Bedtime Routine for 13 Month Old

Hi J.,
I have a beautiful 18month old girl and I'm a first time sahm also. She has been going to bed without the bottle (weaned at 12 months) since she was a year old. She still does not go to sleep without crying first and the first month or so was heartbreaking and once in awhile I still feel bad. I don't think that kids ever actually go to sleep on there own until they are 3 or so, and until then they just cry it out, sometimes for a long time. Just like us, we don't immediately fall asleep as soon as we hit the pillow. Other ladies in my playgroup have older children that actually climb out of their cribs or throw fits because they don't want to sleep. Bedtime is one of those things that parents will always have to fight for, but I think it is better for them to learn how to fall asleep on there own accord. They also don't need to have anything to eat a few hours before bed, especially if they have teeth and actually a full stomach can make it harder to sleep properly. If he is not sleeping through the night yet, it is time to let him cry it out when he wakes up. Letting your child cry is the hardest, but like most things, the best. Good luck with everything!

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First, don't beat yourself up ... getting most children to sleep on their own is a struggle at some point. It might not have been any easier if you'd done it earlier! I nursed my oldest to sleep for quite a while - bath, books, nurse to sleep. When I changed it I did it gradually - bath, nurse, books, lay her down in crib while I sat in rocking chair - then I'd usually sneak out of her room. We've gradually changed in many times. She also seems to change things on her own every 3-4 months. When I weaned her I went to letting her have a sippy cup of water in bed with her - we eventually took that away, too. Both of my daughters have gone in and out of wonderful sleep habits. One things for sure with kiddos - nothing lasts forever!

J.,
I would suggest putting playtime first (as this can be stimulating not relaxing) and perhaps after each activity give a little bit more of the bottle. End, like one of the other respondents suggests, with reading in a dim room with soft music and cuddling (sitting in a rocker or on the floor, not lying down). It may take a month to ease into a new routine or longer. Allowing him to cry and understand that you will not be hovering while he falls asleep will take self control on your part but overall it's compassionate.
I do NOT agree with the last writer who thinks that babies don't sleep through the night until 3 years old! My baby started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old and still does at 8.5 months. This is true with my friends (6 of us in all) who have followed the "Baby Wise" method of NEVER letting your child fall asleep on the breast/bottle. For your baby number 2, follow this...sleeptime, feeding time, waketime, sleep time etc. It absolutely works and you will not be writing to ask for help, you will be offering advise!
Best of luck, be patient and forgiving of yourself.

I would suggest the last thing be the reading, cuddle time etc. You could do the bottle right before the reading if it worked out right. Either way, it will be hard for both of you to transition to him doing this on his own. I would also like to recommend the book, Healthy Sleep, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. Someone gave it to me when our daughter was born and she has always been a champion sleeper because we got tuned into sleep and its importance so early. He has good advice for all ages and also does some good problem solving. It really does come from you to set the expectation, once he gets over the first few nights, he'll figure it out.
Good luck!

Our routine since 4 months has been bath, bottle (in his quite, dark room), bed. It works (well, worked, he outgrew the bedtime bottle) because the bottle topped him off to sleep well for the night and once we were in the routine, he knew what to expect every night. The even partial feeding made him sleepy enough to actually fall asleep without assistance and sleep through the night. We started to let him cry overnight when he was 6 months knowing he didn't need the bottle overnight.

Here's my advice: Get your routine down, do it every night, don't let him fall asleep at the bottle, do whatever you have to do to get his belly full and put him down sleepy but awake, then let him work it out. It sounds like alot when I read over it! He's used to the association of falling asleep with the bottle in his mouth and you there and you have to break it which it sounds like you already know. You can tell if his belly is full by just feeling it. You'll know it if it is. Then don't go into him overnight! He doesn't need to eat within 10 hours at this point. Good luck and feel free to message me if you like!

A.

We did a similar routine to yours until our son and also daughter were about 18 months old and then pulled the bottle and pacifier entirely. We offered a sippy cup of milk instead which we had been slowly working towards. They both still needed some milk before bedtime but not an entire bottle as they were a bit older and eating more table food. We did bath, short play, then story time while they were drinking their sippy cup of milk and right before they would nod off pull the bottle and lay them down. Our daughter needed more coaxing and time with the change but eventually we made she made the switch. I hope this helps:) Good luck!

Why do you want to fix something that is not broken? I think, he'll eventually grow out of it (bottle).
My son is the same age and still there are quite a few nights, when he doesn't sleep through yet. I still give him a bottle before putting him down, but he doesn't necessarily fall asleep while drinking- I think it is still the best food for him (he gets formula).
If you want to change it, go slowly, like some of the other moms suggested.

My son will be 1 next week. He had some sleep issues also. We lived with my parents for a while after we moved from VA until we found a house. Actually I had him while we were living there. He has always been a very easy baby, but at 5 mo he stopped sucking his thumb for some reason and stopped sleeping as well. He liked to be pushed in the stroller and would fall asleep instantly. Then he got tired of that and he would only fall asleep for naps in a certain chair and only if my Grandmother was holding him. Of course she loved that, and it became a habit. At night I put him in his bed, but he had to be patted or at least be holding on to my hand or arm to fall asleep. Now that we have moved in our house we had to change that. He gets his pjs on, then has his bottle. He does not fall asleep while he is drinking his bottle though. Then I sing to him etc and lay him down and leave. For the first week he cried on and off for about 20 min. Now 2 weeks later he moans a little for about 5 min then falls asleep. I wish I had done this sooner!

We do the following:

Bath with playing - bubbles etc
Lotion rubdown and Pajamas
Sit on our lab and drink bottles while sitting up and cuddling or reading a book.
Teeth/Gum Brushing
Last Book
Crib for Goodnight Kisses and Prayers and Pacifiers
Lights out and Nature sounds

At some point soon while your son increases his solid dinner he will start to drink less and less. Now even though we offer the bottle right before bed most of the time our 16 mo just take a sip or refuse it all together. Also with a last feeding you should be looking at more like 12 hours of solid sleep - not 6-8 at his age so it sounds like you might have some other sleep issues to address.

I am lucky enough to have a daughter that falls asleep on her own every night.

I completely understand your problem as I had 2 sons that slept horrible for years!

Why don't you try splitting the feeding up into 2 parts. If he will drink half of it before bath time then that is great. The bath should wake him up a bit more and while he is playing offer the other half of the bottle then off to bed once he is finished.

I usually give my daughter her drink downstairs with the family where it is a little crazy then we move to the bedroom where it is quieter to get ready for bed. She loves the Johnson's bedtime CD so I put her in her crib, say my good-nights and turn on the music. She doesn't wake until morning.

Hope you find what works for him!

You definitely need to make that bottle earlier, or at least make sure to brush his teeth afterward. What about doing that last bit of playtime before the bath. Use the bath as wide down time. After bath keep the lights low, maybe some soft, slow music. At that time read books and cuddle, then bed.

Teaching him to go to sleep on his own will probably take some effort. I am working on this with my 3 mos old son. I rock him until he's drowsy, then lay him in his bassinet. I turn on his glowing/musical seahorse and pat his back (he's a side sleeper) until he's just about out. After a few nights of success I pat him for less time. By decreasing this bit by bit he is learning to go to sleep on his own. Before L. I will be able to lay him in it awake and he'll go to sleep on his own.

I am a first time mom, but I have done this for children I nannied for and it has worked wonderfully - the parents are still singing my praises years later.

J.,
When our daughter was 13 months old, her routine was bath, nursing, books and rocking to sleep. Now she has bath, books and rocking (briefly) to sleep. I HIGHLY recommend that if you plan on giving up the bottle that you not move it to before bath AND try to put him down awake at the same time. Too much change in his routine right now. You might want to wait a few months and then try dropping the bottle all together. That worked for us with nursing. I read that you will have to find a substitute soother for the baby to drop the nursing or bottle, with our daughter that became books (she loves to read) and stickers. She got to the point (very quickly) when she'd rather have stickers than nurse. It only took a few days, but she was a few months older than your son.

Best of luck. Whatever you decide to do, stick with it for a few days. It takes a few days for any change to become the new routine. If it doesn't work in a few days, try something else.

I always found reading right before bed made my kids relaxed and sleepy. I still do it and they are 5 and 8. Whatever routine you choose, stick to it every night. Does he really need the milk or is it just a crutch to fall asleep? Perhaps a light snack before bath might help keep his tummy full. Nothing wrong with milk before bed if that's what he likes. Let him drink milk while you read and soon he'll associate reading with relaxing.

Each time you put him to bed and he's still awake, give him a couple of books in the crib. Start with the plastic baby-type, then board books when he's a little older. He'll learn to entertain himself and how to fall asleep.

I always kept the same routine at nap time too, giving books in the crib to entertain and help fall asleep. Also, you could use music, special blankets or stuffed animals to help him feel comforted while awake. Good luck!

I wouldn't force the bottle. If he is getting enough during the day he can make it through 10-12 hrs at night. eventually he will be waking in the night because his tummy is digesting the milk or he is sopping wet from it. We have 2 kids and each has a different routing. My son has a bath, some time on the computer with his dad, a 1/4 sippy cup of milk that he rarely finishes (when he does he wakes up sopping wet) some play time and video time and then bed. My daughter loves books, so she will get a bath, a video with snuggle time, story and then bed. I would move the bottle up earlier in the evening. You will eventually find what works best for him.

Have you thought about keeping your same routine, but moving everything up by 1/2 hour? That way, your son might not fall asleep while taking his bottle, and you can focus on starting to put him down while he is drowsy, but awake.

Then, once you get him to the point that he is falling asleep on his own, you can either wean him off the evening bottle, or change the rotation of when you give it to him. If he is used to a certain routine now, I would try to stick to it for the time being until he gets used to falling asleep on his own.

The only thing I would suggest is make the transition slowly. When my daughter was approaching one year, we anticipated the end of the bottle and started a slow transition so she would not rely on it to get ready to sleep. Maybe move the bottle back a little and read to him while he eats (even if he falls asleep). Then move it back to between playtime and books. Then give it during or before playtime, etc. Keep going until he no longer connects it to sleeping.

Also, I don't know how you feel about pacifiers, but you might want to consider one. I hated the things, but my daughter was such a "sucker" there was no way we could have gotten her to sleep without one. Now, she's already kicked the habit! Anyway, if you're not opposed, it may help him to sleep if he has the sucking thing. Just a thought.

Hang in there. Whenever I'm going through something with one of my kids, I always remind myself it'll get better. We're potty training my daughter now and, when things aren't going well, I tell myself, "Well, it has to get better. I won't be sending her to college in Pull-Ups!" Just some perspective! :-)

Good luck!