Behavior When in a "Grown Up" Place

He won't be a different person in public than at home if he's used to always being entertained and doing whatever he wants. The only way to have a well behaved child in public is to be diligent at home with the same rules. Teach him what he can and can't touch at home so he knows how to follow verbal directions when you're out. Make him behave quietly at home at certain times so he knows how when those times come while you're out. Set up a "church time" at home where he has to be still and quiet if you're going to try taking him to church. Enforce meal etiquette so he's good in restaurants. It takes diligence and discipline and consequences, but it pays off BIG TIME-I can take my kids anywhere, and they realize that the whole world isn't a playroom. They can enjoy themselves and remain quiet even if situations get "boring". My son is 2 and my daughter is 3 1/2 and they've never been allowed to get away with stuff home or out. They play and get wild all the time when they're "allowed", but we enforce when they have to behave as well. Your son will be happier if he learns to improve his attention span and behave even when things aren't designed for kids. If you don't discipline him at home, you'll have to white knuckle it while you're out. Now is the age to work hard-don't let the terrible twos become the even worse threes! It's your choice. Good luck!

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Hello M..

The only way to get relatively consistent good behavior is to provide your child with the experiences. Of course you also have to be prepared. If possible, before you go to the event, allow your child to use up some of his energy running around at home or walking to the event. Bring snack foods/juice box or water bottle. Bring coloring books and crayons, regular or talking story books, travel games (like Perfection, Connect Four, Memory Game -- CVS has them). If he gets bored, see if you can take your son for a walk around the block, or at least out front/back so he can run around a bit. Kids have a lot of energy and they need to get it out. Work with who your child is and what he likes, and he will work you.

And enjoy this time. I know you probably hear it all of the time, but all things with kids are a phase -- the good parts and the bad parts.

I found that there are some simple games you can make out of nothing in my desperation.:) Chapstick air hockey - or straw or rolled up napkin - roll back and forth and try to score goals. Crayon birthday candels - stand up on end and have child "blow" them out. Eye spy - the old classic. And just improvise. Do the best you can and just acknowledge that this will not be a good time for you to chat with friends while you try to keep a handle on kids!

That and just keep being consistant on how he is to behave and it will come!

Hi, M.:

Discipline is a word that takes practice. You know as an adult that sometimes you have to learn to be patient, kind, and understanding when you are bored.

Teaching your child discipline is very difficult. Practice at home everyday. A child needs to learn to be able to occupy his mind without being entertained.

Training starts now. Do you have a problem saying "no" to your child?

If you do, start practicing. He will not be a baby long. Just wait until he is 13 and he hasn't learned to sit or play respectfully. What will you do then?

Just want to know. Good luck. D.

Hi M., Here's my personal opinion at 2-5 years of age you should avoid "unkid friendly" enviorments as much as possible. At church use the nursery program. When you have to go out make your rules plain and simple and stick to them. This is not the time to be wishy-washy. If your son does not behave then go home. If he misbehaves in the mall or a store then leave...you should not bribe your child to behave when out in public, but you do have to remember that between 2-6 or 7 kids have short attention spans and little to no self-control this is when they start to learn about it. Kids are little for such a short peroid of time...have fun, keep your life kid-friendly, and don't be too serious...it will pay off when he is older! Best wishes.

I always have snacks in my purse that seems to help!
Or even leave little toys in the car for those "just in case moments"
Best Wishes
S.

I know sometimes you just can't be prepared with "stuff". I find that using some finger and hand games can help at least divert their attention for a little while. Play the stacking hands game where you take turns putting your hands on top. Usually it only lasts a couple of minutes, but it's enough to divert them away from whatever was drawing their attention. Also just having some paper and a pen in hand can keep them occupied. You will probably have to do the drawing, but at least they are concentrated on watching you and not trying to run around.

i know it difficult to remember things but i either put them in my purse or in the diaper bag things for them to do pluse the game riddly riddley i dd i see something that you can't see and the color of it is? and then they guess what it is. My kids love it and we play at the drs office while we are waiting.
good luck T.

Some close friends of ours have a portable dvd player they keep in their car for emergencies. If their son gets over tired or too wound up and they aren't able to just leave and remove him from the situation... they will pull out the dvd player and play thomas the train shows for him. I saw it and it really did work for him. He is 3.

They don't use it all the time, which I guess is why it does work and he loves and appreciates it so much. If they over used it and depended on it constantly, I can see how that might just get thrown aside like crayons or something.

Personally, for me, I don't go that route. Kids just get tired sometimes and you just have to leave. Most other parents will understand that your child just got to that point. But if it is not at "that point"... for me.... I just am trying to teach my daughter to listen and be patient and know that this 'quiet' time isn't forever and what is coming next. And that she needs to listen to listen, not because a movie was given to her if that makes sense at all?

Normally I notice with my daughter (who will be 3 soon), if I include her in everything, she is usually ok. I just make her a part of it, whatever we are doing. She feels more grown up and involved that way if I present the situation to her differently, rather than "shooshing" her. She loves to help with everything, so normally no matter what the situation, I can some how present it to her in a fashion that makes sense to her and makes her feel special and involved and important and somehow it just works.

Sometimes preparing her ahead of time for the day as well. Just letting her know what we are doing, and what is expected of her, that way there just is no question later when we get to that point. She was prepared ahead of time, so when she gets a warning as a reminder it sort of clicks. But I understand you are also saying last minute things. I agree that the more often you experience these things, the better prepared he will be of what to expect.

I have had to take her out to the car before depending on where or what is going on, sometimes you just have to. Luckily with her, she doesn't like the whole being "embarrassed" that she got in trouble so it normally does the trick. Boys are so different than girls though, so please know that I do realize that too.

I hope you get a lot of suggestions from other moms as well, and find something that works for you guys. Take care.

The secret is to be prepared! Plan ahead for these things. A 2-3 year old can't be expected to entertain himself in an adult situation. Take toys (ones he has not seen for a while) that can be quietly manipulated, take Cheerios, snacks, anything you can think of. If he gets restless, go for a walk. Make sure that you do not attempt things near a nap time. It is all about planning. You will be planning and planning for the rest of his life, start now!

Hi M.,
You need to keep the time limited. Some religious places offer child friendly services or family sevices. They are shorter and allow children to be involved rather than sitting for 1-2 hours.
As far as visiting. Let your friends or family know in advance that because you have a young child you may need to leave earlier .

It is very easy when your child is very young to bring them every where and they will nap in a car seat while you catch up with friends. After 2-3 years it changes because they sleep less and are much more active. So this is the time when you bow out of gatherings where the other group has no children. It is an adjustment period but it is not fair to a young child to keep putting them into adult situations and then having to constantly control and apologize for an unexpected situation.

When my son was little and we had to be somewhere that there were breakables or needed to be quiet I would tell him before hand and then tell him that we will do something special for him after.

Good luck!
L.

THis is when your inner child needs to come out. Play an imaginery game. Tell you child you are a spies, and searching for long lost dinasaurs or knomes. Remind your child we have to be quiet. Whisper in his ear when you think you have spotted something. Basically, make a game out of wher you are, and use your and his imagination. Or engage, and include your child. When you find you aren't paying him enough attention, and you think he is about to act up, suddenly whisper in his ear, you have spotted a dinasaur,and ask him if he knows how we will catch it or did he remember the camera to capture it?

I think that there are two different ideas here. One is teaching your child to behave appropriately and one is distracting him. We have weaned (slowly) our 3 1/2 year old boys from books and toys in church. They are now expected to sit and listen, cuddle with us, or peruse the hymnals in this setting. This works because of repetition and consistency. However, it is much more challenging in settings that they're not familiar with, since they are so curious about new things. I keep a bag in our car at all times with crayons and coloring books, sticker books, and books that they read infrequently. These are good distractions, but they still need me to be involved. I just don't believe that there's a scenario when a three-year-old can be unsupervised for more than 30 seconds :) Other parents will understand that, and good friends should respect your need to actively parent your little ones . . .

I have a 3 and 4 year old, and I just avoid those type of situations whenever possible. Kids are kids, you can't really expect them to behave like little adults.

My advice is, like for dinner with friends, is to have it somewhere that is kid friendly, or take him to the park before you go, to get out alot of his energy.

the best way I've found that my daughters learned to sit still is library storytime. it's for their age group, so a few wander around, but they figure it out soon enough. Good luck!

I know that it is hard dealing with a two year old since I have one. I bring toys with me when I can. I bring snacks too. I can not be unprepared or he will be bored. Unfortunately, it is part of being that age.I know my son likes to color so if you can find something to color with and a piece of paper that is good to have when they are bored. I brought my two year old with me when my fiancee had to have a colonoscopy,endoscopy and we had to sit for over two hours in the waiting area. I brought his blocks with him and other favorite toys. He was pretty good considering but he was running around the waiting room periodically. I know it is hard but it is not worth it to stress yourself out.

Many churches have "quiet bags" or even nurseries. My kids were at that stage once upon a time. Developmentally they like to move within their environment and many like to put things in their mouths and touch. This is how they learn about the world around them. Understanding this my husband and I had two choices - drive ourselves crazy or realize that some places are not for 2-3 three year olds. We often excused ourselves and went home. In church, our kids went to the nursery so we and others around us could focus on worship until they were ready. Meanwhile, to help them prepare for those places we used non-stressful teachable times inbetween. For example, in the car we sang and practiced the literagy so they were able to be participating, not playing. We talked about singing to God. The manners we practiced at the dinner table when we ate together every evening were the exact same manners we expected when we were out in public. These were age appropriate, of course, but practiced. We slowly reintroduced things back in they were not allowed to play with in the living room - one item at a time. This is mama's special tea cup or daddy's special boat. They would show it to company with pride.

By the time they were 3 1/2 to 4 they did very well. We attended the entire service as a family. They were ready to sit and use a quiet bag during the sermon only as they participated during the rest of it. Going to restaurants and homes became easier as well.

It will be rewarding and just a brief time in your lives and theirs. Use it wisely and you won't regret it. These are skills they will use the rest of their lives. It is easiest to begin teaching them now. Best wishes.

One idea is to keep a small bag of things in the trunk of your car for unexpected situations. Small box of crayons, a coloring book, quiet game, small plush animals, dinosauers, etc.

For me it starts at home!! When I say stop or sit still I mean what i say..so when we go out they listen. May sound impossible, i thought so too until i put it into work and the listen....i have a 3, 1 & 5 month old