Bedtime - Saint Paul,MN

I've been there!!! My oldest is 10 and she is still a stinker at bedtime! Many nights I spent crying in my bedroom. The only thing that I have found that works is to not make it a battle. I finally told my daughter that I did not care if she stayed awake in her room. It started that she would play until she got tired enough to lay down, but now that she is older she lays in her bed. She has ADD and was on medication for it, but I recently took her off the meds because of depression. Since taking her off the meds she is usually asleep by 10pm!!!
I wish you the best of luck, but in time it will get better!!!

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Maybe, wake her earlier, keep her super busy during the day with lots of fun games and tons of exercise, and try going to bed a little later... Or let her stay awake but in her room... If that's an option. Good luck!

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Tell her that you are exhausted, and that she will have to go to sleep. Tell her that you will be nearby, but that you won't come in if she screams and cries and carries on. Then, after you ensure her room is safe, lock her door. Let her cry and scream. Put on some headphones and block the noise, this has helped me in the past to keep my sanity.

Do this every night until she gets it. You are nearby, she is safe.

Or you could tell her that the Bedtime Police are starting to patrol the neighbourhood to check for little girls who are not in their beds. This actually works for me a lot! I know. I'm an evil, bad, horrible mother.

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How frustrating for you! Mommy needs mommy time at night :0)
Does she still nap? If so maybe she needs to drop her nap.
Good luck!

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In my opinion, the one thing you haven't tried, you need to try - do a short bedtime routine - dinner, bath, book, prayers, bed.....make sure her room is dark ( no sunlight getting in ) but do let her have a small night light or flashlight, turn on some white noise or a fan. Explain the sleep rules one more time. Stay in bed, close your eyes, be qiet, and go to sleep - and then also maybe add - do not get up in the morning till the clock has a 7, or until the alarm or music turns on. Tell her she is a big girl and you know she can and will do this.

Say/kiss goodnight, and go out, close and possibly lock the door. Or if you feel uncomfortable locking it, you will have ot do the "silent return to bed" thing like Supernanny....you may have ot repeat it 80 times the first few nights. DO NOT GIVE IN....changing tactics or "giving up" every month, just tells her that you gave up and she "WON". Let her cry. She needs to get to a decent bedtime, or she will have a very hard time in school and as an adult if she doesn't learn good sleep habits - and you will be tired and grouchy forever, too.

Check out the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" By Dr. Marc Weissbluth - we used it with ours as babies, and when issues croped up as they got bigger, it was alife-saver....but you hAVE to stick to your guns, pick a method and stay with it forever, not just a few weeks/a month....alot of times, kids will start to get it, and then amp up the resistance, riht before they finally learn to follow the routine/rules....

Good Luck!

Jessie

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Could she be napping too much during the day? I know when my daughter doesn't get a nap, she goes to bed much quicker than when she's had one. Also, on days when she has taken a longer nap, bedtime is the worst because she isn't tired enough by then. Just a thought that might help. Good luck!

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Lock her in her room and let her cry herself to sleep.

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You said you've tried everything, but I didn't see co-sleeping mentioned in your post. Maybe it would be worth it to let her stay up til 9:30, and then go to bed with you.

Other than that, I'd say wake her up earlier than she is waking now, and run her ragged all day until she drops from exhaustion! Does she play outdoors much? That always does the trick for my children. I can always see a difference in the amount of time they take to fall asleep when they have been indoors vs. outdoors most of the day.

And how is her schedule during the day? Do you have a rhythm to your days? Or is every day different so she's never sure what to expect? That wreaks havoc on a kid, if that is the case.

Good luck to you! That has got to be extremely frustrating, you poor thing. And, as long as she is doing this to you, I think you should document it - pictures, video, written, whatever. Then you can give it to her when she becomes a mom and her daughter is giving her a hard time!

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My daughter was/is the same way except she climbed out of her crib when she was just 15 months old! She is now 4.5 and still resists going to sleep...all she has to do is stay still for a few minutes without talking but that seems harder than you would think.

We have started getting her up earlier in the am (has to happen anyway because when school starts next week she has to be up and out the door half an hour earlier and now has to eat before getting to school. That is making her a bit more tired earlier. We do better letting her fall asleep where she wants and take her to her bed after she dozes.

You can't make a child go to sleep but you can make them lay down for quite time. The sleep should follow.

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What is her daytime schedule like?

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take everything out of her room except for her bed and the bedding. let her have one stuffed animal or doll at bedtime. i dont know what your "routine" is, but do the bath thing, then let her say goodnight to everyone, tuck her in, put a baby gate up in front of her door. she has GOT to learn to fall asleep on her own. she is playing games with you, and doing a wonderful job it seems like. our toddler is 2 1/2. we put him in a toddler bed when he was 15 months old because I was pregnant with twins and they were going to take his crib and we didnt want any issues with switching him too close th their birth, he was 20 months when the twins were born...anywhoo...we got the toddler bed, told him he had to stay in bed at night to sleep, put him to bed that night. He got up once, came to the door and stood at the baby gate. we told him it was bedtime, laid him back down and closed the door again. and that was it. he will get up from time to time still, come to the door and talk, and we just tell him to go lay back down and he does. we never let it become a game or had some hour long "routine". bedtime is bedtime. if you have to take everything out of her room and make it only a room for sleeping then do it. but stop with the games and letting her be the boss. be firm, make consequences and stick to them.

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We are night owls in my family and it would not work well for any of us to go to bed that early. My girls also seem to need less sleep than other kids. Perhaps your daughter's bed time is too early and or she sleeps in to late in the morning. Just a thought.

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My son is the same way! I give him 1 toy and a few books to look at while he is in bed. He has to stay in bed, that is the rule, but he can stay up as long as he wants. He also gets up very early and just does not require the amount of sleep that I do:) My husband is like that to. He works overnights and then takes care of the kids during the day and gets maybe 3-4 hours of sleep a day and that is all he needs. I also don't put my son to bed until 9 or so depending on what kind of a day he had. I also noticed things like swimming lesions and going to the park help at night as well to make him more tired. Good luck!

Some people just have different biorhythms. It is hard but she is obviously a night owl. Who knows, maybe she is destined to run the ER the night shift or something...It is hard to fight it, why keep doing what isn't working. Make her bedtime later, if all you are doing is fighting and fighting then STOP the fighting. Change your method. Her body is not tired until later.

Otherwise perhaps you can drug her with some Benadryl or someprescription sleep aid to make her fall asleep. I don't recommend that but some do.

I'm in the same boat with my now five year old (that starts school Monday!!!) He finally passes out between 10:30-11:00 and will not get up til 9-10 am even when we start bedtime at 7:30-8...I hope that there are parents that were in the same situation that has some GOOD advice.

Will she stay in her room? Make a rule that she is ready for bed and in her room at whatever time you choose. Read her a story and then she can play quietly in her room until she is ready to fall asleep. It might take the battle out of your nighttime routine. This is what I have done with my kids starting at age 4. They are now 5 and 7. They are ready and in their rooms between 7:30/8pm. They know not to come out, they each play quietly in their own room and let me know when they are ready to be tucked in. Sometimes it's an hour after they're in the rooms, sometimes it's less. It gives them the control of when to go to sleep. You can't make someone go to sleep, but you can have the rule for quiet play in their room.

she gets attention each time she gets up-so just ignore her completely-when my kids use to pull this-id make them stand in the corner in my bdrm while i laid in bed-usually in 5-10 min they would go to bed quietly-find a hard chair or hard part of the floor an make her sit in the corner.she will figure it out

I feel for you! That is very hard. I would think reviewing the situation from a "start" to "finish" ie. what time does she wake up? what does she do all day? Does she do enough outside activity to make her tired enough? Does she eat well, lots of fresh fruit, veggies, protein? Does she eat too much sugar? Does she get caffeine? (Caffeine is not just in coffee, it's also in chocolate and other things). Is she over tired? Going to bed at night when she's already too tired, should the routine be moved up to start at 7 so she is in bed by 8? I like what Tori said - find the one method you liked best and stick with it and do not give up or change from it. But please examine all these factors and see if there are improvements you need to make earlier in the day that would help. I feel bad for you, I know that must be very draining!

We are going throguh this too. We've been trying to get them to bed for over 2 1/2 hours now, they are still screaming. And I've read all the books and sleep advice. Some kids are just monsters.

We do a routine, bathtime, story time, singing time, prayers, keeping the lights dim and calm, lots of cuddles.... But half the time, it doesn't work and they are out screaming and running around, jumping on the bed, hitting each other, playing ninjas... I'm sure it's more difficult since they share a room.

If we can't calm them down, one thing we do, is make the boys stand on a time out stool and put their arms in the air like in in a T and the have to be quiet. When they get tired of that, they put their hands on their heads. It bores them and they hate it and it actually works. When they are older, we are going to make them wash walls with a warm soapy rag b/c that's what worked for my mother in law. (So apparently, these sleep issues came from my husband, ha!!)

And sometimes, we do lock them in their room until they fall asleep, otherwise they'd be sneaking out and not falling asleep. Then we unlock the door when we go to bed for when they need to get out to go to the bathroom or for safety reasons.

Our son goes to bed around 10:30-11pm, but he's also 2yo. I know it's not ideal, BUT we noticed a pattern when we tried getting him in bed around 8-8:30pm... he wouldn't fall asleep for another couple of hours. Instead of wasting OUR time and energy on getting him to sleep, we let him wear himself out :) Now he gets right into bed no problem. He usually wakes up around 9am which works for us. I guess I should mention he also has a little sea turtle that lights up stars on the ceiling which he adores (you can get from Babies R Us). You didn't mention what time she's waking up in the mornings. Maybe try waking her up earlier? We also use calming/bedtime lotions and bath washes before he goes to bed too. Hope this helps... Good Luck!

Well I feel for you. That is the worst in my book. I can deal with drama all day as long as they just go to bed at night!

I don't want to belittle your efforts b/c it sounds as if you really are trying everything, but I wanted to add that when we moved my daughter to her bed it was also a nightmare. She was 22 months and had to move b/c we needed the crib. It took us about 9 months to get it to work. We stuck with one method and did it every night until it worked. I know that it sounds like maybe it wasn't working if it took 9 months, but honestly, I did notice small improvements the entire time so I stuck with it. After the first 2 months or so there was a BIG improvement. After that it got easier and easier but it was at least 9 months before I felt confident that when I put her to bed she'd actually stay in bed.

My child is strong willed as well and honestly, if I have any advice it would be to go back to the one method you liked the best and do it until you think you might fall over from sheer exhaustion (which for me, felt like every night!) and then do it again the next day. We did basically the Super Nanny method as we felt that was the best choice for us and my daughter was able to really connect with it emotionally and understand it.

I wish you luck and sleep and peace in your house soon! Hugs! Oh, also, I might ask your pediatrician if you haven't done that. Ours always has super good advice and is willing to help in any way he can.

I would change "bedtime" to "bedroom time". She doesn't have to sleep but just stay quiet in her room and can choose when she wants to go to sleep. BUT, she has to wake up at 7 or 8am the next day. If she is too tired during the day, maybe she will want to go to bed on time the next night.

We use LOVE and LOGIC and have been using it since we transitioned him to a big boy bed. They have DVDs, book, CDs to help. We also have gone to 3 seminars to learn more! Good luck!

Bedtime can be a nightly battle of wills. You want your kids to go to bed on a schedule so that they aren’t cranky the next day. Your kids want to stay up late. What can you do to peacefully get your kids to go to bed at their scheduled bedtime? And what can you do to help them stay tucked in bed?

BEFORE BEDTIME:

Ensure that your kids’ rooms are dark, quiet, comfortable, and 68 - 70 degrees Fahrenheit
If possible, ensure that your home (not just the kids’ rooms) is the same as described above (dark, quiet, etc.) so that your kids don’t have a major transition from a brightly lit living room that invites fun activity to a dark bedroom that invites sleep
Establish and consistently carry out a winding-down-oriented pre-bedtime ritual, lasting approximately a half hour, which may include activities such as pottying, bathing, reading a book, cuddling, etc. (note that television, video games, etc. are not on this list)
Do not allow your kids to consume sugars, starches, caffeine, or more than 8 oz. of fluids before bedtime
Inspire your kids to look forward to bedtime as a bonding, nurturing experience with you
Ensure your babysitter knows the rules as well; so you can stick with your routine, even when you are not there.
BEDTIME

Tuck your kids in bed, tell them that you love them, give them hugs and kisses, and state that you will see them in the morning
Ensure that “lights-out” occurs at the same time every night (Getting your kids on a regular sleep cycle-consistent sleep and wake times-is essential for peaceful bedtime routines.)
While it may seem heartless or difficult to do, walk away from your kids’ rooms after lights-out . . . even though your kids may be begging for “five more minutes”
NIGHTTIME (AFTER BEDTIME)

Take your kids back to bed if they get up during the night
Comfort your kids, but keep them in bed, if they wake up terrified from a nightmare (you may cuddle your kids and speak reassuringly to help them return to sleep post-nightmare . . . but be watchful for behaviors that twist your arm to stay with them rather than just seeking comfort after the nightmare)
Deny your kids’ requests to get up in the middle of the night unless there is a true need to get up (i.e., having to potty) . . . then, ensure that your kids are back to bed as quickly as possible
If there are frequent requests to get up in the middle of the night for a specific need (i.e., your kids need to potty a lot at night), consider a medical examination to ensure that there are no underlying medical concerns (If there are not, then perhaps your kids really don’t need to potty that frequently at night but are just using that excuse to get up often. If so, deny those requests.)
Deny your kids’ requests to sleep in your bed with you
Don’t sleep in your kids’ beds with them . . . not even when they beg you to after they’ve had nightmares
Don’t allow your kids to sleep late in the morning: maintaining the regular sleep cycle (consistent bed and wake times) is essential
By following these tips, you can minimize nightly struggles to get your kids to bed and keep them there. Eventually, the struggles will fade as your kids come to accept the rules, and bedtime will become routinely peaceful.

Have you tried dimly lighting the room and giving her some books and a few toys (that don't make noise). Require that she stay in her room and that she may not turn the lights up. You can require her to stay on her bed or build a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor. I sometimes do that. It diffuses the power struggle and results in falling asleep earlier.

I feel your pain- this could be me writing this which is why I logged on- was looking to post the same question. Our almost 5 year old to this day hates being on his own. He's a night owl and hasn't napped consistently in 2 1/2 years (since just after the twins arrived). Your house sounds like ours...

Does she still take naps? If she is taking naps, I would get rid of the nap all together. Maybe start your bedtime routine earlier. It sounds like you have done everything, like you said short of her crying it out. I ended up having to use a baby gate for my daughter. That way she wasn't locked in, but she was unable to get out of her room. I let her cry it out. It took her a long time, but it eventually worked out.
Caveat: I know this won't work for everyone as children can be crafty. My daughter doesn't get into anything, so I didn't have to worry about much. If you have a mischeif maker, you may want to make sure the room is clear of anything she could break.

I don't know that I have any advice, but I know exactly where you are coming from. Our daughter has NEVER been a good sleeper. For the first three months she wouldn't sleep unless you were holding her. She never slept in our co-sleeper bassinet, but slept great with us. She slept in her crib for maybe a year. We got her a toddler bed when she turned two because there was a new baby coming. She is four now and I can probably count on one hand the number of times she has slept in it. She will only sleep on our couch.

I tried everything to get a consistent 8:30 bedtime. It was a constant fight. She didn't sleep consistently through the night until she was three. Being so sleep deprived I/we finally just gave up the fight. At 8:30-9:00 we tell her it is time to start calming down. We either read books or put in a video to watch. One of us will sit on the couch near her. She hardly ever falls asleep before 10:00 and it is usually 11:00. That's with or without a nap in the afternoon. She is usually up between 6:00-7:00 no matter what time she went to bed.

Unfortunately our son isn't much better with going to bed. It us not an ideal situation, but it has worked for us. I miss being able to watch "grown-up" TV or to have time after the kids have gone to bed to do household things, but not spending two hours fighting bedtime is worth it for me. I've been blessed with two night owls who take after their dad. By not fighting bedtime, I get a couple more hours every day to play with my kids. Yep, I'm still a sleep deprive mom, but cuddling on the couch everynight with my kids makes me slow down and enjoy life with them. My house may not be as clean as I would like and I don't even know if my favorite character is still on CSI (or if CSI is even on anymore), but I'm building memories with my kids. And I ease the pain by reminding myself of the article I read that said one sign of a gifted child is that they don't need much sleep. :) It might not work for your family, but that is what has worked for us. Good luck!

Is she taking a nap in the afternoon? If so, either she needs to take a smaller nap earlier in the day or skip it all together. There is a reason she is staying up until 11pm. My kids were always up from their naps by 3pm, so they could get to bed at a reasonable time.

Best of Luck!

let her stay up longer she probably feels like you guys are staying awake and she cant plus ware her out during the day so she is more tired at night