Bedtime Difficulties with 4 Year Old

Hi shelley
is it possable for him to talk to his dad on the phone every night before bed. or maybe dad could tape himself reading a book or two and then play that before bedtime. hopefully you will find something that helps. T.

1 mom found this helpful

It must be the age! After moving recently, my son is really missing our nanny and that comes out every night at bed time! They went to the Build a Bear store and recorded their voices and put it in the bear. So when he is missing her, he sleeps with the bear. We also call when he needs it and we tell stories about her. Just a few ideas.

is there a way he could call dad at bedtime to tell him goodnight and have your ex tell your son goodnight AND go to bed like a good boy for mom? it'll reassure your son dad is still somewhere and it will show you 2 are on the same page so he won't figure out later he can play you against each other. (like saying "dad lets me stay up!")if your ex has the same bedtime issues he could call you at night too. there's never too many "sleep tight" wishes! good luck and stick to your guns.

S. m

I have been through this EXACT situation Shelley, I totally understand. Clayton's Father & I divorced when he was 3, and it seems like age 4 is when he became most emotional about it. I made the mistake of catering a bit too much for him, which I now understand was mostly from my own guilt - feeling like I had caused it all. Great suggestions all around - but if the nightly phone call from Daddy isn't always possible, maybe a picture in his room would help to bridge the gap? He could say goodnight & kiss Daddy even if he couldn't talk to him. But Mom to Mom, the most important thing is for you to yes reassure him, but keep your routine and be tough when you need to. Like you said, he's running it now, and no matter what the root issue is, catering to it won't help him in the long run. I tell you this from my own mistakes. Children are more resilient than we are, so don't worry too much about him adapting. The saying is really true - all you need is love. If you are structured, consistent & loving, you & he will overcome anything. So yes, validate his feelings, but don't let it carry on & on. One sweet "I know you miss your Daddy, but you'll see him soon and he loves you very much." Now let's....(read this book, kiss him good night, call him, whatever.) Best wishes!

I agree with calling his dad every night during bedtime. Do you own a cordless or cell phone that has speaker phone? That way, you and his dad could buy both buy your son's favorite books and his dad could read the books while you and your son follow along each page. Maybe that might help.

IS it possible for him to call his dad at bedtime, to say goodnight.? Maybe it would help having his dad call and tell him goodnight, its time for bed, etc...

In addition to the great suggestions already listed:

Knowing that bed time is getting late because of missing dad, as well as your son testing limits, try starting the bedtime routine earlier. It may be that your spirited boy isn't getting enough rest.