Behavior Problems W/ Almost 8 Year Old Daughter

It's true, some kids just are high-attention-needs kids. She will outgrow it, eventually. I do know it is extremely annoying.

Just keep correcting her when she interrupts, talks like a baby, etc.

N.S., below, laid out the perfect responses for you. Do it exactly as she says. Meanwhile, try to have patience, because I know how annoying this type of child can be. Just prepare to put up with it until she grows out of it -- which will DEFINITELY be by 13, by which time she will barely be able to stand being in the same room with you. :)

Parenting, isn't it fun.

She sounds just like my stepdaughter! I've discovered that some kids just HAVE to be the center of attention and are very self-focused. I've met several moms with similar kids (and they have other kids who are NOT like this) and I've now chalked it up to personality since these other moms haven't done anything differently with their other kids and are as exasperated as you and me!

My stepdaughter was like this from day one that I met her and is getting better. She is 9 now.

I've found that taking away things that have nothing to do with her behavior doesn't work. She's just bewildered because she hasn't made the connection that what she is doing is rude or wrong. She knows she did SOMETHING wrong, but doesn't "get it" even if it's explained. The consequence has to be immediate, but it doesn't have to be dramatic.

For example, if your daughter is moving off in the store and she won't stand where she's supposed to even with reminders then the consequence is she has to hold your hand. I guarantee she will hold your hand for a minute and then want to walk away, but now you explain why she can't. Also, while she's holding your hand you ignore her and go about your business. Holding hands isn't about being close. When she's really wanting to let go, then you explain what you expect and if she doesn't do it then you go back to holding her hand.

If she's bothering you while you're talking then you immediately let her know that she's interrupting, and that you are very disappointed in her lack of patience. If she's talking like a baby, then tell her you don't understand baby-talk and you'll be happy to converse when she's ready to act her age. You say it all matter-of-factly without getting excited (because she wants you to get excited) and you pay no more attention to it than you need to.

If she's going crazy, I do a time-out but I don't call it that. She sits in a chair until she is ready to act appropriately. I don't set a timer and make her sit for a period of time, she determines when she's ready. The chair is in the most boring part of the house I can find. My thought is, she doesn't have to play nice because I can't make her (you can't MAKE a child do something), but she isn't allowed to do anything else either.

I do make a point of heavily praising good behavior, and I often praise her good behavior in front of her to others. The funny thing is, the more I praise it, the more she does it. So if you can "catch" your daughter doing something right and heavily praise it, she will be more likely to do it in the future for the praise and attention.

Hope that helps a little! We're still working on it, and I feel we're headed in the right direction at least!

8 is young. It sounds like shes craving more attention, and really feels the babyish behavior will get it. Kids act like this in front of people to put you on the spot, so you have to respond, even negative attention is better than not enough. An all day consequence for not listening or following direction is alot. I wonder what she does to warrant a spanking? her misbehavior isnt an offence that requires punishment, she needs redirection. Really at this age she isnt trying to get you mad, shes trying to get more attention. Looking at kitchen tiles is boring, either leave her at home, or bring along something, put her in the cart (the big part) and let her amuse herself. Kids often require alot of attention. Maybe get her in a girls group like brownies or guides, but Im certain she feels like she needs more intereaction. They tend to keep interuppting and nagging when we're on the phone etc, well past age 8... Its just a thing with kids, they want us when we're busy, and have less neediness when we're available.

Some children just mature faster than others. I know you've talked to her about it, but she may be one of those who needs EXACT instructions when it comes to behavior. I'm a former pre-school teacher and I know that kids learn differently.

Instead of telling her to be patient and wait, you might want to either give her something to do (a responsiblity - NOT a job or distraction) and make it known that you need for her to take on this responsiblity in order to help you. When it comes to talking, make sure you are SPECIFIC on the alternative behaviors. Rather than interrupting, talk about alternatives, i.e. saying, "Excuse me", and getting your attention that way. If you are in the grocery store, ask her to look at labels and tell her how much sugar, fiber, protein, etc are in something. (This might be an education for both of you) so that she learns to make good food choices.)

Don't use chores as punishment. Kids will learn to think that chores aren't necessarily a responsiblity, only something that is done when you are bad. You don't want her to think that your household responsbilities are "chores". Instead, ask her to spend some time thinking about how else she might have BETTER HANDLED the situation. In the beginning, she might need help. As things progress, she'll be able to figure most of them out on her own and that's when you'll start to she that she's learning to think and handle things differently.

Rather than take away, do chores, etc., turn these episodes into learning experiences that make her THINK differently. This is a huge part of maturity. If you learn to THINK differently, you'll learn to act differently.

IT sounds like anxiety. My daughter has a hard time wen the crowd gets big. SHe can a few girls over or my van is full of kids and she takes and can't stop talking. I have to remind her to let other people talk and to not talk over other people. I have a son that is on the autism spectrum. I also have a son that they just diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I think they act out when they are not comfortable. I also have been reading a book about food and have found that certain foods with artificial coloring and high fructose corn syrup can really trigger kids. The book is called The Unhealthy Truth. It talks about how certain foods have been genetically modified so our bodies have a hard time with these foods. The author saw a complete turn around with one of her kids just from removing certain foods from his diet. Food allergies/intolerances are know to cause certain behaviors in children.

I would suggest you read some of John Rosemond's things about kids misbehaving and still acting like toddlers well beyond that age. One thing he says to do is tell the child what behaviors are no longer permitted and make sure they understand. Then tell them for the next 3-6 weeks they have to go to bed earlier to make those behaviors stop. If at anytime those behaviors creep back up the 3-6 weeks start over again. A little tough love but it does work.

In my opinion redirection doesn't always work and neither do punishments. I believe in punishments, spankings and such, but if she would like to act like a baby maybe you should treat her like one. Earlier bed time, no playing games, tv is ok to watch but babies can't play games like the Wii or DS. I know it sounds a little harsh but it may work. She will start not to like being treated as such and may straighten out. I know my mom did this with my sister and it worked. As for the public display if she can't stand in the one spot you asked and keeps running off you tell her she has to hold your hand for the entire time she's there, she is not to touch anything. And when you have company over at your house if she starts acting up and being annoying and loud then you tell her she can spend the rest of night in the room (of course after she's eaten). Good luck.

Any punishment or consequence should happen right away. It should also be something that is more of a natural consequence. If you do not stay with me in the store, you will have to hold my hand. It might also help to explain your expectations. When guests are expected, or you are walking into a store, let her know exactly what you expect of her and what will happen if she does or doesn't do what you wish. Watch for those times when she is exhibiting the proper behavior, and let her know that is how you want her to behave and praise her.

Hope this helps!

I agree whole heartedly with Deb K's suggestions on using very specific redirections. But I also just wanted to point out you have a wonderful resource at your disposal, your school's guidance counselors and psychologists. I know not all districts have them, but please consider contacting yours if you do. They help the parents with issues in and out of school. and they're free! :). They are there to help you. Good luck!

It is probably her emotional maturity..... so thusly, she does not understand social nuances or age appropriate behavior or how to gauge emotions/situations etc. And she still lacks, command of "impulse-control." Even though... she is soon 8 years old.

The 'emotional IQ" or the 'emotional intelligence" of a child... really does, impact their behavior.

Here is one link on it, for example:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-raise-an-emotionally-i...

To me... it is just her emotional maturity or lack there of.

all the best,
Susan

I don't know if this will work, but my mother-in-law swore by the concept of "goody tickets." Instead of taking things away, your daughter has to EARN privileges with "goody tickets." A goody ticket is a ticket that kids earn for doing the right thing (my MIL used raffle tickets you can buy at the store; I made mine on the computer using the business card function). When you catch your daughter in the at of behaving appropriately, she gets a goody ticket.

Then, your daughter cashes in the goody tickets for a privilege. My sons had to cough up 10 goody tickets to watch 30 minutes of tv/wii/ds. They had to cough up 30 tickets to go on a play date. Fifty goody tickets earned them a trip to see a movie or the bookstore. We had a full "menu" of options!

If your daughter hasn't earned enough goody tickets to do something, she can spend her time doing chores or in her newly stripped down room (only clothes and a bed...take out all toys, books, games, etc.). At one point or another, both my boys have had their rooms stripped and, to hear them tell it, a stripped down room is one step up from a dungeon. I laughed and said that little boys who behave well get their stuff back!

With my older son, we did this for about a month before his behavior changed permanently. For my younger son, the stripped down room, massive chores and goody tickets were required, in some combination, for about three months for us to see a permanent change. My youngest is MUCH more stubborn than his older brother. <g>

In the end, though, it was me cheerfully saying "show me your tickets! Oh! You don't have enough. Too bad..." that really drove the point home.

Good luck. I hope this helps.