Becoming a SAHM - Sterling,VA

Updated on July 14, 2008
J.B. asks from Sterling, VA
34 answers

Hi All,
I just resigned from my job to become a SAHM. I am EXTREMELY excited about this opportunity and feel so lucky to do so. I've wanted to do this since my son was born 11 months ago. I am a little nervous about the transition and was hoping some of you that have been through it might have some advice....emotionally, financially, etc.

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So What Happened?

WOW everyone. Thank you so much for your most useful advice and personal experiences. They have been very assuring and another confirmation that this was a great decision that we made. Again, thank you to all of these fabulous women!!!

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P.S.

answers from Washington DC on

J. - Congratulations!!!! This is a big step but it's worth it to be home with you son. How would you like to have residual income for life? All you have to do is tell others about an awesome product line that is healthier and safer for them to use. Look at these websites, www.workathomeunited.com/P. and www.melaleuca.com.

I've been using the products for 4 months and they are so awesome.

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L.B.

answers from Washington DC on

This book is the BEST! It really addresses some key transitions from a working to SAHM. Plus it is funny. I'd recommend reading it.

Becoming a Chief Home Officer by Allie Pleiter

I know you will enjoy it!

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J.F.

answers from Washington DC on

I have some ideals that you may like; for working at home on the internet. Feel free to stop by:
http://gooseysdream.vpweb.com/

Love,

Goose

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

J., congratulations on a decision that in years to come you will not regret! I've been at home with my daughter since she was born and she's now seven. I'm still learning new aspects of staying at home as she matures, and I still feel there is reason for me to be home though she's in grade school now! You got plenty of good advice already so I'll just add the following:

--Do be sure your husband (or partner or whoever!) is totally on board with this and that he views his income as your income too. My husband never refers to "his" money--he calls it "our" money. You do need a careful financial plan especially if your income was a significant part of the family's overall finances (can you carry the mortgage on one income, etc.). I'm assuming you've worked out the finances if you have decided to stay home.

--You also need him on board emotionally, as much as financially. He shouldn't expect a fine meal and a tidy house and a cooing, contented wife every single night when he returns home! And in turn, you can recognize his need to unwind a little (most nights, sometimes you have to hand him the baby and run!) when he gets home.

--Just prepare yourself for some grieving, if that's not too strong a word, for either your career if you were big on career, or the daily interaction with other adults. You will miss either, or both, at many points. Don't feel guilty for missing them. Admit it, then e-mail a buddy, call a friend, tell the husband it's time for him to babysit so you can have dinner with a girlfriend, etc.

--Get involved now in whatever works for you to meet other moms and get your son out there -- moms' groups, Music Together or Kindermusik classes (we took the former and loved them), "Wiggles and Giggles" classes at the local recreation centers, etc. Church groups if you're so inclined. "Mother's Day Out" programs that some churches run. Informal play groups of neighbors. You'll meet new people and he'll have a blast.

--Treasure this. You will tear your hair out sometimes, be warned, but treasure even that. It's a real privilege to be able to stay at home; I know families who would love to have a parent at home, and whose kids would benefit from it, but who cannot manage it financially, no matter what corners they cut. So be thrilled, and be ready for the times you will not be thrilled, and embrace both, and embrace your lovely son and supportive partner!

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K.C.

answers from Washington DC on

congrats! First off, join a mom's club. There are some that have a fee, some free ones, but meet up with other moms, let the kiddo's play, and have a good time.

Second, look for activities in your area. Check the library, the mall's kids clubs, etc. Many of these are FREE and the kids like them. I'm not sure what area of town you are in, but I'm sure there are activities to do.

Third, go to the park or the indoor playgrounds at the mall to get out of the house. Another way to meet local moms.

Financially, if you have been getting tax refunds, have your husband change his withholdings, increase them. This will give you more income each paycheck. You will be amazed at how much you will save in taxes with only one income, at least I was. It made up for a lot of my salary that we didn't have, because we dropped at least 1 tax bracket. You can do a fake tax return with only his income, and see how much tax you'll be paying, and try to get his withholdings just a little bit above that number. It's a little tricky if you're not used to doing it, but it makes a difference in your money available each month.

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J.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi J.! Congrats!! I am so happy for you that you were able to make this decision for your family. It's so hard to do this these days. After 4 months of working I too resigned, knowing that while financially it was going to be nothing short of impossible, my sanity level and the time spent with my family were so much more important. :) I'll probably go back part time in a few years, because I do miss dressing up and being a real adult sometimes.
Transitioning wasn't too hard, thanks to some great advice I was given: Set a routine! Since you're used to the routine of work, it is essential to have a routine of "home" so that your days are productive but not overwhelming (which they can be!) My daughter and I wake up around the same time every day, have breakfast with daddy, play in the living room while I check email and pay bills, etc. Then it's naptime for her, shower and laundry time for me. SOmetimes I sneak in a nap. We try to go out somehow after her nap- to a walk in the park, to the library, to the mall, grandma's house, etc. Then lunch, afternoon nap (during which I do some cleaning, more laundry, internet, or nap). We play some more- by now it's usually time to walk the dog...
you get the picture. She now knows what to expect every day and is just the happiest, most adjusted kid i've ever met. It REALLY helps to get to know some other moms. i have about 5 or 6 girlfriends with babies that live relatively nearby, and even if we only get together once a month it makes a big difference for the kids and for me to have someone to talk to when things get hard or when I need a buddy. Also, you'll probably want to make sure you have some kind of babysitter back up- a neighborhood kid, or something that can step in in a pinch. there are times when i need to settle something at the bank or go to a doctors appt, and can't take the baby.

Emotionally it hasn't been so bad- I've made a "hobby" into a sort of part time job- i coach jv cheerleading at our high school, so I go out three or 4 evenings a week for about 2 hours- it's enough to get me out of the house, do something for "me" and let my husband have time alone with the baby. Take the time to make sure you and your husband are on the same page as far as expectations. My husband and I agreed that my "jobs" are mother, bank manager and laundry person (mainly because he sucks at it!). Anything else I can do during the day is extra. That way I don't get bogged down. I do try to make sure we go out and have fun together or with our own friends as well. Keep up your friendships with non-mothers!! sometimes you'll need a phone call that ISN"T about what johnny did at school today.

Financially... it's actually been easier, because I have more time to really plan a budget, watch the spending, and even cut down on expenses due to making our lunches and not needing so much drycleaning!! haha. ANd I try not to get sucked into the "need" to take my daughter to expensive play places or gyms just yet- there's so much a 1 year old can do in and around the home or on a walk. We get creative. We're on a super tight budget, but because I really feel good about what I'm doing with my day, my family is so much happier, and it's been okay not havnib the extra income to go out or buy expensive clothes, etc. It is hard for me to go to the mall, even tho my daughter loves it, bc the temptation is so great. Although I do spoil myself once in a blue moon, just to keep the excitement level up. haha! Contact me if you have any more questions, and congrats!!

I just re-read this, and I sound overwhelmingly positive don't i?! Now that it's been about 6 months, I have had time to adjust and make things work, but it was hard at first. I kind of didn't know what to do with myself or my daughter, and i missed adult interaction. you might have to get creative to make sure you have your OWN "outlet" of some kind so you aren't just "Mom".

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C.C.

answers from Lynchburg on

Congratulations! How fun and exciting. I have been home with my children now 10 years having pt jobs off and on. When my husband would come home I would leave for work. Financially, 1 thing I have tried is to eat at home more and more. That's really hard... I love to eat lunch out. And our children are getting older and it's getting exspensive. (We have 4 boys.) But, as for the home, I do have the house clean and laundry kept up and dinner ready and the kids happy. I know that it sound very Stepford Wife, but, you have to consider that your job now. At first it might seem a little much but, there is a great web site called "fly-lady" (flylady.net) that can help you organize your day. Now, everyday won't always go so swimmingly and we might be in our PJs all day but, we are together. And my kids actually look forward to those days. It might take some time to get adjusted and to have good time management. Your baby probably takes naps still so during those times is when I try to get the "chores" done. I could go on and on... I love to hear it when a mom comes home to raise their kids...Good Luck!

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

J.:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Being a SAHM is a VERY HARD JOB! A schedule works best - and keep to that schedule. Look for mommy and me groups - some hospitals have them, libraries, MOPS, etc. ALL GREAT ideas - just sometimes hard to find other women you "click" with.

Financially - well, if you depended on your paycheck for the "extras" and your husband pays the bills, it's a matter of adjustment for you.

Don't do what I did - take the credit card and shop! YIKES! We took a home equity line of credit out and paid off everything so we would have "set" bills every month - changed the cell phone to one that the majority of family and friends were on (Verizon) and took the least minutes, ensured the land line, cable, etc. were a stable bill and wouldn't flucuate by much each month. THINK BEFORE YOU PURCHASE something.

Emotionally - ensure you have time for YOU. WITHOUT BABY & HUSBAND - whether it be a book club or a work out at the gym, do NOT put yourself last. I know it sounds funky since you are staying home to be a mom - but the best mom is the one who takes care of herself as well. You have to be J.. Not just Greg's mom, Justin's wife. You are J. first and foremost, that will NEVER CHANGE.

Also - ensure you and your husband have a date night - whether it be once a week or twice a month - if you have family nearby, ask one of them to watch your son while you and your hubby go out to dinner, out for coffee, something outside the house. Because just like being J. - you and your husband have to maintain a relationship. It's a hard balance, but trust me - SO WORTH IT!!

Bottom line - schedules work. He had a schedule at day care - he'll need one at home as well.

Mommy & Me groups work for social interaction, not just for you but your son as well. Date nights with your husband is a MUST. Ensure it's the same every week - doesn't have to be the same place, but the same day. It gives you and your husband something to look forward to.

Financially"

1. Use coupons while shopping. Utilize the Pea Pod delivery service from Giant - this will allow you to use coupons and not over shop - you know, but those wonderful "impluse items" the grocery stores always want us to buy!! :)
2. Get as many bills as possible stable. Cut out things you do not use (HBO, STARS, etc.) Ensure your cell phone bill has the right minutes - family time, etc. so you can cut the bill and not lose talk time with family.
3. Think before you shop. If you are going to go to the grocery store - bring your list and coupons with you. Set yourself a budget for it.
4. If you use credit cards habitually (and haven't won the lottery recently!) don't use them unless it's an emergency. If you own your home - get a home equity loan (no more than 80% of your equity) and pay all the credit cards, cars, etc. off - this will allow you to have another stable payment which is always the best way to go. No surprises each month.

We went to cash only - our checking account has the mastercard/visa ability so we can pay for things as a "credit card" but only what we can afford to spend. This was a VERY HARD choice and transition, but it was the best decision we made. (As I said, I made the mistake of taking the credit card and shopping and in one month spent $4k and didn't realize how much I had spent until the bill came in - YIKES!) Now, my coupon money is my "bonus" money that I can go shopping on for things for ME or my night out.

Wednesday night is family night - we have pizza and watch a movie or play games. Friday is my night out - I go to the movies or out to dinner with my friends. Saturday night is "date" night.

I hope all works out for you. You'll be VERY happy you made this change but remember to take care of yourself. Not kidding - above all else, do not be afraid to take time out for you. YOU WILL NEED IT.

If you need anything, please feel free to contact me.

Take care!

Cheryl

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Y.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi J.,

I completely understand your nervousness about becoming a SAHM. I went through the same thing when my son was 1 year old. I have to say it was the best decision my husband and I made for our family.

These are times that you will never get back with you children. You will be so thankful that you've made this decision.

My son went to Kindegarten this past year. I must admit I was a little distraught about what to do (go back to work or remain at home). I chose the latter and am so glad I did. Even when you're children are in school, being a SAHM enables you to participate in your children's school activities, get chores done while they are in school, etc. so that you have so much more quality time with your family.

Best wishes on being a SAHM!

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A.J.

answers from Washington DC on

First of all, what is SAHM? Never mind, I figured it out "Stay At Home Mom".

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J.C.

answers from Washington DC on

First, congratulations on the opportunity to be a SAHM! Financially, pay yourself 1st. Invest in your retirement 1st, then kids' college funds, etc.... if your budget provides for it. Reason: no one will take care of you but you. So invest in your retirement, then pay your committed expenses, & then enjoy your discretionary allowance. You learn to live with what you have after you've invested & paid off your bills. Projections needed for retirement are $3-4 million, factoring what you need to live on, how well do you want to live, health care insurance & expenses, & rising cost of living. If you don't pay yourself first, you may need to work until you're of Medicare age. And even then, it may not be pretty. If Congress finally passes the bill to approve the Medicare eligibility to 72 (has been up for vote every year for the past decade), you'll need to consider your financial future. If you don't have a financial advisor, interview hard & go with the one that is heading in the direction you want to go & also believes in your dreams. For example, why would I invest with someone who doesn't believe I can retire 15 years before I'm of Medicare age? At lunch break... will send more later...

Back again... Emotionally, take care of yourself 1st. Happy parents make happy children, no matter if you work or are a SAHM. I've had the good fortune of working PT: 18 hrs./wk for 3.5 yrs., somewhat a SAHM working 3-4 hrs. at night 3x/wk for 2 yrs., & now 25-35 hrs./wk for the last 2 yrs. And before we had kids, I watched a SAHM state she was fulfilled but hated it! She took out her frustrations re: her husband's lack of support with chores/child rearing, & lack of appreciation out on her daughter. The child suffered the most. So I promised myself that I would find what worked for me & our family. Mommy groups are great! But be warned, you won't be best friends with everyone in the group... NO surprise, much like your previous work life. Some of the best advice we've gotten or researched or found out on our own:

- Take care of yourself 1st. If you don't, you won't be able to care for others as well as you'd like.
- Your marriage is more important than your children. This one is hard. But once children leave, what will you have? Just a roommate or a best friend?
- If your children witness a good marriage, they will see that as the norm. No yelling in front of the children. It gives children the feeling of instability & they blame themselves for the problem. Let children witness good conflict resolution skills between you & your spouse.
- BE FAIR & CONSISTENT! Children are like compulsive gamblers. If they know that they can get away with something 3 out of 10 times, they're still succeeding 30% of the time. Consequence/punishment should be immediate after poor behavior. Set boundaries so your child knows what is acceptable behavior.
- Punish the behavior not the character of your child.
- Avoid raising your voice. Train your child to respond to discipline from a calm demeanor. If your raise your voice often, they won't respond to you when you're calm. Then you'll have to continue to raise the volume in your house just so your child will listen to your requests. You're escalating the situation when you raise your voice in disciplining poor behavior. It won't calm your son & the stress for both of you cycles. We raise our voices when safety is compromised (i.e. Don't run into the street!).
- Time outs work if you're consistent. We give time outs anywhere. No time out chair... they get time outs at grocery stores for tantrums, in parking lots for avoiding getting into car seats, etc. Time is 1 minute for every year of his/her age. And there's no horsing around in a time out. Make it the most boring event ever. Our older one sits, hands on lap, facing wall. The younger one stands, hands at side, facing wall. She's the tougher one. Then review why he/she got the time out & end with I love you. For example: Do you know why you got a time out? (You'd be surprised what they say. Then clarify or repeat why they received a time out.) You got a time out because Mommy asked you nicely to get in your car seat & you threw a tantrum. We need to put on our seatbelts to stay safe. And I want you to be safe because I love you. And once they get older, you can reason with them more. For example, you leave it up to them to choose the better behavior or consistently get a time out. It's up to them. But make sure the choices you give them are ones you want - time outs for poor behavior or rewards for good behavior. So after implementing clear boundaries that are fair & consistent, we have well-behaved, nice kids that feel good about themselves & rarely need discipline.
- Children model what they see. If you want them to respond to you calmly, you need to respond to them in that manner. Infants & toddlers have little self control, but they learn what they witness. You choose either to escalate or de-escalate the situation.
- Children mimic the same sexed parent the most the first 7 years. So make sure your husband treats you well. If you want your son to be a good man, you'll need a good husband that supports you. If you do most or all the chores, have your husband show appreciation. If you have a daughter in the future, show self-acceptance & self-love. Mothers vaccinate their daughters from low self-esteem through self-love & self-acceptance. - Virginia Wolfe
- Once you find a routine that works, try to have your son sleep in the pack-and-play or guest bed at friends' homes so you can have real adult time without always getting a babysitter. Children are resilient. They can sleep elsewhere or get transferred into the car later in the evening. Our children were able to do this at ~2+ yrs. old. Our children sleep nearly at the same time every night. So whether we're at friends' homes or hosting people on our deck with the monitor on, the kids don't miss a beat. Yes, they get excited. But we reward them the next day for timely bed time or on the rare ocassion give them a time out.
- Have dates with your husband, even at home with your child elsewhere. :)
- Have time with your friends without children &/or husband. You'll need that too.
- Designate family fun night 1x/wk. Ours is on Friday. And friends can still come over after the children are asleep. If you have to move it, just make it up another night. But deliver on your promises.
- If things are getting crazy, give yourself a time out. I've walked upstairs & laid on the bed for 5 minutes when I thought I couldn't take it anymore. Re-group & move on. And do this as many times as you need.
- In times when you can't calm your son down, just tell yourself you can hold out longer than he can. I give myself 5 minutes. And if the 5 minutes are up, I lie to myself to go another 5 minutes. Again, you're escalating the situation if you don't respond well to a stressful event.
- Build in buffers for times of stress, i.e. husband traveling, family/friends visiting, financial concerns, etc. For example, family/friends come over when spouse travels, go out to lunch with a friend, schedule a massage, etc....
- Don't worry about the Jones'. Shop for discounts & buy what you need, even if you go back to work PT or FT. Kids grow fast. So why pay full price &/or buy 2 dozen of the same things. And don't feel guilty about getting something on consignment or at garage sales. The money you save will finance your retirement, your vacations, your dates, your sanity, etc. Don't buy just because it's on sale. Don't worry if you don't have the nicest TV or furniture. Worry about the future you won't have because you blew the money on something you really didn't need. Aim for financial freedom, you just have to plan it. It's attainable, be creative about when & where to spend the money.
- Assess your committed expenses & see if you can shave on the cable, cell phone, BGE bill, gas usage, gym membership, etc. For example, use flourescent lights throughout your home. Turn off lights in unused areas. Run laundry & dishwasher off peak hours if you can. Better insulate your home. Adjust thermostat when you're not in your house. Close curtains/blinds in areas when you don't need the sunlight. Turn off the TV when no one is watching. Hold onto your cars as long as you can. Research the hybrid before you buy it; it costs $15K to replace the battery after 7 yrs.! Plan events around meal time &/or pack meals/snacks if you can. Watch your "latte factor." Then you won't feel so bad when you blow $400 on your date night, take a weekend vacation with the ladies, or buy Britax car seats for all your children & all your cars.
- If you can, get to a point where you plan your finances one month ahead of time. It might take a few months to save up d/t the change in cash flow. That way, there won't be any surprises & you don't spend what you won't have. If you're a consistent comsumer, it won't be hard to figure out where you'll be one month from now.
- Children who have everything value nothing. Spoil them with your time & your love, not material things. A landmark study that tracked children for a 20 yr. span ages 3-18 showed that children remembered the little things & just wanted time with their parents. They didn't remember Disney World as much as bed time reading with Dad or going to the grocery store with Mom. And all of them said they just wanted more quality time. Children are over-scheduled now-a-days.
- Children in juvenile detention facilities come from the severely neglected & from the severely spoiled families. And these kids come equally from both spectrums. The statistics don't lie.
- SAHM's spend only 5 hrs. more quality time with their children than FT working moms. So do chores at nap time or when they're asleep. Do a little at a time & get help from your spouse. And have your son help a bit too. My moto: if you're part of a family, everyone helps. It frees up time for more quality time. And your house doesn't have to be perfect... but the dirty little secret is that organization is really efficient. Find a balance that works for you.
- Listen to people's advice, let it swirl in your head, sit on it, try it if you like, & if doesn't work, don't sweat it.
- Do what works for you & your family. And if it's not working, change it.

Sorry it was so long. Hope that helps. :)

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V.M.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi J.! I recently resigned from my career/job in January after working continously for 15 years, at that time my son was 17 months and I was 3 months pregnant. It was somewhat of a difficult decision for me due to the fact I had worked hard in my career choice but when it came down to it I can always return to the working world but only get one chance to being a mommy to my children while they are young and at home. I think one of the most single important issues is that you have the support of your spouse - fortuntely my husband supported and encouraged the decision 100%. I also tried hard to set up activities. I am still a new SAHM and am still at 7 months working out the kinks. Some things I am proud of and others I feel like I can do better with. We consistenly go the library and listen to story time but I do feel I could do better with a schedule. Be prepared it is a hard job - probably harder than the one you are getting ready to leave. I had to laugh after I resigned, I realized there are no breaks and no lunch hour - this is a 24 hour a day job but completely worth it. Shoot me an email if you would ever like to talk or need support!
Best wishes - this will be the best thing you have ever done for you and your children.
Victoria

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S.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Staying at home is a different kind of job than any other. It is a 24/7 emotionally challenging job with many rewards. I have been a SAHM for 5 years (my children are now 3 and 5). I feel that it is very important for a SAHM to still have time for themselves whether it is going to the gym to workout for an hour twice a week or taking up a new interest like sewing or crafts. It is very easy to loose yourself in your children when you stay home. It is also easy to forget how to have "adult" conversations. Joining a playgroup with other moms in the area can be helpful with this (church groups, local internet search for playgroups in area, meeting moms at the playground -- even if you have a newborn). It also helps to have others to talk to so you don't ramble your husbands head off when he comes home. Someone once suggested to me that she read the newspaper everyday so that there was some more "adult" topics to discuss with fellow adults. Money of course is another issue for staying at home. We had to cut many expenses. I tutor a couple hours a week for a little extra spending money but of course it is not much because I don't want to miss time with my family. There are a lot of activities to do that are free (library, playground, walk the mall, etc) or low budget (check your local Community colleges and rec centers). Other than everything mentioned above, staying home is wonderful! Once you get a couple months under your belt, you won't want it any other way!

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I think the biggest change is going to be that you are used to adult conversation and there just isn't any unless you make some other SAHM friends.
I suggest you do storytime at the library. It's free and you'll meet other people. Join a mother's group at your church...

The other big change will be financial. You will need to watch every penny. It's worth it! It just takes a little longer to be able to do those extra things...

Just remember, the older they get, the more they need you. My two often ask for items we cannot afford. We give them a choice. They can have it if I go back to work. They ALWAYS say they'd rather have mom home. :-)

Good Luck!!
You'll do fine.
LBC

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B.Y.

answers from Washington DC on

J.,

I too made the transition back in February to stay home with my boys (4,2)....I never thought this would be my choice, but it really became something I couldn't stand not to do. My advice to you would be to give yourself a long adjustment period to get your routine down - don't imagine that it's going to be perfect...it's a lot of work, but your son is young enough to learn early to self play and that will allow you time to get household chores done. I've been home for six months now and am just getting settled...still not perfect, but we're getting there!

Good Luck
B.

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S.M.

answers from Norfolk on

J., Congrats on the decision! I became a SAHM the end of November and it was the best decision I could have ever made. I love being home to see my kids grow and learn and not to have to hear it from our sitter.
It was an adjustment, that is for sure. I think I breifly went insane for the first few weeks. I did love being able to stay home in my PJ's, though. I found out that you need to stay busy and occupied. Maybe you should join an online mommy group and go to playdates and the park. Even though your son is just under a year, they can be very benneficial for both of you. The finances are another thing, though. First of all, decide who will manage the finances, so you aren't getting confused by who paid what and how much is in the account. Then, set your self up on a budget. You can just build a graph or chart using microsoft and make sure you budget in a little every month to go and do stuff. Money for museums, parks, the beach whatever you plan to do. You can also find a lot of free stuff to do or throw a play date at your house with a light snack so you don't have to drive and you just have to spring $20 for snacks. Also check out coupons.com and you can print coupons from home to save some $$. If you need help arranging the budget, let me know. My Grandpa set us up on one and I have help a lot of friends with theirs.
One thing I am going to warn you of though is the want to relieve yourself of your son once your hubby gets home. I do it sometimes myself. My hubby will get home from a long day at work and just want to chill and I am practically running out the back door as he comes in the front door. Setting up a routine is important and make sure you give yourself some time in the evening to just be with you. After dinner I take 30 minutes and go upstairs and do my yoga with the door locked, and TV up so I can not be disturbed. It keeps me from feeling like I am just a cook, mom, driver, housekeeper, plumber, dog walker and accountant. By that time hubby has had a chance to unwind and can devote himself to the kids for a little while to give me a break. Just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean you have to loose you in the process. If you ever need to vent or talk just message me! Good luck.

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A.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Congratulations! It's wonderful. The hardest part is adjusting to being with your child everyday and still having to juggle household duties. When you work outside of the home, you can take a day off, still send baby to daycare and get errands run. You'll have to learn how to do everything with him home. Financially, you'll learn to do without extras, like latte, magazines, snacks, etc. You save money without excess drycleaning, makeup, etc. Try to plan at least two hours per day for yourself to destress and do something quiet that you enjoy. You'll also find that there's more stuff you'll do at home because those are things you probably would have ignored while working. You also will have to adjust your grocery and gas line items in your budget. You might drive a little more to take your son to activities you ordinarily would have missed, like storytime, park visits, etc. The first year was hardest without someone explaining those things to me. I came home, started homeschooling my first grader and had an infant in tow. It was rough! And, my husband expected the home to always be clean and dinner always ready. Yeah, go figure. Eventually, I got into a rhythm and we've reached a happy medium. The house is presentable, dinner is done, and I do look reasonably decent considering I might have been making playdough earlier that day. Have fun. Enjoy your baby. Enjoy your husband. You can do this by learning to cutback, shop on sale, use coupons, meet other SAHMs (but take your time establishing friendships with other women running in and out of your home). You'll probably need some new friends if most of your friends still work. The ones who work won't be able to relate to some of your frustrations, like finances, because they'll be thinking, well go back to work! And sometimes, you'll just want to vent, and they won't be able to relate because they'll be thinking, but you're home. You're not doing anything. Do not worry about people's opinions. Do not let those opinions validate your worth as a human being. Being home with my children is the hardest but most rewarding and fulfilling role I could have imagined. Enjoy! A.

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K.L.

answers from Norfolk on

Well financially I would assume you can afford to quit work since you have done so, but you could pinch pennies by using coupons and dont spend your day running around especially w/ gas prices.
But to occupy your time you can join a playgroup. Its good for you and your child.
As far as emotionally, some moms dont seem cut out to be sahm's for some reason, I find it odd but its true. They become bored or lonely or frustrated... You just have to find ways to deal w/ all of that. I'd much rather deal w/ all of that than to have to go to work and have someone else raise my child 40+hrs a week.
Good luck, I hope it works for you and you are a happy sahm.

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E.T.

answers from Washington DC on

I completely agree with other posters.

Before my son came along, I had a very fulfilling, yet hectic/stressful career. I feel so fortunate that I am in place that I can choose to work, stay at home, or do something in the middle....

Right now, I am at home full time and it is right decision, but I have periods where I miss my job dreadfully... the intellectual conversations and problem solving, the productivity/immediate results, and actually wearing a suit and nice shoes... I can't believe I actually miss that last one!

In addition to the points that Leigh mentioned, a couple of items:
1. I started a book club that meets in the evenings with my friends. NO KIDS/BABIES. It keeps me reading - this time quality literature/books instead of frantic emails. We have a rule that we do not talk about our kids during the book club. It is actually really difficult, but I think it is good to have some separation and focus on something different for a bit.
2. Join a professional networking organization or maintain membership in your current one. GO TO THE EVENTS... even if you are not working and happily staying at home. It may feel awkward at first, but if you want to go back to work - whether it be 5 months from now... or 10 years, it will help to have a stack of business cards that from contacts that you see once in a while.
3. Make time for yourself. I put my son in daycare 2 mornings a week... I felt guilty doing this, but he is insanely active. I needed the time to recharge, plan and organize... just like I needed to take planning time at work... I need that for being a good mom. It gives me a break and then when I am with him, I much, much more energetic and attentive. It is the whole Covey "Sharpen Your Saw" concept.
4. Make checklists for even mundane things like laundry, grocery shopping, etc... I know that what I do for my son is extremely productive, but it is much, much more difficult to measure... so try to set up some performance metrics for yourself, so that you don't feel like you have have had a crazy day, but you don't remember what you did. I tried explaining this to my husband... it took several times to try to explain and he finally understood my frustation at times. He just told me each time my son smiles... that is a metric... he was a young baby at the time and I felt like a dairy cow... but it was just what I needed to get through the early days of nursing and changing diapers and feeling exhausted... and not having done anything "productive".

Take care!

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M.A.

answers from Washington DC on

How exciting for you! It's a lot of work staying home and keeping the little one entertained! The main thing is to keep yourself happy too. Get out and meet up with friends. Be sure to still have your little one around others his own age as well. It will be a change for him too! I am also on a mommy's site that we chat about everything! Hope you join us too, if you aren't already...

go to www.fredericksburgmommies.com

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N.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi, J. - Congratulations! It's awesome that you are able to stay home with your son. Enjoy! I'm not sure if this is the advice you are seeking, but are you open to looking at a home-based business? That way, you would have the best of both worlds! Work your business around your son's needs, work when you want, be your own boss, have your own income stream, etc. Melaleuca is the only home-based business to ever be endorsed by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce & can be very lucrative. I'll hope to hear from you to share more. Good luck! :) N. B.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm so jealous! I've been lucky to stay home with my 6-month old son since he was born, but I need to go back to work next month. Anyway, the advice I've gotten, and heeded to great success, is to make sure you get out of the house at least once a day. It's easy not to, but you'll feel so much better if you do. Also, join some moms groups to stay connected to adults. Enjoy!

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S.M.

answers from Norfolk on

Being a SAHM has been the most challenging and rewarding job I have ever had. I resigned when my maternity leave ended with my oldest. I started my own business and have worked through the finances of quiting my job. The biggest emotional adjustment is that as a Mom, you no longer set the time line of your day. I am a very organized planned out person and I will say my second is 9 months old now and I still have trouble putting down the to do list and just having fun with the kids. One lady said it best in an earlier post about the dust waiting.... It is hard but for not only your sanity but that of your family, prioritize your daily to do list with playing and teaching your child as your top priority. Start an at home business if the finances don't seem to be working out. I found that what I am doing will allow me to make more money than I could at my old job. What a blessing in disguise it is turning out to be. I will say to live each day with gratitude for everything you have and you only find yourself receiving more and more.
S.

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R.W.

answers from Norfolk on

I became pregnant thru in-vitro with twin boys. I was so paranoid I would lose the pregnancy that I decided to stay home. I stayed home until the boys were 26 mos. I feel like I was doing the best thing for them. It is very hard to stay at home and raise your children. It is much easier to go to work. I would not take back any time I spent at home with them but must say it has done us all good for me to be back at work. Just remember, if it doesn't work out for you, it is ok to go back to work. You are still doing your child a lot of good earning money for his college and providing income to support a household and money for fun things to do as a family. Good Luck!

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S.O.

answers from Washington DC on

hi J.!
I have been a stay at home mom for al,psyt 5 ys now i worked while i was pregnant wtih my son till 16 weeks. I had to stop working due to moving. I love it i have had the sleepless ngihts and the first words and syeps and all that. it is grat!!
moneywise ir makes sense in my case to saty home.. less to worry about for child care.

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J.H.

answers from Cumberland on

I, too, quit my job to stay home with my boys, 3, and newborn. Spend your day with your baby reading, talking, showing him things, letting him roam and explore, and build those muscles. Stimulate him with exciting toys like small pots and spoons, plastic drink bottles with bells or colored pom poms (or whatever) in them. Hot glue the lid on. Juice lids and a cool whip bowl with a slit cut in the top, makes a bank-like toy. He will put the lids in and out for a long time. An egg carton with holes in each cup, allows him to put his finger in and out for an extended amount of time. Fill his days with reading and telling him what's on each page - over and over. It stimulates the brain to develop well. Have a great time. "Settle down dust, cobwebs go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby, and babies don'e keep." That's one of my favorite sayings.

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T.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi J.,

When I was a SAHM I belonged to a great group called MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support)Club http://momsclub.org/ and they had activities several time a month. It was great getting together with other SAHM to share ideas about parenting. A good way to save money is shop at consignment shops and join Freecycle.org where you can pick up toys, clothes,books, household items, etc for FREE. Also check your local library for story times for toddlers. Good luck and enjoy the wonderful time with your child.

T.

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R.R.

answers from Washington DC on

J.,
I think you have made the best choice of your life. I stopped working 21 years ago when I had my son. I am so glad I did. I was the one who saw him take his first steps and I was the one he was with when he bagan to talk ... etc. The thing is I raised my own child ... not a day care or baby sitter. We made the choice and it was worth every cent. I say ... enjoy the journey with your child ... it is not things they need ... they need the love of a mom. The kids that grew up with my son have all had problems ... I have had not one second of problem with my son. He does not smoke, drink and run around. He is respectful and kind. A child forms in the first 6 or 7 years ... for the rest of their life. The biggest investment you can give them is you. My sister gave her kids every thing but herself and now she is in pain over the way they treat her. Don't worry about money ... your child is worth more than things ... it is thing that we work for. I did not have a new car until he was grown-up ... and guess what he bought me a new car last year at the age of 20. He is faithful to the payment and knows what I did for him so he now is a man of men. I am a SAHM and believe every mom should be or miss out on what life is really about. Most of the time people work to pay for a car that they drive to work ... then the money they spend on clothes ... eating out and the baby-sitter ... well that is most of the salary they are making! Why work for a car ... work clothes ... food ... daycare ... commute ... etc???? It was cheaper for me to stay at home and we never missed the money I used to make because we stopped going to stores, buying cars and things we did not really need!!!! Love your child ... invest in your child ... it pays off!
____@____.com

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J.S.

answers from Washington DC on

One of the things that I did when I became a SAHM was that I went out and purchased the Microsoft Office. I loved using it at work so much that I wanted to utilize the calendar and task management features into my personal life as well.

It helps me to stay on track with doctors/dentist appointments and scheduling play dates. It also helps me to stay on track with household chores and bill due dates.

I found this to prove to be a wonderful investment because you have to be accountable to YOURSELF as a SAHM.

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S.J.

answers from Lynchburg on

Hi J.,
I became a SAHM about 2 years ago, after being in the workforce for 30 years! Congratulations to you for realizing the benefits and taking the step of faith the be home to raise your son. Being nervous is normal. But don't sweat it! My first word of advice is continue to have routine/schedule to your life. This will benefit you and your son. Children thrive within routine. Get up and get dressed everyday. Eat meals on a schedule. Maintain an appropriate bedtime for your son and yourself - even though you don't have to get up and 'go to work' the next day. Also, be sure to give yourself some 'me time'... you will need it.
As for finances, I opted to operate a from-home business, that I could work on my own schedule to bring in some extra $$$. (I am a BeautiControl Consultant). It has helped give me some time with other women, and given me much needed extra income. I use my business as my 'me time', to get out and stay in touch with other women/moms.
You made the right choice! Enjoy it!! Our kids are only little for a short time. Give your son the nurturing, secure foundation every kid deserves! God bless!!!
S.

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B.S.

answers from Washington DC on

Congratulations on your decision to stay at home! I have been at home with my 9 month old daughter since her birth. I absolutely love it. You are not alone; I felt the same way as you at first. Being a SAHM is beneficial to your kids, but it can be very lonely IF you don't get yourself involved with other mothers and your child involved with activities. It is crucial that you do so. I'm a friendly person, but not really a social butterfly, so I have met other SAHMs through the Storytelling for all ages at the local library, the nursing room at BabysRUS(of all places), at Gymboree Music & Play, and through other friends. Getting involved with a mother's group is good start, too. If you're interested, try MOPs International or you should be able to hook up with a local mother's group for playdates within your city online. I didn't realize there were so many options for SAHMs because it is a new world for me since this is my first child. Financially, we just simply cut back on going out to eat, buy in bulk at Costco(I'm sure you know the gas is usually way cheaper than the current market price),cook inexpensive meals at home, and just simply shop less--material wise. I hope this is of some useful help. Good luck and God bless!

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A.F.

answers from Washington DC on

I am happy for you J.. The heart has it's reasons for wanting to stay home with your child. I always thank God that I could stay home with my children. Learn to live on a budget and you will be blessed in a thousand ways. AF

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P.P.

answers from Norfolk on

Oh boy - I went through this when my son was born - he's 21 months now. I've been a SAHM since his birth and had a very successful career prior for 14 years. It was easy at first because those first 6 months you're just transitioning to being a new mom - you've all ready been through that. For me, the transition hit just about 7 months on . . . and I'm still sort of "transitioning" at times. If you haven't been very career oriented (not everyone is) then you may have an easier time. For me, it was walking into my closet and seeing all these professional type clothes that I was no longer wearing that I've spent a lot of money on over the years and invested in; looking at my fancy shoes/boots/high heel shoes, purses, dresses and jewelery - none of it being used. It made me feel sick at times - I felt like it was so wasteful. I've slowly since donated and sold some to consignment to eliminate the trendy stuff and downsize. No one prepares you for that. And then, you have to be prepared to have the stay at home clothes, which I didn't have and have slowly accumulated - the comfortable stuff that you can wear all day, bending up/down, changing diapers, pulling baby gear in/out of cars, etc. Stuff you normally would not choose to do wearing a suit or dress. Be prepared to possibly need to spend a little to beef up that casual part of your wardrobe. Thankfully, it's not as expensive as work attire. Then the computer stuff - I used excel and word daily - no longer use that. I try to get on the computer and use my skills in a personal way so I don't lose it, but it's not the same. And I really miss the intellectual stimulation that I had at work. The dialogue with colleagues who became my friends and just knowing my "industry" and current events (I was in the property/casualty insurance field). I had a tough time. I enjoy being a SAHM and am FINALLY getting a routine of my own, but it took me awhile to realize that that was the key for me. I try get up daily before my son to make coffee and have a half hour to myself before he gets up (he's a sleeper so I'm blessed in that way) and we go to the YMCA for 1.5 hrs Mon-Fri so I can exercise and have some me time and he can play and learn to be social. For me, it was about replacing my "work" routines with mommy/domestic routines and it seems to be working. We come home for the Y and have lunch and play/read books and then it's nap time. I try to shower and get everything done that I need to so when he goes down for his afternoon nap, again, I can use that time either for myself to get on email or make dinner, clean house, etc. Then he's up in the late afternoon and we can run errands, go to the park, whatever. I'm finally at a point in this whole process where I feel pretty happy. My time can be flexible as needed or more structured if desired. I miss my career and would like to return - but it's not going to be for probably another 6-7 years so until then, I'm doing my best to embrace the opportunity to be a SAHM. So many women out there would do anything to be able to stay home - we really are fortunate. As for the finances - that too can be hard at times but for personal selfish reasons. When you don't need to buy clothing for work, you tend to shop less even though you have more time. And, let's face it, suddenly looking at clothes in Target, Old Navy and other more casual places are more affordable than shopping at Macy's (unless you get those really good sales with coupons). But I find just getting out and looking at the mall is better than just sitting at home. My son gets the stimulation and is learning early what a lot of girls like to do and I'm happy buying a soft drink or coffee and just looking and pushing my son around in the stroller. You'll also find that suddenly your reevaluating what is important - wanting that new pair of jeans or top or shoes, or "needing" new bras and panties. Priorities become different and that too makes it a bit easier to watch the pennies. I do remind myself a lot "wanting versus needing are two different things" and if I take a deep breath and realize I don't really "need" something, it's no big deal not to have it. I'd rather spend that $20 buying my little guy a new car to play with or take him out for a bite for lunch than spending on it on just more "stuff." So, take a deep breath and just know that you probably will, at some point, go through growing or bereavement pains from leaving work to stay home, but it truly is worth it. It's a blessing and it's not for everyone - you just have to go with it and see if you can make it work for you. If not, big deal - you go back to the workplace and feel good that you discovered what's right for YOU and your family.

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I.G.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi J.,
Congratulations on your transition. I stayed at home with my two boys for fourteen years - mostly. When they started nursery school, I took a little part-time job (about 10 hours a week), which gave me a chance to be around just adults for a bit each week.

Some things that worked for me (you probably know some of this already) - 1. Check out the local kids magazines - Kidstreet News, Baltimore's Child, Maryland Family, for events and places to visit in the area. You can find lots of good, free things to do with your son. 2. SLOW DOWN - Everything takes longer with a small child in tow - so just relax and enjoy it. It used to drive me crazy to have to rush to get everything done in time to get home for his nap - until I realized that I didn't have to do everything in one day. I could grocery shop with him one day, go to the bank and cleaners the next... and we could enjoy each other's company more. 3. Do things together, - Exercise (You can find some good books on baby yoga and that sort of thing) - Read (lots of books, over and over.) - Cook (it's amazing how much a child learns while "helping" you cook ) - Sing - all kinds of songs, rock, folk, children's songs - heck, even classical!
Find or start a weekly playgroup. It'll give your son social time with kids his age, and you some "Mom" backup.

Mostly - keep your sense of humor, even when frustrated, and enjoy your time at home. I did!

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