BACKGROUND: My daughter is 26 months old and sleeps in her crib. She is very happy in her crib and I do not intend on moving her to a bed until she shows signs of wanting to climb out or get a big girl bed. Her room is directly next to my son's room, who is 11 months old. Unfortunately, the walls are thin and sound carries easily. We have white noise playing at a moderate (not soft!) level to try to mask house noises (so the baby's crying doesn't wake her and vice-versa.) Moving rooms is not an option. She is really good about bedtime, seems happy with her bedtime routine, and is an overall great sleeper. She has been sleeping with a "Lovey" (a bear blanket) for almost a year now.
PROBLEM: Sometime in the past week, either my husband or babysitter put her to nap/bed with another small teddy bear (about the size of a beanie-baby). And for the past 3 days, she has been pushing "small bear" out through the crib slots and calling for me or Daddy to retrieve the bear. She hollers for us (not crying -- just yelling) until we come up and get her the bear and tell her to quiet down. If not for my son in the next room, I would have no problem letting her scream and cry herself to sleep, to finally put an end to these games. However, I'm still struggling with my son's sleep schedule and just cannot allow her to wake him up.
Since I was 99.9% sure she was doing this intentionally, tonight I decided to not allow her to take the small bear to bed (we tucked him in her doll cradle instead.) Of course, she was upset and I hoped she would simply calm herself and go to sleep. Daddy went into her room once and told her she needed to quiet down and go to sleep. But after he left this time, she threw her original "Lovey" out (which she has never done before). This actually made her near-hysterical, and she was screaming at the top of her lungs for one of us to come up and retrieve the bear. (I didn't realize how loud she can scream!!)
I honestly do not know what to do. Both my husband and I are almost enraged at her for waking up the baby. But we do not know how to break her of this very annoying habit. She is, obviously, doing this to postpone bedtime and get some extra attention. But she is home all day with me (and her brother!) and she commands most of my positive attention for most of the day. Up until this, her bedtime routine has worked really well. We never, ever had to go back into her room after going through the bedtime routine until now. Can anyone please give me some ideas of how to fix this situation (and save my son from waking-up)?
Hi Ladies! Thanks for the notes! Actually, I have no problem letting my daughter cry it out -- I'm looooonnnnnnng over my "heart breaking" when she cries!! I really do want her to learn about the consequences of her actions. But it is just SO UNFAIR that this is just one more situation in which my second-born is given the short end of the stick. Not only is he subject to being on the back-burner whenever she needs something during the day, but now his sleep is being disrupted. I feel so sorry for my little boy. I guess it's just one of the burdens of having two kids so close in age.
Here is a crib tent online that may solve the problem - it is a netting over top and sides of crib:
http://www.csnbaby.com/asp/show_detail.asp?sku=XI1001&...
This one is $69, but sometimes ANY PRICE is right when it can keep bedtime peaceful for the family, right? :)
If she's really looking for attention, though - she'll probably get creative with something new ... oh my!
Good luck!
It's amazing how smart these little ones are when they're soo young. You're right, she's looking for more attention from you. Probably jealousy of the new little guy. Maybe if you put her to bed later, much later when she's about to collapse. She's being a stubborn little one (like a lot of girls are). Good luck mama
put the baby in pack and play for two or three nights in your room and let her scream it out. it is hard to do - but the only thing that will work.
Children are extremely smart and she's figured out that you will come to her. You have to let her cry it out, check on her periodically so she knows that she's not alone but don't take her out of the crib. If she continues to throw her bear out of the crib, then take it away from her. Make her understand that she will get it back when she stops screaming, crying, throwing out of the crib. She's not only affecting your time alone with your husband but she's also affecting your son's sleep time. It will hurt for a little while because she'll continue to wake your son up until she understands the rules and actually falls asleep. I don't know what your bed time routine is, but maybe spending some time with her in her room, reading a story, giving her mommy/daughter time that she wants and once it's time for sleep then get firm and stay firm otherwise she's going to rule your life and it's not going to be fun.
Tie the stuffed animal on the backside of the crib slates on a short leash so she can't get twisted up in it and she can't throw it out.
And every child goes through phases that will test you. You may have to risk a night or two that your son wakes to prove to her that she won't ger her way. Tell her right up front that if she throws the blankie or the stuffed animal out she will not get it back. When she screams go in, put the animal or blankie on a shelf and tell her I told you not to throw it out, then lay her down gently but firmly and tell her that it is time to go to sleep now. Walk out....if she continues to scream, go back in gently but firmly lay her back down and then tell her again that it is time to go to sleep. If you are old school like me, that is when you will swat her little bottom.
I just read your response in the "what happened" section, and just have to say - as your son gets older, he will have his opportunities to get even with his sister! He WILL take advantage of every opportunity! No need to feel sorry for him over this!
I'm probably going to tell you the same thing as the other moms. You're just going to have to let her scream until she falls asleep. It might take a couple of nights and is going to break your heart and drive you nuts, but as you know, now that she knows you will go to her room, she's going to continue to do it. We had a similar situation and as upset as I was, after 2 nights, it stopped. Be strong! L
having 4 kids all addicted to blankies, I understand what your daughter is doing. I also had them close in age and always concerns about one waking other. My first daughter played these games with tossing out blankies. Maybe even 2nd daughter. Dont remember exactly when the crib tent changed
I used a crib tent for my kids so they wouldnt climb out.
This also solved another problem of toss out blankies.
The crib tents now are completely mesh lined for the entire crib.
From inside the crib, a child can't push anything out.
Sounds like smething you should consider.
Good luck!
K., mom of 4, ages 8,6,4,3
What if you sew the little bear to something bigger?
Just a thought.
Get rid of the bear. I know it's about more than the bear. But it could be the trigger point for whatever she's going through. Tell her that Mr. Bear went to visit whoever her favorite relative is. But make sure to give the bear to that relative (don't want to lie ~ she'd eventually figure that out too).
Your daughther has discovered way that she can turn you both into puppets. If it doesn't stop, it will continue and grow into new situations until she is in charge, all the time. The best way to stop this is to stop playing her game. Either turn up the white noise machine in the 11 mo. old's room, or move the baby into another room for a few nights. If that isn't possible, then come to terms with the possibility the 11 mo old might be woken up by the battle cries, but in the long run, a couple nights up with the 11 mo old will be worth it in the end, when you regain your authority over the 2 yr old.
When you put her to bed, go ahead and give her the bear and the lovey, but tell her that if they come out of the bed for any reason, they will be staying out the whole night. She will either beilive you and stop, or she'll test you. More likely she'll test you. It is absolutely imperetive that you stick to your guns and NOT give her back what she tossed out. She'll try crying, she knows how to break your heart to get her way... then she'll try to bargain, maybe tell you it 'accidentally' fell out of the bed in order to get it back. You can't fall for it. She'll know she can manipulate you if you don't catch this now. It might on the surface sound cruel to withold something that your child loves and treasures, but remember that you already established the consecquence, and the choice was hers. You will not be doing her any favors if you allow this to continue.
I know it's hard to find time to read, especially with the ages of your children, but if you can make time for this book, it will save your daughter alot of struggles. It's called "The Journey of a Strong-Willed Child, Aaron's Story." It's by Kendra Smalley, AND her now-adult son, Aaron. The insights will amaze you, especially from Aaron.
Shenanagans... that is a cute way to describe your frustration! Bravo!!! Let her cry. Do your normal bedtime routine and kiss and hug all over her and then say good night. If she screams for her lovey, bring it to her, tell her to keep it with her because you will not come back, remind her that it is bedtime and walk away. I know it sounds so mean but If you give in to her for your son's sake, you're not doing either one of them any favors. Hopefully you do not tip toe around the house when either of your children are sleeping so why do it at night? My boys share a room and have shared a room since my youngest was born. He would cry in the middle of the night - the screeches I was sure were heard by my parents who live 4 miles away and my oldest would either sleep through it or come into our room and sleep on the floor. Both children will adjust. When your daughter figures out her screaming will not bring you into the room, then she will stop. It's a game but you have to make sure you win. =)
Good luck!!
We're doing some of the same stuff with my little guy who's 27mos.
All I can tell you is "buck up" and accept a couple nights of no sleep ... for all. Let the toy drop, don't pick it up, don't respond to her hollars.
IF she carries on and starts the "weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth" when you don't respond, another option is -(it's a pretty good shocker for the child)- put her in a "reverse time-out" - meaning, bring her to the family room/den and give her a time out there, explaining that everyone else is sleeping, she's waking them up, and until she can go back to bed nicely she will be up there. (and don't give her the bear when she does go back to bed.)
That worked well for my son. I didn't leave him unattended so he could hurt himself, but was out of his vision, and there was just a dim light on.
Hi Mom LK,
If possible, take the baby to one of the Grandparents or an Aunt for a couple of nights. Then, let your daughter cry it out. It's the only way she will stop this manipulation of you & your husband. If taking the baby out of the house during the night is not an option, then the baby will have to suffer along with the rest of you guys for a few of nights. If your daughter is stubborn (like mine was), it may take more than just 2 nights. It took us 4 or 5 really bad nights before we were able to stop her shenanagans. Be strong & don't give in.
try not putting her to bed with the bear therefore she has nothing to use to get your attention with. then you'll know what's really going on.
Isn't it amazing how one little thing like putting a small toy in the crib can start such a problem!?? I personally think there is no way you're going to stop this behavior without her crying. Once you leave the room you just can't go back in no matter what she does. That being said, could you maybe keep your son up a little later the first couple nights? Put him to bed after his sister is done with her tantrums and has fallen asleep? He may be a little tired but at least he won't get woken up...which could start another set of issues!! Good luck!
I spent $80 on a crib tent that covers the entire crib sides and overhead. There's no way she can chuck anything out. My little guy is 2 1/2 and he loves it. We made a big deal out of it, calling it his special tent. I found it at babies r us. Of course, if she's really just doing it for the attention, she might just sit in there and scream anyway. But it might be worth trying, if for no other reason you can use it on the younger baby later so that the older sister can't accidently put any small toys in his crib. Good luck!
I wonder why she is suddenly trying to postpone bedtime if she never did before the new bear was introduced? That doesn't make sense to my mind. It would seem that a good fix would be a bumper in her crib so that the bear doesn't fall out. If you are worried about her suffocating with a bumper you can go to onestepahead.com or Babies R Us for that matter and buy a mesh-like bumper that is safe and allows air circulation. Good Luck!
We had this problem with my youngest 2 daughters(13 months apart) and ended up just leaving the baby in the room by herself and moving my 2y/o in with my older 2 girls...anyway, what works best for us is a fan. We have like a wind tunnel fan that we keep turned on hi in the babies room and she doesnt hear a thing. Good luck!
Here are some ideas: temporarily put your son to bed in his portacrib somewhere else in the house and let her yell it out. Tell yourself, "I am the adult here, so I am able to control my anger." Look at the big picture, soon this will pass and it will work out if you regain the upper hand. Talk to her as if she understands you in a calm voice, "We will only pick up your teddy one time, if you throw him out again we will not come in and give it back to you" Then, follow through, when/if she throws it out, go in and say, "If you throw it out again, I will not get it for you'. Crying it out is easier if you pop your head in after 5min, without saying anything, just to let her know you're still there. If she continues to cry,pop in again after 10 min, and then again after 15 min. So that is approximately 1/2 hour of crying time and most kids quit before that. Also, during the rest of the day, speak to her desire to be with you, "You miss being with just Mommy, don't you. I miss being with just you." The other moms will have some ideas for how to spend more one on one with her.
As far as her taking up so much of your time during the day, and I think that is your real frustration, try not to react to her shenaningans with anger or false interest, be matter of fact and either ignore them or take care of them while speaking in a normal tone of voice. You know she understands a lot of what you say so over and over say things like, "I want to spend time with you in fun ways, not with this silliness" "It doesn't really matter if you get..." "I have to feed the baby now, and I know you understand that" Let her be your little helper with the baby. "If you keep whining at me it makes me feel tired, please stop" then add a dramatic demonstation of your tiredness, like hanging your head down, or putting it on the table. "I need to have some quiet time, you sit here and look at a book." She will respond to the genuineness of your words and tone. Some times adding some dramatics that kids understand helps her understand your meaning. This is about communication, and with a child whose language abillity is still minimal. Throw your arms in the air and look amazed and say, "Again, you want me to do ... for you again!' Have your husband read these responses.
sounds tome like she needs to get a big girl bed and learn to be a big girl. You need to cut the apron strings a little by allowing her to move out of the crib and into her own big girl bed. She is obviously in need of some change for bedtime routine. She is commanding your attention 24/7 and that is not healthy for her or your other child. She needs to learn to care for herself a little. Well, as little as a 2 year old can care for themselves. Bedtime can be a very hard thing to get under control for a child and once the shananagans (such as you call them) start and are let to continue the more trouble you are opening yourself to.
Good luck
