Bed Time for a 10 Year Old

Just curious, when does SHE think she needs to go to bed?

We have had similar issues (two girls - two years apart). What has worked well for us is a dialogue where we discussed:

- the total amount of sleep that is needed each night (we wound up with a different plan for weekends, Sunday, and nights before "important" tests)
- what time she thinks is right
- what time I think is right

We agreed that all opinions would be considered, and that what was decided would be re-evaluated after a few weeks, just to be sure it was working.

Good luck,
K.
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1 mom found this helpful

I've struggled with this also, except I have a 12 year old, 10 year old and 15 month old.

What I've found out is that my kids NEED their sleep. The very few occassions where they stay up (whether on their own or because of poor choices) closer to 9 pm, they are total crabby bears within two days!

I know other moms will probably call me mean, but some days I send both of them to bed at 7:30. I know that they both are usually still awake until at least 8 anyway and this way I am assured that they are calming down for the night and should be asleep by 8:30 at the latest.

Kids need their sleep. I've had teachers comment when my 10 year old is choosing to stay up and not get to bed, much less the fighting I have to deal with the next day.

It also doesn't help that when they go to their mom's they don't go to bed until 10 or later either.

1 mom found this helpful

I think that depends on a lot of factors:
Does she go to sleep quickly after bedtime?
Does she wake up happy and energetic, or is she slow and groggy?
How is her attitude in general?
Most kids her age (between 7- and 11-years old) need 10-11 hours of sleep. My almost-7-year-old needs more, and will usually sleep from 8pm-9am. Some kids can function perfectly on way less.
If your daughter is generally happy, falls asleep and wakes up easily, it probably couldn't hurt to bump her bed time back 15 minutes or a half hour. At that age, it's mostly about control anyway. They want to be able to make some decisions about things in their life. If it doesn't work, got back to the old time.

Wow I realized I send my 10 year old to bed way later and she should feel privileged. She has been going to bed between 9:00-9:30 since she was 5. We always tried to send her to bed earlier but she would never go to sleep. And right now she's not done with soccer practice until 7:00 and has homework plus lots of nights I don't get home from work until after 6 or 7. I think like others have said it depends on the kid. Because she goes to bed late on Fri & Sat but still wakes up on her own by 7:00 almost every morning. So obviously she doesn't need the 10 hours or more they say she should have.

My daughter's bedtime has always been 9pm not to say we always follow that through. We have alot to cram in after school and alot of the time we go past 9pm. But... her bus doesn't come til 9am so she does get to sleep in til 8:15 most mornings. It's been like this since kindergarten and she's now in 2nd grade.

My 9 year old goes to bed at 8:00 on school nights, she also has to be up at 6:00. Next year when she's in 5th grade, she won't have to get up until 7:00, that's when I'll push her bedtime back by an hour.

My kids always go to bed at 8pm on school nights. My oldest just started 6th grade (will be 12 next month) and she has to get up at 6am. My son just started Kindergarten (will be 6 next month) and also goes to bed at 8pm. My son may go to bed earlier depending on how crabby he is...

My 9 year old goes to bed this year at 8:30, sometimes she will go to bed earlier on her own if she is tired. She gets up at 7. Last year she was in bed by 8 every night.

If you have a 6am wake up call then I would stick to around 8pm. Maybe put the 8 year old to bed five/ten minutes before your 10 year old, or move your 10 year olds bed time to 8:10pm while the 8 year old still goes to bed at 8pm... maybe your oldest is just trying to show that she is older then her sibling or wants that extra alone time to spend with you. In the end it is up to you, you know your child the best so do what you think is best for your child.

Kids should be getting at least 10-12 hours of sleep at night.

It's nice to let them take charge of their lives, little by little, as they get older. You could try one-half hour later and see if she still gets up easily and makes it through the day without being grouchy. If you want the peace and quiet, you could still send her to her room from 8:00 on, and let her read a book until 8:30.

Hi S.
I put my 7 year old to bed at 7:30 but she takes until about 8:00 to really go to sleep and my 10 year old goes to bed at 8:30 and we all get up at 7:00

My 9 year old goes to bed at 8:30 and gets up at 6:30 weekdays. My 11 year old goes to bed at 9 and gets up at 6:30. Hope this helps.

I have an 8 year old, and a 10 year old. Our bedtime is 8:00. By the time they have brushed teeth and been tucked in it is at least 8:30. I have had both of their teachers tell me they can tell that my kids are getting enough sleep compared to a lot of the other kids. (not this year, but in the past)
Kids do not realize how much sleep they need to function well in school, and I can tell you from experience that when mine don't get that amount of sleep they are crabby and immediately fighting in the morning as soon as they look at each other... Their bedtime will not change untill they can wake up happy :)

Dear S.,

As one person indicated, it depends on some factors:

I would just add that if the two siblings are in different rooms, perhaps you can allow your 10 year time to read in bed..so the bedtime is at 8pm. However she can stay up and read for say 15 minutes (or maybe even 1/2 hour).

If the two share a bedroom, then perhaps she can get ready for bed as usual, but stay up in a quiet area of the house to read.

Again, it is very much a control issue and your 10-year old wants to feel she is more mature than the 8 year old and should be given some privileges that are different.

If it doesn't work out trying a later bed time on school nights, then perhaps she can have a later bed time on weekends.

We send our 9 and 11 year old to bed at 8:00pm every night.
The 9 year old is allowed to read until 8;30 and my 11 year old is allowed to read until 9:00. Then it's lights out :)

Weeknights my 9yr old generally is in bed by 8:30 or 9:00 (we don't do repeated 9pms in a row) and she has to be up by 6:00am. That has been extended in the last year from 8:00. We have a very busy evening schedule so 8:00 was tough for us to get everything done. We feel comfortable with her staying up a little later because she gets up just fine and doesn't get crabby because of lack of sleep, so I would say that it really is on a case by case basis as far as a specific bed time.

My 9 yr old has to be in bed no later than 8:00, he is then allowed to read until 8:30 or 8:45. If he doesn't read he doesn't settle down for the night and ends up staying up later. He thinks he gets to stay up later because he is reading, but he still gets his sleep. My kids get up at 6:30.

Hard to say...What time does she need to get up on week days? My 9 yr old has to get up at 6:30 and so we have to stick with an 8:00 bedtime (tho sometimes w/books, trips to the bathroom, glasses of water...They might not fall asleep until 8:30). We let him stay up later on weekends because he can sleep in.

I guess I think elementary age kids need 10 hours of sleep and by high school many need even more.