Becoming Part of a School Community, Your Tips

Hello

I agree , this is the age when kids want you to back off some... My son will be a sophomore this year; he did well academically and socially last year and I know (or am acquainted with) most of his friends.; He's been involved in soccer, orchestra, and Spanish club and still did Boy Scouts, which he's really enjoyed.
Get involved in the PTA/PTO or sit in on school committee meetings (those can be pretty boring or pretty heated)
And yes, let him know his home is somewhere where he and his friends can hang out.

I volunteered a lot when my grandchildren were in grade school. They were glad to see Grandma on the playground or checking off accomplishmen's in clubs. I went on field trips. I was a PTA officer.

My granddaughter is starting her sophomore year. I have not been involved at all in any of those activies since she started high school. When she was a freshman, she was in Dance Club. Parents were expected to help with transportation and fund raising. We helped in having the occasional potluck. I volunteered every chance I could.

Her sophomore year, she was in chorus. Parents provided transportation when it was needed, provided uniform clothing, attended concerts. Helped with raising funds. That's it.

She now goes to an alternative school. School encourages parents to be involved in following their student's academic progress. That's it.

Kids are pulling away from parents in high school. They are learning how to be independent. They are interested in learning ways to live that are different than the way they lived as younger kids. They have support from friends and unrelated adults. Both my daughter and granddaughter rarely wanted my advice. We continued to have conversationsin which I listened much more than talked. I learned to guide them by asking questions.

I suggest that your son needs to test his wings. If he's still clinging to you a month or so after the start of school, he needs to be gently pushed/encouraged to branch out more on his own.

Now that I have read several posts asking how you can help your son, I strongly urge you to start letting him make his own decisions about what he wants to do. Give him information when he asks for it. Then tell him that many things, including his social life, are things for him to decide.

I suggest that if you try to be directly involved with your son in high school he will be teased as a mama's boy. Continue to monitor, to be encouraging, let him learn how to make friends.

Sounded like he had friends and participated in activities at camp. He can do this without direct involvement from you.

In one of your posts, you said you were beginning to think about life after your son leaves home. I suggest that you start focusing on ways to live your life separate from him. Think about ways he can help himself. Time will continue to fly by. Your son has to learn independence to be a successful adult.

I know how difficult this can be. I learned a lot while parenting my daughter that is helping me parent my granddaughter differently. I am the Grandma who is always there. I'm also the Grandma who consciously let's go of always being in charge of her life.

If you look at the answers to your prior questions, you'll see that most of us recommended that you kind of back off in terms of getting involved in your child's social and academic life at his age. He should be making friends based on common interests, he should be working with his teachers to get extra help or work on assignments.

In high school, the parents' involvement in PTO or other groups is pretty much fundraising and perhaps volunteer chaperoning of certain events. In our school district, things like Project Graduation (a substance-free all-night post-graduation party and sports night) are chaperoned by parents who do NOT have a child in the program, for example. But parents are just NOT doing things with their own kids' classes and friends, 90% of the time.

When kids are in preschool and elementary school, the parents often form networks to help develop and facilitate social activities among kids who are too little or immature to do it themselves. Play dates are arranged, parents supervise children's field trips, and so on. In high school, honestly, I think it's late for you to be getting involved that way in order to make friends specifically to help your child. And it's going to be looked at very oddly, frankly. Your son is 14 and will meet lots of kids in his classes and perhaps an activity or two. Encourage him to join something that suits his interests, whether it's a sport or a club or the drama group or the chorus.

If you are trying to get involved in those groups in order to meet friends for YOU or to benefit the school, great. If it's to meet other parents and make introductions between their kids and yours, it's not going to work. I predict that you will be perceived as trying too hard, and it will actually result in your child being ostracized or avoided.

He's 14. You've nurtured skills in him for 14 years. Let him use them. He's going into a new school, and I'm sure many kids can say the same. So it's a "clean slate" for a big chunk of the freshman class, and they are all negotiating the building, their classes and their new relationships. Let it happen naturally.

Most of the high school parent opportunities here are behind the scenes, in large part fundraising for the academics, the arts and sports. Sign ups for bringing food to staff/teacher appreciation meals. Some of our clubs (like debate, mock trial and student government) have parent advisors that are professionals in those fields. There are also parent committees for Jr/Sr Prom and graduation.
The school will email you with all this information if they haven't already.
By far the best way to meet other parents and really get involved is either through sports or theater, band or music. When my son ran track there were team dinners we cooked for and served at, and parents worked every meet, taking times, reporting distances, making sure events were set up properly, working at the concessions stand, all kinds of stuff. The music/theater parents did a lot too, running productions, publicity, ticket sales, costume organization, etc.
If your son just goes to school and comes straight home there's honestly not going to be much for you to do.
And whatever you do, do NOT walk around with him at school. Kids this age are mortified by parental presence, even kids who are very close to their parents.

It is too late to really become involved at school as a parent. In high school kids don't want their parents involved, they want to show their independence. We no longer have a parent council in high school, it is a student council. At this stage what you can do is offer to drive your son where he needs to go to be part of things, encourage him to try new things and offer your home as a place for his friends to hang out.

EAT: From reading other answers it seems that parents are much more involved in high school down there then they are here. In high school the students do their own fundraising and work their own concessions...no parental involvement there!

My son is going to high school too. He's entering 9th grade at a brand new school. #yay! As a mom to a 9th grader, I don't believe that there is anything I can purposely do to help my son be involved more or to make more friends. I believe that because he made friends on his own in previous years, his being more confident now, and more mature will strengthen his initiatives, social skills and friend-making ability. As a mom, all we can really do is encourage and support them. We can share ideas if they have questions too of course.

I echo joining the PTA or SAC, and getting involved where needed.

I think one of the best ways for you to make friends with other moms will be through the orientation session. There will be other parents who are new to the school and/or high school realm. My son's orientation is on the 15th...so yours should be right around the corner too.

This is a very exciting time for the both of our sons. We're right behind them.

Hmm. It's a bit unusual.
Generally by high school kids pretty much want parents to stay behind the scenes.
It's fine for a parent to work with the Band Parents Association and grill burgers at the concession stand during sports/band events - but your son will be doing his own thing(s), making friends and pretty much hanging out no where near you.
Maybe I'm just reading your question wrong.
YOU being more involved with school usually doesn't have an impact on your kids social life.
Your control is more with what activities you/he sign him up for.
I've never known a bunch of band kids that were a bad group - and hanging out with them keeps him from having the time on his hands that might have him hanging with a rougher crowd.
Our son's a senior this fall.
He's involved with band, archery and taekwondo (band is in school, the other two are outside of school) - all are good groups with great mentors and fantastic kids.
I drive him to/from things and chat with other parents - I don't really know any names, just a few faces I recognize over time - and I always have a good book on me since I usually have time to read.
Now that he has his license - I won't have to/need to drive him so many places.
When our son goes off to college about this time next year - I most likely won't be seeing most of these other parents again.
I have plans to join a yoga class and take up a new hobby or two.
It'll be a whole new world for all of us!

You could become part of the STP or PTA, or whatever they call it where you live. I found there were fewer ways to become involved in high school than previous years. You can help with Project Grad, as Diane suggests, but that's at the end of the year.

Volunteering at one's kids' schools is great. However, I highly disagree that it is a good way for your son to make friends in high school. I can't think of one way in which mommy can help a 9th grader make friends at school.

Encourage him to join a club and/or sports. Those are probably the best ways to make friends at school. And join the PTA if you wish. But other than that, you should probably let your son develop his own social life.

There's not as much to get involved with at this age. Pretty much all my boys wanted me to be present for was a shift at the xc/tf concession stand and to come to their races. Sometimes not even that if they knew they were going to have a crappy run that day, lol. I still went to the parent teacher conferences, but of course without them tagging along. They really wanted more independence at that age and definitely less parental presence.

His school will probably have a "club/activity fair" where students can go to learn about different things that they can join. When he finds some activities that he likes, that's your opportunity to become involved in fundraising or whatever else they need boosters (parents) to do. My SD didn't do sports but she was on the robotics team for a year and during that year, we met a lot of other parents at competitions and helped out with planning logistics for competitions, fundraising, getting banners and t-shirts made, etc. With my oldest son, he was on the hockey team so I was involved in the hockey boosters. In addition to fundraising, I would help with various events, upload game photos to Facebook, etc. Use his interests/activities as a natural way for you to get involved in the school.

Your being connected to other moms will help you to feel that connection to the school, good for you. As far as it helping him it won't really do anything to promote him or make him more liked. His own participation in activities he enjoys will help him with that.

Glad he's started feeling more social. This is a big step for him. Hope he has an excellent year!

I agree that you being involved probably won't help him in making friends. The best thing for him to do is to join groups and get involved in activities b It doesn't have to be sports or music. What are his interests? Most high schools have yearbook staff, school newspaper staff, speech/debate/forensics teams, student government, theatre groups, foreign language groups, etc. That's where the majority of my friendships in high school originated. I had a friend who talked me into joining the speech team. Not something I really was interested in because I thought the coach was a jerk. But I did it. That group ended up being the group that helped me survive a miserable high school experience. I made friends not only at my high school but also from schools around the state. 25+ years later and I keep in touch with very few people from my high school. Of the few I do, most of them were a part of that group.

By the way, the last thing I wanted in high school was for my mom to be involved in my friendships. It was bad enough that my dad taught in the high school and seemed to know almost everything going on in my friendships. I felt that way even though I had great relationships with my parents.

Encourage your son to join groups. Even groups he isn't 100% sold on. That's where he will make friends.

You do your best. Get in touch with the PTO and some of the clubs that your son will be interested in.

I was kind of the football mom that saw the team off for out of town games. When we had home games, we would "host" the students (1 or 2) for the weekend. My son grew up in Europe and the kids there were from other countries and the schools DODDs had a circuit of which the high schools played football, basketball, wrestling, track, baseball and tennis. Many of the children that attended the international schools were diplomats, oil sheikhs, expatriate kids.

It is nice if you can help but do stay in the background as many times the kids don't want to have mom right in the front row. Cheer from the sidelines.

the other S.

My involvement was mainly with the softball program. My daughter was a hard core player. I sold items out of the school store once and was a judge at the science fairs for four years.

I think you need to let your son figure some things out for himself. There are so many groups, clubs, sports and opportunities for him to make friends.

A parent being active in a school as a general volunteer is more widespread at an elementary level. I was a PTO officer for three years, and I would occasionally volunteer in-classroom. Not just my kids or fun stuff, but for other teachers who needed assistance.

In Jr High, there was a Parents Advisory Committee but it was more informational than participatory. The main parental participation was segmented into specific areas - band parents, sports parents, etc. - focused on the particular interest.

By high school, participation is usually entirely segmented. For example, if your kid is on a sports team, you'd join the Boosters who support that sport. If your kid in on the Debate team, you fundraise for the meet trips, etc. Here, there is no PTO/PTA at the high school level.

If you want to be part of district-wide things, you can attend School Board meetings, or even run for office if that interests you.

Your involvement will probably have no impact on his friendship-making. That can work at young ages when mom's friends are often the parents of kid's friends but at this point, your social lives are more likely to be separate.

One of my friends works part time at the high school. Her kids try to avoid her in the hallways, because it is SO EMBARRASSING, MOM. lol

Most high school clubs and teams have a parents' booster club. Their purpose is to raise funds for the activity and act as chaperones as needed for trips. Once your child takes an interest in a particular activity, find out if there is a booster organization and if so, join it.

I chaired a committee for a few years but never saw my daughter because of it so she would not think I am the least bit stalkerish.

Many of the clubs may have some fund raising type activities you could help with but if your son is not involved in the club it may seem strange you are volunteering. If your son is involved in the club I still don't think you would be able to "spy" on him any way.😉