Behavior in School

For us, it happened in 1st grade. Same thing, not staying on task, not listening, grade on level but sometimes below since he would only listen to the first part of the instructions and then zone out and therefore do the work incorrectly. It began to escalate and he started getting really angry and grinding his teeth and ultimately, he hit his teacher (who he adored) and was suspended. Within the first two weeks of first grade, his teacher called to tell us about his behavior. We were like you, totally confused and wondering what we did or didn't do and what the heck should we do now!!?? The stress began!

We put him in counseling thinking it was some sort of anger management problem for a 5 y/o! She was great and he saw her for basically all of 1st grade, but ultimately, she recommended we have him evaluated. After many months of trying to get an appointment (we went to Mt Washington Pediatric Hosp in Balt) he was diagnosed with ADHD. I cannot stress the amount of stress my hubby and I went thru that year. We actually thought he was going to fail first grade!! He was terrible to his teacher - or extremely sweet, he was awful to his classmates - or their very best friend. It was a Jackyl and Hyde kind of thing and we were just overwhelmed and lost.

We decided to put him on medication for the ADHD (everyone has to decide how they feel about it, but we had most of a school year to see what he was like off meds, so we decided to go ahead with them). The transformation was amazing. He still has tendencies to be a little scattered, but he is much easier to refocus now. Within a couple weeks on meds, his teacher called to tell us how wonderful his behavior was and that they were able to put him in the upper math level where he belonged - now that he was able to focus and listen.

You son may not have any issues like ADD/ADHD or similar, but if you're having this much trouble (and stress), contact his pediatrician and see what she says. If you need to find a counselor, then do so. If you need to have him evaluated - even just to rule it out, then do so.

As always, consistency is key. I know it's hard and I really feel for what you're dealing with. I remember feeling so lost and useless.

I'm not sure what county you're in, but the school should offer some preliminary evaluations as well. Get them involved - these are free services that the school is required to offer but you usually have to ask and sometimes insist for them to do so. Work all the angles to get as much help as you can.

Let me know if you'd like any more info!!
Good luck
J.

2 moms found this helpful

He's not engaged in the activities. Try to find what motivates him so that he will do his tasks. Let him know the teachers need proof that he knows what he's doing so that he can do more interesting things. He also may find some secret nuggets of new interesting things if he does the tasks the teacher asks.

Same thing with behavior, He has to prove to the teachers that he can do as they tell him so he can do the fun stuff. It sounds like you are already trying to do this.

I reccomend seeking a family psychologist to help give you tools to better communicated between each other. Sometimes kids will open up more to someone who isn't mom and dad. Even the most fantastic, balanced, wonderful parents in the world sometimes need an outside perspective and a few tips.

Best of luck to you,

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Everything you've described are all warning signs for adhd &/or giftedness (adhd kids are also usually gifted, so one doesn't rule out the other).

My 5 q's on a quick "adhd rule out" are this:

1) Does he have periods of intense concentration on anything "interesting" (known as "hyperfocus" it *always* comes along with adhd, it's the flip side of the dispersed focus).
2) Does he have intense emotional reactions?
3) Does he have "opposite caffeine reaction"? (aka caffeine makes him calmer OR sleepy)
4) Is he able to think/act more clearly and responsibly in "chaotic" environments (like sports, or with music playing loudly in the background, or in a moving car)?
5) Does he become easily overwhelmed in non-chaotic (quiet, restful) environments (library, stores, etc.) that "should" inspire calm?

If you answered yes to any or all of those first 4 I'd lay money on the table he has this same gift that my son and I both have (the 5th is also almost always found with adhd, but it's found with other things as well). It really is a gift, but it also has a lot of challenges. What you've already said has me at 70% adhd &/or gifted. "Does not consistently or regularly complete or turn in HW" is actually part of the diagnostic criteria. So is "parents talking until they are blue in the face". It's not that we don't WANT to, it's not that we aren't TRYING, it's that our brains work differently. You can't talk a dyslexic into being able to read, or a genius into not being as smart, because these aren't decisions.

We adhd'ers are often willful, passionate, stubborn, intelligent, big hearted, "backwards" (we get the hard stuff easy, but can't do the easy to save our own lives), people. And there are thousands of tricks to deal with all the quirks that come along with it. And they are often the OPPOSITE of what one would do with a non-adhd kid (like blasting music while doing homework).

Try picking up the book http://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/07432... At $10 it's a steal. Nominally for adults, it ALSO allows adults to see patterns in kids with adhd that is SUPER helpful.

1 mom found this helpful

Does he like his teacher? Maybe there is something there in her personality that is just getting on his nerves.

or maybe there is someone in his class he really likes and is messing up to get their attention....

other than those two questions I think you covered all your basis. Only he can tell you what is wrong.

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Tell the teacher to quit her freaking whining and challenge your child intellectually and deal with it-you don't want or need anymore emails and the like-substantiating her ineptitude to teach and engage your child.I can safely bet your son will do something not to have to go on the field trip. I have a dear friend whose son had trouble in school. When I would visit and drop him at school-I would say, in the words of the late, great "Bear" Bryant-"Do something great today!" He loved that!

I would definitely talk to his teacher. Get specifics of what is happening around the time he is misbehaving. Ask about his academic placement and see examples of his classwork. We went thru the every other day phone calls/e-mails from teachers about my son in 2nd grade too. He too was reading on the 6th grade level but I don't think that was his problem. My son's problem wasn't so much he was the disruptive one but he was having meltdowns in class and screaming at everyone when other kids were being disruptive and not paying attention at all and just chewing his clothing and having a hard time following directions (take out your journal, read directions, do this, etc). Does your son act the same way at home that he does at school? Do you see the same lack of focus at home during homework or other times (grocery store, church, etc)? Is his disruptive behavior only at school? My son has ADHD with major anxiety and depression. Once we got the anxiety and depression under control he is doing better though his concentration still isn't great but at least he's not screaming at his classmates. He seems a happy go lucky kid but apparently his anxiety just started taking over and I never guessed it by his actions. Ask to speak to the school psychologist too. They can be a wealth of information but definitely start with the teacher first (without the child) so you can get a better idea of what is going on. Then have a meeting with all 3 of you. Good luck. It's not easy or quick but things work out eventually.

he sounds like a wonderful child and you sound like really wonderful parents. my gut says he's unhappy with his classroom situation and is having trouble expressing it, or understanding himself why and what's going on.
homeschooling would be best for a kid like this, but it doesn't sound like it's an option in your family situation.
is a montessori school an option? some child-led learning sounds like just the ticket here. he needs a challenge, not academically but overall. i bet dollars to donuts that if he had some choice in what his studies and pursuits are focused on he'd take off like a jackrabbit.
i hope you can find the right situation for him. he does not sound ADD to me, or in need of meds or psychoanalysis. he sounds to me like a kid itching to carve out his own path.
khairete
S.

Have you asked your son why he's getting into so much trouble. I know at first he'll say, "I don't know." But let him ponder it because you want to help him figure out what's going on. He sounds like a great kid who's not enjoying getting into trouble all the time either. It must be very frustrating for him too. It may very well be that he cannot control his behavior (ADD). The classroom environment is not really conducive to the learning style of most 8 year olds. There's a LOT of passive behavior, sitting, listening, bookwork, reading, etc. If he has an attention deficit on top of just being 8, it's a wonder he doesn't just jump right out of his skin at school. I hope you are able to find out soon what will help your son. He needs you to step up and get some answers. The school has resources. Demand them! Good luck!

If he makes the decision to continue the behavior, thus missing the field trip maybe that will be the wake up call he needs to get his act together. Be your child's guide - remind him of his responsibility but ultimately it is up to HIM to decide if he wants to behave well enough to go on the trip. This 'soft fail' will sting but it won't be a complete soul-crushing, life-changing event.

If you've not done it yet, schedule a conference for the three parties - the teacher, your child, and you. Put everything out on the table and perhaps come up with a behavior contract. Let the kid decide on appropriate consequences for his negative behavior (I would discourage material rewards for positive behavior...that is an expectation as a civilized human being and we should not get treats for doing what we should be doing in the first place). By empowering the child in the contract negotiations, he knows exactly what is expected of him and knows exactly what will happen when he breaches the contract.

Mom. I'd make an appt with the teacher asap if you havent already and see if you and she can talk about how to get this behavior under control. Hopefully she can make some suggestions to help. Was he like this at all in 1st grade? I would not punish him by not allowing him to go on the field trip, I would go along as a chaperone. THis is a way to see how his behavior is although it may different with you there. You may want to have him tested for ADD if he can't concentrate or focus, it sounds like he has little slef control.He could also be tested for giftedness too. Talk to the teacher and guidance dept to see if they offer this testing and how long it takes to get it done. Some school districts take months to test so you may want to test privately to get it done sooner. Good luck with this, hope things get better soon.