Balancing Life

Welcome to mommyhood!! :-) Couple thoughts...I don't know your financial situation but get a housecleaner if you can! We have someone come only once a month for 4 hours who gets all the deep bathroom cleaning, floors (ie, mopping) and deeping dusting (ie, with furniture polish). Then throughout the month it is SO much easier for me just run a dry cloth over things, very quickly. It really keep things cleaner than you think.

You could also hire a mommy's helper - much cheaper than a nanny, more like a babysitter. Even if it's for 2 hours/week - she can either help you with the kids while you clean or she can do errands/things to help you be a mommy. They're getting popular so finding one shouldn't be difficult. Plus, you're not leaving your kids with a total stranger as you are right there with them all.

At their ages, you can create games to have the kids help clean up. For example, who can pick the the toys the fastest? Oh no, the lunch monster is coming...if he sees this mess he'll miss our house (I know that sounds weird but it helps my 3.5 year old pick up / wash up before lunch - she loves racing games).

After meals, have the kids put their own dishes in the dishwasher (if you have one) - you can create games like sorting the silverware into the separate compartments, etc.

Shower at night. Not only will it help you sleep because it's relaxing but there's your bit of YOU time. My husband is awesome with my daughter (he doesn't ignore her) so I have actually started taking a novel into the bathroom with me and just read 1 chapter at a time. Everyone knows bathroom is private time and it only takes about 10 min to read a chapter. When I need a sanity break, I'll even go in and just sit on the edge of the bath and read with the door closed. obviously this only works when hubby is home.

When all else fails, a little bit of TV is NOT going to hurt the kids. You can find educational, safe programs on PBS (record them so you have them at will) or rent/buy some toddler-friendly programs. You would be amazed what you can get done during a 20-minute Clifford. One of our favs is Little Einsteins - google it if you haven't heard of them. My daughter has learned so much from this program - she understands what volcanos are, she has learned all about tons of different animals, knights, Africa, etc. Pretty amazing. Best part is I have my sanity.

I often feel like this (overwhelmed), when I need to get some time to myself. The last time that I got to that point, it ended up in an argument where my husband concluded that I needed to spend my free time doing more cooking and cleaning (men can say the strangest things when they are placed on the defensive). Needless to say, within a couple of days he was offering to watch the baby so that I could get out for an hour or so.

That being said, it is much easier to balance things when I get some time to myself. I do this by going to bed super early (when my baby goes to sleep - even when I don't think I'm tired, I usually am), waking up fairly early while he is still asleep to have some "me time" and doing my devotional during his morning nap. I solicit help from my husband too, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed - he helps with the dishes , the kitchen floor and some of the cooking, but I do the shopping and 95% of the baby care and everything else...but all couples find their own balance - and no, our house is not particularly clean, just clean enough for us.

Sleep, time to yourself and time spent with God are the three things that will continually renew you and help you to find the time and energy you need to prioritize and to get things done...and of course, remembering to enjoy the journey.

Balance is a very difficult thing for any woman. Set your priorities. That will help you decide what is the best way to do things. For me, my priorities are God, my husband, my kids, then my house. Then set a schedule of when you can do certain things around the house. When they baby goes down for a nap, set up a project (coloring, playdough, etc) for your older one and do the dishes. Try doing one load of laudry a day or every other day, depending on how much you have. You can try flylady, but I know it can look overwhelming at first. Or read More Hours in my day by Emilie Barnes. It helped me. It takes a long time to find a balance. Just add one thing to your routine at a time. It will eventually come together as you work at it. Think about the things that stress you out most, when left undone around the house and work on those first. Also see if there is one thing around the house that your husband will do, like vacumn, or dishes. You should try to get out and do something for yourself once in a while. Talk to your husband and see when would be a good day and time. It does help to get a break every once in a while. If shower everyday makes you feel better, try and find a time to do it once a day. For a while I was taking showers in the evening or at night, just so I could have my once a day shower and be in a better mood. Also pray. Ask God to help guide you into a schedule that will be good for you and your family. Good luck,

C.

Updated

Balance is a very difficult thing for any woman. Set your priorities. That will help you decide what is the best way to do things. For me, my priorities are God, my husband, my kids, then my house. Then set a schedule of when you can do certain things around the house. When they baby goes down for a nap, set up a project (coloring, playdough, etc) for your older one and do the dishes. Try doing one load of laudry a day or every other day, depending on how much you have. You can try flylady, but I know it can look overwhelming at first. Or read More Hours in my day by Emilie Barnes. It helped me. It takes a long time to find a balance. Just add one thing to your routine at a time. It will eventually come together as you work at it. Think about the things that stress you out most, when left undone around the house and work on those first. Also see if there is one thing around the house that your husband will do, like vacumn, or dishes. You should try to get out and do something for yourself once in a while. Talk to your husband and see when would be a good day and time. It does help to get a break every once in a while. If shower everyday makes you feel better, try and find a time to do it once a day. For a while I was taking showers in the evening or at night, just so I could have my once a day shower and be in a better mood. Also pray. Ask God to help guide you into a schedule that will be good for you and your family. Good luck,

C.

Hi A.,

I just wrote a blog post a few days ago about time management for moms... you can read it here: http://www.momsempoweringmomscafe.com/?p=73

It's about a very simple technique that I use to get it all done... and it involves scheduling ME time first (I'm a single mom of 2 preschoolers... if I don't do it that way, it doesn/t happen).

Hope this helps... leave a comment on the blog and let me know what you think!

-A.

I do something similar to Marriah - I have a day for each thing - bathrooms one day, thorough cleaning of kitchen one day, laundry one day, vacuuming one day...etc. Dishes are done everyday and the counters are cleaned up, but I don't do a full scrub down of every surface every day - just the ones that get used. This system has really helped me not only feel like I'm getting everything done, but also added to a sense of purpose to each day. My husband also helps out with chores - he has been doing a lot of vacuuming during my current pregnancy! I also have my 2 year old "help" with the cleaning so I can keep an eye on him and he feels like he is doing something very important. We have a little toy vacuum, a swifter duster, and a swifter broom with the two middle rods removed so its just his size, and a squirt bottle with water for him to help me clean the bathrooms and kitchen. Before we moved, I watched my friend's 4 month old (my son was 1.5 at the time) and to get stuff done I would put a video or show on for my son and put the baby in the swing or bouncy chair in whatever room I was working on and get as much as I could done.

Another thing that helps me is to plan meals for a week or two at a time. Even if it is simply writing down that you will be having leftovers or frozen pizza on a night, it really helps to not have to worry when 4 pm rolls around and you have nothing planned! Doing this has also saved us money because I'm able to shop for just the groceries we need for the week rather than buying a bunch of stuff then forgetting about it or not using before it spoils.

As for me time, I "clock" out at 8 pm - aside from attending to my son I don't do anything house work related. I also try to get out for a girl's night at least once a month and on the weekends I usually have one day where I go out alone to run an errand and have lunch out or stop at a coffee shop for a snack - I bring along a book and just relax for an hour or so - very refreshing. In the past I also belonged to a book club and that was a great release for adult conversation - I've since moved out of state and haven't found a new book club yet.

Hopefully all the responses you receive will help you out! Best of luck to you and your family :)

First Breathe! Deep Breath. Relax and tell yourself those little things like housework don't matter, because in the long run they don't. Remember God, Family, and everything else can wait. Of course bills have to be paid but that should only take a few minutes. If the kids are old enough enlist their help along with hubby's for cleaning the house. If they aren't then wait until they are down for naps. I use to do all my cleaning at night when everyone had gone to bed so I could get things done. It worked for me because I was a night person anyway. Then I could relax during the day. When hubby came home he could watch the kids while I took an hour long soak in the tub. Don't worry if the housework doesn't get done-it's no big deal.

I think that is the million dollar question!!!! I tried everything that you did including the house but instead of having a husband that accepted the fact that I was over whelm and needed to cut back on the housework He just got upset and told me that he was crawling out of his skin because of things around the house not getting done. (He can't stand clutter) But to be able to do things for myself I just schedule them and that is how I make time for myself. I try at least twice a month to schedule something with my friends. Whether it is scrapbooking with them, going to the gym to do extra classes or lunch! It is difficult sometimes I wish I could just go but I know that is not realistic. The other thing I do is make a list. I try to do 1 or 2 things on the list each day but make sure that I have at least 2 hours to go to the gym. I have great friends there and we get together either before the class or after the class we are taking for coffee talk. This has really helped me a lot and really look forward to coffee talk.

Hope this helps you a little

Hi,

I think every mom feels this dilemma. Don't talk to your husband about it anymore. Talk to other moms instead, like you are doing now, because men don't understand what it is like. Here are some things that have helped me:

1. I have a cleaning schedule, like Monday is groceries day, Tuesday is bathrooms, Wednesday is floors, Thursday is laundry, Friday is whatever, Sat is yardwork and hobby day, Sunday is easy day.

2. Are your kids doing chores? If they are way too little to do chores, than just tell yourself this too shall pass, if not, then they need to be cleaning up after themselves and helping alongside you. Even my 5 year olds can pick up toys, sweep, and cut celery or something soft for me when I am cooking. Having them help me slows me down, but it keeps them out of trouble and is teaching them skills. They love it.

3.Get up earlier than the kids if possible to do relaxing exercises like Qi Gong or Yoga or mediation, prayer, scripture study, and then go to bed earlier.

4. Buy bins for everything possible in your house and work on throwing things out and organizing what you have. The less things in your house and the more everything has a place, the easier it is to clean and it takes so much less time.

5. Wear cute clothes every day and do your makeup so you feel better about yourself. Can you fit in a girls night out once a month and a weekly date with your husband?

Good luck. I feel the same way you do but I am getting better at this mom thing now that they are older and I am more organized.

Would it help to know you have lots of company? This is almost every mama's dilemma! Oh, that there were more than 24 hours in a day - or that some of the didn't need to be used for sleeping and such extravagant stuff!

Your husband means well, but it's easier to address someone else's situation than to find the solution for one's own. And most men don't react well to wives' complaints (not that they don't have any of their own, but let's not go there).

The time you probably need MOST for yourself is time to rest - both sleeping and relaxing. You're probably expending all your energy, and when you're out of steam every chore is magnified. There is a Scripture that says, "There is a time for everything and a season for every purpose under heaven." I remember relying on that a lot when my children were little. There were just some things I like to do that I wouldn't have time for, so I set those aside for "later." (When "later" came, I either got back into those things or - this was usually the case - found they weren't as important as I thought and got into better things.)

It takes time to teach children that Mom doesn't revolve around them, and I don't know how old your children are. Simplifying their lives with reasonable structure and not too many toys at the same time can help them and you, if you can do it (I found it hard).

Another principle, if you can do it, is delegation. When you are responsible for getting a certain thing done, you can either do it yourself or delegate someone else to do it. (There's a joke that the third way to get it done is to forbid your children to do it, but let's not go there either.) If you can possibly afford to hire someone to help with housework even for an hour a week, go for it. If you can afford to have someone come in and babysit one afternoon a week, go for it. Either or both can help you to rest and start breathing again.

I don't need to tell you that this period of time will pass (and something else will replace it). But make one of your main priorities A SMILE AND A SENSE OF HUMOR, no matter how crazy it gets! Tell those kids you love them six times a day at least! (Tell your husband, too.) Try making time to play with them first thing - down on the floor and all that - and then letting them play close by while you get some other work done. Let them help you if they're interested, even though they won't be terrifically helpful. There's an old bit of verse that talks at the beginning about a non-picture-perfect home and then says, "But I was with the children - we laughed and played and read, and if my windows do not shine, their eyes will shine instead; for when I have to choose between the one thing and the other, I want to be a housewife, sure - but first I'll be a mother."

I'm afraid all this isn't much help, but there it is, for what it's worth.

I think you are overworking yourself. By letting things go, you are actually causing more work for yourself in the end. I don't know how old your children are, but my three kids are 3 and 6, and they have chores that they have to do every day. I am going to break down what I do, and then hopefully you will be able to figure a system out for you so that you have some "me" time.

House Work:
I have made a schedule for certain cleaning to occur. And the deal in my house is, if my husband comes home from work, and I am still working on it. Then he has to help finish it.
Monday: Laundry day. I don't have to sort the laundry, which makes it a lot faster. I have boughten a basket for each load I do; darks, lights, towels, etc. Those baskets for me run along a wall in my bedroom and when anyone takes their clothes off they have to put them in the corresponding basket. Took 2 days to train my 3-year-olds. My husband takes the baskets down to the laundry room for me Monday morning before he leaves for work, and then when I get up I start laundry. If I keep on it I am finished before 3 p.m.
Tuesday: Errands day if need be. That includes paying bills, going to the store, whatever.
Wednesday: Bathroom day. All bathrooms are cleaned on this day. I have a caddy with the cleaning supplies in it I can get all 3 of my bathrooms cleaned in 1 hour. I also bought the scrubbing bubbles shower cleaner which has even cut my time down even more.
Thursday: Errands if need be.
Friday: Vacuum, sweep and mop all floors.

Every day the dishes are done. For me the dishes are put in the dishwasher all day, and after dinner dishes the dishwasher is ran. My husband or kids job is to empty the dishwasher in the mornings. Every day before dinner the kids have to clean their rooms. All toys must be put away and their rooms have to be very clean. That way I don't have to clean their rooms all I have to do is sometimes help, and change bedding, until they are older. Also, the twins are in bed at 7:30 and the 6 year-old is in bed at 8. I have from 8-10 to do whatever I want, be it watch t.v., exercise, go hang out with friends, or hang out with my husband. The kids also feed the cats.

Friday nights are game nights with my family....we stay home, make dinner, and play games or watch a movie, or watch a movie and play a game.
Saturdays is out of the house day...we either go visit family, or do family things then or we go and find something to do as a family, and mostly free things around our town to do.
Sunday is church day. We do our church activities in the morning and then the afternoon is saved for whatever we need to do. Get ready for the next week, go and visit with family. It is a casual semi-resting day.

I know this may sound a little mean, but lighten up!!! Easier said than done ;) Your getting yourself all worked up just writing this. You definately need time for yourself. Do you work out?? Start a yoga class or something...shoot, even Zumba is crazy fun. Sometimes you get so caught up in what you think NEEDS to get done, you forget about why your doing it. Remember you have an awesome family that you love and cherish, dont let them ruin your mood ;-)!!! Find anything you like to do, and leave your husband with the kids and go do it. He will have to deal with crying kids all by himself and maybe give him a better understanding of what your daily life is like. If the dishes dont get done, if clothes are dirty...so what! Nobody is going to die from dirty socks!! As long as everyone is healthy, you have everything. Think about it this way, if you had to go the hospital everyday with your kid for some crazy treatment, how much would you love to just stay home and fold laundry instead?? It will warm up soon and you can throw the kids outside...hang on, they will grow up and get easier. Good luck.

I get this way often. I am trying to figure out the answer for me. One thing I know, is that if I don't get some alone time, I go crazy. I am trying to figure out how to add that to my life. Could you go to the gym really early, before your DH leaves for work? Or get a YMCA membership? The family membership includes 2 hours babysitting. You could go, drop the kids off, workout and just shower and do your hair (in peace). Are there moms in your area that you could do a play group with? Could you trade babysitting with another family? Hire a kid to come help out after school a few days a week?

Balancing life an kids is hard. So very hard. I wish you the best.

I can never cut on housework. If I do, all hell will break lose. I do laundry every day, I cook every day, I do dishes every day. I vacuum every day...hence....i have no time to myself.
so right there with you girlfriend.
there are nights when my husband comes home when I cannot move I am so tired. This usually happens by Thursday. He says: lie down I will take over. Then he asks: where are the pjs? where are the socks? they can skip bath tonight. what snacks do you give them. I will not read to them tonight.
Which means I either have to draw a map of where everything is or just suck it up and go do it myself.
I hope things will change one day but I am not holding my breath.

one very important part of my day is getting the kids to bed on time. when my oldest was 2, his bedtime was 9pm. i wish i had changed that sooner. there is so much i can do for myself now that they are in bed between 7:45 and 8:00. sometimes it's just watching tv while i fold laundry, but i enjoy tv so that still helps. sometimes i scrapbook, draw, play a computer game, read something enjoyable, talk on the phone, or go shopping. it is very tempting to keep doing the dishes, laundry, bills, floors, etc., especially when these things are sometimes easier to do when the kids aren't around. but i have found that leaving it for the next day really isn't so bad. this time alone or with my husband after the kids go to bed is super important.

Well, you haven't said what ages your children are or if you have 2 or 4, but if they are toddlers, infants, or preschoolers you will be having a hard time for a while still. They are so time consuming and do take a lot of supervision, but it will get better as they are older. The best thing I can recommend is to be organized. Plastic totes with lids for the toys, and maybe make it a rule they pick up all their toys before bedtime or before Daddy gets home? A menu planned ahead...whether it will be home cooked or convience foods. You may live on convience foods a lot while your kids are younger or your whole life it it works for your family. Only a few housekeeping chores a day...so they are done less often but still on a regular basis. It may be hard to let the housework slide if you have perfectionist tendencies...but keep you home clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. Ask you husband to please help you and make a list of things that he could help with....not that he has to do them everyday but explain anytime he helps with them he is taking steps to help keep you sane...unloading or loading the dishwasher, folding laundry, picking up a few needed things for you from the store, vacuuming the living room only, ect. This time with our kids will be short, then they'll be off to school and things will get a little more manageable. Spend it with them and don't worry so much about the house unless you're having company over. Anybody who is truly your friend will know how crazy your life is and won't mind the mess. And as the others have suggested...get a little time a way to recharge. Maybe your hubby could put the kids to bed one night a week while you read a book, go out with friends, or relax in a bubble bath for an hour. Just to be able to call a friend and chat is nice when it is uninterupted talk. A evening away from the kids and spend with your hubby would be beneficial also. God bless you as you take care of your little ones.

I work full time, so we hired someone to do the deep cleaning for me once every other week (best $40 I have ever spent). I only do laundry, sweeping and vacuuming on the weekends and the house never gets that dirty. My husband cooks and runs the laundry, I clean up after dinner and fold/put the clothes away. Its the only way I have managed to stay sane, is to seek outside help with"balance." Some days, the dishes don't get done and no one cares. My husband and I have a talk on Friday evening about the weekend and coming week and we plan out what we need to get done and what we want to get done - and always make sure we each get a couple of hours here or there for ourselves. He typically gets more time, and I am fine with that, but he realizes that when I ask for my time, I mean it. Communication and help really are key!

I can't believe only one person mentioned this, so I'll say it again....

www.flylady.net

She's also on facebook. Be nice to yourself, go meet FlyLady and flutter with us.

You need his help, plain and simple. You'll figure out what that really means. I can't tell you because no house is run the same. But believe me... no house needs to be swept and vacuummed as much as you are doing. Take that time to shower and meditate. (Keep your hair dry and just stand under the hot water if you need a break... this is one of my favorite things!!!!) And once a month find get a girls night out. You will be a different woman.

Peace.

The short of it for me is planning and being "there" in the moment. I set my schedule and confirm it with my husband. We take turns being out of the house. For example, when he exercises, I'm home and visa versa. When I am home, I am mommy and wife. I leave work and worries behind. When I am at work, I focus on my tasks at hand. If I want to spend time with friends, get nails done, or have some alone time, I schedule it in a couple of times a month with my husband's knowledge. Lastly, I don't care anymore about how clean everything is or about doing everything to perfection. I figure, my kids are little for only a short time. Once there in college, I will have tons of time to keep a clean house and to do whatever I want to do. Until then, I'd rather play with the kids, and to do that I have to prioritize and plan my time carefully. Not sure this is what you wanted to hear, but this is how I keep my sanity.

Sounds like you need a girl's night or weekend if possible. Let your husband know how much you do by letting him be the one in charge. We all need a little grown up time and you should really treat yourself to something fun! If money is an issue maybe you could just go to a family member or friend's house for a night or weekend. Just get a little R&R and you'll be refreshed!

twice a month I would go scrap booking with a friend of mine, we would meet at our church. This way the kids wouldn't get into our stuff but I could get some "me" time. I also get a sitter once every other week and go on a date with my hubby. This way every week I have an outing one for myself one for us as a couple. Also we try to manage a family night out once a month if we can so the kids don't feel left out. As for the house, set up a schedule, the beds get done this day, the floors get washed this day, windows this day, dusting, etc. this way you aren't thinking you have to do it all in one day. I also do 2 loads of laundry everyday.(I have 4 kids) then I never have to worry about laundry on the weekend. Take your frozen stuff out for supper in the morning so you aren't rushing around at 4:00 trying to figure out what's for dinner, its already thawed and in the works. Before every gift giving holiday go through kids toys and clothes(seasonal as well) and get rid of anything that they don't use, doesn't fit, is stained or is in need of mending(mend it) then there is room for the new to come in. Put a schedule in place and follow it. Thats probably the best advice. Good luck, it gets better. And if all else fails.... Call your girlfriends and whine whine whine....

Oh yeah... I can totally relate. I work between 4 pm and midnight Monday through Friday. I'm wiped, and when I come home I have to pump my milk. Then my husband wants alone time, where we play video games or watch a movie. I usually fall asleep in the middle of it.

Then I wake up early we run errands Nick's priority is the bedroom. He'll pick up our room and make the bed. My priority is the bathroom and kitchen. I don't always have time so Nick will usually do it while I'm at work... and I know it's hard to watch the three kids because I did it for a while, but it is so hard to come home to a house that looks like it took three steps backwards. Last night he cleaned a lot though between 9:30 and when I got home.

The garbages are always full, the floors always need vaccuuming, and Nick and I don't get to shower all that often, but we want to start bathing together every night instead of playing games, because it will still give us the time together and we'll get clean as well.

On top of that, we're both full time students. It's really hard to find time for homework.

Alone time, doesn't exist... and then... the weekend hits.
Saturday we clean and organize. He goes to therapy between 1 & 3. We hang out with our friends that night, which is a nice stress relief. Sunday is family day and quiet time during nap time where Nick and I could have our alone time if we wanted. It's also laundry day. Cooking alternates but lately he's been doing a lot of it. I think maybe I'll start running... it'll mean missing more sleep, but it will give me alone time and the weather's starting to warm up.

I just realized... even if we don't have it written down, we have it pretty well scheduled out.

so... that's how we do it. It's not easy, and most of the time I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off... but it's worth it at the end of the week, and in the mornings.

Boy do I know where you are coming from! I did an email similar to this a few months ago and a few ladies directed me to a site called FlyLady.com. It helps you plan your day and organize your life. I can say, I have not mastered it yet but it has helped. Another thing I have done is set one place that the kids can play. Before I had little areas set up in a few rooms in the house and now I have gotten them settled in their rooms. It is much easier to manage.

Good luck to you!

So I looked at your profile...it looks like you have a toddler and an infant, right? Or maybe two toddlers at this point? Do they both still nap? If so, naptime = YOU time!! If your toddler isn't napping still, she can certainly have quiet time in her room during baby's nap time to give you a break. The catch with having "me" time as a mom is that you don't get to find it, you have to make it!

Part of your problem may be the way that you've tried to cut back. By leaving things like the bathroom until it's so bad you can't stand it, or leaving laundry for just one day a week, it takes so much longer to get it done when you have to do it! Run the dishwasher every night-turn it on as you go to bed and you wake up to clean dishes. Wipe the bathroom down every day, do quick pick up, and then scrub it once a week-5 min each day will make the weekly scrubbing so much faster! Do one load of laundry every day, or do two loads 3 days a week, or 3 loads 2 days a week....break it down so it's a smaller chore! Doing it more often seems like it would be more work, but when folding laundry takes you only 20min a day instead of an hour or two, it will seem like a smaller chore. Small bites, one at a time...you know that whole eating an elephant analogy. :)

Someone mentioned you don't need to sweep vacuum that often-heehee....it makes me wonder how many kids she has, as I do that usually twice a day. I do have more kids than average though...

If you are like me and need a shower every day to feel functional, take one every day! Learn to wear your hair back more and save the time you take to straighten it. Just wash it every other day if you can to save on your shampoo.

Husbands/Dads don't get it-especially in the early years. They don't understand how very consuming little children are! Unless they get to experience it on their own, they never will. I just had some surgery in Dec, and though my husband thought he had a very good idea of what it takes to run our home and family, the week I was in bed blew him away! You need to flat out tell your husband that one of the things that would help you balance things is taking a few minutes for yourself. Schedule it, put it on the calendar, and then DO it!

Also, don't be afraid to put the kids to bed earlier so that you have time in the evening to yourself, and very importantly as well- time to spend with your husband-just the two of you. And don't be afraid to say "no" to extra things every once in a while. We moms tend to just keep heaping things on our plates until they are so full that we crash. (and then feel guilty for crashing!)

You can find a balance, it will take some trial and error, but you can do it. It takes most of us a while to find that, but I promise you that once you do-life is SO much better!

ACT instead of REACT to everything... choose one space that you need to keep clean to keep your sanity (it was my bedroom when my kids were little). Make sure that space is clean once a day.

Don't keep waiting until you can't stand it anymore in all the spaces of your houses. Keep one room clean, then when you're in the habit of keeping up on things, move to another space. flylady.com is a good place to start... Start with the Kitchen Sink!

Ladies night and/or date night. Go out with your hubby!!! Work babysitting trade with another couple or hire a babysitter. Try to get out one night a WEEK, yes, every week!

Get organized! Use some kind of cleaning system. I Love "Sidetracked Home Executives", and it's cheap on Amazon. It's an old book, and it took two days to get ready to implement the program, but it works for me!

Good luck, YOU're NOT ALONE

First know this you are not alone, I love this site because over and over it renews my faith. I often feel like I am losing my mind and guess what I am not alone. Does this epiphany make it easier no but it does provide some validation that you are not crazy and you are not selfish and yes you do deserve some you time. Now what about the cleaning can it get done at night?? Someone else mentioned this also that cleaning at night allows you to be relax during the day. I do most of the real cleaning at night after my kids are on dream #3. It for me is my time of peace I like cleaning and I like doing it at my pace and in peace. Try to steal some you time by setting up the kids doing something they love. My kids love to water paint I put out the paint, the water cups layer the table and let them paint this will usually buy me about half an hour 45 minutes. I go in and check every 15 minutes but they usually just want to show me their latest creation they don't need me. Try if you can not sure of their ages to get them to be independent. They want something to drink pre-fill sippy cups with water in the morning put them in the lower shelf in the fridge if they are thirsty they can grab their own cups works for my Three and Five year old. They want snacks? Do the same I pre-cut strawberries and leave them in the lower-shelf or lay out rice cakes for them where they can get it. If all else fails lock yourself in the bathroom tell them your busy and read Oprah for 15 min I always find something in their that is interesting. Good luck

This is a tough on that alot of us working moms struggle with. I have learned to laugh at my husband becasue he does not help with household cleaning, he does not even tak the trash out. It would overflow the garbage it I let it. He has learned never to comment on because of this. He asked me since I have not mwed the lawn sicne we movd in our house two year ago I should go do it....I told him when her cleans the bathrooms fort he first time and vacumms I would be happy to do it. (last summer)

Anyway, I do laundry once a week, I do a full clean every two weeks, if something comes up that weekend I leave till the next. Sometimes I will do the upstairs one weekend and the downstairs another. In between is just tidying up things. After supper I always clean up the kitchen because I cannot cook in a dirty kitchen. I will sweep every few days and mopping is left to the thorough cleaning unless it really needs it. After my daughter is in bed I take a nice bath with a good book, my everyday me time. Once in a while take an afternoon and go get a manicure or pedicure. I only wash my hair evry second day as well because the time it involves, I juts do the bath before or after the shower.

Do not ignore your kids. My husband will try ot watch movies or show we like and I tell him I do not want to watch them till she is in bed. One I cannot wtch it completely with her up, and two I WILL NEVER IGNORE MY KIDS. Being a working mom is tough but I only get to see my daughter for a few hours a night and then on the weekends which I am trying to get work done. Woth number 2 on the way I know it wil be much harder but I thought I would never get my house claned with my duaghter when she was an infant. But I manange. It takes all day cause if she wants me to sit and color I take it as break from cleaning and sit with her. Sometimes she wants to help so I giver her a rag and wet it and sh cleans whatever she feels needs cleaned.

I know my biggest stresser is a messy kitchen. It doesn't matter how messy the kids bedrooms get, or if I vacuume once a week or once a month, but if my kitchen is messy I have a breakdown. I also can't stand to do the laundry. All that folding and putting away drives me nuts. I had a breakdown a few years ago when I realized that I don't see my husband as much as I would like and I almost never see S.(I look in the mirror and see MOMMY).

That did it for me. I talked to my DH and laid down some rules and guidelines. We go out on a date twice a month. Period. No excusses. If he doesn't feel up to it or has other plans, I go by myself! Hire a babysitter or find a friend who will trade off with you (you watch her kids one weekend, she watches yours the next). Then we divided the household chores.

I empty the dishwasher, he fills it (unless I can't stand the amount of dirty dishes, clean kitchen issue)
He does the Laundry on his day off.
I pick up toys/floors during the week and have the kids help me.
I do the inside trash, he takes it to the curb.
every other dirty diaper is his to change (when he is home)
I get to sleep in one day a week he gets the other day.
He makes breakfast on sunday morning.

And the rest works out. When I have had a very stressful day, I tell him I am taking a few hours off. Once he gets home he becomes superdaddy and I hide in my bedroom with a laptop and netflix.

Being a mom is sometimes more stressful than the husbands job so you have to have some "time off" during the week. Don't feel badly if you have to say NO to a friend or church activity or a child so that you can have a bit of down time either. Every mother will agree that you need some Me time once and awhile.

I have a slightly different perspective for you. I'm not sure how helpful this is to your particular situation, so take it if it relates to you and if it doesn't fine.

In general, men like to solve problems. They get irritated and frustrated when they can't solve problems. So your husband may simply be telling you to ignore and simplify as a way to solve your problem because he doesn't know what other advice to offer. You have lots of good responses here to help you figure out what you need to do that works for your life. But complaining to your husband is probably only going to lead to more arguments.

He may be willing to help you around the house if he has a very concrete idea of what you need done. I often find that I get irritated because I want my husband to help me with something, but then I realize that I haven't actually asked for his help (women really, really want men to be able to read our minds, but they actually can't!). Maybe next time you're overwhelmed, look at what you really need to get done and (when he's not busy doing something else) sweetly ask if he could help do laundry with you or tell him that he could really help you if he plays Candyland for an hour while you take an evening shower or get the dishes done.

I hope that helps. It's a struggle, but keep working at it and it will get better.

No matter how you cut it I think most women carry a heavier load at home than the husbands do. I have found that making time to exercise with a friend whether walking or at a gym is a huge help. It's hard to find the itme but you will feel better and handle stress differently. I only vaccum once a week and sweep every 2-3 days. I download from the bank into Quicken daily but only sit down to actually pay bills twice a month (made a bill schedule so everything is paid on time w/ a twice a month schedule). Keep a good calendar is also key so you can plan ahead and not be caught off guard. That will prevent any last minute- on no we need a birthday present and additional store runs. You can also try to shop for groceries only once every two weeks which could save alot of time. You would need to plan meals ahead of time but it can be done. I tell my family if we don't have it you go w/o till next time. If you sit and eat all the chips guess you don't ahve any in your lunch box. It seems to work. Good luck and hang in there, you are not alone.

Just TAKE it. Time for youself, I mean. Set up an hour or two for yourself a couple of times a week and TAKE it. No matter what shape the house, kids, or husband is in, no matter if your husband SUPPORTS you or not, TAKE it. He will have to watch the kids, of course, but you deserve at least 3 hours a week for yourself. You will feel so much better if you get out and exercise or whatever it is you want to do. I have a 2 and 1 year old and I find if I don't just TAKE that time, no one is going to OFFER it to me on a silver platter. And I do deserve it, and I don't care if my husband complains or not.

Well I wish I had all the answers but I know when I follow a few simple routines things go much better. I get up before the kids and shower. I mostly let my hair air dry and then try to get to it later but even if I don't it is clean and I have makeup and shoes on. I pull it in a ponytail if I need to run really quick. I also try to do at least one load of laundry each day. This makes it so that I am not doing a marathon laundry day once a week which is way more stressful to me. I also try to wipe down my shower and bathroom counter while I am getting ready, it only takes an extra minute or two and it keeps my bathroom decent. My bathroom used to be the last thing cleaned now I have a decent shower and I really only have to deep clean it every couple of monthsbecause I do a little everyday.
Another habit that really helps me is to unload my dishwasher 1st thing in the morning and then put dirty dishes in throughout the day and turn it on at bedtime.
Another great tool is to use a timer set it for 15 minutes and tackle whatever mess is bugging you then set it for 15 minutes to read a book or do something for you.

Most of these tips I've picked up from flylady.net she really has a great free program to help you get your house under control.

I do still have lots of things that I neglect and that make me crazy but I know if I do my routines each day it really doesn't take as long as I think it is going to.

You have to decide what works for you but I hope you are able to find balance.

Good Luck

maj
o