51 answers

Bed Time for 10 Year Old

I am the mother of 3 healthy, active children. Recently, my husband and I have been in disagreement about what time my oldest (10 years old) should be allowed to stay up at night. I feel 8:45 for the 10 yr old is good since he must be up at 6:45am to get the bus at 7:30 am for school. I am the one who gets the kids ready for bed, reads to them, makes sure teeth are brushed, etc and my husband travels for work often so he is not home. When he is home he is usually watching TV, especially sports in the evening. But, my husband thinks the 10 year old should get to stay up later than 8:45. Of course, my son wants to watch TV and argues about bed time, but what child wouldn't. My husband feels he argues because it is just too early for him to go to bed and "all his friends stay up later". I feel getting enough sleep is critical to staying healthy and performing well at school AND he does not wake up easily in the mornings!

What time do other moms have their 10 year olds go to bed? Am I being crazy to argue this point? My husband usually gets home at 6:30, so it is not as if staying up late is the only "bonding" time for them. I'd love your input!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your input about bedtime. I am definately going to sitck with my 8:45 time and he usually does get to read in bed a little after that, so I feel confident now to continue! I did get a little laugh when I saw that many responses were from a teacher's perspective and I also taught in a school! As a teacher AND a mom, we definately know how sleep deprivation effects the kids!! Thanks so much :)

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I have a 9 year old daughter that would be a night owl if I let her. My kids need to get up at 7:30AM. They head up to there rooms for quite/reading time about 8PM. Lights are out by 9PM. Sometimes they have conversations from room to room for about 15 miniutes. Since you handle the mornings you would be the best judge of what works.


Hello there, I also am the mom of three (all girls) ages 10, 6, 3.5. We have always had a bedtime of 8:00 for all three which helps because the six year old would question why she wasn't allowed to stay up later. My ten year old does get to read for a couple minutes once she is in bed though. I also feel that sleep is crucial to healthy development. My oldest is a straight A student and has a friend that sometimes isn't in bed until 11:30 or so and she gets C's and D's (Which isn't neccessarily related, but still!) Stick to what you feel is right, Mom's know best!!!

When my stepdaughter was 10 her bedtime was 8:30. At 8:00 we have a period call "quiet time" where no loud music is played, and we unwind from the day. There is no reason for kids to be up later than that at that age. It's important that they learn good sleep habits at a young age, it will help them in school!

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We have a 13 yr old that has a 9:30 bedtime, even though her friends often stay up later. When she was about 11 and going to bed by 8:30, we renegotiated her bedtime. She had to go to bed on time, no fuss, for a week, and get up on time, no fuss, for a week. If she made us late (we take her to school), the clock started over. Then we did a trial with the new bedtime half an hour later. If she could function well, she got to keep it. She's worked her way to 9:30 over the past few years but is stuck there because we consistently have to wake her for school. This tells us that she needs the sleep. Since she knows what she has to do, she doesn't complain too much.

This may work for your son and husband. Let your son *earn* a slightly later bedtime. If it doesn't work now, try again in 6 months. If it's just about TV, set the VCR for favorite shows or games so he can watch them in the afternoon.

I also agree that your husband is undermining you and instead the two of you need to work together to ensure that your son is well-rested, ready for school, and productive in class. It may make him popular with his son to advocate for a later bed time, but is it best for the kid? Maybe not.

I believe in kids getting priviliges not just because they are older, but because they prove they can handle them. If they can't handle them, they don't get them. It doesn't matter what Johnny down the street is doing (or what your child thinks he's doing). Your house. Your son. Your rules.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi A.,

The problem you are having is with your husband, not your children.

Go to family mediation if you live in Norfolk or surrounding areas. If not in the area, contact your local mediation center.

The mediation center in Norfolk is: ###-###-####.

Good luck. D.

When my stepdaughter was 10 her bedtime was 8:30. At 8:00 we have a period call "quiet time" where no loud music is played, and we unwind from the day. There is no reason for kids to be up later than that at that age. It's important that they learn good sleep habits at a young age, it will help them in school!

IF this helps, my 13 year old goes to bed between 9:00 and 9:15, depending on the day and the activities. My 9 almost 10 year old and my 5 year old have a bedtime of 8:30 to 9:00pm, again dependent on activities. I agree with you that sleep is critical for kids in order for them to have a good day in school. Maybe try an 8:45 bedtime with 15 minutes for silent reading in bed (with actual lights out at 9:00 pm). That often works for me when the kids are arguing the bedtime. I have also told my kids that when they begin getting out of bed on their own in the morning, then they can have a later bedtime (just a little bit later). I hope that this helps. Good luck!! Another answer, get a DVR and tape the game, then your son and husband can watch it the next evening after dinner or something like that. THat would take away the T.V. excuse.

My 12 year old daughter has to get up at 6 in order to be at the bus stop by 7.I make her go to bed at 8:30.She too argues that it's too early.But they do need a good nights sleep.She and I came to an agreement that if she didnt argue to stay up later on school nights,she would be allowed to stay up later on non school nights.And when she does argue I make her go to bed at 8:30 on non school nights.It's working because she doesn't argue to stay up any more.

Hi A.,

When my 11 year old was 8 he had a bed time of 9:00. His teacher requested that he get more sleep so we set his bed time at 8:00. He was sleep within 10 minutes of hitting the pillow and he got up so much easier in the morning. He kept that bed time until he began middle school this school year. Each time we tried to let him stay up later, he would not function well.

Finally this school year (he was almost 11) he could stay up until 9:00 and still function well. My other two children still go to bed at 8:00.

Hope this helps.


I am not sure that this will help any but when I was 10 my bedtime was 9:00p. I also used to babysit a lot and the majority of my parents had their children on a 9:00p bedtime.

ok my son is 8 yrs old and he gets up early too, so he goes to bed at 730/800-now daughter is 10 yrs old and she also goes to bed at the same time because she is hyperactive and has adhd - it takes her forever to go to bed so she goes to bed at the same time. ok well hope this helps-
a mother from another mom

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