Behavior in Church

C.,

We had the same problem with our first child at church. I noticed as I would visit different congregations on vacation that there were a few parents out there who never seemed to have any problems with their kids. When I saw them, I would ask them their secret. It shocked me - especially because it was always the same answer. "We don't bring any entertainment for our kids."

I was skeptical at first. How could we ever survive 1 hour 15 minutes with NOTHING to do. We tried it. The first month was a nightmare. My daughter was so used to being demanding and my husband and I had given her anything to keep her quiet. She was not used to having any self discipline. Then little by little it got better. She learned that Mommy and Daddy were there to hear the sermon and she was just going to have to sit quietly. We have 4 kids now and they all sit and listen to the sermon quietly for 1 hour 15 minutes every Sunday with no entertainment and we never have to take them out. It was much easier with the last three because it was always like that from the time they were babies. They cuddle on our laps and sometimes we rub their backs, but that is it.

You are right to put the child in time out if you have to take them out. If she is too loud, do the timeout in the car with the heater on or something. Some parents take their children out and let them play. Guess what? Their kids are 6 and still act out in church to go play in the hall. I have also seen parents think that they will just wait to bring their kids to church when they are older and they can handle it. Guess what? Their 8 year old behaves like a 2 year old. It is just one of those things they have to learn.

Best of luck,

S.

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C.-

I feel with you! My 2 1/2 year old daughter is going through a similar thing with just being rather loud in church, and it is hard for me (although my husband grew up where this socializing with family/others during the service was smiled upon, and he sees nothing wrong with it). My dau doesn't understand whispering/quiet voice yet, and just goes "Shhh" when I tell her/give her the example. After reading Shellie's response, I have to agree with her. The kids that seem to make it through the service without a peep are those with nothing to do except sit on Momma's lap - which doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me either. Our daughter DOES pay attention to the service a little bit, but is more likely to say loudly, "Where's the pastor?", parrot the words of the pastor's sermon, or try to sing along to the songs (which is actually fun). We seem to get into trouble when she's bored with her toy bag or wants help with the toys, or worse yet when she's having fun and laughing (loudly) sometimes at quiet times in the service.

So - if you have a nursery, I'd recommend trying that. If you don't have one, maybe try prepping her with role-play at home, and verbal instruction beforehand. And maybe try some rules at church as you feel comfortable, and no toys.

Let me know if you find the magic formula :-) Good luck!
T.

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We practice having quiet time at home. They have to sit in a confined area and play quietly.

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I think you are expecting too much for a 2 1/2 year old. Their ability to sit still doesn't seem to develop until they have more practice - like in preschool. I think my daughter got better at around 4 or 5. If you can make it for part of the service, great. Then try the nursery and maybe come back later. Maybe if she makes it for all of the service you can go out for a special breakfast or a donut. Make your expectations with her clear ahead of time and keep practicing.

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Boy, no real suggestions, other than perhaps she's not getting enough social time with others. I'm VERY social, always have been...it's a strength of mine to not be shy or strike up a conversation with people I don't know. I CRAVE conversations with people I don't know and am seldom intimidated by people I first meet. I enjoy conversing, meeting new people and getting to know them, and again...quickly moving on to another, lots of people to meet. I'm not obnoxious about it, but at 2, maybe I was. 2 yr olds don't hide their feelings well. Perhaps your daughter has that same strength and wants to be social. She might crave that socializm just like I do. If you think that's the case, try and get her involved in other groups where she can get her socializing time, or get to church early so she can meet and greet the people around her prior to the service starting. That may help her feel more comfortable in sitting when she's supposed to.

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I would say, just keep doing what you are doing. She IS 2 1/2. I am working on this with my 18 month old right now, but as my mother-in-law says..."A quiet church is a dying church".
The sound of little voices are (should be) welcomed in a church.
(I'm not saying don't work with kids to help them realize how to behave in church...just don't stress over it.)

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C.,

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having. And yet, how wonderful that your little girl enjoys being at church! Does your church have a toddler/preschool nursery that you could have your daughter be in during the service? If you do, that might help - obviously it won't teach her (yet) how to sit quietly through a church service, but honestly, some two-three year olds just aren't ready to sit there that long and still be quiet. If your church doesn't offer a nursery for her age group, you can resort to postive re-enforcement. Try offering her a sticker to put on a piece of paper for every service she can make it through without interruption. This way, she can also see how good she's doing when she sees how many stickers on her her paper. Anything that rewards the good behavior often works. Maybe instead of stickers, you offer her the chance to watch a movie or video, play a game, whatever, if she's able to be quiet during church. I hope you're able to find something that works! Best of luck!!

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AT 2 1/2. SHE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SIT THROUGH A full SERVICE...
YOU ARE STARTING HER IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION BY TAKING HER TO PUBLIC PLACES AND LETTING HER KNOW WHAT IS EXPECTED OF HER , BUT THIS WILL TAKE TIME AND YOU MAY HAVE TO LEAVE EARLY.... A SUGGESTION MIGHT BE A DAY ROOM WHERE OTHER PARENTS AND YOURSELF CAN TAKE TURNS WATCHING THE CHILDREN WHEN THEY GET TOO ANTSY TO REMAIN IN THE SERVICE.

I know what your going thru. I'm currently having the same problem w/ my soon to be 8 yr. old special needs son. Let me know what you find out. Sorry I do not have any suggestions at this time. GOOD LUCK!!

C.

Hi does your Church have a nusery where she can play with other kids ? if not maybe talk to your Pastor andor the board members of your church about that , to start one . it works wonders at my church. C. N

When my daughter was that age she was just like that in church... I started sitting in a bench/church pew by the wall and putting her in the inside so she couldn't get away from me and wonder. As for being quiet I've always been good at keeping mine quiet whether it's in church, a store, at home. I'm very strict about loud obnoxious children all the time not just at church. Maybe do this more often with your daughter so it's just not at church she may not understand when it's appropriate to be loud. Practice "library" voices sort of thing and also this is typical 2 year old behavior they have very very short attention spans. I used to tell my daughter "SSsshhh a baby is sleeping" it would grab her attention and she would sush up right away and look around for the baby kinda mean cause there wasn't really ever a baby but it worked.

C.,

We have a 3.5 year old and church has always been difficult as well. I have really tried to find something new and intriging(sp?) every few weeks. I know that can be a pain, but something as easy as stringing noodles, a new coloring book, pages I print from clip art online, an eye spy pillow, home-made file folder games, or even quiet busy books. I know that it probably feels like you are not getting anything out of church at this point and it is just a battle, but it is important that you keep going for both you and your family. She will catch on one of these days and it WILL be worth it.

As for the person who said not to go to church( Jean B.).......that is absolutely obsurd and a bit offensive. C. needs help on what to do in church, I'm sure she already knows what to do when she isn't in church. As far as the value.....OMGosh I am so grateful that my parents had the patience to take us to church. Please be a better reader!!!

I've raised 4 kids in the church every Sunday since they were babies. Don't worry she'll get it. The best thing you've got going for you is, she likes church. I take my kids out when they're not acting appropriately, just like in any other life situation. Don't let her back in until she's calm and quiet. Make sure she knows whats expected of her in church. Encourage her to notice how others are acting in the service. Just curious, how does she do when she sits with other people?? Church is about family and community to me. I disagree with those who tell you to give up on having her in church with you. I DO think she is getting something out of it at her young age. I know it is stressful for you when she is loud, but I'm willing to bet that others don't mind. I enjoy kid noise in church. Your daughter is the future of your congregation. She should be there to learn about what that means. You're on the right track!!! good luck

Have you ever thought of not making her attend church ? Both you and she would be happier, and a 21/2 year old has no idea what church is all about any way. Putting her and yourself in this position does not seem to have a value.

What a great mom you are for bringing your little one to church! I own a business that encourages families to do just that! I also have three children of my own.
My advice has always been to keep trying it will get better. Here are a few tips to add to your bag of tricks for Sunday morning:
1. Talk about church Saturday night! Pick out clothes, and pack a special "Pew Bag" with special quiet "to does".
2. Remind everyone how to behave before you walk into church.
3. Make a plan for unacceptable behavior, "If you talk loudly, or sit under the pew we will take you out and not return until...".
4. Follow through. One adult will miss most of the service. That's just where your life is now. It is okay.
5. Pray together for God's help to act appropriatly.
At my church we ask the restless ones to return for peace and communion. That way they can return at a more active time in the service which will not bother others as much.

God bless!
Miss K.

Do they offer childcare at your church? Maybe they don't, and that's why she's with you, but if they do, I highly recommend you take advantage of it. I know a few people who take their small kids in with them to church (when there's childcare) and I don't understand why. It is so good for them to be exposed to that. You are doing a great thing by attending church, so let her experience it at her own level. My youngest used to cry when we dropped her off, but as soon as we left the tears stopped. Both of our girls love it, and it's so fun to see them come out with their little projects, etc. Hopefully they have it and you can take advantage of it!