So My mom has had this return after 8 years. Last time, she had surgery, got it removed and had radiation for 6 weeks and a 5 year med for cancer protection. now it returned, It is a little more spread in the same breast. She now will need surgery again and possibly chemo and radiation. So my question is..... I am out of state and want to be there for her as much as I can. But I have a family to run here. I don't know what is the best time to be with her. So if I have a week to give, should it be during the surgery or the chemo . I may be able to come back another time for a treatment . But it seems like this may be a weekly thing. She goes once a week to get treatment or takes the pill............... I just don't know what is best for me to be there with her.
So if you have been through this or have helped someone through this, what is your advice ?
Thanks
Yes she is alone, but have a sister 2 hours away from her. We will work together, but she works full time and I don't work at all, so we have to kinda work around her schedule too and when she can or can't be there..... My mom says for me to stay home for surgery but I am not so sure I wanted to do that..... I would like to be there. IDK. So hard to know. But love all the advice and thanks for the encouragement of you all dealing with this.... I am so glad you are doing well and are a surrvivor. I have a lot of friends running for you guys April 28th down here.
ask her! My vote is for thru surgery & beyond. Get her home, get her comfortable, & have a support team in place for when you leave.
Blessings to you & your family. Prayers to all.
As well as the others. I am very sorry to hear this. My Mom had stage 4 bc for almost 11 years. is she having a mastectomy ? Its really hard to know how each patient will do during the different phases of treatment. However, I feel it best (if she has no one else) that you be with her the day of and the week following the surgery. She will need you emotionally and physically. Chemo can be very tiring and make some patients sick. Its a touch and go with the Chemo because she could do great the first time and not so great the next . Remember to ask her what she wants.. I am praying for your family. please update here if you can.
My advice is to be there during and immediately after surgery. That is probably when she will need the most assistance.
My mother went through breast cancer in the middle of fall semester of my sophomore semester in college. She insisted that she could do radiation and chemo without assistance. I would drive home on the weekends, but she did a majority of those treatments on her own and was ok with it.
You don't mention if she is married or single? My mother was single at the time she fought her breast cancer. Just offer to help pay for or arrange for certain things that might be more difficult for her- like yard work, grocery shopping, etc. Anything that requires lifting, strength, or extended range of motion. Those seemed to be the most difficult things for my mother to perform on her own during that time.
I'm going through radiation for BC right now. For me, the surgery was a breeze. Seriously, I was fine the very next day with no pain or anything. I didn't have to do chemo, thank goodness, so I can't speak to that. I'm about halfway through radiation, and I'm just now starting to feel a bit tired. Of course, dealing with 3 kids and all their activities and running the household is tiring anyway. I guess what I'm saying is nothing so far has slowed me down, life for me is just the same now as it was before my diagnosis. So from a physical standpoint, I don't really need any help.
But I'll tell you what, my mom is coming next week to stay with me for 3 weeks while I finish up radiation and I'm REALLY happy about that. Just having here her will give me peace of mind, so that *should* I feel like I need extra help, she's there for me. And knowing she's coming has made this pretty easy so far. Her visit is giving me something to really look forward to.
I'd say, ask your mom what she prefers. She may need physical help during the week of her surgery, but then you'd leave right before she has to go through chemo by herself (that alone would be depressing for me). If she can handle the surgery herself (with help from friends, etc), your visit maybe halfway through the chemo will cheer her up at a time when she's really down. It's tough to tell - talk to her about it.
BTW, from what I've been told, radiation can only be given once per lifetime per body part, so if she's already done the rads in the past, she probably won't be doing it again. I might be wrong, but everything I've read and been told suggests this...
Good luck to you both - you'll be in my thoughts...
I'm so sorry about your mom. Cancer is awful! My husband had Hodgkin's Lymphoma 8 years ago. He did not require surgery (well, after the initial biopsy) and had 6 months of chemotherapy every other week. I sat with him for every chemo treatment. He really needed the company during that time - but he didn't have surgery. Since you live so far away I would probably opt for the surgery and see if you can make a treatment later on. I would definitely make sure you call her or send her a card or something the day/week of her treatment. That way she knows you're still thinking of her. My sister sent my husband a card with pictures of her kids doing silly things for every treatment. Just to give him something to look forward to. I'm so sorry you are all going through this. It must be really h*** o* you as well because you live so far away. Hugs.
she needs support in all of it...ask her what she wants u to be there for. But chemo is when she will need help with everything bc she will feel like she is dying and she will be so sick that she cant move, she wont be able to eat, she will really need someone to look after her and give her medication and showers, food....
i would look into a CNA or something so watch after her....
Talk to your mom and see what she says. I have not been in your shoes, but I do know both aspects of it will be difficult--the surgery and chemo. My grandmother died of lung cancer a few years back, and I recall her always having a rough time during chemo. But I can imagine if my mom were to be undergoing surgery, I would want to be by her side as well. That's a tough one!
My mom battled breast cancer and she definitely needed me more during the Chemo. The surgery went smoothly and was a cake walk compared to the Chemo treatments.
Wishing you all the best. I, too, lived out of town and had to schedule time to split with my sister.
On a side note, if you are able to and/or if you haven't already, there are "grandmother" books where they can write down all sorts of things to their grandchildren (things about their lives, their thoughts, their memories). That is something my mom did when she felt up to it and I now treasure it SO VERY MUCH. Also, I took lots of pictures and videos. I even have my mom's voice recorded on my phone and listen to it often. I love having it.
Just my two cents,
R.
