Baseball for a Child

M.:
I would take this as a learning experience for your child. The bottom line is in life we don't always get what we want. It is never too early for a child to begin to learn this. Maybe the coach sees that your child wants the ball more than the other children and he is trying to teach him about loosing. Also if you are lucky enough for your child to be on loosing baseball team this also will teach him how to lose. Anyone can be a winner. It takes strength, stamina and self esteem to loose and the to hold your head up high which are all things your 5 year old will learn as he travels through life.
R.

1 mom found this helpful

Most coaches do this, but he should not be asking who wants it. Of course, everyone wants it. It should go to the player that deserves it - not even necessarily the best player of that game, but the one that did something that stood out. By the end of the season, every player should have gotten the game ball. In all of my experiences, that is how it went.

I know it must break your heart to see your son get that upset. Maybe you could mention something to the Coach. Let him know you are not asking that he give it to your son, but that he choose another method of handing it out.

Good luck and I hope your son hangs in there with the baseball. There will always be coaches that don't "mesh well" with certain players, but team sports are still wonderful teaching and learning tools for kids.

My son started playing baseball at 5 as well, and he is now 8. If your son's coach is like most others, every child will receive a game ball before the season is over. Check with your child's coach, or talk to some of the other parents to see if this is the case. Maybe it will be easier on your son if you tell him that everyone gets a game ball. My son treasures all of his game balls - he has one for every season that he has played (as do all of his teammates).

Hi M.;
I think you should talk to your son's coach. In South Georgia where I live they have future's league where kid's start T-Ball at age three and these teams do the "game ball"- However every coach we have ever had has made sure that each boy on the team receives a ball. As long as this is the way that the coach intends to go I think its a good teaching point for your son to encourage him to do his best and a lesson in patience. One thing you do not want to teach is if you don't excel regardless of if it is sports, academics, or life you can't get upset and quit. All that to say that if this is NOT what your coach intends to do you may want to reevaluate him playing - who's idea was him playing baseball is this something he insisted he wanted to do or was this something you or other family members wanted him to do? We have always held that if it is something the kids expressed interest in doing that they have to stick the season out. I don't know how things are where you live but here it costs for our kids to play so we use it as a way to teach them the value of the dollar. If it was something that I put them in then I feel my child's feelings about the game should be considered and together we make a list of pro's and cons in con's out way then I feel obligated to let them leave because it wasn't something that they expressed interest in. I am going to stop talking now cause I didn't mean to write this much. Good Luck to you.

See if there is Upward Sports in your area. They stress teamwork, cooperation, and having fun, rather than winning or losing. Every child gets equal play time, and every child gets to play in every game. And after the game, every child gets an award for some special trait he showed during that game. It's a great program! Let me know if you'd like more info.
Good luck!

We have always stressed personal best with out boys. In whatever they do, if they do their best then "win or lose" they can hold their head up high and be proud of trying.
Too many parents push the "win or you are nothing" and there are lots of coaches that do this too!
I would check with the coach to be sure he is allowing each boy 1 chance through the season to win a game ball. No duplicates until all have had it at least once. That way its more fair. The coach should be able to state why this boy is getting it for the game...ie., he made a good catch, swung really well (whether he hit the ball or not) ran his fastest, showed the most team spirit, etc. Just handing the ball to a random kid doesn't make it 'special'.
My youngest played Tball and they didn't award the game ball. He loved the fact that he improved a little every game and always did his best. He encouraged his team mates at every game and practice.
Both boys do Scouts. They have had the tears of a loss and that is part of life. They know someone has to come in first and someone in last. We have always let the boys handle it -tho we are there for the inevitable tears the first couple of losses. How the parent handles it means more to the kids.
If he is still dissappointed and you know he did his best, go out for an ice cream after to celebrate. Family first!!
Good luck!

My son too played baseball at that age and they gave out game balls. However, his coach did not ask who wanted it, but rather gave it to a player who did something that stood out during the game. Ex. Good attitude, made a great hit, made a good stop, etc. By the end of the season each player had received a game ball so noone was left out. I would discuss with your son that everyone has a turn and that he will have his turn and definitely let him know he did nothing wrong. If you feel like it is neccessary you could even talk to the coach and ask him if he could explain why he chooses a certain player to receive the ball. I hope all this helps and good luck!

Hi M.,

My husband has coached tball for about 7 seasons and he also does the game ball after each game. The purpose is to recongnize each child for something that they did during the game. We have had many kids who have completely excelled but who don't get a game ball until well into the season. Sometimes the child receiving the game ball did something that everybody saw as outstanding and sometimes it is the child that isn't a very experienced player that did something that may never happen again! It is definately not to pick the "best" player each game but to try to build confidence in each child no matter their skill level. There is TONS of improvement from the first practice to the last game. Trust me- these little guys learn so much! and hopefully have fun doing it. I don't know if you are at parks and rec or a church league. Our church league is competetive, yet most of the coaches rotate players and batting order...I have heard at the county league, this happens less because they are more interested in winning and therefore play the same players in field, etc. I hope your child has a great time this season and if not, maybe try someplace else next time. Also, it seems that fall ball is a lot more relaxed so he might do better with that. Also, it would help if you guys worked with him and made it fun outside of practice. There are usually 13 kids on our team and an hour of practice each week- not much individual time and the most improvement is seen from the kids whose parents work with them outside of practice. As your child gets better, his confidence level will increase and this might help since he is on a team of boys that are older than him. Hope you have a great season!
K.

At 5 he needs to learn not to pitch a fit when he's dissappointed. Of course, not in front of your son, ask the coach about everyone getting a ball. BUT, if you let him act in jealousy it really sucks at 6,7,8 years of age. BELIEVE ME ! My son is 6 but the boys he plays with act the same way your five year old does, but is really bad at their age. Use this time and situation to teach your son, thats the most important not the ball.
Good luck !
J.

M.,

First of all the game at his age is suppose to be fun. My son has been playing since he was 5 and he has turned into a very good little ball player. He also plays football now too. My son loves the game and it does get a little more competitive as they get older. At 5 he should be learning the fundamentals of the game and learning how to hit and throw and catch. It is customary that a boy gets the game ball. All the boys want the game ball, after all of the games, even if they have received the ball in a previous game. Your son will get the ball before the season is out. Everyone gets a ball. With him crying about not getting the ball tells me he may be very competitive within himself. I would try to tell him not to worry too much about the game ball and focus on hitting and catching and throwing the ball better. Tell him if he makes a great play, he will probably get the game ball. You can also buy a ball yourself, and tell him he gets this ball for being such a great son, a good sport, and a good baseball player. Again, please don't worry, he will get a ball before the season is out.

C.

I don't think it's too much for a 5 yr old.
He needs to learn to deal with it.
He can't have everything he wants.
Have a talk with him about the ball and tell him that maybe he can earn it next time, he just needs to work harder.
In our house we believe that our kids need to put 100% into anything they do not just academics but also sports and extra stuff ( ballet, gymnastics etc). In our house if you start a season of something then you see it through to the end and you do your best while the season is on , if you don't want to do it next year fine but you finish what you start.

The fit throwing is pretty typical of a 5 yr old until they learn to control their emotions , it's ok to be disappointed but it's not ok to throw a fit, it's the same as throwing a fit when you don't buy him something he wants.

M.,
I was involved with my daughter cheerleading squad for 4 years. One year as a team Mom and the rest as an assistant coach. We kept a book and made sure that each child got turns with spirit sticks/game sticks/lead roles for games. This should always be about building self esteem. I must admit my daughter and the head coaches daughter did not get their game stick until all other girls had theirs.
Some weeks my daughter would get in the car (not saying anything) but you could see disappointment.
Our son played ball one season and we did not enjoy the experience but waiting at his age was to much(4 years old). He much prefers soccer and always moving.
Whatever keeps them happy and active right.
Good Luck and I hope he gets the next game ball. I totally understand how important that is to all of them.
Sincerely,
R.

Hi M.,

My son is currently playing his third season of baseball (Peewee now)and my daughter played softball last fall. They each got a game ball every season. Ben just got his at the last game. If you'd feel better I would talk to the coach to be sure he is going to give one to every player eventually and explain that to your son. It would be nice if the coach wouldn't tease the boys by asking who wants it but I guess that's his style! The better players typically get the ball later because the coaches know they play well and it's easy to point out that they did something remarkable. The rest of the team gets the ball if they had a great hit or scored or didn't play in the dirt or whatever but it's usually when they listened to the coach and did something well that they had been struggling with. I really don't think it's too much pressure-- it's a fantastic time to teach patience and doing your best. The game ball is the coveted prize so it's normal that the boys are anxious to get theirs. There are 10-12 boys on the team so the majority of the team hasn't earned their ball either!He just needs to keep doing his best and eventually he will get his. Just wait until he gets a trophy at the end of the year!!! Hope he gets his soon! R.

I think the coach is wrong to handle the game ball this way. Even if your son is only 5 the other kids cant be that much older. No kid that age handles watching somebody else get what he wants well. I feel like he's setting the boys up for disappointment.

hi ,im melisssa w,i have 3 boys 18,16,12and married 18 years.your doing graet at this time its our job now to talk.you can talk with his coach about this or your husband.my biggest thing is talking with our kids.the sooner they learn certain things will not go our way all the time its ok no big deal just dont give up or quit.even at 5years old this does make a big difference.i would say i would hold out for a winning ball.as mom comfort him.good luck and god bless

Hi M.-

My daughter played baseball last year, and we were in exactly the same position (she was also a new 5 born in December). She was by FAR the worst kid on the team, but she still got a game ball. Why? Because everyone got one. I thought it was great that the coach waited to give her ball to her for a game where she actually did something. Sure, the grounder she fielded was not exactly thrilling, but it was a major accomplishment for her, so she was ecstatic when she earned her ball. And it was near the end of the season when she got it, and yes, she wondered after every game why she never got the game ball.

I would definitely ask the coach if he plans on giving every kid a ball. This would be helpful knowledge when you are talking to your son. I think what he's feeling is very normal for his age- ANY age, really, since we all want to be winners all the time. But we can't let disappointment rule our lives, or we'd all be moping around. I don't think he's too young to start learning how to be gracious in both winning AND losing. I think he's to young to BE gracious, but not too young to hear that that's what you expect from him.

I wish my daughter had liked baseball, because I would love for her to do it again. We've done so many different activities, and this was by far the best. She didn't like it best (she hated it), but there were just so many life-lessons packed into her little baseball season, things she never learned in dance/gymnastics/swimming/art/theater, etc.

This may be a good lesson for your son. We do not always get what we want when we want it. Sometimes even when we do our best things don't turn out just right. I believe too many parents try to sheild their kids from anything and everything negative instead of using the difficult times as teaching moments. My advice would be to stick it out with the team, encourage good sportsmanship and hard work at practice, and ignore the bad behavior. Once he realizes he gets praised for the good things he does those behaviors will be reinforced.

M.,
My son is now 8 years old and has been playing baseball since he was 5. My husband has been the assistant coach on all of his teams (spring and fall seasons) since that time. On my son's teams, the coaches try to give a game ball to each child on the team over the season usually trying to make it happen whenever that child hits really well or catches a ball or something. I also believe that academics come first in our family but playing on a team also has benefits-- getting along with other kids, following directions from someone other than mom and dad, waiting your turn, good sportsmanship, etc. I would think that his turn will come to get a ball but you could always ask his coach.

All my kids (1 boy, 2 girls) started baseball/t-ball at age 4 and my son still plays at almost 9. His coach since 5/6 league has given a game ball. We play 12+ games a season so EVERY child gets a ball. As for deciding who, Coach always used it as an encouragement of some new skill whether it be baseball or character related. Some kids are starting to 'get' the game at that age and can be rewarded for good hits, a good catch, etc. Some kidss are really improving when they do not sit down in the outfield or do not cry when they get tagged out.
If your coach is using it as a reward for hardwork be it athletic ability or simply good sportmanship, I think it is great at this age. If it is handed out only to those who excel at the sport at age 5 or those who raise their hand fastest then it seems to be a waste.

hi M.,
as a mom of two sons, ages 9 and 12, who've both been playing baseball since they were four...i can tell you that it is common practice, and although i'm sure the coach will make sure everyone gets the game ball once during the season, unfortunately, (and maybe fortunately) the boys need to learn to be patient. you should explain to him that only one ball is given out per game, and at each game, someone will get it...and he will has his turn to look forward to. i can also tell you that if he is one of the better players, he may wait longer, since the coach has to find a reason to give it out each time, and a poor player whose had a good game will get it since he may not have a good game again...with a better player, the coach knows he'll always find a good play to use as a game ball for him. maybe instead of focusing on the competition between the players for that game ball, you should focus on the fact that it is something to look forward to...and that everyone gets a turn...i know it's hard to watch them at that point waiting to see who gets it, and then not being the one...but just wait until he gets his turn...i hope you bring a camera that day!!

Hi M.,
My son is in Pee Wee ball and he had the same expierence happen to him, He is very athelectic and a good player, So when game after game came and he did not get the game ball he asked us how come? We just explained to him that he was playing ball for his own reward and to do the best he could. Also the league we play with makes sure that all players get at leeast one game ball per season. If you can you might want to pull the coach aside and ask him his criteria for given out the game ball. I know to a five yr old this is hard to explain but just to re-enforce that sports are for his own personal reward like potty training and dressing them selves is when their two.
Cindy

M.,
I have no children of my own, but I taught kindergarten for 23 years, and this behavior sounds pretty normal to me. You have received a lot of good advice from others. I especially liked the ones who suggested using this as a way to teach your little boy how to deal with disappointment. The world is full of hard times, and you won't be able to shield him forever. He is also taking cues from your behavior, so be sure you are staying calm and positive about the situation. If you would like to try something less competitive, Kindermusik is a good choice; and we work on all areas of development: social, emotional, cognitive, language, physical,and musical. Feel free to check out my website at www.kindermusikwithsherry.com

The coach really needs to change the way he presents it. You ask that question and every single child wants it, but all of them do not get it! (I would probably put each child's name in a hat and draw it, but not put the previous ball winner's name in it.)

Different children respond differently to disappointment. Your child just happens to respond the way he responds....you'll teach him as he is dealt these situations as to how to handle it. It's totally okay to be upset...absolutely okay! But, you'll just teach him that baseball and all of these games are for him to enjoy playing whether winning or losing or whether 'winning' the game ball. Just have fun and not worry about it too terribly much.

I agree with the person who said that the coach shouldn't position it the way he is. OF COURSE all the boys WANT to have a ball from the game. Who wouldn't? But, that said, baseball is very different than what I saw practiced 30 years ago when my brother played (from K-12). You got the ball if you hit a home run. Nothing else. My brother hit a few homeruns in his years and kept a few balls. He treasured them because they were special to him for an actual achievement, not because they were regular game balls and he showed up.

M.,
My husband and I are T-ball coaches for twelve 4 to 6 year old boys and girls. Trust me when I say that it is difficult to make all the kids happy all the time. We try to make sure that each child gets to bat first at least one game. Last year (our 1st year of coaching), we tried to let all of them play at each position, but that was mainly because it was their 1st year of playing any kind of sport. So far this year, we have been able to keep the players in more permanent positions, due to the fact that we only have three 1st year players. We have a few that like to play in the sand, but at this age that's to be expected.
We try to treat the kids equally at all times. Praising them for a great swing, even though they never came they never came close to hitting the ball, or for a great throwing arm when they throw the ball way over the intended receivers head.
The main thing is your son is learning a new sport and skills. He's also learning how to be a part of a team. Explain to him that he'll get a chance to get the game ball. It also wouldn't hurt to ask the coach if he (or she) is making sure that each kid will eventually get a game ball.
As for the winning or losing, we would tell the kids that we tied. At this level, no score is kept, no outs recorded, and everyone bats each inning.
Have fun watching your little boy play and cheer him on no matter what.

I would talk to the other parents if you can and see how they feel about this.maybe the coach will give every player as game ball after each game