Becoming a First Time Mother.

* Always go with your gut! With all the advice you will get on here from different mommies - stick with what works for you.
* Remember that not only is every person or mom different, so is each baby. You are not "wrong" if you do something different than another mom. Just stick to what your instincts tell you, and research from a reputital source what you don't know.
* Attend a mom's group to get some other mommy input, and take what works & leave the rest.
* And if something isn't working for you - change it!

Your 1st is scary (at any age). Just try to surround yourself with like-minded moms. Be your babies advocate, your babies voice. And don't stress, you'll do fine. I know it must seem like such a huge responsibility (and it is) but you will love your baby so much that "MOMMY" will kick in so fast.

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Just relax.
You truly are in for the ride of your life, so try to enjoy it as it is happening. Stay in the moment.
That being said, a few pieces of advice...

1. Try to enjoy your pregnancy, its not always gonna be awesome, but (ideally) its only gonna happen a handful of times, so go with it. Reading was the best therapy for me. Someone mentioned Jenny McCarthy's books. "Belly Laughs" is the one about pregnancy and I thought it was hilarious. "Baby Laughs" goes through the first year - it was funny, but not as funny. As far as reading goes, I teetered between learning enough, and learning too much - so don't go too crazy - knowing too much has a tendency to make people paranoid.

2. So wow... pregnancy... you are in for certain things now. You are 17 weeks along now, so no doubt people are asking you if you are getting morning sickness. If you are not tiered of this question yet, you will be soon.

3. As you really start to show, people will ask if you have or plan to find out the sex... and then of course which you prefer. Unfortunately I really wanted a boy (grew up w/ no brothers and 3 sisters) and told people my preference right off the bat. So when I found out I was having a girl (and that upon finding out I cried for 3 hours,) people acted really uncomfortable around that subject for a while. My advice is to tell everyone you don't care what the sex is, regardless of your true feelings... because let's face it, you can't change it now, so your preference doesn't matter anyway.

4. So then after you find out the sex, the rest of your pregnancy will be plagued by "What names have you picked?" I also suggest keeping this to yourself. People get really weird about names and will feel compelled to tell you their crappy opinion on it. What worked best for me was making a joke. Whoever was asking me, I would say I was thinking about naming it that. That always makes people laugh. Towards the end I told people I would let them know when I introduce the baby to them. Of course I only learned this after I told my mother my name choice (Sophia) and then she badgered me my whole pregnancy about not naming her that. Its no one's business but you and your husband's.

5. Then as you really get close to delivering people will ask you if you plan to breastfeed. Most people will tell you breastfeeding is best, and of course it is, but don't feel bad if it doesn't work out - that's why bottles and formula were created in the first place.
If you do plan to breastfeed, or are on the fence, take a class while you are pregnant to help you decide. They offer them at the hospital for a small fee and go into detail about what to expect. Even if you take a class, get as much help as you can at the hospital. A lactation consultant should visit everyday, so batter them with your questions and have them watch you to make sure you're doing it right. I know this sounds weird, but breastfeeding is way harder than you think it is (not the act of it, but everything that goes along with it.) Also, I suggest keeping an bit of formula and a few bottles on hand just in case.

6. Then they will ask you about the epidural. The epidural is a HUGE debate and people ALWAYS have a strong opinion about this too. My advice is to also skirt this topic - don't tell people you are committed either way. Its your first delivery, so claim stupidity, and say "I'll get one if I need one," because the truth is - you will. If you really feel you need one, or if you end up w/ a c-section, they will give you one regardless, so don't spend too much energy thinking about it.

7. The one thing I hated when I was pregnant was... older women LOVED to share their terrible stories (usually labor stories.) Especially as you get closer, tell people you only want to hear GOOD stories. There's no sense in scaring yourself now - you have very little control about your labor and delivery anyway, so fill your head with pretty thoughts. Pregnancy hormones make you paranoid enough as it is, you don't need people's stupid stories making it any worse.

8. You are young, so (as long of the rest of your life is fine/normal) the hardest thing will probably be adjusting to life as a married woman and then... life with a baby. BIG ADJUSTMENTS! I personally found getting a therapist to be very helpful.

9. I suggest only venting about married life/baby life to people that are married and/or have babies. Your single friends will try to understand, but let's face it... they won't. It will be very hard for them not to judge you/pity you /whatever, so save yourself and find people that are in your situation to talk to. My friends are all in their late 20s/ early 30's w/out babies. I only have one friend that is married. Needless to say I've found it hard share my life with them. They are busy talking about partying (which I couldn't care less about) and all I have to talk about is the color of my 6 month old daughter's last dirty diaper (which they pretend to care about, but really that just sounds gross to someone that doesn't have kids.) So get some friends that are in the same situation as you - it will make life way easier.

Good Luck honey :)

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Congratulations and good luck to you. I was just as scared, but had my 1st one at 34. The best thing I did to prepare myself was to take the Birthing Classes. I had a wonderful instructor at Sutter Memorial Hospital (you don't have to have Sutter to go to the classes). I would recommend taking that class. The instructor is Alice Price, she is witty and entertaining as well as very knowledgeable. My husband even enjoyed her classes.

The other thing is that if you plan on breastfeeding, take advantage of the classes. If you don't have time or it is too much money, the request a lactation consultant in the hospital. I almost didn't see one because I was so anxious to get out of the hospital. She came early and I am so glad that she did. It was a very helpful experience.

If you don't plan on breastfeeding, There is a website called Very Best Baby, this is a great website to sign up for because each month you get coupons for formula and you get week to week updates on how your baby is doing, even after he/she is born. The link is
www.verybestbaby.com.

Just educate yourself as much as you can. Nothing can take away the anxiety of giving birth, but I really didn't think about that until my water broke. It is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and the thought of labor completely escapes me now and he is only 4 months old.

Best of luck to you!!!

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Hi K.,

Becoming a mother is by far the most amazing, scary, life changing rollercoaster you will ever experience. No matter how much experience one has it is still hard. You can not prepare enough for something like this. The fact that you are on here asking advice is awesome. You care and are interested in being the best you can be which is admirable.

One thing i can say is your baby will tell you what it needs. You will be surprised at your natural instinct to know what your baby needs and want. I was amazed at how much came to me once i was a mom.

Having a good support system is key too. I would suggest going to a birthing class and joining a play group. It feels really good to be around other moms-to-be and once the babe is born you have automatic friends for you and the babe. that will be a huge help...it is so important to have other moms to talk with and share this experience. your friends that don't have kids don't want to talk about poop and breastfeeding :)

You will be fine, take care of yourself and that precious baby.
E.

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It's a very overwhelming process, but the best thing you will ever do in your life!

I loved the book "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" by Vicki Iovine. It is hilariously funny and full of great advice. All the Girlfriend's Guide books are fantastic. Also my own mother bought me "The Mother's Almanac." She used it when I was a baby, and I have found it invaluable myself. It has practical advice on a little of everything and can be used up until your children are school-aged. And finally, before baby arrives, I would HIGHLY recommend the book "BabyWise." It gives some good advice on feeding, sleep schedules, etc for your new baby, that I promise will save your sanity.

The only other thing I would tell you is that babies can be expensive, BUT you can also get by with very little and do just fine. There are lots of great deals to be had out there at children's consignment stores, on eBay, Craigslist, from your friends, etc. No reason to pay full price on any of the baby gear and clothes unless you want to. =)

Don't worry too much about the labor and delivery part. I remember really stressing out about that with baby #1 and in retrospect, it was not that big a deal. Ultimately anything unknown is scary at first but you don't need to worry. That's how we all felt at one time!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! You are a great mom-in-the-making, I can tell! Please keep us updated and let us know how it goes.

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Hi K.,
Congratulations!

I recommend the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Check the library or bookstore. It helped ease my fears.

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