Baffling Behavior

Updated on April 13, 2011
R.M. asks from Colorado Springs, CO
10 answers

Last night we got the first "bad behavior" report from a babysitter we've ever had. Our daughter, 4, is really very well behaved. She's always obeyed quickly without much fuss, but last night she gave my parents (regular, trusted babysitters) a hard time. She deliberately did something she wasn't supposed to three times after being asked not to do it. Then at bedtime she stalled (not unusual for babysitters) AND threw a huge fit (very unusual). I'm stumped. I can't think of any big changes or anything else that would explain what happened. Where did that come from?

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

My guess is she really wanted what she wanted and was just testing them. Kids do that and it's normal - I think I would worry more if they didn't! I know that my daughter is generally very good too but sometimes when she is over-tired she gets really cranky, does not want to listen, and is more apt to have a meltdown over everything. She was also a bear for several days in a row a few weeks ago and ended up with a cold and an ear infection. Maybe she was over-tired too, or coming down with something.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

i think its normal...perhaps they had lower patience than normal which sent them in a bad cycle...i know when my 4 year old misbehaves if i'm agitated we tend to have a bad day of repetive offenses...if i'm calm and creative and explain things, then we get past it and move onquickly

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

She's becoming independent, she's rebelling, she's mad that you went out, she's coming down with something, any number of reasons. Get used to it - it will prepare you for her adolescence!

Seriously, I'd talk about it with her and see what precipitated it. If she can't articulate it, let it go and see if it happens again. Let her know that she can talk to you about what's bothering her rather than act out. Otherwise, don't overemphasize her transgressions. It's one small incident and, unless it becomes part of a pattern, you don't need to dwell on it.

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S.F.

answers from Utica on

I would say that if your parents are regular babysitters that she is just testing them like she does with you. All kids push their boundaries to see just how far they can get and it is up to the parents or the caregivers to put them back in check when they misbehave. Im sure she is a very normal 4 year old and will probably continue to 'test' the waters for along time to come
Good Luck

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

She's four.

Around age 3-5, I htink kids start deliberately testing boundaries. Tantrums are no longer about mere frustration and lack of emotional control. Instead, they can be pretty manipulative. Kids also start to test lying around this age.

She is still a good girl, she is just doing something I think is developmentally appropriate. I am sure you will get your share on this on your watch soon. Make sure she understands what is expected of her behavior, and what the consequences are and communicate the need to follow through to your sitters. It will pass, she is just testing boundaries in a more intelligent and deliberate fashion than perhaps a toddler might.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.G.

answers from Cheyenne on

Perhaps she wants you home with her and figured if she is naughty for a sitter (even if it's grandma and grandpa) that you won't have a sitter for a while and you'll just stay home.

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A.H.

answers from Washington DC on

She did it because she can. She wanted to see what happend when she misbehaved for the babysitter. Not sure what the consequences where or how it was handled but now she knows. This is very normal for a child her age. Just keep doing the regular schedule with you tried and true disipline for her. Good luck.

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

I know this is frustrating, but really, it is a good thing! My son has always minded very well and almost too well! He has some other issues, and he has been in various therapies for a couple years (he is 3 1/2) and all the therapists always tell me how they like to see the kids test their boundaries and throw fits etc. I know it seems weird, but it is a normal part of development.

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J.P.

answers from Denver on

HI--
Random question, but does she seem to have seasonal allergies? The rise in histamine levels can cause behavioral symptoms like tantrums.
Otherwise, it could just be her testing her boundaries. Kids do that :-)
J.

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

Must be the "terrible fours." Ours has also started up with the random defiance. All we can figure is that she's mirroring some of her older brother's issues. We figure/hope it's just a phase because she's usually pretty sweet.

Any chance your daughter is about to lose a tooth or is showing any signs of allergies or getting sick? Those can sometimes trigger behavior changes.

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