelmed (feels endangered literally, especially in a large group - resorts to a fight or flight method) and choosing to do physical exercises that calm his nerves (pressing hands together, pushing against a wall, jumping jacks, etc). I will pray for your perseverance (this will get better!) and practical, affordable solutions to your situation! God bless you!

Love and Logic is one of the best ways to handle kids. Look up the salesmanship club youth and family centers. They have a whole counseling program that is so beneficial. Its educational, not only do they look to the root of behavioral problems but they also coach you on how to handle things. The fees are based on your income level. My husband and i have been as have our kids and things really really improved for us. Good luck.

Hi N.,

I hope you are doing well! It has been quite a while since this post - but I hope to add another choice for you and be a useful resource.

I own The cerebellum Center which offers the DORE program. Your son sounds like many of the kids I see that do not have a diagnosis, but are challenged by several challenges.

I would like to talk with you about your son and ask a few questions to see if he would be able to benefit from the program.

Please take a look at www.dore.uk.com to learn more and then call me at ###-###-####. I would be happy to answer any questions you may have and I hope I can be a good resource for you!

Take care!
S.

N.- The state provides a testing program within the school system . . . if yours is not helping, ask them. As for autism, what does the peditrican say? Also do your own research on the web as there is a great resource place in Austin I have heard about . . . and I know dietary changes help a ton with issues such as this. Our daughter had a wheat allergy that made her act out at times, but research is showing in autism that cutting dairy and gluten help! I also agree with the sensory issues and there is a test you can take, that asks you questions about your son= The Sensory Profile and a therapist can provide you with this.

I read this and I thought I was reading about my son. I agree with the other ladies about having him checked for sensory issues. They appear to have behavioral issues, but it really might not be that simple. Before I realized my son had a sensory disorder, I went through the same thing with the daycares. They considered him "a problem child." I finally just ended up quitting my job and having to stay home with him. I have since realized that he was just an extremely sensitive child. He didn't see much of us-his parents as he got dropped off at daycare at 6:30am and got picked up around 5pm just in time to be fed and put to bed by 6. He was in a very busy day care room that was very loud and well, busy. He was reacting also to the negative feelings of the daycare providers because, like I said, they considered him " a problem child". Also, other kids would take his toys, or bite or hit him. He also has speech issues, and along with sensory issues, he just didn't know how to deal with everything, so he acted out- in kind of a self preservation- fight or flight. He was one stressed out, anxious little boy. It has taken me quite a while staying home with him to make him feel safe and secure again.
I can just see where your son could be feeling the same way, especially with you and your husband splitting up.
The books the other ladies have mentioned "The Out of Sync Child" is good, but also check into "The Everything Parent's Guide to Sensory Integration Disorder". I would start with that one.
If your daycare is anything like mine was, they have absolutely as many kids as they can cram in there legally and have 2 kids just out of high school trying to deal with them all. They just don't have the time or the training to deal with them. They just feel lost, abandoned, disliked, and alone. That is a horrible way for a child to feel. Your son sounds like he is feeling a whole lot of stress and anxiety and just doesn't know how to handle it-especially in a group setting. I know your back is against a wall as well.
I went through the school district to get my son help. They can evaluate him for speech and anything else he might need and put him in a special needs class. It might really help him. Mine goes for speech therapy and also while he is there they work with him in building confidence, handling himself in a group setting (which also has to do with speech- social communication)socializing him in a "safe" manner- as well as the behavioral problems and following directions. Also, what's been great about it is that it has a low teacher student ratio and everyone in there is trained to deal with them in a loving, patient way. Its also free. The change in my son since he started going there has been night and day.
It seems like something to check into.
The first thing I would do is to check into that book and if it sounds like your boy, then It has a resource guide, a what to do and where to go next. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and if you need anything else or just want to talk, please do not hesitate... Please let us know what happens...

Sounds to me like he has some major anger issues and doesn't know how to communicate how he feels. With his dad not really being there for him, that's gotta hurt. Check out your church and see if there is some help that they can offer him, or see if someone in your area will do some probono work. Don't really know what else to tell you if you're broke, plus I don't have boys, so I know that's different. I hope all goes well for you guys and I'll pray for your son.

It sounds like your son is acting out as a way of releasing his anger/tension/anxiety. ECI won't do anything, its for ages up to three years. Is the play therapy done by a professional play therapist? You also might want to see about getting him evaluated or have him talk to a child psychologist.
Good luck and God bless

I agree about looking into sensory issues as well. You might consider looking at his diet also. The Feingold diet helps some ADD and ADHD kids. Gluten (wheat) and casein(milk) are a huge problem for many kids. Most of us eat huge amounts of both daily. Have his zinc/copper ratio, magnesium, thyroid (tsh,t3, and t4) and strep titers checked by your ped. Lot of kishave imbalances that are never addressed. You might try magnesium, in any product but for some Calm works nicely.

Good luck N.- I know it isnt easy and you are very lucky to have a supportive family. Maybe he just needs some mom time - alone with you for a while- to jolt him back into whats acceptable and whats not- Our ives get so crazy that we have a hard time making that time for one on one- It seems that he is "active" whens hes around others and not with you- maybe he jsut needs that down time with mom- just yu and him- not the other child. Walk in the park- zoo- make a picnic.

Also- maybe check his diet- sometimes a simple thing ike that can mean a lot- My cousin went through that- my aunt eliminated orange soda, chocolate- hot dogs, artificial colors and packaged foods. made a huge difference-

I also know fo a woman who swears that her yoga has helped overactive child and children with focusing issues. Could be a great outlet for mom and son-She has a very soothing personality and I have read that yoga does wonders.
Eva Rosenkranz ###-###-#### YES-Yoga Education for Schools
She does classes pretty much everywhere- couldnt hurt to try
Kudos to you for being aware of it and not making excuses.-My advise- when he does misbehave have a consequence and STICK to it. I used to cave in b/c I made the consq too long in the first place- ha!
D.