Bad Schedule

Hi J.. I can imagine it's hard to get things organized, but is there no way to have him see his dad on the weekend/ his days off. This just seems to throw everyone's life in disarray. Your little one is deprived of getting in rhythm with the arcadian cycle of the sun, which is good for the health, as well as other kidlike activities, because of the schedule. I can't imagine how it must make your body feel too. While daddy time is important, it will be more important later on in life than it is now, and I would highly recommend you try to work out a system where your sun can have a normal sleep schedule (his health is more important at this juncture). J.

2 moms found this helpful

OMG! My eyes literally popped out when I read his schedule! You should definitely change his schedule and get him accoustomed to "normal" hours. He's missing play time with kids his own age. Do you go out with him to the playgrounds/parks? His father could switch his schedule to accommodate or you can work out a visitation schedule that would be satisfactory to the both of you KEEPING YOUR SON IN MIND, not the other way around. It can't be good for him to have such odd hours, when does he have time to play or meet with friends?

2 moms found this helpful

For the life of me I haven't a clue why you would allow your childs schedule and yours work around a man you aren't living with even if he is the childs father.

I tend to think both you and his father should be thinking in terms of your childs development and needs.

A child needs a schedule that fits in with the rest of the world his age. He needs to be socialized with children his own age and with nature...he needs to be doing activities for his age. He needs play days with other children..This means taking him to play grounds, play groups, zoo's, a walk in the park, other childrens parties...etc. You also need to be reading to him. He's not only missing out on so much because you are both sleeping for most of the day....but so are you.
He's is missing out on learning and experiencing the world around him...

Before you know it your child will be of age for pre-school and then kindergarten....He will have to go out into the world and you need to think about what skills will your young child have in handling it all.

You and his father need to sit down and have a talk. The childs father needs to make an effort to make quality time for his child and that time needs to fit into the childs schedule. You also might want to think and talk about the meaning of "quality time". It has nothing to do with the amount of hours. It has to do with how the time is spent with the child and what's shared with the child during the time spent together.

YES, my vote is to change the childs schedule...

2 moms found this helpful

I think the last post was a bit harsh. There are twenty four hours in a day and he is up for the entire afternoon so that leaves him plenty of time for play dates. Considering I know I personally do my play dates around 3 or 4 on weekends, and after work during the week... which is "normal" for me, and probably you since you're use to this schedule that would be "normal" for you. So pay no mind to the mothers that felt the need to lash out at you b/c your schedule doesn't fit THIER needs.

Any way, if both of you are getting adequate amounts of sleep and it's not disturbing your life style, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It will however become an issue when he begins going to school/daycare, or you go back to work (assuming you'll work a 9-5). I have known parents who's kids had whacky schedules (to me at least) and each of them had no problem getting the child’s schedule to change once they went to daycare or school.

If this situation is frustrating you b/c it's inconvenient, then I would change it. But I don't think he has to be on a "traditional schedule" just b/c that works for other people. Do what is going to work best for you and your life style.

1 mom found this helpful

J.,

My son is on a bad schedule too... though he's not up as late as yours. As much as your son is getting a good amount of sleep, the times are what is going to cause a problem for him. My son has been on nap strike since just after he turned one. He would fall asleep right after dinner and would wake up around 3 am to come into our bed, but then he slept until around 10. I was ok with that since he was getting enough sleep, and was not too far off of a schedule that he'd need to have when he started preschool. Now, this 6:30 pm naptime is what's causing your son to be wired until 3am. I'd try to cut that out (I know that it'll be tough). He will be tired sooner and will start to go to bed even alittle bit earlier. Any time that you gain with him sleeping earlier, will definately reflect in his wake-up time. I know that it'll be difficult, but it has to be done for your son's sake. Having breakfast after 3pm, and lunch dinner etc is not the schedule that he wil need to have in just over a year. Changing it suddenly then will be more dramatic.

As for his father..I kind of have the same type of limited time with his daddy, since my hubby works 2 jobs and gets home after my son is asleep. It's horrible, but I cannot validate keeping him up and having him not get enough sleep. We have our weekends and those days are ours alone. It's his father's responsibility to make the time to see him. Does he work 7 days a week?? I'm sure that he has at least a day off where he can spend daytime hours with him. If not, then you've got to remember to make the most out of the time that he shares with his daddy, but once he stops his naps and goes to sleep a bit earlier. The visits until 1 am are not good for your son because a night work schedule wreaks havoc on an adults system never mind a child. If this schedule is allowed to continue you'll have battles throughout his school years.

I hope that this helps.
M.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J. B,
For the sanity of your child and yourself you should try and change his schedule. It's not healthy for him to be sleeping all day. He needs to be outside in the sunshine and be able to interact with other people. It's sad that he can't see his dad more but maybe if you move things around a little more you'll be able to see him a little more. Just go easy on changing his schedule around because he is going to resist. Start small like moving his nap time up to a earlier time and wake him up if he's not up at a decent hour in the morning. That will make him more receptive to going down for a nap earlier. Good luck I hope everything works out for you.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi
I have the same problem with my 3yo. I read what some of the other moms wrote and didnt agree. It's not your fault, nor his dad's, nor your son's. It may be cruel cause thats what my family tells me, but when i see my daughter starting to close her eyes at 6:30, i take her outside. yes, even in the cold. Keep him busy! Maybe waking him up before 1 would work too. I noticed when my daughter wakes up late, she's napping late. LIke last night she fell asleep at 7:30pm and woke up at 4am. She then napped from 7:30-10:30 and i plan on keeping her up until 8pm. It might not be hard to keep him up for only an hour. I know you want him to see his dad, but dad has to understand too that he needs to sleep early and you need your sleep too.

1 mom found this helpful

If the schedule you have works for you all, then keep it that way. Different people do different things that work for their families. The biggest thing I think you should do is work with your parents about what is and isn't allowed. You didn't say how old you are, but no matter, if you are old enough to have a child then you should be old enough to have a guest past 8pm. Sounds kinda crazy. Just be prepared with that kind of schedule, if it keeps up till school starts, it may take an entire year to change it before he goes to Kindergarten.

1 mom found this helpful

Here's MY opinion. It doesn't matter when he goes to bed if he regularly gets to see his daddy. Hangin' out with Dad is more important than a common sleep schedule. Plus, it's not as if he MUST be at school or some other activity at a certain time every day. You do the schedule that is right for your family. As long as he is getting enough sleep, it doesn't matter when he is getting it.

1 mom found this helpful

J.,
You sound like a very good person and mother, and want to do right by your child. Your child is your number one concern, and his schedule should come first. If the 'dad' is interested in the physical well being of his son, he will change his schedule (even if that means getting a job with a schedule that works with a child) to meet the needs of his son. Until then, you need to do what is best for your baby, and that should include a baby-friendly schedule. Make the 'dad' step up to the plate, not your son. Good luck!

Back ground info about me; Stay at home mom of 2 year old son, and 13 year old daughter. I do have an "ex" that I must deal with (dad to the 13 year old) So I know what it's like to juggle schedules to best suit the needs of the kids.

1 mom found this helpful

I too had a daughter on a similar schedule. I am transitioning her now because she is about to start school. I agree that as long as the child is getting enough sleep then that is fine. It will be a problem when you want him to get ready for school. So I would say for you to transition him as soon as you want to start him with school. If most parents had the freedom that stay at home mom's had then they would do the same. Most people put their kids to bed so early because they have to give them enought time to get ready for the sitter or school. That is not an issue for you now so don't worry about it.
I will tell you that it is hard to make that transition now at the age of two but if you don't plan on sending him to school for another few years or you don't plan on going to work then it is nothing to worry about. As long as he is getting the rest that he needs then that is fine.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,

I wouldn't keep my child on that schedule and I don't see why it's necessary. If dad is available for visitation at 4pm, there's no reason that your son can't have a normal daytime schedule, where his bedtime is 8-9 pm, he sleeps 11-12 hours and naps in the early afternoon, maybe 1-3pm. Dad can visit or take him out any day at 4pm and return him at 8pm for bedtime. I don't feel it is necessary or beneficial for your son (and you) to keep such a wacky schedule all week so that your son can have 2 visits of such long duration with his dad. Does his dad work 7 days a week? If not, in addition to those evening visitations, he can spend his day off or any part of it with his son. At some point, you will need to change this schedule because when your son is ready for school - and kindergarten is in 2 or 3 years - he cannot keep this schedule. Also, it's really not healthy for him to not have daylight - and if it's winter and you're getting up at 1pm, he only has 4 hours or so of daylight. This isn't normal and it's not beneficial.

Good luck

M.

1 mom found this helpful

J., you need to focus on the child not the visiting father. This schedule is abusive.

Quality time with dad in this case will be much better than quantity. Twice a week dad can pick you and your son up at 4:00. Then you can go to the park until 4:45, then at 5:00 have a family meal, 6:00 have some quiet play - have dad read son a book, 7:00 you and child go home, give child a bath, and put him to bed by 8:00. You child should then sleep until 7. Give him a nap after lunch around 1:00.

Just because the father comes 2x a week does not mean you have to have your child on a bizarre schedule for the remaining 5 days of the week. Your child's well being should come first. I won't go into all the reasons, developmental & medical, about why he should be on a different schedule, but he should.

Just rtry and run this schedule by his pediatrician on his next well-visit and wait for the reaction and prepare yourself for a lecture.

A.

1 mom found this helpful

Make dads schedule the exception not the rule, since he only sees him twice a week.
The other five days he should nap and rise earlier. My son slept from 7 to 7 for a long time and nap time was 10 am and around 1 or 2 pm.
I made the rule for grandma & sitter no naps after 4 so I could get him to sleep early.

1 mom found this helpful

For your child's healthy sleeping because you are right that eventually this schedule will have to change - you go to work, he goes to school, etc. - why can't his father come to your house after 8? I understand you live with your parents but they are ok with you being out until 1 in the morning with your child?? I would be concerned about drunk drivers and prefer my child and grandchild meet him at my house where I know they are safe personally.

1 mom found this helpful

this may not be what you want to hear... but it's not the end of the world that his schedule is DIFFERENT than most children. my neice was on a pretty funky schedule (my opinion)... going to bed late (11 or midnite) and sleeping until 10am or so. her parents both worked restaurant shifts at the time that necessitated her being on "their schedule". she is now in school and is in bed by 9pm every day. i don't think the transition was that difficult for them.

i guess i would just have you access whether this schedule is really that difficult for you, or if it works. if you decide that it is not working... i think the pp's suggestion was a good one. keep him up all day the first day you want to change... maybe go out somewhere that is very stimulating (the mall, an indoor playplace) to help him stay awake. then he will most likely crash. but be prepared to have a hard few weeks until he gets used to the change.

also, you said that his dad sees him (and you) 2 nites a week. does he not have a weekend day off, or a whole day at some point? maybe those nites, he could see you until ds' bedtime (you could keep him up a little later since it's special... maybe dad could even try and put him to sleep... or at least do part of the bed-time routine--- if not where you live... before you leave him). which FYI: bed-time routines are very helpful in getting little ones to sleep... have the same routine every nite. ideas: bath, books, lullaby, prayer, bed

anyways.. whatever "shortened" time his dad gets with him... maybe he could have him during the day one day a week on his day off... that's more fun anyways!

let us know what you decide to do, i'm curious!

1 mom found this helpful

Obviously it really sounds like you want to change his schedule. Do what works for you! I myself have a two year old daughter and she is not on the best routine either but it works for me and her father. I work 11:30-8 and by the time I come home, pick her up from sitters and get her ready it is about 9:30-10. I mean you are a stay at home mom, I think you should put him on a real better schedule and let the daddy work his time around you and your son. I would transition slowly because it is going to be really hard for you. I would let him try to stay up as much as possible during the day and try doing something with him. I may not have alot of time during the weekdays but I have weekends off and my time goes right to my daughter. You really have to start spending time with him. I mean it really isn't how much time it is what your doing with him. I mean you both sleeping isn't good developmentally for him. I mean my daughter wakes up about 9-9:30 in the mornings but we spend time in the morning before I go to work. Think about it because it is going to be a adjustment for you also...let us know what happens

1 mom found this helpful

that seems like a horrible schedule! i would have to think of it this way...what would you do if his father were living with you? his schedule would STILL be the same, and he would still only see his father was off from work, or out of work, and that would still be only a few hrs a week with that kind of schedule. now, me personally, i wouldn't have my child up at those kinds of hrs just to see their father, i would get my kid on a "NORMAL" schedule asap! at the same time i would feel bad that they didn't get to see their father all that often, but daddy has to do what daddy has to do (work) and you have to do what you gotta do, and if you're keeping a schedule where you guys sleep all day and are up all night, i don't think i don't think it will be very easy for you in a couple yrs...when he's gotta be put in school...i think you'll just cause yet another problem down the line. so while it's hard for daddy to not see his son all that often because of work schedule, it's in the best interest of you and your son to try and get on a "normal" schedule". my daughter is nearly 2 and we have her in her crib between 8-8:30pm for bed (no matter how long it takes her to fall asleep) and she wakes around 8am...now, her nap time, that can start anywhere from 11-2pm and last anywhere from 1-4:30pm (going down later and waking up later DOES screw up bedtime, but if we're doing something...like moving this week, her schedule does have to be shifted a bit)

i myself am moving back in with MY family, leaving my husband's family, and he's not allowed to spend the night, but IS allowed to stay until our daughter is asleep this way he has every moment he can with her AFTER work...i would talk to your parents, and maybe if you can get your son on a different schedule...maybe go down around 9 and give them that extra hr to see eachother...but that would all have to be talked about AFTER the sleeping schedule is back on track. and maybe you can talk to his father and see if possibly he can get put on a different schedule!? a friend of mine has 2 kids, and the father works one of those mixed schedules to where for a couple weeks/months he's working 1 shift, then they put him on a diff shift for the next couple weeks/months (i can't think of what it's called) but maybe if he can switch his schedule, even like my friend's bf is on, he may not ALWAYS get to see his son, but it may help! hope that some of this helps, or at least one of the suggestions you get from the other moms. good luck, i understand (and am beginning to know) how you feel. good luck, and remember to get the sleep part down 1st!

1 mom found this helpful

If you want to change you sleep schedule I would suggest that you cut out the nap and have him stay up as long as he can for the first night. Then at around 11pm he will fall asleep. You both may not wake up early at first but eventually you will be on a more normal schedule.I have a 2 and 3 year old I have them on very consistant schedules.Thanks to my mom's guidence. This gives me free time during the day to do what ever I need. What I do is this when they wake up around 7:30am breakfast, then around 1pm nap time they both get up around 3pm and around 7pm is bed time for the night. This has been the routine from the start. For your situtation it is working for you now but when pre-school starts you will have to transition which may be hard after years of routine. You can still spend the time with his father. I would suggest on the two days a week that at around 9-10pm when with his father let your son sleep or wind down so when you get home and put him to bed he is not all wound up. He may sleep a little later the next moring but keep him to your new schedule the next day. If he gets up at 11am put him in for a nap at 3pm and wake him by 5pm that way your not off your schedule. Good luck remember the key to any routine is to be consistant. Also you will need to change your schedule as well or you'll be exhausted if your not on then same schedule.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd go slowly, changing it a little at a time.

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like you just need to shift your entire schedule to be earlier. Instead of napping at such a late hour like 6:30, start shifting it up like say 4:30 then he will sleep the 2 hours or so and then he can go to bed earlier and you can all get up earlier. I think it is very good that you and his father can cooperate and talk through a schedule without the court's involvemnet. That speaks volumes as not many can do that. I agree with what's been said before. If dad wants to take him after work 2x a week then he can take your son from 4-8 p.m. After all there is nothing they can do with each other at midnight! But this shouldn't happen till your son's nap schedule gets arranged so that he is not sleeping the entire time he is with his dad. And also, I think dad will be willing to work it out if its for the sake of the boy but if not maybe that is a deeper issue to be worked on. And if he does have some time on the weekend off, or even a day during the week off then allow him to take your son then to give them more time and offset the long hours during the night when he used to get him. It is hard but you do have to start thinking about when you get him in pre-school and he will have to get up and out by 9/10 a.m. Good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Good Morning J.. It sounds as if you are the one who created the schedule. The key to answering this question is to ask yourself what is most important to you; whether your 2 year old gets onto a "routine" schedule, or he builds a relationship with his father. Remember, children are resilient and flexible.

1 mom found this helpful

It's like you have your kid on third shift! I personally would change it. You aren't doing him any favors by having him adjust to this schedule and then you'll have to change it completely when he starts school. My son is 2 and he goes to bed at 8 pm, wakes at 7-7:30 am, and takes a nap from 1-3 pm. It works for us, but any daytime schedule would be better for your little guy.

1 mom found this helpful